Forget-Me-Nots Along The Way

It has been a long hard journey the last few months, traveling through a thick fog of grief. The depression that accompanies grief is so difficult to conquer because there is no way to remedy that ache this side of Heaven. Praise God I know that I will see Laura again in Heaven. And praise God that through this experience my son asked Jesus to come into his heart and his new faith is growing. He is only five but he really does understand what he is learning. I guess it is true what Jesus said about having the faith of a little child.

I don't have a lot of time to blog. I do maintain a blog at www.tjknits.blogspot.com which is for my knitting and pictures and family information. Please feel free to visit me there. The link is also at the right where it says "my knitting blog". I will mainly blog there, but when I want to share my heart, I will come here.

So tonight I will sign off and maybe visit some old friends' blogs and get reacquainted!

My Thirty Things

Two of my friends from church have been posting on their blogs thirty things to be thankful for in November. I liked the idea...reminded me of things my Grandma used to have us do as kids for Thanksgiving Day. My list is probably a bit on the serious side. But it has been a rough year and that tends to make one more contemplative! There really are lots of things to be thankful for!

30. The birds eating outside my window this fall, putting on their own little show!

Getting To Know Me Meme

I keep seeing these on the fiber (knitting, spinning, crocheting etc) blogs and sometimes peoples' answers surprise me. I don't think I'm a very surprising person though. I copied and pasted this and it had some formatting I couldn't remove so, sorry that it looks so funny.

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and ment it
09. Hugged a tree

15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse

36. Danced like a fool and didn't care who was looking.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even just for a moment

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe

47. Taken a road trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan

56. Alphabetized your cd's
57. Pretended to be a superhero (The things you do for kids!)

59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving

69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

73. Been in a movie (not a movie but a tv commercial for G.S. cookies)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days

78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo

81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason

85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark.
88. Kissed on a first date (not that it's anything to be proud of!)
89. Gone to Thailand

93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (well, in the process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop even when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show

113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper

129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed

132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care (well, nursing home and died 7 days later)
143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair

146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Friday's Feast, Friendship and the Weekend

Hmmm...I'm not much for scented candles due to my asthma/allergies, however, I love to hold a newborn baby while they are sleeping and smell that sweet freshness.

Soup
Name one way you show affection to others.

Hugging...and people in California just don't hug as much as in other states!

Salad
What is your favorite writing instrument?

Computer Keyboard.

Main Course
If you were given $25 to spend anywhere online, from which site would you buy?

Probably Amazon or Knit Picks

Dessert
Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going to be?

We don't celebrate Halloween, but we do have a Halloween tradition. We get paid on the last day of the month and we have found that Halloween is a good day to go to Costco...it's virtually empty! The kids have fun and don't know any different and don't feel left out.

Well, somehow this Friday's Feast is not too earth shattering and you probably did not find out anything new about me except that I don't celebrate Halloween. Today I had a nice time spent at the home of a lovely lady from church. We are similar in age and her middle daughter is right between the ages of my three and her infant ds has the same name as my ds. The kids all played together so nicely and she and I were able to talk about a million different things.

I am hoping this is a friendship that will grow as I have really been missing my friendship with Laura. I have a wonderful best friend but she lives 800 miles away and I have a great Mom and many lovely ladies online, but you know sometimes you need some face to face time. I find that the Lord gives us different friends in different times of our lives. I used to look for the one friend who met all my needs. As you can imagine, this led to a lot of heart ache! I am so fortunate that my best friend who I met in 1992 after calling off an engagement (thank you Lord!) meets most of my needs. I am even more fortunate that my wonderful hubby was my friend before my lover and we still enjoy being friends with each other. But no one person can meet all of everyone's needs and so I have found that if my eyes are open to the Lord working in my life I will see Him reaching out and providing for me in different ways.

That's what Laura did. I have another friend, Sonia who has also helped in different ways. We had a play date at her house this week too. She is pretty busy, so we don't see each other as often, but she has a special place in my heart and the Lord has used her greatly in my life too. I have been longing for someone in the same state of parenting as I am. Mostly I meet young women. I have nothing against young women and I find that I need younger friendships to keep me from getting too frumpy and stuffy! LOL However, I also have the need for someone I can share with intellectually too. It needs to be a woman. I don't feel a male/female friendship of that intensity is appropriate when you are married and really no male/female one on one friendship is really appropriate and if you think about it it is not necessary. Friends who are male, yes...but I am talking the kind of relationship where you really share about yourself in ways that could lead to emotional intimacy. I think you all know what I mean. Well, at any rate, I am thanking God for the beginnings of this new friendship!

