Leatherstocking Tales

Another Funny...

Posted by HandsNHearts
12:49, Monday, June 30, 2008 .. Posted in From the Desk .. 0 comments .. Link

I'm laughing too hard to keep sharing these, so you need to visit The Baptist Muse and read the Friday Funnies for yourself....these are too cute :o)

Each Friday I am going to be selecting some of the funniest content that is submitted to the humor section of the Forums at The Baptist Muse to feature here at the Blog. This week's features were submitted by our forum member who goes by the name of Jude. Well, come on, let's get started!

Redneck Technology!

LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
BYTE: Whut them flys do.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the keys.
SOFTWARE: Them plastic forks and knifs.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

How To Tell Your Pigs Apart

Two Irishmen bought two pigs, but then worried about how they could tell whose was whose. Paddy suggested he cut one ear off his pig. The other Paddy thought that was a good idea. This worked fine until a few weeks later when Paddy stormed into Paddy's house. "Paddy, your pig has chewed the ear off my pig! Now we got two pigs with one ear each. Now how we gonna tell whose pig is whose?" "Well, Paddy," said Paddy, "I'll cut ta other ear off my pig. Ten we'll 'ave two pigs and only one of them will 'ave an ear." The other Paddy agreed. This worked fine until a few weeks later when Paddy stormed into Paddy's house. "Paddy, your pig has chewed the other ear offa my pig! Now, we got two pigs with no ears! Now how we gonna tell whose pig is whose?" "Ah, dis is serious, Paddy," said Paddy and he thought a moment. "How about if I'll cut de tail offa my pig and den we'll 'ave two pigs with no ears and only one tail." Paddy agreed. A few weeks later, Paddy stormed into Paddy's house again. "Paddy, your pig has chewed the tail offa my pig and now we got two pigs with no ears and no tails! Now how we gonna tell 'em apart?!" "Ah, forget it," said Paddy. "Why don't you have the black one and I'll have the white one?!"

Funnies....

Posted by HandsNHearts
12:43, Monday, June 30, 2008 .. Posted in From the Desk .. 0 comments .. Link

Found this on The Baptist Muse site and thought it was cute...now I need to see if they listed the Woman's Rules...

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

What does God want from You?

Posted by HandsNHearts
12:13, Saturday, June 28, 2008 .. Posted in The Family Altar .. 1 comments .. Link

God won’t ask what kind of car you drove, but will ask how many people you drove who didn’t have transportation.

God won’t ask the square footage of your house, but will ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won’t ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet, but will ask how many of those clothes helped the needy.

God won’t ask about your social status, but will ask what kind of class you displayed.

God won’t ask how many material possessions you had, but will ask if they dictated your life.

God won’t ask what your highest salary was, but will ask if you compromised your character to obtain that salary.

God won’t ask how much overtime you worked, but will ask if you worked overtime for your family and loved ones.

God won’t ask how many promotions you received, but will ask how you promoted others.

God won’t ask what your job title was, but will ask if you reformed your job to the best of your ability.

God won’t ask what you did to help yourself, but will ask what you did to help others.

God won’t ask how many friends you had, but will ask how many people to whom you were a true friend.

God won’t ask what you did to protect your rights, but will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.

God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived, but will ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won’t ask about the color of your skin, but will ask about the content of your character.

God won’t ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but will ask how many times they didn’t.

How do you fare so far in your life?

This is from the newest edition of the Hillbilly Housewife newsletter.

~ Jun 25th ~

Posted by Da Mamma
08:14 AM, Wed 25 Jun 2008 .. Posted in Simplified .. 0 comments .. Link

Not much going on but I've been knitting and clipping coupons. I will try to figure out how to keep you all updated on my progress ~ really want to get to using only one blog but for some reason its not working. LOL

You can read more of my recent adventures here and I'll be back soon. Off to visit some of my friends ~ been awhile since I've done that.

Guess what we bought?!!

Posted by HandsNHearts
02:34, Tuesday, June 24, 2008 .. Posted in The Homestead Kitchen .. 5 comments .. Link

Dewey was looking through last week's Advertiser paper and came across an ad for an antique wood stove. I figured, being 3 days late, if it was worth anything at all, it was gone, but I called. They still had it, I went Friday to look at it, then Dewey went after work.

Here's what we have -- now this isn't actually my stove, but it's what ours looks like. I don't have a camera to take a photo and upload it. The difference between this one and ours is my oven door is solid...no dial or wording on it, just clean porcelain. I found this one on EBay...

