Down Mulberry Lane

More than Rubies Monday... Busy, Busy, Busy!

Link to More than Rubies Monday:  http://www.worthmorethanrubies.com/memeinfo.html

**As you head into the 2nd month of the year, take some time this week to analyze January. Were you too busy? Was your focus in the right place? Are your expectations for YOURSELF too high (mine certainly are!)? Is your family getting "all of you" or just the "leftovers?" What activities & commitments stress you out or are a drain to your family ... prayerfully consider what needs to change. **

OK, I have not been doing the meme's this month, mostly because I haven't been around.  January is full, but fun for our family... specially me!  LOL  Included this month is our annual winter get-away to the Wisconsin Dells to an indoor waterpark (they have great specials for January!).  My birthday.  And my anniversary. 

Because of the fullness of the month's activities, with getting back into gear with school at home, too, I really try to hold back on big changes, even though it is the "new" year.  I have learned to take change slowly.  My Dh would be one to say that I take it REAL SLOW!  LOL.  He's usually pushing me for change.  I am a turtle in that aspect... actually more like a sloth! 

Does that mean I don't get overwhelmed, overworked, exhausted?  No.  I add on things, a little at a time.  Thinking if I start slow, it will be fine.  But down the road, things start falling off the cart as I pick up speed. 

In the past, Dh has been one to notice the tension in my life before I do.  And for the first time, ever, I think, this past year I was the one crying out... no more, when Dh never saw that it would stress me out with his suggestions.  I have had some long talks with God.  It seems the past year I had been walking in the valley and I am ready to climb out.  I am trying to simplify my life, one drop at a time (Just like I added it, in reverse).  I am slowly climbing the hill and feeling so invigorated!  I realize now I must have been depressed.  The last two years have been heavy on my heart, actually since my youngest was born.  I am sure post partum depression was just extended due to my inability to deal with it.  I didn't stop functioning, I just wasn't truly happy.  I didn't smile as much.  I didn't laugh as much.  I noticed because I've been laughing and smiling lately and the kids all say... Look, mom's laughing or my baby... my sweet 2yo says... Mama's happy?  YES!  Mama is happy! 

I've been a big advocate of the Moore Foundation and their scheduling for home schooling.  It has worked wonderfully for many years and when I became pregnant and after baby, I switched gears, thinking the girls are older and I don't need to follow this lifestyle, and literally that's when life fell apart for me.  I went to book work, I went to rarely getting out and doing things for others (service was a HUGE part of our lives and I quit because I had a little one... funny that didn't stop me when I had the other three).  I know that some criticism had been given to me and I inwardly avoided going near the sources of the criticism... one being the church.  And the criticism was silly... I now laugh and so do my daughters, but being depressed anyways, I took it harshly.  I was told I was OLD, and I was so gray and ugly.  No, they did not say ugly... they said I would look better if I dyed my hair, they said I would look better if I cut my hair, they said I should go to a beautician and have them diagnose and give me a solution to my frizzy hair.  They said I should use Moose, and gels and other products that they use so I didn't look so frazzled.  ...So what did I do?  Well for a year, I avoided going to church, alot.  If I didn't feel good, was tired, baby was up all night... I simply stayed home.  My kids are old enough to drive themselves (the oldest drives).  Then last year, I cut my hair... after everyone assured me that was what my problem with my hair was.  After I cut it they said... well, maybe you should go to a beatician... and get advice.  I have tried literally 15-20 different hair treatments and creams... only to find I am allergic to all but one!  I then had horrible rashes on my cheeks and sides of my face where my hair draped on my face.  Itch... boy did it itch.    Then I started laughing.  What am I doing?  Am I a teenager again that I let all this bother me?  Oh, it wasn't just the hair, it was the weight, too.  I mean I am 30 pounds heavier than when I graduated.  :p  Everytime I went out, someone had to tell me I was old and I started calling myself old.  I started acting old.  Anyways, I realized it was silly.  Silly to let others run my life.  I was watching my girls go through their teen years with some minor issues of hair (one daughter has hair like mine), clothing style, and such, and here I was battling the same thing.  Silly!  How can you teach your children not to be motivated by criticism and not to change just because other's don't like the real you... and you really want them to like you... I couldn't help my daughters, cuz I couldn't help myself!  I was in the valley of disappointment.  I felt really far from God, but I knew He was there.  I just needed to look up, instead of down! 

