Sugar Bend Farm

Another Monday

Well, today was a rainy Monday.  The temp got up to 60 degrees so it wasn't too bad.  I didn't plan on getting out in it anyway, so let it rain.  Noah and I had a good day.  But for me it didn't start out that great.  I---well---I guess I have had a bad attitude lately due to circumstances going on in my life.  I know I haven't had the right spirit about it and I have been down and depressed and really in a bad place in every aspect of my life.  So I muddled around this morning carrying a grudge from the build up within, and had to really pray for God to help me.  I prayed desperately that God would help me and as usual---He did.  I got to feeling better and after listening to some tapes I have, I begin to analize my life and why I am in this place that I am in.  I decided that I am really unhappy with a lot of different things in my life.  I admitted that those areas of my life weren't working for me and although things have happened that weren't in my control; ultimately, the decisions I have made or failed to make in my life have led to this outcome.  So directly I didn't chose those things, but indirectly the decisions I have made or neglected to make, have led to them.  So I have decided to OWN this place I am in, accept responsibility for my unhappiness and do something about it.  So now, I must ACT in order to create the life that I desire.  So, I am going to sit down and write out the things in my life that I am dissatisfied with and decide what I can do, to change those things.  One of those things is my body.  The way I feel about my body affects lots of areas of my life.  It causes me to feel negative about myself in general, and my feelings of self worth are affected, whether they should or shouldn't is irrevelant, they do!  So I must decide what I will do to change it.  Either I continue on the way things have been and get what I have been getting, or I change.  So I decided to do something.  I did Tae Bo today.  I use to do it every day.  But it has been at least three years since I did it regularly.  Today I decided to start doing it again.  It always made me feel much better when I would do it.  And true to form, today after my workout, I felt awesome.  It was the pick-me-up that I needed.  I plan to keep doing it a day at a time, not just for the long lasting results, but the daily boost I need to make me feel more alive.  Just a day at a time...I also am unhappy with my organizational skills or lack there of, I am constantly needing something that I can't put my finger on, or having to work extra because of the clutter.  So I started small today.  I got my bar in my  kitchen cleared away, or almost cleared away.  It was loaded down with bills, paid and unpaid ones, sale papers, school work, coupons and an assortment of other things.  The bar is the first place anyone in the family places something when they come in the back door into the kitchen.  It is a catch-all for whatever.  So I cleared it away, organized the bills and could actually see the counter top when I was done.  I felt much better about that.  Those are just two small things, that made a big difference in the way I felt for the rest of the day.  So I had prayed for God to give me something to help me through and out of this funk I was in.  And He did.  This evening has been a great evening.  I fixed supper, my husband came home early from work.  Noah, Andrew and I had a nice supper together, I talked on the phone with an old friend that I hadn't talked to in a while; we had a wonderful talk; then Noah went to sleep and Andrew and I got to spend some quality time together.  So I will go to bed with a much different attitude than I had when I got up this morning.  And all because I prayed for God's help and I followed through with small things that made a big difference.  I heard a quote somewhere one time that I am going to try to remind myself of each day.  It went something like this, "It isn't what you do occassionally, but what you do on a consistant basis that makes the difference in your life."  So I have made a good start, but I must continue to be consistant with it on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.  Then my life will be changed for the better and I will have made the life I want.  Another quote I posted once before either here or on my other blog, "The way you spend your days is the way you spend your life."  So what you do each day, ends up being your life.  And I know now, that I have to act, not just let life happen, but I have to act, in order to find the life I dream of having.  There are many other areas of my life that I want to apply this to, but I won't go into all of them here.  But I am going to write down each area, and own the life I have now, accept responsibility for where I am, decide where I want to be, and then create a plan of action to get from here to there. 

Well, I need to get to bed, got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.  God willing I have things to accomplish and plans to make.  Thanks for reading as I work through the changes I want to make for my life.  Prayers are needed, for old habits die hard.  I, like anyone, tend to get lazy and try sometimes to take the path of least resistance; but not this time!!