My stove is in better condition than this as far as rust. My stove is still very black and pretty looking, well maintained, though a good coat of stove black would shine it up and make it prettier I'm sure. I can fit my 9x13 pan in the oven box, as well as 2 loaf pans, so I'm good to go. We're getting the stove pipe this week and hopefully will have it up and running this weekend. It's going on the front porch, pipe and all, for the summer, then it will move inside. The local hardware store doesn't sell triple-walled stove pipe, so we have to go to Home Depot and such to get what we need.

Ok...so now all I need is to learn how to bake in this beauty!!! Start sharing thoughts and tips for me before I begin burning everything

General update

Posted by Debi
08:44, 24 June 2008 .. 1 comments .. Link

Haven't posted in a while, been busy doing who knows what.

We have a small garden in this year, really just tomatoes at this point, my father in law was kind enough to come over with his tiller and till up the garden. So that is why we have even that small space.
At this point we are going to probably just keep the ground tended to and weeded so that we can get an early fall garden in.

Those little piglets that we had are getting bigger and have become some what of escape artists, but I think that I have fixed that now.

We plan on building a real pig pen in the coming weeks and getting all of the pigs out the stalls in the barn. They are bored in there and really have nothing to do, so when we let them out the are so happy that they can lay in the sun. Yes, we can let out pigs out and they will come back to us. Pigs are pretty smart animals, and I am not sure that they really like to be all that dirty.

I had 11 Barred Rocks that were just about ready to be moved in with the older chickens, but then one of the little boys open the brooder box and now I have 2. So I will be ordering Barred rocks again in a few weeks. Just bummed me out totally. We are also going to build a new, real chicken coop and run too. Right now they are in what was probably a tack room at one time.

Still looking for that family milk cow. We found a guy that has calves and said that we could buy one from him and then he turned around and sold her. So we are taking it a day at a time, should he have some in a few weeks and we have the funds they we will make the trip and get us a Jersey calf. If not then I will just keep looking and praying.

I have been planing and planing some more on the best way to make the most use of our tiny home.

The first thing that I have found is that we are going to be building triple bunks, then there is no question that I can get all six boys in the one bedroom.

The other thing that we are going to do is closing in our front porch and making our living room larger. At that time we will put in the new windows and front door.

I am still at a loss as to what to do with the back of the house, which contains the third bedroom, kitchen, bath, laundry and entry. For now the third bedroom with probably become our dining room/school room.

We come and go using our back door, as the front door as really steep steps. Jadon took a dive down them last year and literally went head over heals down them.

We had to buy a new refrigerator and then a washer-I have finally come to the realization that I need a second washer. I am working with my fourth washer in just over a year. There are just to many clothes and to many little boys for me to keep up with just one washer. I also need to get the clothes line up, I dug the wholes like the directions said and well it isn't going to work. So I am going to set the polls in 5 gallon buckets, then when ever we get around to adding on I can just pull the buckets out of the ground and set it up some where else in the yard.

I am also planning on gutting our bedroom, then putting in insulation, new windows, drywall and painting. Then I want to put in a really nice closet system so that we can get rid of all the dressers that we have in the house. I would love to be able to add a master bath, but that will probably have to wait until we are able to do the big addition. But someday we will have more than one bathroom.

Then we will slowly work on doing all the exterior walls in the house so that they are insulation properly and have more efficient windows. Then we will see about getting the attic redone.

But first we need to work on getting our animals the proper housing that they need. We are also going to work on the well that we have, and getting the water set up so that we can use it at the barn. Some day I would love to restore our barn, and then add on to it.

But that is just some of what I've been up to.

Blessings,
Debi

On the job front...

Posted by HandsNHearts
04:46, Wednesday, June 18, 2008 .. Posted in From the Desk .. 2 comments .. Link

Well, prayers or action already from the Lord...we wait to see the full picture.

Dewey got a call today from his friend's boss (the same friend working out of Louisiana, with some jobs in Texas and Arkansas...and the job he did up in Tennessee...) and they are being told they have the bid on the Blue Springs Toyota plant.

Being told you have the bid and actually getting the contract are two different things. It's all good and great to be told you have it, and I pray they do, but until the rubber meets the road, and that contract is sitting in their hands, it's really not a done deal.

However, if it makes it to done deal status, they offered Dewey a great job, and a pay raise to boot. The main portion of the work, because of it being Toyota (UAW and all that) will be Union. He offered Dewey a position and said he'd like to get him Superintendent over the electrical, but being Union, they might want it to go to a Union electrician.

Dewey technically still is a Union electrician. He never turned in his card and still pays his dues and such. He is a member in good standing all the way. The boss chuckled at him and said "Well alright then, I'll let you know as soon as I do!"

