Forget-Me-Nots Along The Way

Hmmm...I'm not much for scented candles due to my asthma/allergies, however, I love to hold a newborn baby while they are sleeping and smell that sweet freshness.

Soup
Name one way you show affection to others.

Hugging...and people in California just don't hug as much as in other states!

Salad
What is your favorite writing instrument?

Computer Keyboard.

Main Course
If you were given $25 to spend anywhere online, from which site would you buy?

Probably Amazon or Knit Picks

Dessert
Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going to be?

We don't celebrate Halloween, but we do have a Halloween tradition. We get paid on the last day of the month and we have found that Halloween is a good day to go to Costco...it's virtually empty! The kids have fun and don't know any different and don't feel left out.

Well, somehow this Friday's Feast is not too earth shattering and you probably did not find out anything new about me except that I don't celebrate Halloween. Today I had a nice time spent at the home of a lovely lady from church. We are similar in age and her middle daughter is right between the ages of my three and her infant ds has the same name as my ds. The kids all played together so nicely and she and I were able to talk about a million different things.

I am hoping this is a friendship that will grow as I have really been missing my friendship with Laura. I have a wonderful best friend but she lives 800 miles away and I have a great Mom and many lovely ladies online, but you know sometimes you need some face to face time. I find that the Lord gives us different friends in different times of our lives. I used to look for the one friend who met all my needs. As you can imagine, this led to a lot of heart ache! I am so fortunate that my best friend who I met in 1992 after calling off an engagement (thank you Lord!) meets most of my needs. I am even more fortunate that my wonderful hubby was my friend before my lover and we still enjoy being friends with each other. But no one person can meet all of everyone's needs and so I have found that if my eyes are open to the Lord working in my life I will see Him reaching out and providing for me in different ways.

That's what Laura did. I have another friend, Sonia who has also helped in different ways. We had a play date at her house this week too. She is pretty busy, so we don't see each other as often, but she has a special place in my heart and the Lord has used her greatly in my life too. I have been longing for someone in the same state of parenting as I am. Mostly I meet young women. I have nothing against young women and I find that I need younger friendships to keep me from getting too frumpy and stuffy! LOL However, I also have the need for someone I can share with intellectually too. It needs to be a woman. I don't feel a male/female friendship of that intensity is appropriate when you are married and really no male/female one on one friendship is really appropriate and if you think about it it is not necessary. Friends who are male, yes...but I am talking the kind of relationship where you really share about yourself in ways that could lead to emotional intimacy. I think you all know what I mean. Well, at any rate, I am thanking God for the beginnings of this new friendship!

This weekend my hubby is going on the men's retreat with church. He is very shy in crowds and I am really praying for him all this weekend. He has gone through a lot lately with his health and he also tends to question himself. I try to encourage him. He is Eeyore by nature. :o) I think that may be why the Lord put us together. I am hoping the Lord will really speak to his heart this weekend and also that he too will begin to form friendships. He doesn't know it yet, I don't think, but all throughout his things I put little post it notes with I loves you on them and reminders that I am praying for him. I wrote him a card of encouragement and I put that in the box of goodies that I packed...I knew he wouldn't miss that! LOL If you read this this weekend, please send up a prayer for me. I am not feeling well and my three lovely children can be a handful for me physically. Thank you.

Perspective

Monday afternoon, my son, almost 5, and I went to Costco to get some groceries. On the way there we have to wait through road construction. It's slow and annoying. I don't give it much thought...just wait. My son however had eyes as big as saucers watching the "big machines." It was as if they were putting on a splendid show just for him! Every few seconds there was some exclamation over a new discovery. I love seeing this wonder in my son. It makes me look at things from a different perspective. He proceeded to have fun all the way through Costco, skipping along, marvelling at everything. I enjoyed this time, just the two of us, as it doesn't happen very often. Then my bubble was burst when the checkout clerk said, "What a big boy! Are you helping Grandma today?!" UGH! Well, I am 40 and I do have very gray hair, but it still makes me cringe everytime I hear it! LOL

My husband is gradually improving. His thyroid is still hyper and we still have to monitor his heart, but no repeat atrial fibrillation. They are having a hard time getting his Coumadin level high enough though. Poor guy is tired of being poked! He is pretty exhausted at the end of the day at work, but things have been going better than we could have expected. One of the worst remaining side effects for him is the hand tremor.

