Down Mulberry Lane

Color Me Beautiful...

I picked up a book at the local second hand shop for 10 cents called Color Me Beautiful.  I had heard of this program before.  My mother had her colors done years ago when I was young.  She at the time tried to share it with us kids, but us being teenagers had thought she lost her mind.  After all we were just finding ourselves and now she wanted to tell us which colors of clothes to wear?  What was she thinking?  LOL

Anyways, my mother is a beautiful Autumn lady in her colorings.  When she puts certain colors on she just shines.  It really amazed me when I started to look at it.  I picked up my book and read bits of it occasionally.  After having for a couple months and not really getting into it, because I just couldn't see what I was... I was stuck between two color seasons, I did nothing. 

A gal at church decided to have a fun night with the girls who work for her (she owns a health food store) and she decided to do everyone's colors.  She had a gal come and show them how to figure it out.  She was elated and two ladies participated at church.  SINCE, they found out their colors, they have slowly been changing their wardrobe and my what a change.  The clothing styles were still the same, but they didn't look as frumpy.  THAT got my attention. 

I enjoy dressing modestly, but somehow I always looked frumpy.  Dh likes reds and olive greens and dark, dark colors and was always suggesting I buy black, red, and other really bold colors.  He, to his credit, did notice however that when I wore light blue my eyes just twinkled and he started suggesting that I wear lt blue.   I looked at my closet and saw lots of reds, sages, olive greens, browns, blacks (autumn and winter colors) and no matter what I wore, I looked frumpy.  It just drained me!  I looked old, and friends at church commented at how maternal I looked, or that I needed an update... I should color my hair (which I did and I'm not happy about, now), I should get a hair cut (no one liked it shorter any better), and on and on the comments came.  No one said I looked nice, but all the comments were directed to trying to "help" me look better.  I looked in the mirror and started to see what they saw.  I looked frumpy.  Sure a few pounds lost might help, but why did I look so drained and haggard?  All the well meaning comments... I mean really how often does one feel the need to tell someone to cut their hair or color it or change their look, etc.?  It's not an easy thing to do, yet people continually did it to me.  I even was asked not to talk to some new visitors at church from the Pastor's wife one time because she didn't want them to think that "what I looked like" was what the church was like.  I was shocked, dismayed and hurt.  I dressed modestly but what was wrong... why did I still portray a look that was not good? 

I pulled out my Color Me Beautiful  book again and for two days decided to figure out what this meant.  I read the book cover to cover and then applied the details.  Maybe there was something that my two friends had found... they still dressed modestly, but didn't look so frumpy.   I determined that I was either a summer or spring... based on the light blue working for me.  Then it was time to narrow it down.  I'm still not sure I figured it out, but about 75% of the clues leaned towards being a summer and 25% leaned towards being a spring.  I told Dh I was going for the summer and I would really appreciate his suggestions as I tried new colors on. 

Now, you must understand that my DH hates shopping for clothes with me.  He just gets so frustrated.  But, I give him credit, he has been so willing to comment when I buy a t-shirt before I wash it, so that I can return it if necessary.  He is happy that I am taking charge of my look. 

Now, I am all for modesty and I get the thinking of not letting clothing be a vain thread in our lives, but I also determined that my look was frumpy and that was a hindering spot for me reaching out to others.  No one wanted to be like me because well, I looked frumpy.  (You know, quite honestly I'm not sure how I got to frumpy, but I did get there... perhaps it was always buying the cheap clothes on clearance whether it looked good on me or not... it fit).  I thought it was my style of clothes that made me frumpy and I was trying to figure out how to not be frumpy but still be modest.  Other people do it, but how?  Some items don't look good on me and yet they look very nice and modest on others... I am so sure that God did not intend that His people all look frumpy... or that only 25% look nice because the chosen style of dress looks good on some and not on others.  I look at denim jumpers and I love the slim look that some have, but I was born with a back side (even when skinny) that will not ever tolerate a straight line jumper.  The options were just overwhelming and I had no direction other than listening to others to be modest and their opinions on how to accomplish that.  Quite honestly, my husband hated all the talk because he thought I looked frumpy. 