This was last year and I finally realized I don't like my life being so dreary.  So, it has to stop and I am unloading the cart.  Really, what was hurting me was trying to be like everyone else... in homeschooling, I tried to suddenly be an unschooler for a month, then a very pushy "school at home" type, then maybe a classical type, etc... everything but what we were led to at the beginning and everything that didn't work for US.  Quit looking outside for encouragement, but look to God.  I got off my homeschooling email lists... went to no mail on a favorite one that has been a huge blessing and resource for me, but at that point in time, I could not handle the push and sway it held in my life.  I quit scouring the homeschool catalogs and quit scouring the homeschool boards.  Instead, I would read a book of encouragment (yes, it could of been a homeschool one) and then I read my Bible to see if that was what God was wanting ME to do. 

I still found I needed an outlet and found blogging to be a blessing.  I can write and not have to worry about if someone wrote back on email groups like I did.  I didn't feel a need to answer every question, so my computer time reduced greatly.  And in reducing that time... I had more time at home to cook and clean and declutter.  And that is where I have been for the last 3 months, LOL... decluttering!  The less stuff in the house, is truly a blessing.  Less clutter on the eyes is less clutter on my thinking.  I have gone through several phases of decluttering and I am getting mean, now.  My 2yo was breaking magnets and instead of being upset, I let her.  She says, I be naughty with a goofy grin and I said, you are?  Well, it's your toy, if it's broken though, I'll have to throw it away.  I was thrilled to get to throw it away!  She stopped breaking the magnets!  LOL  (sigh). 

Now that the house is coming together and picking up takes say... an hour or so rather than a full day once a week.  Well that is truly a blessing!  It is still a work in progress, I still see too many piles beckoning me for their time.  I realize I still have more to go. 

What stresses my family?  My inablility to be truly organized.  I am a fly on the wall.  I flit here and there and accomplish nothing in completeness.  I am trying to change that.  Today I spent nearly the entire day... cleaning the kitchen out.  Yesterday I had worked on the pantry, today the kitchen.  I moved things around, got rid of a couple more messes of chaos.  And I made 6 loaves of bread, too!  Plus school was all done.  But that didn't happen just cuz I decided not to be disorganized... no.  I am implementing some change back into my life.  I am living by a schedule once again. 

My scheduling isn't the MOTH type schedule, although her tips are wonderful, I am not to the place to run by a strict schedule, I never have been.  But a loose schedule where meals are on time and bedtimes are adhered to and naps are taken and such... well, yes, that schedule is being implemented.  In my day to day free time, I am working on finishing up the boxes in my life... packing it up, getting the job done.  (The boxes were an illustration from a recent focus on the family, I think it was of an old broadcast Women are like spaghetti and men are like waffles.  I think there is something to be gained about working in boxes from time to time and finishing the job... I still run like spaghetti, but I know it is best for my family if things get accomplished at times, too!) 

I have on my PALM, a gift from DH to help my disorganization, reminders to keep going.  And daily things to check off... laundry one, laundry two, supper meal planned, breakfast for next day planned, devotions done, farm chores, school chores, etc... to keep me on track.  I decide which I check off and which I don't.  I prioritize the items with my time with God first, my time with family and home second.  My time finishing home projects third, My time with outside commitments fourth, and rainy day dreams are added but 5th in priority.  It has helped me see what I continually don't get done.  It has helped me see what I continually put off.  

I also recently got a homeschool planner.  I had used Homeschool Tracker before but recently bought their plus version and with their support, I am able to do what I haven't been able to before.  I can homeschool my way, without feeling guilty and the program will adjust to that for recording purposes!  Woo Hoo!  It is saving me much time and while it takes a while to set up, it took me 5 minutes this morning to print off this week's assignments for my girls.  Woo Hoo!  And the fact that they got it all done today!  Well, Woo Hoo, again! 

As for the scheduling, bedtimes are slowly getting earlier and Baby, (my two yo) is getting her naps and her reading time.  And supper is getting closer to supper time instead of bedtime!  Today my daughter called home from town and asked when supper would be done and I said, in 45 minutes and she was like, what????  Ok, I'll be home shortly.  LOL!  I know she was expecting the normal ummm... I don't know what we're eating, let's see, um give me two hours to get it all together...   But she didn't.  I had it planned and ready on time! 