I have been really struggling with my asthma. The Prednisone really took a toll on me this time and I have continued to have pvc's, so I have emailed my doctor to see if I need to come back in about that or not. So, we could still use some prayers. I cannot complain. Through it all God has been so gracious and good. His people have loved us so thoroughly. It has been a blessing. I hope to get back to 'normal' blogging soon!

Hubby Update

Forget-Me-Nots Along The Way

Well, it sure has been an adventure this last month! The last week I have lived through seems like a month in itself! Have you ever had times like that? I am so thankful for God's love and providence in our lives. He has certainly taken care of us during this stressful time and we are so blessed by all the people in the family of God who have helped us out with physical needs, like childcare and a place for my husband to stay while he needed to be in isolation, and also with spiritual needs, like lifting us up in prayer. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Many people have written or left comments to encourage me and to say you are praying and my husband and I are both so thankful.

I can't even remember where I left off in blogging. Last Thursday I also had to go to the ER with bad asthma and PVCs (premature ventricular contractions), which can be normal, but these were coming on fast and strong so I had it checked out. No sign of heart attack but I have really been struggling with breathing. Of course it has been smoky here from forest fires in the foothills of the Sierras and the air quality is always bad when it is hot and we still hit 100* last week. Yuck!

Friday my hubby took his radioactive iodine and we have not been able to see him all weekend as he has to be in isolation. Tomorrow night we will be able to see him and oh what a joyous reunion that will be! We sure miss his presence in our life and in our home...he really makes it home for us. The radiation did make his thyroid kick in more hormone, however it has not affected his heart, just causing severe muscle pain and weakness. We will still have to monitor his heart for atrial fibrillation over the next 2-3 months. He will be on Coumadin during this time to prevent stroke or embolism. All pretty scary. Everybody has different reactions to the hyperthyroidism but this is not uncommon. Hubby's is apparently really high though because he had it awhile before we realized it. I am continuing to pray that God will protect his heart and for wisdom in his going back to school (he is a teacher) because he is not supposed to do anything that gets him stressed or raises his heart rate! This can cause the atrial fibrillation to kick in.

It seems like the kids brought out every nasty trick in the book, just being kids and it has been a difficult weekend, not getting any breaks or help without hubby here. But I am making it through. In the midst of it all, God has given me some special moments...forget-me-nots along the way. I have had some special times reading His word, preparing for my Precept Bible study classes which are starting up again for the fall. We are continuing in Romans, this is our third class in it, each class being 13 weeks. Today's church service was wonderful, about worship and how God created us so that our greatest joy would be in worshipping Him. So, we sang more songs and some really powerful hymns and worship choruses. The pastor sought me out after service and held hands with me and my new friend Sarah and prayed for Tim and our family. I found out we are going to have a ladies craft circle every other Monday night at church for knitters, crocheters, sewers and other types of hand crafts that can be done together while sitting and talking. And we have been having family time with Daddy via the speaker phone at night saying prayers. And the most special forget-me-nots were the times spent with my son...little openings God made for me to share about Him. I wrote about it here:

So, last night, God gave me a moment. Usually Tim puts the kids to bed and that is their Daddy time. So I went in with them and read. I wanted to read something they don't normally read and distract them from their missing Daddy. It was dark, I put my hand in the middle of a row of books and pulled out one called, "The Best Story About Jesus". I fought back some tears as I knew it was going to be about Jesus dying and thought, "Oh Lord, do we really need to do this now?" It was about an old man telling the story to a little boy about Jesus dying and his resurrection, then going up to Heaven. Well, you can imagine that the wheels started turning for my son, who still has not grasped completely what has happened to Laura. When we got to Jesus dying he said, "No! I don't want him to die!" Then as we read the story he wanted to know what dying meant and we talked about how sometimes peoples' bodies got too sick or broken. We talked about how sin is "being naughty" but if we asked Jesus into our hearts and loved him, we could live in Heaven with Jesus forever. He said, "Mom, when I die, I'm going to love Jesus." Then I explained how we need to love him here while we are alive. He was sad about Laura, but I put on my best happy face and smiled and said, "Oh honey, Laura loved Jesus soooooooo much, she is so happy to be in Heaven with Jesus!" He seemed to like that, but wanted to know more about dying. I told him that our bodies got sick or broken and they stayed here, but that God took our spirit, the part that makes us us up to Heaven with Him. Then as only children can do, he turned to me and said, "So Mom, is Laura's body at her house?" Honestly I was not sure if I was going to laugh or cry!

