Be Ye Separate

Man invented weddings...

Blessings!

   A dear friend told me many many years ago (long before I knew the Lord), that "Man invented weddings but God created marriage". I never realized how true that was until I "married" my sweet husband Brother Craig.

   I had spent my adult life in such a selfish and self serving way and ended up with a failed relationship that I had called marriage all that time. It was during this terrible time that my dear friend gave me those words of wisdom. It helped me through a terrible divorce, an uncertain interim and subsequently led me to the man I am certain the Lord intended for me all along. He was just waiting for me to stop doing things MY way and let Him do what He had always wanted for me:)

   This leads me to my ponder. I have been watching a discussion about the "statistics" of divorce and the types of folks that it supposedly takes to have a successful marriage. I cannot agree with most of the opinions but perhaps that's because I see marriage and my responsibility as a wife and mother much differently than many.

   Okay, the statistic states that women with higher levels of education along with men have lower rates of divorce than those with lower educations or unequal educations. There were also comments made that they believe that it's because those folks are more disciplined, more focused and have a more egalitarian belief.

   For those of you who might not know (I sure didn't know:P) the definition of egalitarian it is...asserting, resulting from, or characterized by belief in the equality of all people, esp. in political, economic or social life.

   This is very clearly a liberal and worldly viewpoint. It is definitely not biblical by any stretch. Now the other thing they say is that Christians have a higher rate of divorce than nonbelievers. Which leads to another observation...not everyone who attends church or says they believe are truly Christian. Just because someone warms a pew on Sundays doesn't make them a Christian. Jesus said...

^{Matthew 7:21}Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

   ²²Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

   ²³And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

   ²⁴Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

   ²⁵And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

   ²⁶And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

   ²⁷And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

   Does it not seem obvious? Those "Christian" marriages weren't really built on solid ground.

   Based on this statistic it seems they are saying that poor, uneducated, Christians can't have a strong marriage but educated, liberal, upper middleclass agnostics/atheists can! Hmmmmm:s

   My parents are "unequally" educated and came from very very different backgrounds yet their marriage is very strong. My brother and his wife aren't "equal" in education or backgrounds either and they've been married for over 30 years now!

   I do believe, that those, like myself, who had been "unequally" yoked will have a much harder time keeping their relationships together. I think that those who are "egalitarian" will find themselves in a sad and lonely and often dishonest relationship in the long run.

   This brings me to my view on marriage relationships in spite of all the "statistics".

   Many folks ask me how I can lower myself to being my husbands slave. How can I let him walk all over me? Why don't I stand up for myself and put him in his place? I think many of you understand this:)

   Here's my response...I am not a slave. My husband does not walk all over me. I don't have to put my husband in his place because he already knows his place:) In fact, I know MY place and I find great joy and satisfaction in it:)

   Why is it that folks think I'm unhappy or used and abused? Why is it that folks can't just let me live my life the way I truly desire to? Why is it that everyone thinks I'm not living up to my potential? That I'm being squelched or bullied?

   I made my choices. I made them all by myself:P Well, I made them prayerfully:) But you get the idea:)

   I LOVE my life. I LOVE my Lord, my husband, my children. I am not a slave, I'm an helpmeet (an equal partner with my sweet husband). I choose to be submissive to his authority. That doesn't mean I'm bullied or abused, I'm willingly letting my husband make the final decisions for this family as he sees fit. Knowing that he takes it all to the Lord before making these decisions, I trust him and support him in it. I might see it differently if he wasn't striving to be a godly man.

   I enjoy keeping my home, taking care of my chidren, seeing that my husbands hometime is relaxed and focused on family. I find joy in doing the dishes, washing laundry, scrubbing floors, washing windows and all the other things that are involved in being a keeper:)

   I do not desire to castrate my husband. To make him feel that he has no importance in our home. That he has no importance in our lives. That he cannot be relied upon for direction and protection. And subsequently I have no desire to do the same to my sons who will need to be good, strong, godly husbands.

   My husband has a degree. He is highly educated. He has done many things and has many experiences in his life. I, on the other hand, have no education to speak of. I have no desire to get a degree or to work outside my home.

   I love that my husband knows more than I do:) I love that he teaches me things and has the patience with me as I stumble through those learning moments:) In fact, he taught me to cook!:P But that's another post:)

   I don't feel the need for popular "me time". What I mean is, many folks give me a hard time because I enjoy "me time" with my family!  I have no desire to do anything without my family. I have times in the early morning hours and the late night to pray, read my bible and ponder alone, but I have no desire to "get away" from my family.

   And where do they get the idea that just because someone has gone on to higher education that they have more discipline, more focus? I have known LOTS of higher educated folks that might have gotten their degree but their discipline is only for their work and nothing else. They are more than just independent, they are completely selfishly focused. They will be willing to do most anything unless what needs to be done gets in the way of doing what benefits them most. They will step on anyone to "climb the ladder". They will give only as much of themselves as will profit them in some way. Sadly, if they hadn't climbed so high on that ladder they wouldn't have so far to fall.

   And the idea that those same "focused and disciplined" folks have lower divorce, did it ever occur to them that a large amount of them these days have "alternative" lifestyles? Many won't commit and most, even though they are "married" by law, they keep what is theirs and "share" in the cost of living.

   I know many women who have higher education, kept their maiden names when they got married, have suffered emotionally and sometimes physically at the hands of their husbands, (and in some cases at the hands of their wives for the men I know), they have had at least one extra marital affair, feel they are smarter than their husbands and make most if not all of the decisions in the home. They speak poorly of their husbands (husband bashing), are clearly in control of things and put their children on the back burner while they have their careers.

   I am not sure where this ponder will end, but for now, my prayerful heart tells me that I needed to start sharing it:) I will post more thoughts as they come to me...but I want to encourage you to love being who God intended for you to be and to encourage your husbands to be who God intended for HIM to be:) The idea of castrating our men isn't a new one. It's been around since bible times, it's just worn a different face throughout history. And each time, it's ended in failed relationships.

   I am blessed to be a woman. I am blessed to be a wife, mother, daughter. I have great joy in being feminine. I love being treated as a fragile and delicate woman, created to be my sweet husbands helpmeet for the rest of my life on this earth. God has blessed me beyond measure and I pray that I will always treat my position as a woman/wife/mother/daughter as the greatest gift that God could give me. (Beside His Son of course)

   God be with thee!

Sister Lori

Untitled Comment

{ 08:15, Wednesday, January 30, 2008 } { Posted by countrylivin }

I really enjoyed reading your post today!