*I determined that I needed a change.  I needed to look like I cared about how I looked.  Can you be modest and care for how you look?  (YES!) 

*I needed to look approachable, not like a person you would scorn because of their clothing.  (Little story here... I have a gray dress that looks horrid on me.  I know it and I refuse to wear it to town, yet I wore it at home for DH!  LOL.  Poor guy.  He appreciated that I never wore it out to town, but stated the item was ghastly!  He understood that it was comfortable so never put much fuss in it since I didn't wear it out, but he secretly worried that someone might drive up and I'd actually be seen by someone while wearing that dress.  He told me this after I started slowly changing the colors in my wardrobe.  )

*I needed, in my heart, to dress modestly. 

There were my three goals in putting together some modest clothing.  Dh gave me free will to buy what I needed, but I just got sick looking at stores where pants cost $50 and dresses cost $85 or more.  Skirts were high as well.  I spent 2 weeks really searching yet never buying a thing.  I couldn't make myself buy those expensive clothes.  I realized that buying such spendy clothing was not part of our budget, our means, nor our values, so I quit searching in the high priced stores.  I found some mediocre in pricing and went to the clearance racks... I felt so much more comfortable. I think God was leading my heart somewhere over the clothing issue.   I didn't need to shop pricey stores just to wear my colors and look nice! 

I got to praying over it and I went shopping with my daughters.  I found a store who's clothing was priced about right and I found something in my colors that was modest.  The skirt goes clear to my ankles.  The top is a 3/4 sleeve knit top which is very modest, not to shapely, but still looks nice.  I purchased it and brought it home.  I showed Dh and he said the colors were nice.  He wasn't sure of the style since on the hanger it looked just like my other clothes.  However, I wore it to church this week, and I noticed a difference.  People actually looked at me in a different way.  One gal saw me and we smiled and hugged and then she looked at me then looked and her own clothes and smoothed her skirt down to her knees.  She didn't say anything, she didn't have to... I knew what was going through her mind.  And I understood that I now looked nice enough to cause others to double check their own appearance.  I didn't look flashy... I don't wear clothes with that style.  The clothes weren't elaborate... I like simple clothes.  But the skirt and top together matched and looked nice together.  I still have 30 pounds to lose, so I know it wasn't my figure that caused that reaction.  My dress was fitted loosely enough to not allow me to look lumpy. 

What I noticed was that the clothing I have worn has always been modest.  But it has not looked well on me because of the color.  It caused me to look drained and frumpy.  I was looking through old pictures last night and I saw an old me that was trying so hard to be modest but with all the wrong colors and styles.  I bought things because others suggested it.  I bought colors because others suggested it.  But it wasn't working.  Once I found what colors to look for, I could wear those same modest styles that fit well on me and what a change! 

Even at home, I like to wear denim skirts and just changing the color of t-shirt has been enough to cause Dh to comment, "That color looks nice," or "Your eyes sparkle today."   That was an easy one to change.  I needed new t-shirts anyways, the old ones were stained and for $5 ea. at Walmart, I got some in my color season and it is the SAME style that I have worn for years, but the color is right.  

I feel better.  Dh appears to like the new colors, even though I am still wearing the same styles of clothing... yet now he leaves nice comments.  At church I just noticed a difference.  We are a modest family and some others are modest as well (especially the olders), but many my age and younger just felt that they were modest enough and wore the latest fashions.   They looked at me and smiled in pity that they knew how to dress and I didn't.  I saw that change last week.  I looked modest and I looked nice and those that prided themselves over their faddish styles were the ones double checking their outfits.  Oh what a difference.  I don't have to shout... dress modestly!  I don't have the preach.  I don't have to wear the latest trends... searching high and low for something modest, just to fit in.  And, I learned, I don't have to look frumpy just for modesty's sake.  I can wear clothes that feel comfortable and are modest and still look nice.  (I hope you all understand that I mean nice as in nice, not in making a statement, gaga eyes... nice).  