This conversation has seemed to open his mind to wondering more about heaven and he said again tonight while we were reading another story, "Laura went to live with God forever, huh?" Then he wanted to know if Mom and Dad were going to go with him too. I explained to him that Mom and Dad were going to be in Heaven because we believe in Jesus and that if he believes he will too. Each time we talk, he seems to grasp a little bit more.

Tonight he wanted to come see pictures of Laura, so I showed him the pictures of them on my knitting blog (see links at right, it's the first one!). I was also singing the chorus to the Thank You song last night and he wanted to know what the "pretty song" was and I told him that we had that song at Laura's memorial service. He said, "I didn't know Laura had a song!" So when we were looking at the pictures on my knitting blog I sang the song to him as the words are also there, but I couldn't sing without crying, so I told him that Mommy really misses Laura too.

Please Pray

Hello Blog Friends...I am asking that anyone out there who prays, please lift up my husband Tim. He was recently diagnosed with Graves' Disease (autoimmune hyperthyroidism) and has been pretty miserable. We had to go back into ER both Monday and Tuesday with atrial fibrillation. He has been started on Coumadin to thin his blood to reduce the risk of stroke. Fortunately he is very healthy otherwise and his heart has been withstanding this. Friday he will be going to have his Thyroid burned out with radioactive Iodine. We were hoping to find and use some of the other treatment options, however, the severity of the hyperthyroidism and the risk of death secondary to heart arrhythmia from that, just have not left us with many options.

Please pray that he will be safe and not have any reactions to treatment and that the treatment will be effective. He has to be away from us until Monday night, which will be difficult! So please pray for me during that time too. I am exhausted and fighting some migraine issues and asthma.

This has all been scary but at the same time we have seen the Father's Hand guiding us and directing us and providing for us. I am so thankful for all He does for us.

I know some people find it selfish or strange to ask prayers for yourself, but I believe so strongly in prayer and I know God works in the prayers of His chidlren. I love my husband so much and the thought of losing him is just unthinkable, so that is why I am asking for your prayers. Thank you.

Good News, Bad News...

Laura...

On My Heart...

Well, I think it's true for everyone, that you don't always consider the value of what you have until you might lose it. I have always loved and appreciated my husband, Tim. However, this week we have gone through some very scary things which have made me appreciate him even more. I am writing this out for my own benefit, to release the stress that is pent up inside of me and to share my heart with my husband. It's long, so if you are just dropping in on my blog, I will understand if you don't read it.

I think I noted earlier on the blog that Tim was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. You know God has made the body so amazing and you would not believe all the things the thyroid does until it doesn't do them! The doctor sent him home with pills and tells me to monitor his heart rate and blood pressure (In my "previous life" I was a Certified Medical Assistant working as a pediatric nurse for ten years).

His heart didn't sound good all along, but we weren't given a time table or perameters to know how fast to see improvement on the meds. Tuesday, something in my gut told me it was serious. I could hear an abnormal rhythm in his heart. His heart rate was 90 and he seemed okay, "just didn't feel right". No heart attack or stroke symptoms. I called the advice nurse and got an appt in 45 minutes. When he got there his heart rate was 160-200+ beats per minute and he was in atrial fibrilation. The ambulance took him to the hospital (to which the almost 5 year old says "Oh Cool!").

