Be Ye Separate

How Do You Do It?

Blessings!

   I am asked all the time..."How DO you do it?" My response is always the same..."Do what?":P

   Our decision to "go plain" wasn't an easy one. Well, it was easy just not easy to DO:P Living the way we did it wasn't exactly where I expected to be now in my life but guess what? Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans:)

   Many folks talk about how to "organize" their homes and lives. I see lots of references to lists, books, chores etc. I used to think this was the only way it would work and if I couldn't keep up then it wasn't for me.

   This is what I've learned. I am not a list kind of person. I cannot follow a list because life gets in the way of completing it. I do not make promises. I get discouraged when things don't fall into place and that list could go on...but let's stop here for now:P

   I am often told how someone fell in love with "flylady". I had no idea what that meant so I decided to do a little search on it...and you know what? She really exists! It's not a horror movie!:P Just another woman who wrote about what worked for her:)

   I used to be the "self help bookworm". I had every book imaginable on how to's. How to organize your time. How to organize your children. How to organize you husband, family, home, appointments, responsibilities, animals, farm, car, baby, plants, thoughts, prayers, friends, neighbors (yep there is really one for every one of these out there:P). I had them all, I read them all, I threw them all out! Ugh!

   I spent more time READING about organizing that I did actually DOING it! Worse, no matter how hard I tried to copy what each of these books told me, the worse I felt about being a wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister, female! I decided I had no skills as any of these and figured if I just retired from the human race it would be better for everyone including the human race!

   I kid you not, it set me up for a downward spiral into depression and feeling of complete incompetency. I knew I would never be good at any of them. I couldn't complete a list, fulfill an obligation or balance a bank account! I was a complete failure at it. Nothing worked right. If I made plans for my week, I could look back on that week and see how 2 out of 30 things actually got accomplished. For instance...I wrote out a list that entailed the details of things to do. This way I would be sure that I got each little thing done and ultimately would feel successful...theoretically anyway:P

   Here's what one of those lists looked like (yes I'm writing an actual failed historic list from 8 years ago)...

1. get up and dressed

2. make bed

3. make coffee

4. pull bacon from icebox

5. place bacon in pan and turn on low

6. rouse children

7. turn bacon

8. have first cup of coffee

9. pull eggs from icebox

10. remove bacon to drain

11. crack eggs into same pan and cook

12. set on table and call children

13. encourage children to get dressed

This list went on but let me say that the only thing that got done on that list was the coffee and the children up:P

   I tried putting it in a better order to make it look shorter and thought maybe that would help. The second attempt got my bed made, coffee made and the bacon out of the icebox which ultimately ended ruined because I got a phonecall that morning before the children were up and I forgot it when we had to leave the house suddenly. ugh!

   No matter how easy I tried to make these lists it simply didn't work for me. I was so depressed and anxiety ridden that I was ready to throw in the towel, hire a maid and crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and never come out!

   Finally 6years ago I decided that lists just weren't my bag. It wasn't possible for me to make a list and stick to it. Why? Because life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. So many things could and would interfere with my "plans" and at the end of the day I would look at my unfullfilled and unproductive day.

   On that day 6 years ago I stepped back and made a list of things that I had DONE that day. I was really shocked at how much I had actually accomplished! It was a dawning that helped me to see that a list was setting myself up for failure. After all I wasn't a stupid woman. I wasn't a lazy woman, I was just expecting too much and not allowing my own common sense to guide me:)

   I took down all the chore charts...I HATE chores!...and threw away all my lists and anything else that limited me in my day. I sat down and wrote down my objectives and my goals. Reading over these I saw that I was really already doing these things and that I was OKAY! I was MORE than okay! I was terrific!

   I gathered the children together that night along with my husband (we had talked and prayed earlier about it together) and we let the children know that they were going to be given a "job". Not a chore but a "job". We assigned each child a "job" that they would have for 6 months. Aside from taking care of their own personal things such as making their own beds, dressing, bathing, brushing teeth, clearing their dishes from the table after meals, scraping their own dishes and rinsing them and setting them in a stack, doing their schoolwork, picking up after themselves, they would have one "job".

