I write to express, not impress....
A straight-forward look at courtship and betrothal mentalities
This is something that a few of my siblings had posted on their Xanga's, I hear it originally came from this site.
Since I have a whole different group of "readers" here, I thought I'd
post it as well. If this article interests you, you might enjoy
reading some of the comments here and here.
Sarah
Heart Matters
A straight-forward look at courtship and betrothal mentalities
Without a doubt, courtship and betrothal have become a fad, affecting almost every conservative Christian church, community, and family to one extent or another. Beginning in conservative home school and reformed Anabaptist circles, the courtship movement has spread into the mainstream American church. As the divorce rate among professing Christians grows to surpass that of the world, more people than ever are flocking onto the courtship bandwagon. As with any new movement, the market has been swamped with books, tapes, CD’s, videos, magazine articles, seminars, study guides, and even T-shirts. On internet discussion groups and message boards the finer points of courtship and betrothal are debated. Many authors and speakers present their method as “God’s best“, implying that any other approach cannot receive God’s fullest blessing.
As our social mindset has changed, how has this movement affected parents, leaders and singles? While a younger generation looks on, the first waves of hopeful singles are being turned back by the cold reality that a system cannot automatically deliver God’s best. Observing the frustrations of their older siblings, the younger ones are quietly rejecting a system that they perceive doesn’t work. For the sake of the next generation, all of us must be honest with our deepest motivations and the realities we face, be they ever so uncomfortable.
While the reactions of our parents to their experiences in “the dating game” may be in excess, we are convinced that they did it for us, and in the best of goodwill. We must rise in appreciation for the standards of godliness they have raised from which a whole generation has benefited.
God requires holiness of his people and this is a standard we desire to uphold. We do not suggest carelessly abandoning the principals of parental involvement, hands-off before marriage, and accountability throughout. We’re not advocating a hybrid of dating and courtship, or another system entirely. We are concerned with the lack of honesty that has accompanied courtship and the flawed logic and artificial spirituality that’s caused so much confusion and frustration in many areas of relationship.
We hope to present to you a series of stimulating thoughts and questions to help you better evaluate what the foundation of courtship should be.
BLESSED ARE THE PURE IN HEART
A major precept of the courtship/betrothal movement is emotional purity. The term is usually understood as “the absence of romantic feelings and interests.” This is a contradictory, perplexing, indefinable state. Courtship and betrothal mentalities view emotions to be totally unspiritual, and generally consider any romantic interest/attraction to be wrong.
In much of conservative Christianity, emotions are seen as “unspiritual” because they seem to be opposite of the truth in so many situations. From a biblical perspective, however, emotions are defined more as a result of the thoughts and intents of the heart. We are made in the image of God and emotions are a good gift from Him. We don’t honor God when we run down His gifts and perfect wisdom. It is the sinful motivations of our hearts that are suspect, not our emotions themselves. This is the wonderful grace in salvation; Christ correctly alters our perception of reality and true value, changing the very center of who we are - our desires. Then, after the heart is changed, out flow positive emotions and actions: the fruits of the Spirit!
It’s easy to proclaim, “We base all of our decisions on the truth, not emotion.” In reality, all of us base our decisions - not on emotion, not on abstract “truth,” - but on our deepest desires. Our desires are based on what we really believe will make us happy. When faced with a decision, our strongest desire always wins. Whether our emotions are positive or negative depends on whether we think our desires are being fulfilled. This all leads back, not to carnal emotion, but to the desires of the heart.
THE LEGITIMACY OF DESIRE
There exists a strange attitude regarding desire, and how it relates to godliness. The idea is that when doing good or spiritual things, one needs to be totally disinterested in any reward or personal fulfillment. Spirituality is seen as dying to every personal desire, gritting the teeth, and taking up one’s cross. This is supposedly what pleases God. These ideas have worked out in some unfortunate ways. Young people believe that the desire for marriage and all it entails to be almost wrong unless directly revealed to be “the Lord’s will” so we can better serve the Lord together.” It is not considered spiritual for people to get married because they want to be happy together. The attempt is even made to define the desire for marriage outside of sexuality. It’s as though marriage can only be allowed righteously in “spiritual” terms, to the exclusion of all else.
