What I remember about april 1st 2008.....

I remember my sister calling and asking if anyone was here with me.....letting me know right away this was not a good call. I remember her telling me my cousin had found my daddy collapsed on the office floor of his auto repair shop. I remember her saying he was awake in the ambulance when she got a glimpse right before they headed to the hospital with him. I remember my ds driving me the two hours to where they live from where we live. I remember telling my son that it was bad because my sister had said she would call with updates but no call ever came in. I remember when we got to the hospital I called my sisters cell and her husband answering and I knew again it must be bad and she is to upset to talk. I remember walking into the emergancy waiting room and seeing my nephew sitting there just staring, and two of my brothers, my sister and her husband standing outside the doors in a group waiting for me. I remember looking at them and then my sister walking toward me just shaking her head, I remember hugging her and crying as my brothers gathered around for a big family hug. I remember one of my brothers telling my son "we lost him Bubba". I remember seeing my brothers cry and finding that really hard. I remember asking where my mom was. I remember them saying she was inside the room with dad. And as they started leading the way I felt kinda panicked thinking "i don't want to see this" I remember going into the room and seeing my mom standing by the bed and my daddy laying there covered to the neck with a sheet, tape across his mouth holding the little tube that they used to help him breath. I remember going straight to my daddy and hugging him. I remember everyone gathering around touching with comforting hands. I remember hugging my mama. I remember having to leave that hospital knowing my daddy wouldn't be leaving with us. I remember going back to my parents house knowing my daddy would never be there again. I remember that being the first day of the worst week of my life.

It is so hard, it is so painful. I have never cried so much in my life. Sitting in the funeral home the next day listening to the director asking questions about obituaries, caskets, the service ect....and just thinking I didn't want to be making these decisions, that I didn't care if someone thought daddy might like this or that, that I didn't want to be strong....I just wanted my daddy back.

So many decisions, so many friends and family, so many hours of crying. It is still hard. I had thought I was doing pretty good, after all it has been 18 days and it has to get better right? But tonight it hit hard again and I got sad and then I cried again. I called my oldest brother for some support. He told me it is ok and it is normal. That he had a really rough night wednesday night too.

We will make it through, we will still cry...for the rest of our lives we will feel the pain and lonelyness(sp) of not having our father in our lives. We will miss him, sometimes more than others like tonight. And we will always still love him.

Now I want to show you all a picture of my father

He always had a cigar in his mouth, but he quit smoking it when my son was a little guy. Everyone who knows him knows his cigar.LOL

In loving memory always

James Henson  1939-2008

Nancy

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Posted by birdlady

Nancy, I'm so very sorry to hear about your losing your Daddy. It is difficult. It's a tough road ahead for you & your family. I wish I could say otherwise. I pray that the Lord gives you strength and that soon your pain will turn to sweet memories, but it takes time - lots of time. I lost my mother in 1990 when I was 26 - it was VERY difficult. There will be lots of firsts without him that will hurt. Thinking of you & praying that God comforts you & all that knew your Daddy.
Blessings, Audrey

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Posted by heritagehill

So very sorry to read of your loss. I lost my Daddy almost 7 years ago, and it is hard. I think most Daddy and little girl relationships are very special. The first year will probably seem the worst, each holiday or special occasion will bring back those memories. But it will get easier I promise. Let the Lord wrap his arms around you and give you comfort.
Marilyn

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Posted by Kitty

That was a great post. Just the fact that you were ready to talk about it, leads me to believe that your moving on a bit. I was wondering when and if you would post about it. The picture is how I remember him, like you said, with the cigar. Try and remember most of it, don't do like me and just block in all out. I don't remember anything about when daddy died. Ive blocked out like a year and half of that time, including the birth of my daughter six weeks later. Good job Nanc..........love ya..........Kitty

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Posted by a1health

I'm so sorry Nancy. Your family is in my prayers.
Blessings to you and yours,
~Farrah

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