Forget-Me-Nots Along The Way

The Real Deal

Saturday was the service for my dear friend Laura.  I was hoping that when I got there, the tears would dry up, but they flowed even more.  There were at least 400 people in the service, so I sat with people I did not know and quietly cried, trying not to be embarrassed and realizing that God sometimes heals in our tears.  The memorial was lovely.  They did a nice job of representing all the different aspects of Laura's life...children, church, Girl Scouts, Red Hat Society and Square/Round Dancing.  There are some pictures and a little description at my knitting blog which is the first link in my links section to the right.  I haven't figured out how to post photos here yet.  I mean, I know how to post them, but I don't think there is a lot of storage space so I haven't been putting them directly here.

Anyway, people from those different aspects of her life spoke.  The pastor spoke briefly and we had a congregational hymn.  It was "It Is Well With My Soul."  I have always loved this hymn because it is gutsy and real and it does express that no matter what it feels like right now, I know You are God and I know You are just and I may not understand this but You are still You.  It is the attitude I know Laura would have wanted us to take.  There was much laughing.  Laughing really is a good thing in grieving. It does the heart good.  Laura's life was so filled with joy and humor, the anecdotes about her life were so fun to hear.

There was a slide show of Laura's life and someone sang "Thank You" by Ray Boltz.  It is so perfect for her:

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me;
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea.
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name.
We turned and saw a young man running
And he was smiling as he came.

And he said, "Friend you may not know me now."
And then he said, "But wait,

You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight.

And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start.
And one day when you said that prayer,
I asked Jesus in my heart."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

Then another man stood before you
And said, "Remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry.
You didn't have much money,
But you gave it anyway.
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I'm here today."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see.
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity.
Little things that you had done,
Sacrifices made,
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven, now proclaimed.

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes.
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord.
He said, "My child, look around you.
Great is your reward."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

Overall it was a lovely service and I did get to hug Laura's daughter, who unfortunately I met the first time yesterday.  It was a nice connection and I saw her Mother in her face and I saw strength there and I knew she will be okay.  I have been praying for her, probably because I can relate as a woman and as a woman who has lost a parent.  Even as adults, we are not ready to lose a Mom or Dad! 

But, what I wanted to share with you most of all, was what Laura's husband shared. Laura is teaching me even after death.

Mitchell said that Laura had two suitors in college who were interested in marrying her.  She made a pro and con list for each of them.  Nothing unusual about this, but then referring to her choice, he went on to say, "I was the winner and she made me feel like a winner every day for 35 years."  He ended by saying that he had prayed every day for God to help him love Laura more, "so be careful what you pray for because you get it, and now I have a big hole in my heart."

I was so moved by this.  Laura did not talk about all the things she did to be a Godly wife, she just did it.  Just like everything else.  I told my husband I thought that was probably why she was so effective in making people feel loved and ministered to.  She didn't set out to "do a ministry", she saw needs and quietly and unassumedly met them.  She didn't write a blog about how she was going to be the perfect wife, she didn't tell other people what to do, she just read her Bible, believed what God said and did it.  Now, in case you are thinking I am just glorifying Laura and making her to be a "saint" because she is not here, let me assure you I am not.  Laura was plain, simple, often naive and truly what you saw was what you got.  But her heart was molded by God.  The pastor spoke after her husband and said, "Because she followed God's model for marriage and loved and respected you, that has made you the man you are today."

WOW!  Simple, but powerful.  One of the reasons I have this blog is that I want to be a more Godly woman, wife, mother and I want to learn how to do things the "right way".  The message to me was loud and clear..."Theresa do you make Tim feel like a winner every day?"  NO! I have been looking and reading and searching for ways to do what is right and I have overlooked some very simple things...stepping out in faith, asking God to teach, guide and sustain me.  In other words, borrowed from Nike, "just do it!"  Will it matter if I read all the right books, studied my Bible and wrote a blog about it, if I don't walk in that reality every day?  No, I don't think it will.  I never expected to go to a memorial service and walk out so convicted and with a new direction in my life.

My marriage goals now are 1) to pray that God will help me love Tim more and more each day and 2) that my actions will be filled with love and respect so that I make him feel like a winner every day.  Oooh...I can hear some of my independent, spirited friends cringing as they read this. The reality is that this is what God told us to do!  My goal is to have a strong relationship with my husband in which we follow God's will for our lives. It's time to lay aside the encumberances, as the writer of Hebrews would say, and run the race without worrying about what other people think of what I write or feel or do or say.

And please don't get me wrong.  I am not putting down those who "set out to do a ministry".  But I do think that when ministry flows out of our pure hearts that are seeking God it is more effective than when we build it ourselves.  I think being capable, organized and able to administer is a gift from God. Any gift can have negative side effects when we do things from our own efforts.  So I hope you see I am not trying to put down other people or give anyone in particular a lecture, other than myself.  I get very excited when God shows me something new; He gives me those lightbulb moments.  They may be obvious to someone else, but my eyes are newly opened.

Isn't it good to know that God is still teaching us? I am not going to be hard on myself.  I think that is a form of selfishness too (and I have been meditating about areas of selfishness in my life and praying about being less selfish).  I am just going to start living.  Laura has been a beautiful Titus 2 woman of God in my life.  Now it is time to follow her example, which I believe is a gift from God in my life.

I sure miss her! Our Romans Precept Bible study starts again this Thursday.  It won't be quite the same without her.  But I do rejoice that she has overcome in Christ Jesus and that she is free of pain and suffering. I love you Laura!  Thanks for everything!

Untitled Comment

10:28, Sunday, September 10, 2006 .. Posted by Andrea

My deepest and most heartfelt sympathy upon the loss of your dear friend. May your heart heal, may your memories of good times together carry you through the dark days, and may she rest in peace.

Sincerely~ Midlife Woman

I miss her too

02:24, Monday, September 11, 2006 .. Posted by Anonymous

And I haven't even met her, but from your pictures and your entries, I feel as though I have. What a blessing for God, though what a loss for the rest of us. I am sorry, Theresa, that you have lost such a good friend. Thank you for sharing her, and her godly influence, with all of us.

Denise

Untitled Comment

06:41, Monday, September 11, 2006 .. Posted by Anonymous

Theresa, what an inspirational life Laura led and how fortunate you both were to have each other as friends.

Hugs,
Margaret