Saturday, December 9, 2006 - On city weekend traffic and other headaches....

It's the weekend.

Oh-oh.

In most normal lives, the word 'weekend' elites exciting images of fun, good times, and great experiances.  It dazzles the imagination of kicking one's heels up, to relax, and perhaps to re-connect with those we have been too busy to touch base with all week.

That is probably true for most folks.

But not for this little transplanted country folk!  It has been over 12 years, and I still can not get used to all the craziness the weekend becomes if I choose to step off my front porch and into the van.  And....you know...go...out there.  In that 'other world'...

In the...(I shudder to say it)....in "the city".

The mere words strike terror in my little country heart!

You see, in my world, admist the decaying sprawl of Detroit and it's outer neighboring cities, the weekends spell "road-way horror".  With one step out the door and a crank of the key, you have tempted the fickle fate of destiny.  As you back out, you enter the "twilight zone" or what I like to call, the Motor City driver's nightmare!

But wait!  There's more!  Just for grins and giggles, let's add a little rainy or snowy weather....sprinkle in some holidays...and perhaps a touch of that 'lovely customer service'.  Let it brew with long waits in lines.... 

You have a recipe that spells weekend disater.  Headaches are imminent.

"Oh, come now"!, you say, "Lady, you don't have to be so melodramatic"!

Perhaps not.  But need I remind you that you are more than likely curled up next to your computer, living in the country!  The  biggest traffic problem you are likely to encounter is Joe Keetch's cows getting out again and they're blocking county road 612.

I am sooo envious!  I would trade cows for cars any day!

When I first moved to the city (and early in my marriage) I tried to keep up the city pace.  The running to and thro, always going and not accomplishing anything.  Weekends spelled disaster for my nerves.  I was always in a store with 20 people in line, and only two cashiers (complete with attitudes) were open.  What should have only taken a 15 minutes to drive to, was taking 45 minutes or more!  Oh, and the road rage!  Quite contagious!  By the time I got home, I was ornery and nasty tempered.  Even my cats would hide!  Calgon baths and a cup of chaomile tea did nothing for my disposition.

We couldn't wait for preacher on Sunday morning!  My saintly husband would have to volunteer to cast out the demons from me!

It got so I would dread the approaching weekends.  I would start to rant and rave, and snarl at the thought of all those evil events that would transport me a way from the safety and security of my little country oasis (aka my home).  Now, this may all seem a bit silly, if not trivial to most readers.  But, it was a huge problem for me.  I was a good driver with a great driving record.  But, the weekend city traffic had me scared and intimidated.  After a while, this attitude was starting to get to me.  I had to do something.  And being a country person, I knew how resourceful I could be.  So I started thinking....

I had my ever loving husband go out and do the weekend errands.  That only worked for a while.  He loves to go shopping and would spend hours out and about, spending money on things that WERE NOT on the list (and I STILL have to figure out what to make with them)!  Besides, with him gone, his chores at home were piling up.  He'd come home dead tired of all that traffic hassle, and I would not get a lick of work out of him the rest of the weekend.

My next choice was to have someone chauffer me about the town.  The logical choice would have been, once again, my ever loving husband.  This did not work out, as our ideas of what a bargain is and saving time on errands are at the total end of the specturm.  Besides, riding with him, in city weekend traffic, explains why I developed a new, premature grey streak in my auburn hair.  And we found out the 'breaks' work quite nicely on MY SIDE of the van, thank you! 

So, I sat, in my utter despair, bemoaning the fact that I would be forever trapped because of my heavy traffic fear, when my ever clever husband appealed to my 'self-reliant', country side.  "Stop thinking in city terms.", he said, " What would you do if we lived in the country"? 

"Never complain again"?  I got 'the look'.

"What would you do if we lived in the country and there was a traffic problem"?

"Uhhh...Help Joe Keetch get his cows back home"?  I got 'the sigh'.

"Okay.  What would you do, if we lived in the country, there was a traffic problem other than the neighbors cows being out, and you needed to get your errands done"?

Not wanting to get the double whammy of BOTH 'the look' AND 'the sigh', I tried thinking really hard.  "You mean, like slippery roads or an impending snow storm coming"?

My darling, ever patient husband patted my head encouragely.  "That's the direction.  Now, go with it".

"You mean, like a nuclear bomb went off, people are crazy with fear, visions of a real Y2K  happening and life as we know it will never be the same again"?

With pained resignation, my husband grabbed his newspaper and went to the bathroom, shutting the door.  A shut bathroom door means 'You are getting on my nerves.  I need my space for at least 30 minutes or until I get the crossword puzzle done'.

BUT, his point was made, and the light bulb went on!    I decided to treat the city weekend  traffic problem as I would  some bonafide, country puzzle.  I learned to prepare for the weekends as one tends to prepare for a snowstorm. 

I start no later than Thursday (Wednesday if the Friday will be included in a long holiday weekend treat).   I try to antisipate my family's needs and head out 'into town ' (mere minutes a way - but always a grand adventure!)  All errands are ran, gas tank is filled, staples are gathered.  Anything I may think I need, I get it all accomplished - then I batten down the hatches, and await the 'weekend storm'.  No stress. 

You know what?  It works for me!  This little country gal may seem simple minded, but I know what drives me crazy! (And it is not the city weekend traffic anymore!)

I learned the hard way, that  the old saying, "If you can't beat them, join them" does not apply to me living peacefully within the walls of this city.