This weekend my hubby is going on the men's retreat with church. He is very shy in crowds and I am really praying for him all this weekend. He has gone through a lot lately with his health and he also tends to question himself. I try to encourage him. He is Eeyore by nature. :o) I think that may be why the Lord put us together. I am hoping the Lord will really speak to his heart this weekend and also that he too will begin to form friendships. He doesn't know it yet, I don't think, but all throughout his things I put little post it notes with I loves you on them and reminders that I am praying for him. I wrote him a card of encouragement and I put that in the box of goodies that I packed...I knew he wouldn't miss that! LOL If you read this this weekend, please send up a prayer for me. I am not feeling well and my three lovely children can be a handful for me physically. Thank you.

Friday's Feast

I have been MIA for awhile, just trying to find some normalcy in life with all that was going on with hubby's health, the kids and I. I am so behind and am trying to dig out from underneath it all but am feeling very overwhelmed. I hope to come back and "talk" with my new friends I have made here, soon. If you want to see some of my knitting and a picture of me from our day trip to the beach last weekend, check out the link to my knitting blog at the right. Well, I thought I would get my blogging toes wet with a little Friday's Feast, so here goes:

Appetizer
What is your favorite beverage? water...why, yes, I am boring! Okay, when it is not water, one treat beverage I like is Land O Lakes Mint Hot Chocolate (not just any mint hot chocolate will do!)

Soup
How long have you known your very best friend? How did you meet?

Shelley and I met in 1992 when she attended a Bible study my Mom was in. My Mom introduced us. I had just broken off my engagement to the wrong man (Yes! Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers!!!) and I needed somebody to encourage me...God sent me Shelley!

Salad
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how honest do you think you are? 9.5

Main Course
What is your favorite card game? Uno...or Cribbage

Dessert
What stresses you out? What calms you down? Too much to do, too little time and too little energy...that stresses me out. Praying calms me down, sometimes my knitting or talking to my hubby or Mom or best friend.

Friday's Feast

Perspective

Monday afternoon, my son, almost 5, and I went to Costco to get some groceries. On the way there we have to wait through road construction. It's slow and annoying. I don't give it much thought...just wait. My son however had eyes as big as saucers watching the "big machines." It was as if they were putting on a splendid show just for him! Every few seconds there was some exclamation over a new discovery. I love seeing this wonder in my son. It makes me look at things from a different perspective. He proceeded to have fun all the way through Costco, skipping along, marvelling at everything. I enjoyed this time, just the two of us, as it doesn't happen very often. Then my bubble was burst when the checkout clerk said, "What a big boy! Are you helping Grandma today?!" UGH! Well, I am 40 and I do have very gray hair, but it still makes me cringe everytime I hear it! LOL

My husband is gradually improving. His thyroid is still hyper and we still have to monitor his heart, but no repeat atrial fibrillation. They are having a hard time getting his Coumadin level high enough though. Poor guy is tired of being poked! He is pretty exhausted at the end of the day at work, but things have been going better than we could have expected. One of the worst remaining side effects for him is the hand tremor.

I have been really struggling with my asthma. The Prednisone really took a toll on me this time and I have continued to have pvc's, so I have emailed my doctor to see if I need to come back in about that or not. So, we could still use some prayers. I cannot complain. Through it all God has been so gracious and good. His people have loved us so thoroughly. It has been a blessing. I hope to get back to 'normal' blogging soon!

Friday's Feast

Appetizer
Measured in minutes or hours, how much exercise have you had in the last week? Since my hubby has been sick, the only exercise I have gotten is chasing after my kiddos. Usually I walk with a Leslie Sansone DVD since the air quality here is too poor for me to walk outside! (Yes! I long for the country life!)

Soup
If you had to change your blog title to something else, what would it be? I like the title I have, however I had considered "Because He Lives" after Gloria Gaither's song of the same name...Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future, Life is worth the living, just because He lives!

Salad
Name one television show you watched when you were 9-12 years old. Happy Days

Main Course
If someone gave you $50 to spend with the one condition that it had to be educational, what would you purchase? Books! We are a house of bibliophiles!

Dessert
Do you tend to prefer dark colors, neutral shades, or lighter/pastel hues? I wear jewel tones mostly and decorate with dark or neutral shades. Occasionally I wear or use pastels but they usually wash me out. (I'm a classic "Winter")

Attributes of God, Part Two

Today's entry may be rambling. I have had many life events that have made me think about this attribute of God more than some others. In my mind the writing all connects and make sense, but I don't know if it will have flow when written out and others read. These are just the thoughts in my mind and heart.

God is omnipotent; He possesses all power. He can accomplish anything He has decided to do with or without outside help.

"Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son." Gen 18:14 NIV

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2 NIV

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" Matt 19:26 NIV

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is there anything too hard for me?" Jer 32:27

Why do I have fear if God possesses all power, can accomplish anything He plans and nothing is impossible for Him? I think I have always understood the omnipotence of God. What I don't understand and perhaps is the source of my fear, is why God sometimes does not act in His power. Why did he not save my 5 year old brother from dying? Why do Christians suffer horrible evils? The list goes on. I mean no disrespect toward God, but I think we all have some of these questions.