In many courtship testimonies, personal desire for marriage is buried under heaps of clichés and jargon. Young men pursuing romance and marriage are expected to present a spiritual sounding reason to prove their pursuit is disinterested.
The desire to be happy is one that God instilled in us, and one that He appeals to countless times in scripture. It’s not intended as an end in itself. Our need for intimacy and the desire to be cherished are to be ultimately fulfilled in Christ, but God usually chooses to fulfill part of these desires with the marriage relationship.
Our desires are the very root of who we are. The basic definition of eternal life is “the perfect fulfillment of every God given desire.” The problem with most of us is that we settle for money, a house, a mediocre marriage, and casual service and spirituality. Most people will never pursue their desire for happiness to its fullest end, in Christ Himself.
HOW THIS AFFECTS COURTSHIP
Let’s stop and look honestly at what nearly all of the “successful” courtship testimonies contain. If you read between the lines, you will find that almost invariably, even before officially courting, one or both of the parties “liked him or her.” And that’s OK. It’s what all young people are secretly waiting and longing for - to be chosen for virtue of being you; to be desired above all others by someone you admire. These longings are universal, and speak to a basic need that God built into all of us.
Countless situations reveal that unless positive emotions come to a courting relationship, all other methods and channels declaring this match to be “God’s best” do not provide a sufficient foundation to build on. That spark of romance is absolutely essential. Why is this an embarrassing secret? It’s because we’re back to what we feel again, which directly reflects our desires. And our neediness and desires don’t always come out looking like spiritual faith-filled decisions based on special revelation from God.
Think on the scenario of a courtship begun despite initial negative emotions. It’s often said that it wasn’t begun on emotions, but simple faith. Deeper honesty will reveal that it was based, not on faith, but on the more powerful desires and emotions of hope or fear. Likely the couple involved hoped romantic feelings would eventually arrive. Or they were afraid of the possibility of “this being the only one,” or they were scared of offending everyone involved with a flat “NO.”
Because we think desire and emotion to be almost wrong, we spiritualize them away, claiming to base our courtships on faith and divine circumstance. Our masks of “spirituality” have stolen the joy right out of a plan that was designed by God to reflect the desire Christ has for His Bride.
Disappointment because “she said no” or “he asked someone else” is supposed to have been done away with by courtship and betrothal systems. But it’s not. Now, since no one is supposed to be emotionally involved in the decision making process, hurt feelings go under cover.
It’s said that emotions should play no part in the process of choosing a mate. However, if a young man asks to court one girl two weeks after being refused by another, we’d all be scandalized. Why? Because deep down, we all expect a young man to invest significantly on the emotional level towards the girl he asks, to show how much he cares for her. Young women want to be desired by the young man they desire. No one wants to be the object of some one else’s apathetic or reluctant surrender to “the Lord’s will.”
WHAT IS COURTSHIP?
What does it mean when a new couple stands and announces “We are officially courting“? What should the reaction be? Have they agreed to marry? Are they beginning a time of seeking the Lord’s will, and evaluating compatibility? If so, why is there is a social stigma attached to breaking a courtship? When does courtship stop being courtship and become engagement? Is “We’re courting” just a more spiritual way of saying “we’re going steady?” Does a commitment to courtship equal a commitment to marriage? If so, do fathers have to absolve their children of the commitment to court if it doesn’t end in marriage? When a courting couple breaks up, are they emotionally damaged for good?
This place of vague indefinition between “we’re just courting” and “we’re engaged” is where seeds of fear sprout and grow. Young men fear the tremendous investment of time, emotion, and social face, with the high likelihood of no return. Young women are afraid to step out into a public relationship (that to many almost signifies marriage) with someone they may not even know. And the consequences of a failed courtship are bitter. Young men are accused of indecision and having not heard from the Lord. Young women are faulted for not yielding in faith to the direction of their authorities or succumbing to emotions. Both sides are waiting for an overwhelming sense of romantic attraction before tackling these hurdles.
NO MORE BROKEN HEARTS?
Some schools of thought lead one to think that nearly all emotional pain and heartache is the result of reaping for personal sins or errors. Their solution is to perfect one’s way in any given area, thus achieving a life free from heartache. This is not a biblically balanced concept.