I will continue to use this color knowledge to help me make better choices.  At one time I attended a Mom's night out for homeschooling moms and one Mother spoke on getting your colors done and how worth it it really is.  Your clothes can mix and match so much more easily.  (So if a top gets stained, you often have one that will still look nice with the skirt).   She said it made shopping so much easier.  You can eliminate clothes by color automatically, and it reduces your thumbing around, looking for something time.  She said it was cheaper in the long run.  Your coats will match your clothing and you just will look put together without much effort at all.   I didn't buy it when I first heard her.  I thought it sounded nice, but thought it still a bit prideful.  Yet, sticking to my own ways and trying to be modest and frugal...eventually finding I continually looked frumpy... I began to realize that perhaps God wanted to use me to reach others, but my look was beginning to be a wall between me and others.  I'm not saying we have to dress punk to get the attention of punks, but I am likely going to get their attention by looking nice and modest than by looking frumpy and lumpy modest!   I hope the distinction I am trying to make is coming out.  I am not pointing out flaws in anyone else, only sharing a personal experience and that I am finally finding victory in how I look at clothing.  God wants us to look our best.  He wants us to care for our bodies and care about our presentation to others.  Being modest doesn't mean frumpy. Having my colors figured out was my way out of looking frumpy.  

Just sharing in case someone else struggles over the guilt of choosing correct colors so that we look happy and fresh, rather than down and dumpy.  When I think of Lydia of Purple from the Bible, I think of a woman that looked very nice in her purple clothing.  I don't think of her as haughty or prideful, but rather I think she had a simple elegance to her that shone when the color purple was put into her clothing. 

Warmly, ~Melissa

Envy...

Do you ever envy those who seem to have it all together?  I really struggle with this!  I am a perfectionist and I really really struggle over comparing myself with others.  And even if I am improving... I never feel good enough some days. 

I look at how others have Bible verses at their fingertips... yet I struggle with that.  I know much of it is in how I think.  I think in pictures.  I think in themes.  I think in ideas.  I am not very detail minded and I struggle with names of songs, even if I can sing along to the tune.  I struggle with names of people I meet.  I struggle with titles and authors of books.  While I know I can work on improving this lack of detail in my life, I must understand that this is an unique weakness that I carry.  I praise God that He gave me such a detail oriented husband to make up for my lack in this area... we really do compliment each other well in this area of details and the "big picture" which I am all about.  Still, even though I know God has provided a well-balanced transaction in our marriage, I feel inferior when it comes to me personally. 

This inferior feeling drives me to push myself with my limitations.  I want to improve, I want to be better, I want to be "perfect!".   I know that with enough practice, these flaws can be pushed aside for some new skills.  So, I pursue these new skills with gusto, practicing over and over and over again.  I spend so much time in practice of these new skills, that I leave out of my life the things I am good at.  I become frustrated with myself, because I obviously am needing much more time and practice to become even capable of fair work with my limitations.  So, I dig my heels in deeper and with more determination, I work harder than ever...not noticing that I am neglecting the things I do well, not noticing that I am falling behind in  the things that I do well, not noticing that others are exasperated with my efforts to change myself with my own strength.  I don't do that which is good and I don't do that which is necessary, but I try to do that which I am no good at... and only that. 

Now, I am not saying that change is not good.  I am not saying that no one should ever change who they are.  I think we are all in a process of improvement.  I believe that we all have it in us, with God's help, to make changes to better ourselves.  I believe that God wants to see us shake off our bad habits in His time.  But, I also believe that God gave us gifts.  He made us special with unique strengths that we carry.  Yet how many times do we cast off our gifts in exchange for this yearning to be more than who we are. 

