Last night was a rough night for me.  I was upset, sad and kinda nervous most of the day knowing what the evening was going to be like in my mind, but it was harder than I imagined to see my friend Brian in that casket.  You see my highschool friend Brian has led a rough life.  He unfortunately fell into the traps of alcohol and such.  He was a torttured soul his mother told me last night, but she didn't have to say it.  We all knew this.  Alcohol and other abuses he showed his body had taken their toll.  He was depressed and Monday night the torture stopped for him, and began for the rest of his friends and family as he decided a gun shot would be his end. 

His sisters last night were both talking about how they loved him and how much of a shock this was.  His mother was such a sweetheart, trying to comfort all of us, instead of the other way around.  She told us he was no longer tortured and he was no longer in any pain.  She was so motherly to all of us last night.  I saw her grab her grandson last night and straighten his shirt as she began to explain to everyone how wonderful Brian looked "sleeping" there.  I told her we had been praying for the family, and she said  and don't think we haven't noticed.  She said our prayers had brought some sort of peace over them in the last day or so.  She told me people had called that she didn't even know that had lost sons, and she knew she would use this later to help others.  I told her that would be her mini ministry when she was done healing.  Bless her heart!!!

I have lost loved ones and friends due to cancer, a car accident, etc.  Some we knew they were dying adn we were able to say goodbye and others were tragic adn suprising.  But someone people feel betrayed when a loved one kills themself.  The family felt this way last night, but they understood he was hurting and he felt the need to end everything.  What he didn't realize was the hurt and pain he was going to be leaving behind for his nephews who didn't understand why Uncle Brian would kill himself.  And his girlfriend who will carry this with her probably the rest of her life after hearing the gunshot and seeing him afterwards!!!

I am still mpraying for the family.  They are certainly appreciative of all the thoughts and prayers!!

Matthew didn't realize how much it affected me until I laid down last night to bed and started crying again.  Thank goodness I have a loving husband who just held me and let me cry, talked to me and comforted me in my time of need!!!  He is truly a blessing to me.