Whether by direct word or implication, young people are led to believe that any “emotional mistake” before courtship will cause irrevocable damage to their future marriage. One byproduct of this fear is a throng of young people sitting tight, waiting for “God’s best.” They believe that getting “God’s best” is the surest way to avoid pain and problems for the rest of their married life. The trouble with this mentality is that when a problem comes up after a couple is married, their response may be to look back and see if they did something wrong in their courtship. Many will blame past mistakes for current distress, rather than work through problems out of their love and commitment for one another.
When courtship and betrothal advocates look at dating, the claim is made that the pairing and breaking up pattern of dating sets people up for divorce after they‘re married. Not all courtships end in marriage, however, and courtship is by nature a far more serious relationship than dating. If this thinking is employed in both dating and courtship, a courtship that ends without marriage sets one up for divorce far worse than dating. When applied equally to both dating and courtship, this logic has unfortunate implications.
HEALTHY, EDIFING RELATIONSHIPS
One of the hoped-for results of courtship is to free young people from the pressures of boyfriend/girlfriend mentalities, thus enabling spiritual fellowship.
In actuality, spin-off ideologies of courtship often result in poor relational skills between guys and girls. There is a generation of young men in conservative settings who, in the name of purity, are not gentlemen. There is a generation of young women who are awkward, insecure, and fearful. They are afraid of being too bold, too forward, or immodest. We’re all afraid. Afraid of being accused of flirting. Afraid of accidentally defrauding someone. Afraid that observers will start choosing our wedding colors. We’re especially afraid of not measuring up to the spiritual perfection implied in many testimonies and courtship plans.
Along with all the phobias, some feel their masculinity or femininity less valued. Because it’s not considered spiritual to desire or need marriage, each gender now declares all their needs fulfilled in Christ. Neither side feels respected by the other. Singles no longer feel needed to fulfill their God ordained place with the opposite gender.
One of the problems with dating is the pressure to superficially impress one’s date. Courtship’s alternative is to encourage family-oriented fellowship as a method for young people to get to know each other. However, without understanding, the pressures of the courtship/betrothal scene can be just as great. Now, instead of two people trying to impress each other, two families are trying to impress each other.
The sometimes extreme supervision of betrothal is shortsighted. If it is to keep those who are weak from falling into temptation, what will keep them from falling to temptations that come in marriage? This lack of faith has left many single adults dependent on the authority and Christianity of their well-meaning parents and church leaders. The emphasis on prevention rather than understanding easily hinders singles from living their life boldly for Christ. Could this be one reason why young men are weak and indecisive, and young women are frustrated? Parental counsel, advice and the wisdom of years is a tremendously valuable asset that shouldn’t be looked down on, but ultimately the responsibility of deciding to get married lies squarely with the individual.
AFRAID TO LOVE?
In today’s courtship/betrothal testimonies, a smooth, trial-free ride from first sight to final promise is assumed to be evidence of God’s blessing. But where in scripture do we find that the lack of pain and heartache can be used as a barometer of our spirituality? Let’s be honest. Our motivation to be spiritual and pure can be very carnal. We easily get caught up in trying to obtain the blessings of “being good” for our own selfish desires and fears. But God doesn’t have in His plan for us a license to seek our own ease via His principles.
To love is to risk. When we love someone, that person has a choice to love us back or not. If we had to love, would it be love? If we try to create a system that eliminates the risk of rejection in the pursuit of love, we violate love’s very nature. How do we know what Love is? God sent His Son. Was that a safe investment?
Suffering seems to be in God’s plan for everyone: not necessarily to punish sin, but so that we can bring the most glory to Him. Pain and suffering make grace and love possible.
CONCLUSIONS
As we see, the current philosophies of courtship and betrothal leave parents, children, and churches alike stranded - stranded in a place between wanting to do right, yet dreading failure. Some claim to take the high ground, denying the reality of God’s design for emotion, desire, and romance. This denial has led some into a quagmire of contradiction, frustration and fear. Courtship and betrothal philosophies bring an intense conflict between unproven ideas and reality. Some people who “did it by the book” have discovered that it didn’t work for them. These quiet failures are causing some to cynically throw out good principles.