I believe that God wants us to use our strengths NOW, not when we are perfect in ALL things, but while we are able each day that we live.   I believe that envy is wrong.  We can lose our focus on God's plans for our lives by trying to achieve something that someone else seems to have conquered.  All the while, telling ourselves that we are doing good because we are working on bettering ourselves.  Yet we walk away from the duty we are able to do well.  We limit what we do well, in exchange for trying to be someone else. 

I've learned many lessons while washing dishes.  Scenes come to mind of the days happenings and I can review them and see where I failed and as I pray God brings to mind the things I could have done... the things I have done in the past, but I have put that away in exchange for being someone "better".  Oh how foolish we are, to walk such a life that we walk our own paths and not the one God has chosen for us.  Let us not forget our gifts, those things that we do well in  and let us not exchange our gifts for higher esteem in someone else's eyes because of a new skill we learned.  

Balance.  New skills are not evil.  Envy is evil.  The drive to be perfect on our own merit is evil.  Let us be patient in God's work with us.  Let us be content with our lots in life.  Let us be happy in where we are today.  Let us be glad and willing to share our strengths with those we meet today.  As we meet with God and learn of things that we may falter in, may we work diligently to correct those things (*diligently does not mean constantly, nor does it mean soley), without... forgetting to do the good that we can do today.  Let's keep the faith and run the race the best we know how...hanging onto God for direction...not anyone else. 

Warmly, ~Melissa

What a wonderful day....

Today we had a real blessing.  Our daughter Chelsea was baptized.  This was a long process and one that we did not take lightly.  For many years, Chelsea understood the protection that we, her parents, had given her and by obeying us, she understood that she stood under our yoke, so to speak.  Well, she was getting older and this was now becoming evident that it was time for her to make a decision.  We didn't push... we wanted it to be hers.  She knew her Bible, but yet didn't quite want to step out and make that decision. 

Over a year ago, Chelsea attended an evangelistic series and started "thinking" for herself.  I could see growth in her thoughts, yet she was not wanting to untie the strands from Mom and Dad.  A friend of hers had decided she would like to go through baptismal lessons, but she did not want to do them alone.  She had asked Chelsea if she would do them with her... which was agreed upon by all involved.  Over the next year or so, I watched Chelsea grow.  Her knowledge was there, but she struggled with interpretations others had of it.  We had some long discussions and we even had to confront the "teacher" of the course for incorrect teaching.  She grew in her understanding of the knowledge she had and I watched her grow in standing up for what she believed, despite incorrect teachings.  She didn't waver, didn't give up... she persisted and studied deeper to come to a fuller understanding and even to the point of confronting her teacher.  That's not always easy for a teen to do.  The teacher did admit his wrong and stepped away from leading the study.  The study then went to someone else and then later fell to myself when this person no longer could continue.  What a process for these two girls!  Enduring throughout trials in the studies, enduring through the changing teachers... Yet never losing sight of the purpose of their study... to become baptized. 

My Chelsea during the course of the studies had committed herself with her own decision that yes, she was ready to stand on her two feet and make a stand for God herself.  As a mother, I watched her change over the last year or so and I feel so blessed to have witnessed that change.   Seeing her baptized and seeing her stand before the congregation as a child of God... was just such an awesome experience. 

We also had our youngest dedicated today as well.  So, it was a neat service.  We dedicated Paige... making that vow to God that we as her parents will do our best to raise her up for God's glory... to raise and train her to be a part of God's family.  And then with Chelsea getting baptized on the same day... it was such a reminder to me as a mother of the importance of our duty to train and raise our kids correctly.  This isn't folly.... this is a dedicated business us mothers and fathers are in.   What a responsibility to take up the yoke of raising God's children!  What a blessing that God allows us to do that.  What a humbling experience to see that come in full circle... remembering the day when Chelsea was dedicated and that we took that vow to raise her up in the Lord... and seeing her today step out in baptism.  Chelsea has been our bashful one, the one to stand behind mom or Dad to get out of the one on one discussions.  So to see her stand up and speak and express herself and being bold in her decision... it is only a change that our God can make in us.... so neat to watch.  I feel so blessed to have been able to be her mother... to have been able to take part and watch her grow... Praise God for his blessings upon our families. 