If I were only to focus on the omnipotence of God outside of His other attributes, I think I would become bitter. I might even hate God. When I consider God's moral attributes and that He is immutable, I can see that even when I cannot understand how He uses or chooses not to use His power, He is doing so out of holiness, righteousness, justice, mercy, longsuffering, wisdom, love, goodness, truthfulness, faithfulness and sometimes wrath and jealousy.

An all powerful God makes more sense to me. Who would want a God who made promises He could not keep? I had an alcoholic father. Fortunately before his early death, He came to know Christ as His Savior and God blessed us with much healing. I had forgiven my Daddy, but my memories still hold painful moments - waiting for promises to be fulfilled. Daddy loved me. I never doubted that. But because of his life choices (sin), he was not able to be the person he wanted to be, the Dad I needed or to even remember the promises he made to me!

As an early believer I sometimes translated this to my Heavenly Father - I knew Abba loved me, but could He carry through? Did He have the power to fulfill His promises and actively be involved in my life? Hallelujah! That answer is "yes"! Trust is an ongoing journey for me, but knowing God is powerful and that nothing is impossible for Him encourages me to travel onward, drawing closer to Him. Do I still wish He used His power to save loved ones lives? Yes! The difference now is that I trust that when He doesn't, there is a reason.

There are a few verses I think of when I think of God's power working in my life:

"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6 NIV The footnote in the NIV Study Bible says, "it is God who initiates salvation, who continues it and who will one day bring it to its consummation." Isn't it wonderful to know that God is not going to drop the ball with us? He has the power to complete us and accomplish good works in and through us!

In Ephesians 1:19, 20b, Paul is talking about his prayers for the believers to know "his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead." NIV WOW! That is power! Power that raised Christ from the dead.

Naturally when I think about not understanding why God doesn't use His power I think of Romans 8:28-29. God does work out all things together for good. No, the tragedies of life are never good. If Jesus wept when Lazarus died, then Father God must also weep for us when our hearts are breaking. Maybe He has chosen, for some reason we can't understand, not to use His power to stop some of the painful things, but He can use those painful experiences to draw us close to Him. No I don't think God killed my little brother as a relationship ploy, but I do see how my life has been changed by that experience. It pulled the rug out from under my feet and even though I was only 7 following his death, I somehow knew that God was the only One who could make sense of all of this. And in the 33 years since that tragedy, God has developed a deep sense of compassion in my heart for those who experience unexpected loss. I feel it helps me pray for them with at least a small sense of understanding that I might not have had otherwise.

Many of us can testify that the hard things in life that the Enemy may intend to harm us or draw us away from God, will actually draw us closer if we acknowledge WHO God is! If we understand that He is omniscient (all knowing) as well as omnipotent (all powerful) then we should trust Him to use His power in appropriate ways. The flipside of that is that there must also be a reason why He does not use His power to stop tragedy. I can not claim to understand this. Certainly even recently I have hoped and prayed that God would prevent our friend Laura from dying of cancer. He chose not to. I have to believe that there must be a reason. Maybe we will know in time. Maybe we will not. Perhaps sometimes we want to know too much. Maybe there are times we need to "be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10. At any rate I cannot conclude that God uses His power in a random or cruel manner. If He did it would go against His other character attributes.

In my life now, I realize that I need to continually submit to God's power. I need to trust and believe that He is powerful enough to accomplish His plan in my life. I must believe that His power is Holy, Right and Just even if I cannot understand.

Thank You Lord that Your power is awesome, pure and complete. Thank You that Your power rose Jesus from the grave and brought victory over death so that I might spend eternity in Heaven with You! Help me to understand more of You as I read and study Your Word, which itself is full of POWER, a living and active, double edged sword. Thank You that You have not given us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. Thank You that Your power is made perfect in my weakness! Amen.

Thursday Thirteen

1. Last Thursday I went to the ER with an asthma attack and PVCs...we hope this is our family's LAST ER visit!!!

2. I have had several opportunities to share the Gospel with my almost 5 year old son this last week.

3. There is a new couple in our Sunday School class and we are enjoying getting to know them.

5. While I was alone 4 days with the kids while my hubby was in isolation for his radiation therapy, my solace was working on my Romans Precept class homework.

6. Now that hubby has had treatment we are starting to feel like things may go back to "normal" in our lives and I have started to "muck out" our home and get it more organized.

7. I am starting to want to do things, like pick up my knitting and start sewing, so I think that's a good sign that things are getting better!

8. My friend and her children came to visit last Friday knowing that we would be alone. She let me talk and get a break from the high level of stress we have been under. What a blessing!