So...God moving and working, or perhaps something else and none of this will pan out? Keep praying. IF this does go through, and at this stage of the game, Dewey would probably be much happier just being a low man on the pole -- he truly misses hauling his tools to and from and actually getting to WORK during the day instead of parts and material ordering, blue print playing and babysitting folks who'd rather be elsewhere. He will jump ship from this company in a second. Toyota isn't even an hour away, it's a long term project, and it could easily open to on-sight electrical maintenance later on.

an you see my crossed fingers and toes here? I'm praying up a storm that this is a true deal here and that it's what The Lord has in mind for Dewey. I know we all love our husband's and want nothing but good things for them, but I'd have to argue that right now, I want it more than just about anyone else. Dewey needs some relative peaceful work surroundings. He gives 150% and then some to a job, and too many have taken advantage of that ethic in him lately. He deserves a break from the games and job he can feel comfortable and happy with.

Some prayers for direction needed here...

Posted by HandsNHearts
11:02, Tuesday, June 17, 2008 .. Posted in Around the Homestead .. 7 comments .. Link

I feel life is getting rather boring around here. Yeah, I know what I posted just an entry or two back...but, truly, if you knew our family, you'd say that was just a typical day on this homestead. We live life in the fast portion of the slow lane, I guess.

Dewey is struggling with work. I know it's not uncommon to get bored with a job, and really, boredom isn't his issue. Dewey worked many years back north in the Union and well, he didn't care much for it. He worked independent for several years, then went Union and worked another near 20 years. He enjoys electrical work a great deal -- troubleshooting problems, laying out plans and setting things up, all that kind of stuff. It's his 'thing' I guess.

What Dewey doesn't like, and what he simply struggles with the most with a job, any job, is being lied to. He was considered 'hall trash' with the Union (rather than being classed a 'shop rocket') because he doesn't lower his standards for anyone, for any job, period. He refuses to have his name connected with a half-hearted job. He won't play the games the Union typically plays. He isn't into the 'politics' of the jobsite. He wants to do his job and basically be left alone from all that game playing, good ol' boy stuff.

He left the company he was with here because they lied to him. They offered him one thing, then produced another. He isn't a prideful man in the least. He knows what he can do and what he can't, and he has that foundation of certain standards and well, morals I guess you'd say, that he simply will not bend for any job. Now, the he's with now company has proven to be no different than the other. He was hired with a promise of certain things, and they are now changing the 'requirements' on him. He is keeping prayers high for the direction he should be taking right now, and I'd appreciate the added prayers of everyone if I might be bold enough to ask.

He has had an offer from a friend for a while now, but he struggles with it as well. Dewey does not have a heart to be gone from home. It's just not built into him. Of course, push comes to shove and he sees no other way around it, he would go wherever and do what he needed to, but his heart is home. This other job would require him to be gone out of state for the remainder of the year. It would totally pay off a couple of ill-thought-out bills we have in our path here, but he would be gone. Maybe a 3 day weekend now and again, but it's a rush job needing to be completed by the end of the year. We could easily load up ourselves and visit him there...the beauty of homeschooling and such, but still, he would be gone from home for several months.

One thing he struggles with in this, aside from being gone, is that we would be alone here. Of course we have eldest son who would be here still working, but no man on the homestead full time. I worry about that as well, but to help build him up, I mentioned the fact that with our church, even though small, would not hesitate to offer an hand if we needed it.

Other practical things I've tried to keep in mind: the pantry is more than sufficiently stocked. Granted, only feeding one less person wouldn't seem like much, but really, it would be. The children and I could eat much more 'simply' alone than with Dad here. Between the full chest and upright freezers, and my regular pantry stash, we would not need a trip to the store aside from milk really. Granted, it would rather deplete my stock here over that amount of time, but we could restock as needed I'm sure.

To me, that is probably the biggest practical item. Everything else will fall into place well enough I think. We have some poor decisions to work out financially, and this other job could take care of that if we have truly 'wised up' to the extent we think we have. Stupidity makes for a truly poor companion when if comes to finances....I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows that. The way our world is moving, especially right now in the present, we have to do whatever we can to rid ourselves of the poor financial choices we've made if we can. This is that opportunity I think, and I know Dewey believes it is as well, or he wouldn't even consider the out of state job. It will be hard on him though, if he chooses this path. He will certainly need all of the prayers he can glean to make it through and keep him focused. And I'm sure I will as well, tending the home fires waiting on his return.

Want to join me in this prayer covering?

Know what happens when you stay offline...

Posted by HandsNHearts
10:34, Tuesday, June 17, 2008 .. Posted in Around the Homestead .. 0 comments .. Link

Well, first off, you miss learning that dear friend is or at least was in the hospital! Sister Glenda's eldest daughter sent me an email last Tuesday to let me know. I missed it. Though we had been lifting Glenda in prayer here, I missed learning she was in worse condition and needing hospitalization.