Our previous Pastor had done the baptism for our daughter as she had grown up with him and he had just recently moved away.   It was so nice to see him and his family once again.  His daughter has a son nearly the same age as our youngest, Paige... and Paige enjoyed seeing a new little one at church... she is the youngest at our church and the only time she sees little ones is if they come to visit.  She had a wonderful day hugging babies just like her and another one smaller than her... she just enjoyed it so much. 

We enjoyed a fellowship dinner afterwards and later my kids and I went to the park with some other teens from church.   They enjoyed walking and talking and just the nice atmosphere together.  They got to catch up with the son of the Pastor who had moved away.  Anyways, it was just a nice day.  A day that reminded me how blessed we are as parents to be able to raise up our kids...  To spend time with our kids and to teach them of our loving God. 

Warmly, Melissa

Feeding lambs...

This was something I posted a couple years ago on another list... thought I would share it here...

...Well, Because I went home to feed the lambs, I started thinking about how
we "feed" our souls... is it similar? You bet it is...
If a person eats a healthy diet, you usually think of a full course meal 2-3 times a day, right? Well, Do we "feed" ourselves that often with God's word? Oh, my, that made my mind brighten... and I believe God's eyes may have twinkled as I pondered that thought! Why? Well, a full course meal to me is a meal that nourishes, that satisfies, that fills me up for the
next 5 hours. Does my Bible time do that? Does yours?
"For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes."
Revelation 7:17