9. I sat in church alone for the first time since I have been married (due to hubby being in isolation) and I sure missed hubby!

10. This week's sermon was regarding worship and how we are created to glorify God. God knew exactly what I needed as I was weary beyond belief and we had more music than usual, all focused on worshipping Him and it was such a peaceful relief in the middle of our storm.

12. I spent some time looking at www.knitty.com this week and printed out some of the free knitting patterns for socks and purses that are in the current issue.

13. We are finally going to get back to our homeschooling today, having been pre-empted by all the medical appointments and care lately.

Attributes of God, Part One

For many years I have been doing inductive Bible studies from Kay Arthur and Precept Ministries. I am currently starting the 3rd of 4 on Romans. It's hard starting back up this year without my friend Laura. But I guess now that she is with the Lord...she probably has the answers to all the questions!

I still miss her though!

Before delving into chapters 9,10,11, we are studying the attributes of God. One of the challenges is to journal about how they effect you or how you might grow in your faith or do things differently if I apply the truths of his attributes to my life. I thought I would like to share my journaling here. This is mostly for myself. I'm no great theologian. Just a simple woman who loves the Lord and enjoys writing. I welcome sincere comments and suggestions, just please no attacks! Thank you.

Job 37:16 says, "Do you know how the clouds hang poised, those wonders of Him who is perfect in knowledge?" NIV

"O Lord, you have searched me and know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down, you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in behind and before; you have laid your hand on me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." Psalm 139:1-6

To me it is comforting to know that God knows everything. Knowledge makes me feel safe; if I can understand things I can think more clearly and make better decisions. I also have less anxiety about the outcome. I can't know everything. That is somehow comforting too. If I knew everything I would be horrified, hurt and definitely overwhelmed. Knowing everything would carry burden and responsibility. I am not equipped to handle that!

I could apply the understanding of this attribute more effectively in my life. Too often I catch myself trying to handle everything, then only when I fail, I go to God. Psalm 139 says that God searches me, knows me and understands me. Isn't that what most of us want in life, is to be understood? To be known? What an awesome God to love me enough to take that time amongst the billions and billions of people, to know me. If He knows me this well, then I need to TRUST Him. If He knows everything, including my thoughts, feelings and actions, then He should be trusted to make the best decisions for me!

He is perfect in knowledge. He knows my thoughts. This brings comfort, but also conviction. Am I having thoughts that I should not have or that I would not tell Him to His face? Maybe I should be more aware of my thought life! Where can we go to hide from God? Nowhere! And His love, grace and mercy are so rich that I no longer have a desire to hide from Him. Instead I want Him to purify my heart to be worthy to be in His presence. I want to learn more and grow. I want to quit being a mediocre example of His love and light in the world and shine!

Please forgive me Lord for walking in my own pride. Help me to walk humbly before You; help me not to shame You, but to glorify You in all my ways. Thank you Lord that You do know everything! Thank You that I can rest assured that You know all the big and little things that matter to me, that hurt me, that bring me joy and all the things I need to change or let go and all the new things I need to try. Thank You for knowing me! Amen!

Hubby Update

Forget-Me-Nots Along The Way

Well, it sure has been an adventure this last month! The last week I have lived through seems like a month in itself! Have you ever had times like that? I am so thankful for God's love and providence in our lives. He has certainly taken care of us during this stressful time and we are so blessed by all the people in the family of God who have helped us out with physical needs, like childcare and a place for my husband to stay while he needed to be in isolation, and also with spiritual needs, like lifting us up in prayer. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Many people have written or left comments to encourage me and to say you are praying and my husband and I are both so thankful.

I can't even remember where I left off in blogging. Last Thursday I also had to go to the ER with bad asthma and PVCs (premature ventricular contractions), which can be normal, but these were coming on fast and strong so I had it checked out. No sign of heart attack but I have really been struggling with breathing. Of course it has been smoky here from forest fires in the foothills of the Sierras and the air quality is always bad when it is hot and we still hit 100* last week. Yuck!

Friday my hubby took his radioactive iodine and we have not been able to see him all weekend as he has to be in isolation. Tomorrow night we will be able to see him and oh what a joyous reunion that will be! We sure miss his presence in our life and in our home...he really makes it home for us. The radiation did make his thyroid kick in more hormone, however it has not affected his heart, just causing severe muscle pain and weakness. We will still have to monitor his heart for atrial fibrillation over the next 2-3 months. He will be on Coumadin during this time to prevent stroke or embolism. All pretty scary. Everybody has different reactions to the hyperthyroidism but this is not uncommon. Hubby's is apparently really high though because he had it awhile before we realized it. I am continuing to pray that God will protect his heart and for wisdom in his going back to school (he is a teacher) because he is not supposed to do anything that gets him stressed or raises his heart rate! This can cause the atrial fibrillation to kick in.

