Down Mulberry Lane

Going Dairy-free...

 When my 3yo was born we had problems with colic and after removing soy, we finally got some peace.  We also noticed that candies and cereals with food colorings really bothered her as well.  She tends to get ummmm... hard to deal with, more negative, etc. with food colorings.  Chocolate gave her a rash, and I had trouble determining whether it was the dairy, the chocolate itself, or the soy that is in the chocolate candies.   The past 3.5 years have been a struggle from day to day to figure out what is causing the troubles.

When my 3yo was 2.5, she was potty trained.  But in the last half year or so, she began wetting during the  day and during naps and at night.  She had been dry at night for almost a year, so I was wondering what was up.  What NOW? was more my question... During the days, she would wet herself, then go potty, then wet herself 5 minutes later again, and again 15 minutes later.  We suspected a bladder infection, but it was not that.  This has continued since around February.  I would try to eliminate a food, but didn't ever have a team effort with the trial, so it often got interrupted and we never could see what happens when a possible offending food is removed. 

Dh wants an answer NOW, and he doesn't go for the elimination diets.  He doesn't like that allergy tests are not 100% correct.  He doesn't like that symptoms come and go and can change as the child matures.  He doesn't like that allergies are not set in stone, meaning if you wet... it's milk... or if you have itchy skin, it is chocolate... that sort of thing.  Allergies aren't like that and are hard to diagnose.  This has caused resistance in his desire to do the elimination diets. 

Well, I have Dh's support to go Dairy Free for a trial.  We are on week two, and I am struggling with menus.  But we are seeing a difference.  The bladder spasms my daughter has during the day are almost completely gone and the wetting at night is less frequent.  It is so nice to take off a DRY diaper!  It appears that dairy is our main culprit.   She has had small amounts of soy and on those days, I notice her face is more ruddy, or rash like.  So, I am guessing the soy does still bother her as well.  

To see a honest difference in all symptoms, removal is suggested for 6 to 8 months.  Dh didn't like that at all.  He thinks it is cruel to say no to letting her not have chocolate or milk or hot cocoa, or cheese...  I think this would be far less cruel to all of us if I could find a diet that has no soy, no dairy, low in food colors and is appetizing to all.   However, our trial is proving to the other side of the family (Dh and older girls) that there is nothing good to eat.  (Angela and Amy, I haven't tried your recipes, yet... didn't have all the ingredients).  I have two more weeks to "make a difference" in the menus to have continued support. 

To give my older girls credit, they do not mind me using Rice milk in recipes.  They don't notice a difference at all.  (Probably because I've used it in mashed potatoes for a couple years, now... when they weren't looking! LOL).  And they are trying to help me find some recipes.  I believe they do not like the wetting and the fussy days just like me.  My oldest says when she is pregnant some day, she will not eat any junk... just fruits and vegetables and whole grains.  I just smiled, knowing it isn't that easy.  I told her that it would be wise to start NOW so that when the day comes she can stay strong with that determination.  I laugh because I think I ate the most healthy with my last one.  With her I craved big macs and ate them all the time.  With my second... I ate snicker bars like they were a food group.  With my third... macaroni and cheese was my downfall.  My last one, I just tried to eat a balanced vegetarian diet until I got to my 8th month and I got sick and I had no appetite and I got swelling in my ankles and the midwife said I needed more protein, so I downed cottage cheese (the most appealing to me at the time) and reintroduced meat.  I felt no better and my blood pressure never did go up, so my midwife wasn't sure what was going on.  I just wonder if it was a dairy reaction and the baby was big enough for me to feel the uckies that the baby was dealing with.  ???  I don't know. 

