The ol' homestead

 I wanted him to live more than anything. I always dwell on him this time of year... specifically on the 4th of July at Redbud Park. That is where we go every year to watch the fireworks display and that is where we were again this year. We have been to Redbud for a great many years and it is where April dwelled in me safe and secure 2 weeks before she was born. They always have live music on the grounds and you can spread your blanket, kick-back, have a cold drink, eat Reeces Pieces, swat at termites and relax until dark. In whence you have to cover your ears if you are not deaf when the fireworks start, then shield your eyes from the blast of lights if they are sensitive. The last time I saw Rodney healthy and what I knew surely was remission was at Redbud a few weeks from his returning from M.D.Anderson and several months of intense treatment for his cancer. Melanoma. Even the name sounds ugly. And ghastly. Rodney's wife Dorine and I worked together at the school and our compadre'ness ran very deep. I had her back, and she had mine. And I remember (but try to forget) back to a time when in my I-know-it-all techi days this came into call. I was going to do a simple upgrade on a business computer for a friend who asked me to. The word *business* should have been enough for me to turn tale and walk...no run... away. But did I? NOOOO. And I got over my head really quick. One thing was tied to another which was making something else fail and I finally stopped when it was a jumble. Then, I begged on both knees called Dorine to help me in which she dispatched her secret weapon ... The Rodster. Rodney did his ghosting and then hocus pocus he made it better. It was a big thing because I almost lost all their records...everything. I was grateful to him and I swore my allegience to him after that. I learned my lesson and the only other computer I would mess up from then on would be my own (and I have succeeded there!)

They had a son that my boys played with and although together they were never overly mischievious boys, they did occasionally come up with a plan that would totally throw us off their scent. One occasion was one day while playing at their house, Dorine arrived home to a suspicious calm. Finally in confession the boys admitted to a yowling good time throwing apples up into the ceiling fan to see it smack into tidbits and fly everywhere. I swear, they were good boys, and other than these few crazy ideas they tried, they turned out good men.

Really, so sorry Dorine for you having to pick apple pieces off stuff for a year ...

Towards the end of his life I visited him in the hospital. I wanted him to fight for life. To live. And I saw that he was wanting to live. I held Rodney's hands while tears poured from his eyes. We said nothing, but heart to heart it was huge.

I went home and cried out to the Lord. Heal Him! I screamed it. Pleaded it... demanded it. I asked God for it, I wanted it, yet healing did not come. I couldn't understand it because I had asked many times and I wanted it so badly.

Surely he would not die.

But he did.

And I wrestled and wrestled with this and just did not understand why for a very l-o-n-g time.

How could God NOT heal him. He had the power to do it and after all, I asked!

But in time I grew and God spoke to my heart and comforted my heart and grew me up. I never prayed for God's will....just my own. As if I knew what was best ... better than God. There are some things we will never see the whole picure of while we are here on earth. I believe that Rodneys life had purpose and his death had purpose. One day I hope to know his purpose, and how God used him to reach others ... or to grow some people in the Lord, like me. I just don't have the answers but I have faith in God. And I believe he has a beautiful plan.

The graveside was cold cold and little pieces of ice was falling on our cheeks...and our lashes and I remember looking up to the heavens and thinking..... how odd that the weather matched how we felt standing there...

It hurts to remember. I hate pain, but I hate forgetting Rodney more. Sometimes when we journal, it's not always about the now, but about bridging the past and growing. And healing.

I love love love this weeks quote from the Kitchen Club of '52. It has made me think.... and I believe it to be so very true. Just think about it, what do you not know well about? Life in Indonesia? How people survived or didn't in the Great hurricane of 1780? Well there you are. You are ignorant. What do you know plenty about? Laura Ingalls Wilder? The life of bees? Well, you are not ignorant on this subject then. You are ignorant in something though....Guaranteed.

What a glorious day *today* is!

*Today The Little was born. What a doll he is.

*Today because of The Little Being born, I had all my children in the same room, which is a huge thing anymore...

*Today I french braided Little Miss's hair.... Okay not really as you can tell, this is not french braiding but fishbone braid. Oh well, I am still working on it.

*Today I rode with Frontier Man in the wind. I was really trying to concentrate on the beautiful scenery, the cows in the pastures and that cute white colt with its momma. But the wind, the wind, kept forcing Frontier Mans smart smelling cologne into my nostrils and I kept getting side tracked. I tried, really, I did, but some things are just beyond my control. Now, going 60 on that bike feels like 80 and I kept telling myself I AM NOT going to dig my nails into him, cause then he would know I was chicken ( and I want him to think I am as tough as he) So I was brave and I kept concentrating on that beautiful scenery.... and trying to ignore that cologne. And my butt going to sleep. And it almost worked too..... I just kept telling myself that surely I MUST look good on this cool bike...behind this cool man.... but there was that little voice in my head telling me that the people driving behind us must be totally repulsed by my underarm fat flapping in the wind....

And how could you enjoy your evening ride after that ?

Even with a great smelling Frontier Man in charge ???

Good morning! We had a productive day on the homestead this week-end. It seems we worked sun up to sun down every day and few is the evening when we come in before dark thirty anymore. There is just so much to do on the place this time of year. The garden is coming along quite well now. We have blooms on almost everything and small green tomatoes but no red yet.

And the asparagus bed is in...

On Friday, we went to the Ok City Summer Classic Dog Show. Little Miss was just delighted by all the different breeds and watching them in obedience and Rally was really enjoyable. We laughed at the many antics and of snooty odd breeds (Chinese Crested?) and some looked like giant pandas, some like puffballs and some like mops. Little Miss's favorite of course, was the spotted Dalmatians. She even met a pair up close and was rooting for "Leo" and "Dixie."

I believe we are on the verge of an explosion of babies. Yesterday we seen 2 more chicks peeping out behind another hen. So cute! But we have more sitting and so we will have to see how they are all going to co-habitate with each other. I know they don't like the turkey chicks and so we have graduated them out of the run in the daytime now. Last week-end we ran across a chicken snake that had his mind set on chicks but Frontier Man changed his mind for him and then yesterday we found another snake who just expired from swallowing a decoy egg. Sorry for this to be so graphic but this is the real part of animal husbandry and if I report the good, you have to know the bad to get the whole picture. Keeping vermin away is an everyday challenge when you have animals and the wild is looking for it's next meal.

The big Marshmallow says "Get out here so I can heard you little guys!"

Our good friend Max stopped by the other day to show his his old 1972 VW bug that he had restored for his daughter. She lives in Tx and was taking it to her this week-end. What a surprise she will have! She didn't know it was being done and it took 2 years to be restored. Beautiful huh?

I talked with Pianomanjess yesterday and it looks like the baby is full term and they do not want her to go much further because of size and so they will be inducing Grand-Doll Mom on Wednesday. So looks like The Little will be making an entrance real soon. I just went and picked up some baby things and can't wait for the time to get here already!

Well, we are all getting ready for the yearly river trip. All the kids are excited and we are too, but we have to work around all the animals and get them situated before we go. We work so hard on the garden, just to leave it every year right when it is time for the veggies to be picked. We either get sister or son to keep it watered until our return (10 days) along with the animals.

This is Frontier Man's motorcycle sanctuary in the works.

"I can't wait to take this bad puppy out all by myself..... the wind in my hair...   sun on my skin...   uh...bugs in my teeth"

Until then... you can be my bug protector dad!

Why do I have weird children?These. are. weird. children. On reflection through my pictures..... what can I say, they speak for themselves....

these three....they'r related. See the pattern ?

And now my baby, my baby is being sucked in .... Noooooo fight it Little Miss, fight it.