It seems like the kids brought out every nasty trick in the book, just being kids and it has been a difficult weekend, not getting any breaks or help without hubby here. But I am making it through. In the midst of it all, God has given me some special moments...forget-me-nots along the way. I have had some special times reading His word, preparing for my Precept Bible study classes which are starting up again for the fall. We are continuing in Romans, this is our third class in it, each class being 13 weeks. Today's church service was wonderful, about worship and how God created us so that our greatest joy would be in worshipping Him. So, we sang more songs and some really powerful hymns and worship choruses. The pastor sought me out after service and held hands with me and my new friend Sarah and prayed for Tim and our family. I found out we are going to have a ladies craft circle every other Monday night at church for knitters, crocheters, sewers and other types of hand crafts that can be done together while sitting and talking. And we have been having family time with Daddy via the speaker phone at night saying prayers. And the most special forget-me-nots were the times spent with my son...little openings God made for me to share about Him. I wrote about it here:

So, last night, God gave me a moment. Usually Tim puts the kids to bed and that is their Daddy time. So I went in with them and read. I wanted to read something they don't normally read and distract them from their missing Daddy. It was dark, I put my hand in the middle of a row of books and pulled out one called, "The Best Story About Jesus". I fought back some tears as I knew it was going to be about Jesus dying and thought, "Oh Lord, do we really need to do this now?" It was about an old man telling the story to a little boy about Jesus dying and his resurrection, then going up to Heaven. Well, you can imagine that the wheels started turning for my son, who still has not grasped completely what has happened to Laura. When we got to Jesus dying he said, "No! I don't want him to die!" Then as we read the story he wanted to know what dying meant and we talked about how sometimes peoples' bodies got too sick or broken. We talked about how sin is "being naughty" but if we asked Jesus into our hearts and loved him, we could live in Heaven with Jesus forever. He said, "Mom, when I die, I'm going to love Jesus." Then I explained how we need to love him here while we are alive. He was sad about Laura, but I put on my best happy face and smiled and said, "Oh honey, Laura loved Jesus soooooooo much, she is so happy to be in Heaven with Jesus!" He seemed to like that, but wanted to know more about dying. I told him that our bodies got sick or broken and they stayed here, but that God took our spirit, the part that makes us us up to Heaven with Him. Then as only children can do, he turned to me and said, "So Mom, is Laura's body at her house?" Honestly I was not sure if I was going to laugh or cry!

This conversation has seemed to open his mind to wondering more about heaven and he said again tonight while we were reading another story, "Laura went to live with God forever, huh?" Then he wanted to know if Mom and Dad were going to go with him too. I explained to him that Mom and Dad were going to be in Heaven because we believe in Jesus and that if he believes he will too. Each time we talk, he seems to grasp a little bit more.

Tonight he wanted to come see pictures of Laura, so I showed him the pictures of them on my knitting blog (see links at right, it's the first one!). I was also singing the chorus to the Thank You song last night and he wanted to know what the "pretty song" was and I told him that we had that song at Laura's memorial service. He said, "I didn't know Laura had a song!" So when we were looking at the pictures on my knitting blog I sang the song to him as the words are also there, but I couldn't sing without crying, so I told him that Mommy really misses Laura too.

Please Pray

Hello Blog Friends...I am asking that anyone out there who prays, please lift up my husband Tim. He was recently diagnosed with Graves' Disease (autoimmune hyperthyroidism) and has been pretty miserable. We had to go back into ER both Monday and Tuesday with atrial fibrillation. He has been started on Coumadin to thin his blood to reduce the risk of stroke. Fortunately he is very healthy otherwise and his heart has been withstanding this. Friday he will be going to have his Thyroid burned out with radioactive Iodine. We were hoping to find and use some of the other treatment options, however, the severity of the hyperthyroidism and the risk of death secondary to heart arrhythmia from that, just have not left us with many options.

Please pray that he will be safe and not have any reactions to treatment and that the treatment will be effective. He has to be away from us until Monday night, which will be difficult! So please pray for me during that time too. I am exhausted and fighting some migraine issues and asthma.

This has all been scary but at the same time we have seen the Father's Hand guiding us and directing us and providing for us. I am so thankful for all He does for us.

I know some people find it selfish or strange to ask prayers for yourself, but I believe so strongly in prayer and I know God works in the prayers of His chidlren. I love my husband so much and the thought of losing him is just unthinkable, so that is why I am asking for your prayers. Thank you.

5 Years Ago Today

I was 8 months pregnant with my son, my first child, and on bedrest. I was exhausted. I was trying to sleep in. I kissed my hubby goodbye and rolled dutifully back onto my left slide and closed my eyes. I was near sleep when my hubby came back in and told me there was an explosion in NY. Don't get me wrong, explosions are bad things and I would not wish them on anyone. I just didn't want to be woken for an explosion that I could see on the news later. I was mildly irritated. Then he told me it was a plane. It was the trade center buildings and then we heard about the Pentagon. I was shaken. That was scary.