What are you going to do? Ditch biblical principles and let your heart be your only guide? God forbid. Recklessly giving your heart to every face that makes it quiver is foolish. Romantic involvement with a whole string of people is asking for trouble.
On the other hand, will you cling to a man-made outline for your life?
In light of this examination of the courtship system, here are our suggestions for what the foundations of guy/girl relationships ought to be.
HONESTY
Jesus said, “Cleanse first the inside of the cup….” Claiming to live outside of emotion and personal desire is absolutely unbiblical. Our beliefs, attitudes, and practice in courtship must be based on the whole plan of God. Our study of the Bible must be complete, our interpretation consistent, and our application fair.
REALIZATION
Why do you want a system, a set of rules or steps for something that God never systemized? Why do you desire a risk-free approach to marriage? No system, in and of itself, can prevent those from sinning that would, and most systems simply frustrate those who truly desire God’s will. God does not need our help. He can bring two people who are filled with His spirit together in a myriad of ways, as He has done throughout history. He has given us basic principles of holiness, and within those principles the ways and means of getting to the marriage altar are numberless. An attitude of openness to God and a willingness to learn from the joys and disappointments He brings us will guide us in His will. God knows each of His children personally and sends us on a path of faith that is unique to our needs.
Study examples from the Bible and from history to see how God used trials, pain and deep emotional wounds to shape the character of His greatest servants. Realize that pain (even the pain of rejection) is not always punishment for sin. When you suffer without a cause, thank God for working in your life, passing you through the fire, and refining you into His image.
COMMUNICATION
Part of our change in attitude will be to realize that brotherly/sisterly social interaction is a righteous thing and can be a powerful blessing and witness. In order for it to be a blessing, we will need to invest considerably in beginning and maintaining balanced relationships with one another. Frankly, this is a fine art, but one we can all learn. Single young men and women need to acknowledge each other as people worth knowing and respecting, not as hazardous material to avoid.
An essential part of the solution is open lines of communication; an active dialogue involving parents and children, singles and church leaders. In an atmosphere of honesty and respect, contradicting issues and heart felt questions can be resolved to the glory of God.
And finally, trust the Lord, not a system, method or social structure. Acknowledge as good and right God’s wise design in all of our being. Don’t look for a faithless ten-step program on an easy, well-lit road to the Lord’s will. Be ready to step out in faith as the Lord directs your path.
Copyright 2004 Justin G. Bowling & Jason A. Lonon
This material is the express intellectual property of its authors, and may not be quoted, altered or sold. It may be transferred or distributed only in its entirety. For permission to publish this article in magazines or newsletters, please contact the authors.
150 Persimmon Branch Dr.
Marion, NC 28752
What a week!
Well, I of course know I should have updated long ago, but we had no Internet. Not to mention that I just haven't felt like being around a computer. Weird, huh?We've had a lot of rain lately, which is a good thing. Granted, it tends to come down fast and hard and cause a lot of damage, but all winter and spring the entire town has been moaning about how dry it was. Funny how many of them are now moaning about the rain. I loved it, though. As soon as I hear the thunder, I put towels in the windows and baskets of dirty laundry under the other leaks, and I'm all set!
The Fourth of July was wonderful. See, it was on July 4th of LAST year that I said goodbye to Chris and flew home, and we didn't see each other again until a week before the wedding. And we were both rather depressed at this time last year. This year was wonderful in its extreme contrasts to the same time period from last year. Chris and I did our own dinner, with just the two of us. That morning Chris and his brothers made at least two trips into town for fireworks. We had gone almost every evening in the days leading up to the 4th, but then they'd come home and promptly set off everything they'd just bought! We have had some very bizarre and hilarious evenings around here as the guys make fire kites, engage in fire-cracker wars and shoot bottle rockets in some... accidental directions. But anyway, on with the story. I didn't go to town with them because I've been really sleepy lately, and I needed to sleep that morning. So, by about noon they were satisfied with the fireworks they had, and rejoicing because the fire-ban had been lifted so the fancy fireworks at the park were still on for the evening.