Another problem with being offline so much is the mailbox fills beyond my ability to really sort through it all. I have, since my last entry here on whatever date that was a week or so back, nearly 700 emails in my inbox at the mail server! Normally, a week of no computer yields maybe200 mails...not this time. This time the world went chatty-cathy on me apparently! So far I did find some things worth looking through and reading, but for the most part, some of the group mail I still receive has been rather mundane, bored-ladies kind of chatter. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing really wrong with that, but boy this time it certainly caught up with me! If by chance someone has emailed me with something I need to know, you might try emailing me again, as I'm skimming very very quickly today and working my delete button near to death!

Ok...lest you think we live a boring life...

Posted by HandsNHearts
01:14, Monday, June 9, 2008 .. Posted in Around the Homestead .. 3 comments .. Link

LOL...my update post was pretty accurate, however, I did leave out a few tidbits of the last week or so...

While bush-hogging the yard...the mower was broken beyond useful, timely repair, so I hooked up the bushhog and made the best of it...I caught the oil sending unit wire thing. Doesn't sound too terrible, does it? Well, let me tell you what that blasted little pencil-thin wire does....it rolls about the left side of the tractor (a Ford 5500) and in the space of a mere 18-24 inches, it coils and loopy-loops about 4 foot or better and connects to a small compression screw thing at the front of that side. Well....it did connect...I somehow caught that long twirled, loopy-loop wire coil and pulled it plum free....and dumped a full gallon of oil out of the tractor. It covered not only the entire left side of the tractor clear back to the back tire, but it coated me as well, from head to toe. And it left a rather bleak looking blackened stripe of a rainbow across the front side yard.

I called Dewey, who of course, figured I had just totally blown the motor of Ol' Blue here. He resigned himself (being at work and not able to see what happened) to the fact that he was most likely a man without a tractor now. I donned a new, oil-free dress and headed to the neighbors for help. Mr Ted came up, chuckled a bit at the sight of the oiled up me left over, the blackened yard strip and the new black tone to Ol' Blue there. He immediately saw what I did, pulled a new fitting screw thingie from his truck and repaired my trouble...and even put in a full gallon of fresh oil for me. Ahhh, the children wouldn't be motherless afterall.

However.....as I put the tractor back to rest in the area behind the barn, I apparently ran over an antler. The tractor hasn't been touched in near two weeks now, so we didn't know this until this weekend. Matthew was gathering a couple young pullets on the loose and noticed the antler poking out of the rear tire and came to tell us. Hmmm....didn't know we had any antlers drifting about the yard....didn't know I'd run over a thing putting the tractor back there either. It could have been worse....could have been a full rack. Still, I wonder how on earth I managed that....maybe it wasn't me but some wayward buck trying to joust with the tractor? Yeah, well....

Then you have the broken bedroom window (three guesses as to who did this one...your first two don't count....) Wild child had what we will call a momentary lapse of better judgment and threw a fit when sent in for a much much needed nap. He threw a small lap harp across the room....and right through the window. argghh. To say wild child had a rather stern talking to is being mild.

I won't even tell you what he did this morning. He may never see the light of day out of the corner I've placed him in. I noticed Carrie is having a session on yelling at your children....well, not yelling at them, but our helping each other learn to deal better with our children without the loudness. Let's just say I most certainly need that accountability and helpful sharing with moms on that score now. Not just because of the wildness factor around here, but simply because I am who I am, and some things are simply too difficult to overcome alone. Sure, God has my back so to speak, but I have to initiate the work of this all pretty much myself. I have a lot of work to do and this timely little boot camp sharing from Carrie is absolutely what I need!

See...we might seem to live a boring homestead life here...Folks in the city, folks with big dreams and big needs and wants might have a more active lifestyle that we seem to...But the simple fact that we live in the rural-ness that we do, with a large family such as we have, with a wild child like dear sweet Jacob...there is nothing even remotely 'simple' about our lifestyle. It's work...it's constant motion and emotion...it's our homesteading adventure in all it's glory out here. I have some friends who shudder to imagine living as we do with the self-chosen limited resources of the outside world (like true internet access and television or cable access...), but truthfully, I don't think many of them would last a couple of weeks out here.......same as I would go positively insane in a town, let alone a fast-paced city!

{ Last Page } { Page 1 of 5 } { Next Page }

Leatherstocking Tales

Another Funny...

Funnies....

What does God want from You?

~ Jun 25th ~

Guess what we bought?!!

General update

On the job front...

Some prayers for direction needed here...

Know what happens when you stay offline...

Ok...lest you think we live a boring life...

About Me

Links

Categories

Recent Entries

Friends