Hubby left for work and I waddled down the hall and positioned myself, again laying on my left side, on the couch and turned on Good Morning America. The images were horrifying. Hours and hours of sheer terror and panic. I cried in empathy for families who would never see each other again. My heart felt torn open, knowing how it feels to get that phone call, the one that changes your life forever. I knew how it felt to hear the words and stand in disbelief, to have your body go into an automatic, mechanical mode in order to function day to day. Being pregnant, my greatest grief was for the women who went into labor then or soon after, for the babies that would never know Daddy and for the children whose Mommy would never tuck them in again at night.

My cousin's husband worked in the Pentagon. His story of the day and his walk home (no cars were getting out), was amazing, like a thriller or a made for tv movie.

Many people here in northern California were effected because the plan that crashed in Pennsylvania was bound for San Francisco. Sacramento has a crack USAR team, so men, women and dogs from here went to help.

I don't think there was a corner of America that was left untouched by this event and I was proud how Americans responded. I was sad it took a disaster to bring us together. Everyone said "God Bless America" and I looked around and thought "why?" We crowd God out of our lives, why should He continue to bless us. I told my husband that I thought there should be another bumper sticker that said, "Give God a Reason to Bless America!" I just thought it turned into a "thing" to say, that noone knew what they were saying or what that meant. It was just something that "everyone else" was doing. For a time I think people really did turn to God and I think many lives were permanently transformed by His love and grace. I praise Him for that. But like the Israelites who so quickly forgot about God when they got into the Land of Milk and Honey, as things changed and people healed, often times He was forgotten. And now five years later the resurgence we saw in faith has faded. I have heard a few people say that America responded to the "wake up call" of 9/11 by hitting the snooze button.

I have prayed for the peace of survivors and those left behind. I have prayed for God's gift of salvation for those who question and ache. I have prayed for America to "return to the innocence of her youth" to quote from an old Silverwind song in the 1980s. I pray healing for all the responders, the heroes, who gave of themselves and now battle chronic lung disease. And I pray for healing of the mind for all those who saw things that human beings never should have seen.

Dear Lord, please forgive us for only turning to You when there is nowhere else to go. Help us to seek Your guidance and direction and to place our security in Your hands. Please be with all the dear people for whom this day is agonizingly painful. Thank you that You have been with us all along! I love my country, please extend Your grace and patience, please draw us back to YOU! Amen

The Real Deal

Saturday was the service for my dear friend Laura. I was hoping that when I got there, the tears would dry up, but they flowed even more. There were at least 400 people in the service, so I sat with people I did not know and quietly cried, trying not to be embarrassed and realizing that God sometimes heals in our tears. The memorial was lovely. They did a nice job of representing all the different aspects of Laura's life...children, church, Girl Scouts, Red Hat Society and Square/Round Dancing. There are some pictures and a little description at my knitting blog which is the first link in my links section to the right. I haven't figured out how to post photos here yet. I mean, I know how to post them, but I don't think there is a lot of storage space so I haven't been putting them directly here.

Anyway, people from those different aspects of her life spoke. The pastor spoke briefly and we had a congregational hymn. It was "It Is Well With My Soul." I have always loved this hymn because it is gutsy and real and it does express that no matter what it feels like right now, I know You are God and I know You are just and I may not understand this but You are still You. It is the attitude I know Laura would have wanted us to take. There was much laughing. Laughing really is a good thing in grieving. It does the heart good. Laura's life was so filled with joy and humor, the anecdotes about her life were so fun to hear.

There was a slide show of Laura's life and someone sang "Thank You" by Ray Boltz. It is so perfect for her:

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me;
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea.
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name.
We turned and saw a young man running
And he was smiling as he came.

And he said, "Friend you may not know me now."
And then he said, "But wait,

And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start.
And one day when you said that prayer,
I asked Jesus in my heart."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

Then another man stood before you
And said, "Remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry.
You didn't have much money,
But you gave it anyway.
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I'm here today."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see.
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity.
Little things that you had done,
Sacrifices made,
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven, now proclaimed.

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes.
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord.
He said, "My child, look around you.
Great is your reward."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

Overall it was a lovely service and I did get to hug Laura's daughter, who unfortunately I met the first time yesterday. It was a nice connection and I saw her Mother in her face and I saw strength there and I knew she will be okay. I have been praying for her, probably because I can relate as a woman and as a woman who has lost a parent. Even as adults, we are not ready to lose a Mom or Dad!

But, what I wanted to share with you most of all, was what Laura's husband shared. Laura is teaching me even after death.