So, Chris and I had our fancy meal at about three, then we just napped and talked for a few hours, milked early and then headed down to the park. We were going to take the car, but then it started raining, so I begged Chris to let us ride, and he did. It looked like quite a storm was coming, so we grabbed our rain jackets and were barely out of the driveway before it started pouring. It was so incredible! I love the rain. Anyway, everything not covered by the raincoat was just dripping by the time we got to the park. And our shoes made squishy noises all evening, and Chris kept saying only a crazy woman would beg to ride in the rain when she was 81/2 months pregnant. But he did it for me, and it really was fun! I had my sweatshirt on so I didn't get cold or anything. And the fireworks were really quite good, and I got all the watermelon I wanted because I was pregnant, and snow cones are really quite good. Unfortunately neither one of us was allowed to bungee jump, because they don't let pregnant women do it and Chris was too heavy. It was a pretty small setup, though.
Wednesday it was back to work for Chris, and I've been trying to get and keep the house clean since then. He will have this Saturday off, which is just wonderful! I do get a little lonely when he works 6 days, and lately I've just been too tired to go to work with him.
Well, I have a few things that need returned to the library, and I want to ride down there before it gets too hot. So, I'll try to update again before long, if our internet stays accessible.
Note to all! Hot fences are slightly less incredible when flung into them at high speeds, however, they are still more forgiving then the cattle panels would be.
Yea, my dear friend the bull saw to it that I found out. He doesn't like being wormed.On a more pleasant note..... we've had some lovely and mild weather here lately. Definitely easier to move around now. I've been packing up lots and lots of books, our living room is full of boxes right now. But I don't have bookshelves to put them in, and we'll be moving eventually, so why not pack them now? I am so thankful for them, though. Lots of the classic works have the study guides and literature stuff with them.... I've got almost my entire school curriculum right there! Vocab, spelling, writing, grammar, literature, history... All that's left is math and science! I am of the firm opinion you can not have too many books. You can have too many of the wrong books, but you can not have too many good books.
And, I have been introduced to many of my dear husband's favorites. Books tht HE forgot existed, until he's walking past them and going "My son's need those" and "I want these because the words in them are..." He was planning our entire school curricullum as he walked around.. The books that I just fell in love with, however, were the Encyclopedia Brown books. These are sort of "mystery" stories, but they give you all the facts, and then the reader has to figure out HOW Encyclopedia reached the conclusion he did. They're ever so much more interesting then Read and Thinks, and you really have to think harder, too! I've been having a lot of fun trying to figure them out. Of course, Chris knows the answer before I'm even half way done, but I'm learning what to look for. I already packed them, though. I just know that if my little brothers found out how fascinating they are, they'd find soem way to come out here and read them, and then I'd never see them again!
Well, I am tremendously hungry, so I am going to go get some lunch. Later!
Wonderful Friends
Wow. I never knew I'd meet so many wonderful people when I first started blogging: it was purely so I didn't have to send multiple e-mails telling the same things to my family. Yet I've met so many incredible women who have been a real support. And lately, they've been sending me stuff! I don't know how to get a hold of some of you, but please accept my deepest, most heartfelt thanks for the thoughtful gifts.Busy busy again, still cutting alfalfa, watering the garden, milking, making cheese....... And counting down the days until Mommy gets here. I can't wait to see her!
Our billy goats have been getting out... a lot, there is one in particular that is impossible to confine. Well, I thought so. BUt the other day he got out and ate up a whole day's worth of cut alfalfa, and Chris got fed up, pulled their fence down and put up a hot fence, instead of a hot wire running along the fence. It's been a week and Starbuck has not left that area.
Hot fences are incredible.The baby went through quite the growth spurt over the weekend: I couldn't eat enough, and now then, well, everything's a little bit harder to do. I love that feeling, though. It means I'm that much closer to seeing this baby. I want to see what she looks like.
Well, I had better close. Going to be another very hot and probably busy day. Look for a longer post when I have more interesting stuff happening.
International Law Threatens Home Schooling
International Law Threatens Home Schooling Warns Home School Legal Defense
By Terry Vanderheyden
PURCELLVILLE, Virginia, May 25, 2006 (LifeSiteNews.com) - A home schooling association is warning that the U.S., and even more so other countries, faces the threat that home schooling may be deemed illegal due to international law.