   For me, this would require a "training period". Just as anyone who is hired for a job they have never done, I, being the "boss", would train my child to do their "job". This took a week or two (depending on the age of the child and their ability to catch on) and soon I was left to my OWN jobs:)

   Before long, I found that my homekeeping and mothering and wifing was basically all common sense and nothing more. It wasn't necessary to make a list to tell me when to wash a dish, make a meal, wipe a nose, pick up, sweep, mop, or anything else around my home. All I had to do was wake up in the morning and do my routine just as I had been doing all along only I didn't realize it!

   I hear this one complaint from nearly every woman I speak to who asks me to "organize" them..."I used to be so good at this until I started having children. Now I just can't keep up!" Hogwash! Of COURSE you can keep up! It's simply common sense. And as each child comes of an age you can employ them to help! Teach THEM common sense!

   Do you really need a chore chart or list to tell you when to bathe? Or when to make a meal? Or when to kiss your husband? Of COURSE not! Rely on your common sense. You still have it...it hasn't gone anywhere. YOu don't need a list to tell you when to use it:P

   I organize lots of women. Lots of women ask me to "help" them but really all I do is help them to help themselves. I show them that they already DO these things they just don't realize it. They don't give themselves any credit. They only look at their to-do lists and see where they have failed.

   Yes we all have to work around our routines to allow for those little interuptions like doctor/dentist appointments, friends who need an ear, time to spend with family etc, but it doesn't prevent us from having things in control.

   I just have to say that I do not feel overwhelmed like I used to. I do not feel like I"m a complete failure anymore. Oh sure, sometimes I get a bit overwhelmed when something out of the ordinary gets in the way...like moving:P but that is short lived and before long my routine is back in full swing and life gets calmer once again:)

   I have other pointers too but for now, I'll leave it here. If you can't seem to finish your list, if you can't seem to accomplish anything, if you feel overwhelmed. If you think you are a failure. Do yourself a favor...tear up that list and enjoy your family. Tomorrow isn't going anywhere. Sit down tomorrow and write down your goals and objectives. Read them over and see how much you actually DO accomplish (even if it's just a small part of it), then tear it up and get dressed, make that pot of coffee/tea, and start your day:)

   God be with thee!

Sister Lori

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{ 22:19, Sunday, March 16, 2008 } { Posted by gabbie427 }

Sister Lori!!!! Thank you so much for writing this post. I am not as Flylady would call it BO (born Organized). LOL I have to work on it a little. You sound like me with all the self help, get organized books and such. Lists don't help me because I get sidetracked with....LIFE! I think I will use your common sense way of cleaning and straightening up and see where it gets me this week.

This post really "freed" me today from my lists,and get organized books. Thank you again and again, and God Bless you dear!!

God's Blessings,
Amy Jo

~~~Blessings!
One of the biggest "freeing" things I did was get rid of all my "self help" books on organizing and homemaking. After all it was 2 shelves less books to dust!:P
Let me know how it goes for you:)
God be with thee!
Sister Lori

Edited by SisterLori on Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 11:25

loved it!

{ 22:20, Sunday, March 16, 2008 } { Posted by mulberrylane }

I may take your advice. I actually do well on a mild schedule... mealtimes and bedtime routine and bed times and rising times. .. the rest... just doesn't work for me... I found that when I give myself time to do stuff, it happens, but when I make a list... something else happens. LOL! My fil would say it's the devil and now that he can see your plan he can mess it up! LOL.

Warmly, ~Melissa

~~~Blessings!
Something my gram told me once...if all else fails try something you haven't:)
God be with thee!
Sister Lori

Edited by SisterLori on Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 11:23

AMEN SISTER!

{ 23:20, Sunday, March 16, 2008 } { Posted by savdn4gvn }

Oh I just loved your post! LOVED IT! Thank you! :-) I do make lists, mainly for when I run to town and what all I need to get/do etc. But not when it comes to how to run my home! LOL! And I can not stand the "Fly Lady".