Mitchell said that Laura had two suitors in college who were interested in marrying her. She made a pro and con list for each of them. Nothing unusual about this, but then referring to her choice, he went on to say, "I was the winner and she made me feel like a winner every day for 35 years." He ended by saying that he had prayed every day for God to help him love Laura more, "so be careful what you pray for because you get it, and now I have a big hole in my heart."

I was so moved by this. Laura did not talk about all the things she did to be a Godly wife, she just did it. Just like everything else. I told my husband I thought that was probably why she was so effective in making people feel loved and ministered to. She didn't set out to "do a ministry", she saw needs and quietly and unassumedly met them. She didn't write a blog about how she was going to be the perfect wife, she didn't tell other people what to do, she just read her Bible, believed what God said and did it. Now, in case you are thinking I am just glorifying Laura and making her to be a "saint" because she is not here, let me assure you I am not. Laura was plain, simple, often naive and truly what you saw was what you got. But her heart was molded by God. The pastor spoke after her husband and said, "Because she followed God's model for marriage and loved and respected you, that has made you the man you are today."

WOW! Simple, but powerful. One of the reasons I have this blog is that I want to be a more Godly woman, wife, mother and I want to learn how to do things the "right way". The message to me was loud and clear..."Theresa do you make Tim feel like a winner every day?" NO! I have been looking and reading and searching for ways to do what is right and I have overlooked some very simple things...stepping out in faith, asking God to teach, guide and sustain me. In other words, borrowed from Nike, "just do it!" Will it matter if I read all the right books, studied my Bible and wrote a blog about it, if I don't walk in that reality every day? No, I don't think it will. I never expected to go to a memorial service and walk out so convicted and with a new direction in my life.

My marriage goals now are 1) to pray that God will help me love Tim more and more each day and 2) that my actions will be filled with love and respect so that I make him feel like a winner every day. Oooh...I can hear some of my independent, spirited friends cringing as they read this. The reality is that this is what God told us to do! My goal is to have a strong relationship with my husband in which we follow God's will for our lives. It's time to lay aside the encumberances, as the writer of Hebrews would say, and run the race without worrying about what other people think of what I write or feel or do or say.

And please don't get me wrong. I am not putting down those who "set out to do a ministry". But I do think that when ministry flows out of our pure hearts that are seeking God it is more effective than when we build it ourselves. I think being capable, organized and able to administer is a gift from God. Any gift can have negative side effects when we do things from our own efforts. So I hope you see I am not trying to put down other people or give anyone in particular a lecture, other than myself. I get very excited when God shows me something new; He gives me those lightbulb moments. They may be obvious to someone else, but my eyes are newly opened.

Isn't it good to know that God is still teaching us? I am not going to be hard on myself. I think that is a form of selfishness too (and I have been meditating about areas of selfishness in my life and praying about being less selfish). I am just going to start living. Laura has been a beautiful Titus 2 woman of God in my life. Now it is time to follow her example, which I believe is a gift from God in my life.

I sure miss her! Our Romans Precept Bible study starts again this Thursday. It won't be quite the same without her. But I do rejoice that she has overcome in Christ Jesus and that she is free of pain and suffering. I love you Laura! Thanks for everything!

Friday's Feast

Some of these questions are silly, but after taking my daughter to ER with croup this morning and working on sympathy cards for Laura's memorial tomorrow, I needed a little something silly.

I don't care for fast food very often, but I guess it would be a Gordita supreme at Taco Bell with a caramel apple Empanada for desert! I craved the Gordita supremes while pregnant and it was one of my first clues I really was pregnant with the twins when my mouth was watering for one! Couldn't keep much else down! LOL

Dessert
Using the letters in your first name, write a sentence. (Example: Sweet unusual spaniels are nice.)

Good News, Bad News...

Thursday Thirteen Edition #57

The Thursday Thirteen challenge this week was to write thirteen things you like about yourself, since we tend to say negative things about ourselves a lot. This is really hard for me! It makes me feel uncomfortable because it feels like I am being conceited or fishing for compliments. I like a song that Michelle Pillar sang in which the chorus goes, "When He sees me, He sees His righteousness. He sees His Holy Spirit filling up the emptiness. And when He looks at me, He sees the blood He shed. I know He sees Himself each time He looks at me!" Aren't those words powerful? It is hard to believe. Hard to accept at times. But He is awesome. So in spite of my apprehension on this topic and my negative feelings this week, I am going to write 13 things I like about me.

Wednesdays Question

When I saw this question on the front porch I had to answer. I have always loved animals. I grew up having dogs...mutts, Norwegian Elkhound, a Chihuahua, German Shepherds, Chinese Pug, Saint Bernard and Samoyed. I also had rabbits, a quarter horse and a Shetland pony. That was a LONG time ago though. Of these pets my favorites were "Tuffy" our Chinese Pug, "Bambi", one of my rabbits and "Sasha" my Samoyed.