I had some moments of panic trying to figure out what to do with three children. My SIL lives almost an hour away. I have a few friends but mostly they are working or have committments. I called my friend Sonia to help me think clearly to make a decision. Then I called my SIL. The kids were in bed and for once they actually fell asleep! What a God thing! They so rarely nap but I still have them go to bed for quiet time. They ended up sleeping until after 6pm which made it easier for my SIL/BIL. While I was waiting for her to arrive, I took a shower, I called my Mom who activated their prayer chain and our family prayer chain, I called our Sunday School teacher and asked her to pray and I called our church. We have only been there about 8 months. I wasn't sure how things worked but I talked to the administrative secretary and she activated the prayer chain and had the pastor pray with me on the phone. Pastor Mike also told me he would contact a church member who had gone through this. My SIL and BIL arrived. He took me to the doctor's office to pick up our van which hubby had to leave there. Then at 4:30PM I had to get on the freeway and drive one of the most heavily trafficked roads in our county during rush hour. God was so watching over me and I made it there safely and in good time.

I walked into the ER and they directed me to my hubby's cubicle. What relief! His heart rate was outrageous, but he looked up from his library book with that cute little smile and the twinkling eyes that made me fall in love with him in the first place. There I sat in the ER, watching monitors, holding his hand remembering that 25 years earlier my Mother had done the same thing. On the second occurence, she became a widow at 37. I am selfish. I told Tim he was "not allowed" to leave. I love my husband. I like my husband. We found each other late in life, but if I have my way we will live and love together a long time!

The ER is about waiting. Waiting for information. Waiting for decisions. Waiting for medicine to work. Waiting for prayers to be answered. He had an IV and the nurses gave him several "pushes" of beta blocker in high doses. His heart rate would go down for about 20-30 minutes but the A-fib was still there. Then it would climb again. A man named Ken from our church, whom we had not met before, came and shared with us his story. A miracle story. His A-fib is still present. It caused him to go in a coma camping in Yosemite. God got him out and saved him. My panicked heart thought about his poor wife in those circumstances. Today he lives a normal life, active, but has a pacemaker and sees doctors in the same HMO we do. He was comforting. He shared some things from 2 Corinthians chapter 4 that God had been teaching him about how we have our treasure in earthen vessels. He prayed for us. This is love in action...we are not strangers when we are brothers and sisters in Christ. This man had put in a long day at work and his wife was waiting at home for him. She probably would not have much time with him that evening. They gave their time and their love to us. He stayed with us until it seemed we were okay. What a blessing! Sometimes living so far away from family and in the city, we feel alone. In the body of Christ we are never alone.

When Ken left, Tim and I embraced. I looked him in the eyes and asked him, "No matter what happens, you know I love you right?" I could release him to God if he knew I truly and honestly loved him, no holds barred. I didn't want him to face scary things alone, uncertain, feeling like his life had not made a difference. His life makes a difference in mine everyday. Three little faces look to him for love, learning and comfort each day. They don't understand yet that God is the center of our lives...the center of their lives is Daddy.

I lay my head down on his right arm, his eyes were closed, resting. I lay my right hand over his chest, directly over his heart and I prayed. Where are the words? I am so verbose. I worry all the time that I am too verbose. I worry that verbosity is another form of selfishness. I do not want my husband to die. Is that selfish? I can only pray, "Please heal him God! Please let him be okay! Touch his heart. Give the doctors wisdom Lord." As I was praying a stillness came over me and then this song, which I think may be a Vineyard chorus but I am not sure:

What? Celebrate? I am worrying that my husband might die. That they may stop his heart and shock it back into rhythm if the A fib does not "convert" on its own. What is there to celebrate? Strange encouragement from the Lord. I have always liked that chorus but have not sung it for a couple years so I don't know why it would come to my head.

Waiting continues. His heart rate is in the 150s still even after several pushes in his IV. Another med is started in a drip. His heart has not converted, but it's getting late. My BIL and SIL need to get home. Responsibility is hard some times. I have three little people who are waiting for Mommy and Daddy to come home! My heart is in the hospital with Tim. How can I not be there for him? Our wedding song was carefully chosen, considering the pain of our childhoods, knowing what we wanted for each other. It was Steven Curtis Chapman's "I Will Be There". We promised to always be there for each other. It's hard, but Tim understands I am not abandoning him. I hold on to him, my cheek against his, breathing in who he is, appreciating this man I love. Wires poke us, interrupting our intimacy and I realize too, he is too exhausted to be holding someone. He needs lifting up. "I love you." I say it repeatedly. That's all I can say out loud right now. In my mind I think, "God please don't take him from me while we are apart. Please don't let him suffer alone." Then I tell him, "Ask Jesus. He will never leave you alone. When you are scared he will be there." I tell him goodbye. Do you know that Goodbye is shortened from "God Be With You"? (Don't let the atheists know or we won't be allowed to say it in public anymore!)