The scheduling helps me be there for my family.  It helps me get my stuff done and still have time for them.  It helps me make time for them and realize I still will get my stuff done, too.  As for commitments... I have very few.  I have backed out the last two years from my heavy commitments.  I am ready to get back into some, but I am hesitant until I am satisfied with our household routine and such.  I've always heard, you can't give if you don't have it at home.  Work on the home first.  If Dh is happy and the kids are happy and the house is satisfactory... then add if you feel led to do so.  I currently lead out as the church newsletter editor and as leader of Health Ministries.  I haven't done a newsletter as of yet, this fiscal year, due to the copier not working... a blessing in disguise!  And as leader of Health ministries, I delegated to two wonderful ladies who had more ambition than me to set up a series of meetings that will last for several months until I get my feet back under me.  So, the only thing that is left for me to attend to  is keeping up with the board meetings... and that has not been taxing on the family, and Dh is on the board as well and the girls are old enough for them to handle one evening while we attend this meeting. 

Another thing that I am trying to do is to pray ahead of time for change.  I forsee change on the front in our church.  One gal who teaches in the children's division got a new job that takes her hours away and it has been said she may not take her class next year.  I totally understand, but then who will teach it?  I have taught in the past, and I am wondering if I am ready to take on that challenge again or not.  I do not want to say yes too quickly.  So I am praying now about it, so that I am open to God's leadings in the future.  I am also preparing my daughter for a challenge to take on some leadership opportunities at church.  This will lighten the work on the rest of the church and also lessen my (think I have to do it if no one else will) attitude towards taking too many positions.  I think encouraging others in what they are good at is a wonderful gift that we take too lightly and those that don't do, may be more than willing and have more time than we, they just aren't asked or thought of.  So, my challenge is to encourage those to help out so they get noticed, so that others know they are there, so that at church we work together as a complete and healthy body, not just a one-eyed, peg legged group of believers.  (I don't mean to offend anyone with that, but when we don't all work together, isn't that what we are doing to the body of Christ?)  That sounds like a job for the church newsletter editor... LOL, who is me, of course!  LOL.  Well, The new pastor is doing a dandy job himself with motivating others and getting them noticed.  (not that being noticed is what we aim for... it is more or less to realize we are all here). 

On that note, I guess I am closing.  I had planned to move two bookshelves out of one room and into another and it won't get done if I stay on here!  LOL.  So off to my list of things to do.  I guess the realization that working on one or two things of the dreaded to do list really does help.  It may not all get done it a day, but it will get done.  That has helped me persevere instead of sitting back and doing nothing in defeat thinking doing one little thing won't matter to anyone else.  Today... I moved the microwave from it's dreadful spot to a spot that the door opens freely with no counter in front of it to get filled with cups or dirty dishes or books.  And you know what.  It made three family members smile.  "Thank you for moving it! "  came cheers from the house.  Well, four if you add me.  It gave me more working room for cooking supper near the stove....and I rarely use the microwave, so moving it farther away from my cooking area is a-ok with me!  Doing that ONE thing, made people smile.  I then had time to start some bread before supper and when Dh came in... he smiled... he loves fresh bread.  If all I had done was move the microwave, I know that smiles would still be had.  Keep on doing... even if it's just one load of laundry, one sinkful of dishes, picking up the baby's room, just picking up the dirty clothes off the bathroom floor... One thing is better than NOTHING. 

I know that sounds a silly way to end a BUSY, BUSY, BUSY post... but I guess I did back off for a couple years and now I realize you can be too busy, but you can also be too LAZY, or rather misdirected in where we place our energies.  There has to be balance and the trick is finding what works for you to get there.  Prayer and time with God and devotions and reading my Bible... well that always has seemed to calm the waters and give me direction as to where I go.  It's when I let these things go, that life seems to fall apart.   As an old friend always closes his notes to us... Keep Looking Up! 

Warmly, ~Melissa

Great post!

7:33 AM, January 29, 2008 .. Posted by kjprice616

Glad to hear that things are better for you now. Yes, it is ALL about balance and I hope to find it soon!

Kris

O -my goodness you are long winded !!!! LOL

12:03 AM, January 30, 2008 .. Posted by Shaune

You just have to be yourself . I think we all go through times of worring . And most of it is just a waste of time . God dosn't want us to worry !!! It is bad for us . He made us all different ,and greatly for a great reason . No mater the age our the way we look . Its all on the inside that counts , and we know that God is on our side . So who cares , hold you head up high and be yourself and do what bring you pleasure . Keep reading and learn to throw out toxic people in your life . They just want to drag you down with them . Have a great week ,Shaune