My all time favorite pets though have been cats! Currently we have an almost 8 yo gray tabby named Abbie. She was a rescue cat and we think her previous owners abused her as she has a few quirky behaviors. My Mom and stepdad had an awesome tabby, named Downy (the upside downy cat...as she loved to be turned upside down as a kitten). Downy lived about 16 years. I can't imagine another cat like her. And before Downy I had another wonderful tabby named Cinders in high school and part of college. She was also a rescue cat. Through the years I have also had Siamese mixes, including one that was a manx, but mostly good old American tabby cats with wonderful personalities.

One thing I am looking forward to if God makes it possible for us to move to eastern Washington and get a house with at least a large yard, is getting kittens for the kids so that they can experience that fun of having baby kitties and watching them grow. :o) I also would not mind having another Samoyed. Sasha was one of the best dogs I ever had and he had an AWESOME coat! I wish I had the bags by the hundreds of his fur I brushed. I wasn't a spinner then.

Forget-Me-Nots Along The Way

Resurfacing

My Thirty Things

1. God...I know it sounds like a canned answer, but this year I am so thankful that I serve such a loving God who has been there through thick and thin...before I call, he is there!

3. My Grandma Hopkins...who is no longer living, but led me to God and taught me all about life, the Bible, creativity, gardening and being a Mom/Teacher! It's almost five years and I still miss her!

4. My Mom and my extended family who bless me in more ways than I can count. I miss them especially at Thanksgiving time.

5. The Christian Artisans list...a group of ladies (and one brave man!), who are creative, prayerful, genuine and loving! They enrich my life in so many ways!

6. The Internet...and access to it because it connected me to my future hubby and continues to connect me to those I love and provides many opportunities for me to reach out to others when I am not able to leave my home.

7. My new church home where the people are "real" and caring and do an awesome job at teaching and loving my kiddos.

8. My best friend Shelley, who is like a sister. It has been 14 years of laughter, tears, struggles and joys. She could not be more my family if we shared the same blood. We are so different and so alike. We are twins separated by nine years and two families! LOL

10. Precept Bible studies from Kay Arthur's Precept Ministries and my Precept Group which included Laura and also my friends Debbie and Vera. I have learned so much from these Bible studies and I feel they have grounded me in my faith.

11. Photography...It is difficult to explain but this is so intertwined with my relationship with God. His creation brings me such joy and I love to capture it, previously on film and now with digital. It's hard to imagine life without a camera.

12. Scrapbooking...A wonderful creative outlet for me and a way to share my photos and what they mean to me. I have met some awesome friends this way, especially Sonia and Pam!

13. My Daddy, who turned 13 on Friday the 13th. I am thankful that he quit drinking and grew up so that we could share the last few years of his life in a loving and two-way relationship. I am most thankful that He accepted Christ as his Savior so that I can see him again some day.

14. Andy, who stepped in to be my Dad during the years my Daddy was not able to be there for me. I learned a lot from him and I am sorry that he was taken from us far too soon!

15. Laurel Community Baptist Church and my Koinonia Group from the 1990s...Laurel is my "home church" in Washington. I have made so many important friendships there and they have loved me through thick and thin.

16. Blogging...it's a fun outlet and a way to share with friends and family.

17. Knitting...It has been a faithful companion through a lot of ups and downs in my life. I love to discover what will unfold between my fingers!

18. Spinning...which I am still a newbie at, but provides me relaxation (and much frustration at times) and a sense of joy and accomplishment.

19. Quilting and sewing which are major ways for me to show my creativity.

20. Color...which drives most of my creativity in all its forms!

21. Instructional television shows that teach about decorating, arts, crafts, history, travel etc.

22. Genealogy...a fun pursuit which stretches my mind...it's like a mystery and a puzzle and a treasure hunt roled up into one!

23. Music...it soothes my savage beast! LOL It makes me happy, joyful, excited, sad, contemplative and surrendered. I enjoy listening but I also enjoy participating in worshipping God through song.

24. My years working in pediatrics and the wonderful teachers I had in Drs. Kuiken, Johnson, Gass and Ban. They taught me as much about parenting as they did about medicine!

25. Abbie...my kitty...for me a house is not a home without a cat! :o)

26. The opportunities I had to travel to Europe when I was single. They were a lot of fun and I learned as much about myself as I did about the different cultures!

27. My marriage, which is a sanctuary.

29. The ocean...where I find solace, restoration and inspiration!

30. The birds eating outside my window this fall, putting on their own little show!

Getting To Know Me Meme

Friday's Feast, Friendship and the Weekend

Friday's Feast

Friday's Feast

Perspective

Friday's Feast

Attributes of God, Part Two

Thursday Thirteen

Attributes of God, Part One

Hubby Update