Home. Empty without him. Sleepy children and hugs and pajama time. "Mommy will you give us vitamins like Daddy does?" We pray for Daddy not to be scared in the hospital and for God to take care of him.

More waiting. 10PM I check with the nurse. Heart rate is a little lower but he has not converted. No word on when he will be admitted.

Then I checked my email and wrote an update to my Christian Artisans group. So many loving sisters were praying for us. The body of Christ in action again! Cary, who is so dear, wrote that she felt that this was another attack from the enemy and that as our group was growing closer to the Lord, praying more and more, that she has been feeling a spiritual oppression on the list. Now some people talk about these things all the time like they are looking for the enemy under every bush. Cary is not like this. Her heart is wisened and teachable from leaning on the Lord. When I reviewed the prayer list for our list in the last week, I realized that she was right. It does seem like many of us were being "attacked" with one bad thing after another. Wouldn't the enemy love it if we lost hope and stopped praying? Wouldn't he love it if we did not hold each other up in Christian love? Wouldn't he love it if we walked away from the difficulties we were experiencing in our group and did not minister to each other? Then I realized the connection. The song. It was a proclamation. A declaration. An encouragement. A victory song...For He has triumped victoriously! We can celebrate. We can sing out praise to Him, because He triumphed and He continues to triumph, victoriously in our lives. Anyone who knows me will know that I don't mean our lives will be smooth sailing and that we will get everything we want. What it means is that we can be hit by everything the enemy has to throw at us, but Christ is still the victor! And because we choose Him, we are triumphantly victorious in Him. When I realized this I had peace. I hummed the song. I clapped my hands. I sang out loud.

At 11 PM I call back...his heart just converted! Praise GOD! Jubilation! They let him talk to me and since no one was there to put the phone back on the hook, we were able to talk for 45 minutes. Not the same as being together but still better than being totally apart. This is how our relationship started. I don't like this kind of long distance romance though!

At midnight he was finally admitted to telemetry. He got very little sleep, but his heart rate was steady through the night. The morning brought testing...another EKG, an echocardiogram, testing the blood for enzymes which indicate heart damage. His heart is healthy! Praise God! This is not a cardiac issue. The thyroid is causing the cardiac symptoms. He had another visitor. Ed from his Bible study came to see him and prayed for him. Christ's love in action again. God is good.

Finally I got to pick him up. He actually got to walk out of there. We spent some time together and went to the Bible store and picked out some things for ds' upcoming 5th birthday in October. We don't usually get to be alone without the kids to shop like that without them knowing what we are getting. We had fun. Together. I look at him and in my heart I am thanking God. I watch. What a gift, in so many ways. Thank you for not taking him back Lord! We celebrate with Blizzards from DQ. He had Brownie Batter Blizzard. I had Butterfinger. My hubby thinks, the more chocolate the merrier!

When he walks in the door, the kids surround him. They don't understand the battle that has been fought the last 24 hours. But they do know everything is right when we are all HOME!

God has continued to bless us. Lynette from church called to see if we need help with the kids or meals. People have called to encourage. The doctor called us last night and spent the first part of his call talking to me, knowing that my medical mind needed to fully wrap around this situation, fully understand my role in monitoring and keeping my husband safe. For now he will continue beta blockers. We are waiting for the HMO to call back and move up the date for the thyroid scan. We cannot treat the thyroid until the scan is done because the meds will effect the outcome of the test. If you have read this far, please pray that we can get this done much faster. It is currently schedule on September 19th. Also please pray that Tim's heart would continue to remain on rhythm and that it will not go back into A-fib! There is a possibility it could return. However, I feel that we are better equipped with knowledge and medication this time to stop this before it could happen again.