Snacks... really aren't good for us. Studies have been done that prove that snacking causes stomach and intestinal troubles because those organs have no time to rest. Yet, how many of us can't resist that urge to snack... I'll admit I had trouble with this one. HOW does this relate to feeding our soul? Well, As I thought about it... most of the time we snack on food that is not good for us... How often do we feed ourselves with "snacks" of life and we indulge and tell ourselves... it's only a little thing... I like this music, I like this TV program, I like these clothes... I like this romance book, I like this scary mystery... Just little things that steal our time from our Lord, and yet they pull us away from our Lord... and that can be damaging, just as the unhealthy snacks are unhealthy for us.
"Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good."
Romans 12:21
OK, but what about healthy snacks? Does our lifestyle include healthy snacking? Healthy snacks can fill us with nutrients we miss during our mealtimes. Can we have healthy snacks in feeding our soul... Sure, I like to listen to music and sometimes the radio has little quick tidbits that focus my eyes on my Lord again. My dd likes "Creation Moment" on the radio and hushes us all when it comes on. But you know what ladies? We can't depend on healthy snacks to nourish our soul. If all we did was snack...we'd get no meat. We wouldn't get the pleasure of doing a deep study in God's word and feel that light come on of understanding as the Holy Spirit leads us into new understanding. Don't fill your day with "healthy snacks"
and forget to get your meal in.
"... feed me with food convenient for me:"
Prov. 30: 8b
Too many snacks can ruin our appetite for a meal, too. Even healthy snacks. Pretty soon you search for those little snacks and find they don't quite satisfy like a good meal. I find that unhealthy snacks can ruin our appetite for that which is good and we tend to walk away from meals and we aren't satisfied with the good anymore and we desire the dessert, the junky
food. I think this happens in our spiritual life as well. Too much of those things that tear you away, the busy life, the many chores, the television, the newspaper, etc... can end up switching our priorities around and soon we forget to feed ourselves.
"He feedeth on ashes: a deceived heart hath turned him aside, that he cannot deliver his soul, nor say, Is there not a lie in my right hand?"
Isaiah 44:20
Then I thought of force feeding. We have lambs and one I've been nursing for 3 days now and I literally had to force feed him. Was that good for him? Yes, indeed. He now has a healthy appetite. But for a day and a half I had to force food down 1/2 ounce at a time. It was alot of work, but eventually he gained strength and now he can down 8-12 oz at a time!  Sometimes we need some force feeding. When we've lost our strength, we need something to perk us up. Sometimes going to a set of meetings can help you, or a seminar, a weekend retreat... Sometimes setting a goal of completing a Bible study within a period of time. Sometimes listening to a friend as you pour your tears and they share God's word with you. Force
feeding can bring a weak soul in tune with their Lord once again and as you gain strength from that, you can once again eat your healthy meals and feel satisfied once again.
"Save thy people, and bless thine inheritance: feed them also, and lift them up for ever."
Ps. 28:9
"Then shalt thou delight thyself in the Lord; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it."
Isaiah 58:
"Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; If he thirst, give him drink:"
Romans 12:20a.
What about force feeding when you are full? Well, the point I was thinking of was that you ate a full meal, and yet you "keep eating" because someone tells you... "finish it". (We as parents may do this to our kids at the table). Pretty soon your belly aches and you wish you hadn't eaten at all.  You don't want anymore and your heart is crying out "stop". Do we as
parents force our kids to sit and listen to long lectures so that they can soak God's word up? Do we try to tell our friends that their way is wrong and try to prove them wrong? Do we slap down a zealous new believer with "The Bible doesn't say that...". Or see someone thrilled with a new found truth and then tell them... that's great but you really should study this... Oh that we don't force feed our friends... may God guide us to the times that it is right to speak up and share His word and may we encourage in our actions and prayer those who may need more light, yet do not see that it is dark outside.
"...or who feedeth a flock, and eateth not of the milk of the flock?"
1 Cor. 9:7b
What about overeating? Do we eat too much? Do we keep eating more and more because it's soooo good? You can't get too much of the Lord can you?  I would bet that most of us are busy enough that this is not a problem. And is it a problem? I mean Elijah couldn't get enough of the Lord, could he? And the Bible tells us that his love and devotion caused God to bring him up to heaven to be with Him... So, how can it be a bad thing? You know, sometimes we can keep filling our minds with food from the Lord, yet we never take time to ponder it. Never take time to think about what we read. Never take time to pray and ask God how this can help "ME" in my life. To us it is knowledge and we want to be smarter and smarter, so we keep filling our minds with facts, yet we don't get to know our Lord and we
no longer know when we are satisfied or when we are just pumping information in. I've known Christians who take pride in knowing the ten commandments, the Lord's Prayer, Psalms 23, How many books in the Bible, the Middle verse in the Bible, How many verses in the OT and how many in the NT, etc. While all these things are interesting and good... is our
focus turning to the "facts" or are we forgetting our Lord in all this knowledge?
"Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, "Who is the Lord?" "
Proverbs 30:9a.
And lastly, it is our duty to feed our children is it not? We can't forget to feed our children. They get hungry, too. Do we take time to feed them food that is good, food that will satisfy them? Or do we give them just any thing that happens to be on the counter? Do we answer their questions and lead them to their Lord? I think we all want our children to grow in
strength, so to feed them well is important... we watch what they eat. We should watch what gets put into our children's hearts. And if we don't know the answers to their questions, we should find a way to help, just like if any of us had a child that had some type of disease that was affected by diet, we would surely go find that which is good for our child to eat to keep him/her strong and healthy.
"If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherd's tents."
Song of Solomon 1:8
My prayer is that we all eat healthy. With Food and with God's Word! May we put our relationship with Christ first so that our time with Him can be soooo satisfying! May we be nourished so that we are strong and healthy.
May God bless you as you take time to Feed Your Soul...
Warmly, ~Melissa