Luv,
Carrie

~~~Blessings!
I must admit that I have never tried using the flylady ideas. I was just surprised that she actually existed:P
Aside from my quarterly menus, quarterly marketing supplies, and appointmens, all of which I don't consider a "list", I just don't write anything down. I refuse to set myself up for failure anymore:) And I am all the happier for it:)
God be with thee!
Sister Lori

Edited by SisterLori on Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 11:21

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{ 08:13, Monday, March 17, 2008 } { Posted by LivingSimple }

THANK YOU! You wrote how I feel! I know ladies that make a list for their list and I always felt so inadequate to them cause I absolutly cannot live by a list or schedule...Life happens and gets in the way! I always felt I was so unorganzied and something must be wrong with me cause I just could not do it...sheesh I wondered if I had ADHD...LOL...but over time I have learned I am just me and I do things the way that work for me and my family and list and schedules are not it! I am so glad to know I am not alone! Blessings to you and yours!

~Kris

~~~Blessings!
Like you, I would get so discouraged and feel so much less a good wife and mother because I couldn't keep up with Suzie Homemaker:( It was really hard to find joy in doing what I was doing because all I could see was how little I accomplished.
I would get to the point where I felt there was no sense in doing ANYTHING until it was so overwhelming and I had to clean it up in order to get around it all!
I have been so blessed since letting go of trying to keep up with someone else who seems to have it all under control. I get so much more accomplished now and having only a godly standard to keep myself to, I enjoy my tasks:)
God be with thee!
Sister Lori

Edited by SisterLori on Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 11:16

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{ 08:57, Monday, March 17, 2008 } { Posted by rildapeel1 }

I enjoyed your post. Depression can really be a wake up for us to see what is needed and it can be so freeing when dealt with as a child desiring to learn.
For me list have set me up to fail. Although I realized that I was kinda comparing my life and decisions with what others did. Hehe! I do as I decide when it is needed and I trust my inner voice to speak to me for it steers me on the right path. Focusing on what is needed to be done for that day and the other things will come in proper timing. I do enjoy time alone in quite and think, think and think which then revels what is needed in any given area needing attention. Usually before bed then upon awaking I have an answer. Looking for the good and I find it. Thanks for sharing! rilda *U*

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{ 14:54, Monday, March 17, 2008 } { Posted by Kitty }

Great Post! I too visited the fly lady and made the list even made my own little family organizer. But guess what, I never open it. It is really cute sitting there on the shelf all the time, and now I have to dust it, I wonder if I put that on my list of things to do, lol. I do however find it very helpful to use a menu plan and a budget for the household, those do come in handy for me.
My experience is much like yours, it's all common sense with ever thing in your home as well as life. I've always said there are two kinds of people, those with common sense and those with books sense. In my opinion, most people don't have both. Again good post...........Kitty

~~~Blessings!
I think you are right about those that can and those that cannot:P I know many who follow a list for every breathing moment. I have to say that lists only remind of what I DIDN'T do rather than seeing what I DID accomplish:P
I just thought it was important to acknowledge those that cannot work with a list and yet they still manage to keep up and get it all done:)
Dusting the very book designed to help you is a great picture:) I have done that very thing...in fact after spending years dusting those books that claimed to make me the perfect homemaker, I finally got rid of them:) Wow...less dusting...I guess they worked!
God be with thee!
Sister Lori

Edited by SisterLori on Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 11:11

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{ 20:57, Monday, March 17, 2008 } { Posted by maa }

This is a great post!!!
I never have been one to follow a list, or even live by the clock. I do what I feel like doing at the moment. I am called by many a free spirit.
My husband is forever trying to get me to follow a schedual and live by the clock.I just can't do it no matter how hard I try.
maa's mom

Hello my friend!

{ 21:49, Monday, March 17, 2008 } { Posted by kerimae }

I so enjoyed reading your post! We live quite differently, but I would have tea with you anytime, even if you popped in "unscheduled" :)

I think the key is in not trying to compete with or compare with anyone else, but in allowing God to bring people and resources to help as needed (especially for those of us without all that "common sense!" LOL). Just as your "free spirit" post is going to help women who will thrive on that form of living, resources such as flylady will help women who need a little more structure to manage their day and homemaking duties.

It is wonderful how different we all are, and how God will meet our needs in so many ways as we seek Him first. God bless you as you continue to give much food for thought!

In Him,
Keri

~~~Blessings!
Exactly! Some folks get along quite well with lists and some get along quite well without. It's trying to live up to some imagined expectation of perfection that tends to frustrate and discourage those who are desparate to "fit in" to the picture perfect idea of what a homemaker is and does:)
And I would be delighted to have tea with you:)
God be with thee!
Sister Lori

Edited by SisterLori on Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 11:04