I've also gone dairy free just to see if it would help me, as I have eczema and some other symptoms of milk allergy and I have been off for two weeks as well.  Today, I ate two of those chocolate chip cookies.  I was angry at the moment, my oldest having troubles in one of her classes and her teacher is NOT willing to help her at all.  She HAS to schedule a visit in the next two school days and his first day was full, his second day, she has a different class during his "scheduled visits".  She tells him her dilemna and he says, you have a problem, hope you figure it out and shuts his appointment book and turns to a different student.  He knows she is homeschooled and he has incessantely picked on her since class started 6 weeks ago and makes a point to pick on her in class and make her uncomfortable.  He calls her "doll".  (The guy is nearly 80+ years old and still teaching)  All of it added up today... and I was thinking back over the years to why we homeschooled in the first place... to get her out of an environment where she wasn't getting any help... the teacher said she was behind in math, yet refused to help her.  She was punished by removing recess and other important group activities in the classroom to make a point that she needed to improve her math, but the teacher didn't stay to help her... instead just walked away... like this teacher is doing.  I grabbed the cookies and just ate them without thinking.  And guess what I found... I got a stomach ache within about 15 minutes of eating the cookies.  I thought, that's odd.  I haven't had a stomach ache like that for about ... hmmmmm..... two weeks!  DUH!!!  Oh to live without those occasional tummy aches would be wonderful and to realize that the dairy that I ingested likely caused the belly ache... LIGHT BULB moment!    So even though I wasn't too happy that Dh fudged the plan by hiding chocolate cookies in the cupboard (to which he let Paige snitch last night ... Paige tattled on Daddy later, LOL).  But we had immediate consequences... I had a stomach ache and Paige had trouble going to sleep.  Now I know some would think that isn't awful... that happens occasionally, but when she has been asking to go to bed at a regular hour for about a week now and for 3.5 years we have never accomplished this because of irritabilities in Paige.  This is BIG for me!  Dh isn't quite there, yet in accepting it, but I'm hoping that I will find some recipes, and menus that are appealing to him that he can be willing to work with it enough that when the fudging happens, it either really opens his eyes to what is going on or it lessens the impact and we have maybe a bad evening instead of a bad life. 

Please pray for us.  I honestly was hoping it wasn't the dairy, because that was my alternative to soy... so if one can't have soy and can't have dairy... there's no sour cream, no cheese  (I know Angela... I like cheesy sauce, but it's not going over as a substitute in our house, yet *grin*).   I had wanted to go cheese free.  But didn't want to go so far as dairy free.  Life is just so much easier when I know what to cook on a moments notice, instead of grabbing recipes only to find out I needed to have started HOURS before.  Perhaps this is a change I need as well... to get my menu plans under order, to be more assertive in my life (it takes assertiveness to always alert people that we can't eat something), or maybe my family needs this to be so, to rid ourselves of some selfishness that we harbor within ourselves over our appetite (and more). 

As for my oldest and her teacher... she is upset, but can't do anything about it until Monday and then she will have to ask her Chemistry teacher if she can ditch class in the middle of it for a 6 minute conference for her Writing Class.  I wish I could help her, but she is strong and is prepared to drop the class if the teacher is trying to make an example out of homeschoolers.  Praise God for scholarships which makes that alternative less painful to the pocketbook.  It is too bad, however, because the time cannot be replaced, but she is hoping that there is a reason for this experience.  She hasn't determined it as of yet.  Whether God is working on her and her own feelings towards this man/teacher or whether she is there to influence someone else.  Some days she makes me so proud.  (She said that after eating two cookies herself!  LOL.)   What a bunch we are! 

Warmly, ~Melissa

Untitled Comment

7:52 PM, October 3, 2008 .. Posted by CandyFoote

Wow! What a time!
I'm praying.

Candy

Oh, My

10:59 PM, October 3, 2008 .. Posted by safords

YOu are on the right track. We have a little friend who can't eat citrus or she has the same bladder problems as your daughter. Going dairy free IS NOT easy, especially when you can't eat soy. I have tons of recipes... the problem is, it is a whole new way of thinking, shopping, cooking, everything. At first your family will feel terriby deprived. It just takes a lot of time and getting used to. It so worth it, though if your little girl feels better. If she can control her bladder she will have less embarrassment in her life. If she feels better parenting is that much easier. Give me some ideas of what specific areas of the meal you are struggling with and I will see what I can do. The mistake some people make is to try and make things that taste just like what they are used to. It won't work . Vegan cheese is not cheese and never will be. In out house we are happy to call it that because we don't eat the real thing and the kids have not developed a taste for the real, but they love the vegan stuff because that is what they are used to. You have to call it something else - sauce? until the taste buds change. AND they will. I am praying for you. It's a tough thing and very personal. I make some very tasty carob chip desserts and such... just watch out, some of them have dairy. Have a great Sabbath. Sorry about the writing teacher. What part of writing is she struggling with? Maybe Gwen from Write On! would be willing to email back and forth to get her on track?