Down Mulberry Lane

Envy...

Do you ever envy those who seem to have it all together?  I really struggle with this!  I am a perfectionist and I really really struggle over comparing myself with others.  And even if I am improving... I never feel good enough some days. 

I look at how others have Bible verses at their fingertips... yet I struggle with that.  I know much of it is in how I think.  I think in pictures.  I think in themes.  I think in ideas.  I am not very detail minded and I struggle with names of songs, even if I can sing along to the tune.  I struggle with names of people I meet.  I struggle with titles and authors of books.  While I know I can work on improving this lack of detail in my life, I must understand that this is an unique weakness that I carry.  I praise God that He gave me such a detail oriented husband to make up for my lack in this area... we really do compliment each other well in this area of details and the "big picture" which I am all about.  Still, even though I know God has provided a well-balanced transaction in our marriage, I feel inferior when it comes to me personally. 

This inferior feeling drives me to push myself with my limitations.  I want to improve, I want to be better, I want to be "perfect!".   I know that with enough practice, these flaws can be pushed aside for some new skills.  So, I pursue these new skills with gusto, practicing over and over and over again.  I spend so much time in practice of these new skills, that I leave out of my life the things I am good at.  I become frustrated with myself, because I obviously am needing much more time and practice to become even capable of fair work with my limitations.  So, I dig my heels in deeper and with more determination, I work harder than ever...not noticing that I am neglecting the things I do well, not noticing that I am falling behind in  the things that I do well, not noticing that others are exasperated with my efforts to change myself with my own strength.  I don't do that which is good and I don't do that which is necessary, but I try to do that which I am no good at... and only that. 

Now, I am not saying that change is not good.  I am not saying that no one should ever change who they are.  I think we are all in a process of improvement.  I believe that we all have it in us, with God's help, to make changes to better ourselves.  I believe that God wants to see us shake off our bad habits in His time.  But, I also believe that God gave us gifts.  He made us special with unique strengths that we carry.  Yet how many times do we cast off our gifts in exchange for this yearning to be more than who we are. 

I believe that God wants us to use our strengths NOW, not when we are perfect in ALL things, but while we are able each day that we live.   I believe that envy is wrong.  We can lose our focus on God's plans for our lives by trying to achieve something that someone else seems to have conquered.  All the while, telling ourselves that we are doing good because we are working on bettering ourselves.  Yet we walk away from the duty we are able to do well.  We limit what we do well, in exchange for trying to be someone else. 

I've learned many lessons while washing dishes.  Scenes come to mind of the days happenings and I can review them and see where I failed and as I pray God brings to mind the things I could have done... the things I have done in the past, but I have put that away in exchange for being someone "better".  Oh how foolish we are, to walk such a life that we walk our own paths and not the one God has chosen for us.  Let us not forget our gifts, those things that we do well in  and let us not exchange our gifts for higher esteem in someone else's eyes because of a new skill we learned.  

Balance.  New skills are not evil.  Envy is evil.  The drive to be perfect on our own merit is evil.  Let us be patient in God's work with us.  Let us be content with our lots in life.  Let us be happy in where we are today.  Let us be glad and willing to share our strengths with those we meet today.  As we meet with God and learn of things that we may falter in, may we work diligently to correct those things (*diligently does not mean constantly, nor does it mean soley), without... forgetting to do the good that we can do today.  Let's keep the faith and run the race the best we know how...hanging onto God for direction...not anyone else. 

Warmly, ~Melissa

sounds like me!

6:21 AM, December 4, 2007 .. Posted by kjprice616

I think we all struggle with this to some extent ... I know that I do! I look forward to you joining in More than Rubies Monday ... don't worry about hitting every Monday. This is meant to be enjoyable and not another thing "to do" that day :-)

Kris

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9:02 AM, December 4, 2007 .. Posted by Linda

Good morning Melissa, I agree with what Kris said, we all have and do go through this same thing.

I like to look at what people our doing and get inspiration, maybe I can't do what they are doing but look at their methods and how they work their projects and then apply it to the things I like to do and can do.

You say it best tho in your writings. Knowing your weekness and strenths, thats a lot. And able to take it to God, that is awesome.

And you know what you do others are standing watching and wishing they could do that as well, so it works both ways , you are inspiring others .

Everyone has gifts, its loving what you like to do that shines through to others and I think thats where the part comes in where we want to do that to. That inspiration comes out and we just want part of it.

Good blog page, lots of things we all struggle with, Thank you for sharing

Jars: read your comment and wonderful you have all those jars. I have this vacuum that seals bags and jars, its great. You could fill and freeze your beans and wheat and then store, the freezing should kill any bugs eggs that might be in the wheat and beans.

I got a little over 200 buckets free from the bakery at Walmart, just ask. They are messy to clean out but are so very handy. Great for storage , feeding the animals, you name it. There are ways of storing beans and wheat in sealed buckets, but you'll need to do some researce on it.

I never did, the part where it could blow up scared me away from that method. Some type of gas , dry ice I think. But if you got all those jars, wow. I would go that route.

Happy Holidays,

linda

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12:30 PM, December 4, 2007 .. Posted by blessedmomof10

Melissa,
I hear what you are saying..... I too have struggled with this as well....... it's a matter of learning to be content with what the Lord is doing in our lives and in our hearts.......
Hang in there and know that you are not alone!
His grace is sufficient,
Gloria