So, am I being melodramatic? You might think so. Atrial fibrilation is not an uncommon problem. Doctors deal with it on a regular basis. Untreated it becomes deadly. Cardioversion is somewhat routine, but every time it is used, there is a possibility that the heart might not start again...that's why we are praising God that Tim's heart converted without this. When you are faced with losing your most valued treasure on earth, it doesn't seem melodramatic. The adrenaline and anxiety linger at moments, but I continue to thank God. I love to see that smile. It lightens my load and brightens my day. I thank God for my wonderful man and what he is doing in our lives.

Don't forget to tell your spouse or other loved ones that you do love them. Never assume. You know, I have lost 3 members of my immediate family and 3 grandparents. I have never regretted that my last words to them all were "I love you." If things are not right in your relationships, if you have let the sun go down on your anger, I truly hope that you will examine your heart and do your best to right these. And don't forget to let the ones who love you daily, know how much you appreciate them!

Thank you Tim for always "being there"! I am ever thankful that the Lord handpicked you for me!

13 Things I've Done Since Last Thursday

12. Started monitoring hubby's pulse and blood pressure to see if his new medicine is working to lower his thyroid (and thus his pulse and bp).

Yesterday hubby's doctor called and his thryoid numbers were through the roof, so he definitely has hyperthryoid. We are not glad about this but we are glad that he has something that is treatable. Thank you God! He is still feeling pretty yucky but his pulse is now just about normal after only one dose on the meds. It was 120+! He will have to have a nuclear scan of the thyroid on September 19th to determine the extent of this illness.

My friend Laura with Uterine Cancer is not doing very well. I talked to her today and she had a big reaction to her chemo two weeks ago. She sounds very frail and weak. I think she has reached the part where she is facing some hard reality. Please pray for her and her family. The type of cancer she has is considered untreatable. We hope for a miracle, but unless God is going to heal her in the midnight hour, it does not seem like her healing will come during her life on earth. She has a husband Mitchell and two young adult children. Please lift them up if you feel led to pray for Laura. Also please pray for my little son, who considers Laura his Grandma. I am going to have to rely on God to give me wisdom to know what to say to him soon. He prays so innocently for her on a regular basis. I don't want his faith to falter and think that God is not answering his prayers. In truth I know that God is and that Laura appreciates his prayers. How do you explain to an almost 5 year old what you can barely wrap your own mind around? All I know is to be honest and not discount what he feels.

Spokane Pictures

More Forget-Me-Nots...

What a long day. Whiny kids. HOT! More triple digit heat on the way. Some disappointments. Stress. Sad news. Still the enemy cannot steal the joy! God gave me beautiful forget-me-nots this evening.

Daddy went in to read the kids their bedtime Bible story and I went in with him. Usually that's my quiet time, but I felt the need to be with my family tonight. They were wild and rambunctious and so we decided to sing a couple songs. The girls wanted to keep going. They are speech delayed, J more so than A, but she sings with gusto. If she can't say the words correctly she just makes sounds to the tune of the music! LOL She grins ear to ear. J always smiles with her whole face. One day a boy is going to see that smile and melt into a puddle on the floor! You can't help but feel her joy! Since they were having such a good time singing we put in the Veggie Tales worship CD and how precious was that...all five of us sitting on beds in one room singing praise to God. I know the girls don't totally get it all, but I know that the words will come back in their minds; they are seeds waiting to be watered, nourished and later harvested. Even now as I type on the other side of the wall I hear that precious little J voice still singing...forever God is faithful, forever, forever, forever...

I needed that little pick me up tonight. I should be getting ready for our trip, but have been working hard on sewing clothing and was very excited about the dress which I finally finished tonight...only to find out that the fitting is off. I am one size at the shoulders/breasts and two sizes larger by the time I get to the waist. It's not all for loss. I will be able to probably turn the dress into a jumper without much difficulty. However, I won't be able to do that before the trip and I was so looking forward to having a dress to wear! :o( Oh well, pretty small drop in the bucket compared to the scheme of things! Well, I better get busy doing stuff in preparation for leaving. I will be glad to get out of the heat...I don't think it will be fun packing in 105 the next couple days!

Forget-Me-Nots Along The Way

Friday's Feast, Friendship and the Weekend

Perspective

Hubby Update