The Home School Legal Defense Association's (HSLDA) Chairman and General Counsel, Michael Farris, warns that even though the U.S. has never ratified the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, the convention may still be binding on citizens because of activist judges.
According to a new "interpretation" of what is known as "customary international law," some U.S. judges have ruled that, even though the U.S. Senate and President have never ratified the Convention, it is still binding on American parents. "In the 2002 case of Beharry v. Reno, one federal court said that even though the Convention was never ratified, it still has an 'impact on American law'," Farris explained. "The fact that virtually every other nation in the world has adopted it has made it part of customary international law, and it means that it should be considered part of American jurisprudence."
Under the Convention, severe limitations are placed on a parent's right to direct and train their children. As explained in a 1993 Home School Court Report by the HSLDA, under Article 13, parents could be subject to prosecution for any attempt to prevent their children from interacting with material they deemed unacceptable. Under Article 14, children are guaranteed "freedom of thought, conscience and religion" - in other words, children have a legal right to object to all religious training. And under Article 15, the child has a right to "freedom of association." "If this measure were to be taken seriously, parents could be prevented from forbidding their child to associate with people deemed to be objectionable companions," the HSLDA report explained.
Farris explains that, in 1995, "the United Kingdom was deemed out of compliance" with the Convention "because it allowed parents to remove their children from public school sex-education classes without consulting the child". Farris argues that, "by the same reasoning, parents would be denied the ability to homeschool their children unless the government first talked with their children and the government decided what was best. This committee would even have the right to determine what religious teaching, if any, served the child's best interest."
Farris suggests that there are several solutions to the dangers presented by the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child for Americans. "First, Congress has the power to define customary international law. It also has the power to modify the jurisdiction of federal courts. Congress needs to address this issue of judicial tyranny by enacting legislation that limits the definition of customary international law to include only provisions of treaties that Congress has ratified."
"Second, Congress could pass an amendment to the Constitution, stating explicitly that no provision of any international agreement can supersede the constitutional rights of an American citizen. Two such amendments have been proposed in Congress, but neither was ratified."
"Third, the specific threat to parental rights can be solved by putting a clear parents' rights amendment into the black and white text of the United States Constitution."
In countries like the UK and Canada,
which have already ratified the Convention, it is less clear what
measures can be adopted, although similar measures are likely possible.
And a note from me:
Here are a few of the scarier clauses
Article 7
1. The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and. as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents. (Somehow the right to be cared for by parents doesn't seem as important as the registration.)Article 13
-
1. The child shall have the right to freedom of
expression; this right shall include freedom to seek, receive and impart
information and ideas of all kinds, regardless of frontiers, either orally, in
writing or in print, in the form of art, or through any other media of the
child's choice.
2. The exercise of this right may be subject to certain restrictions, but these shall only be such as are provided by law and are necessary:
Article 28
1. States Parties recognize the right of the child to education, and with a view to achieving this right progressively and on the basis of equal opportunity, they shall, in particular:(a) Make primary education compulsory and available free to all;
(b) Encourage the development of different forms of secondary education, including general and vocational education, make them available and accessible to every child, and take appropriate measures such as the introduction of free education and offering financial assistance in case of need;
(c) Make higher education accessible to all on the basis of capacity by every appropriate means;
(d) Make educational and vocational information and guidance available and accessible to all children;
(e) Take measures to encourage regular attendance
at schools and the reduction of drop-out rates.
Simply reading
through it, though, is the scariest of all. While they often say
the the State should attempt to keep the parents involved in the childs
life, that is not the State's business! Instead you
see repeated instructions for testing, overseeing, and various other
ways that the State can ensure the children are seeing as much of their
paretns "as is good for them." And who determines that?
Alright! I'll update!
Hello to those of you whom I have been shamefully neglecting. There ahs, of course, been a lot going on just recently, and I'll try to cover all of it.Our offer on the Oklahoma land was accepted, so we are now in the process of purchasing it! Closing is scheduled for shortly after the baby is due. I am so glad and thankful for this! It looks like God will provide the money we need, in the time we need. Of course, our grocery-store trips have been very sparse, and we haven't gone ANYWHERE except the grocery store, but I kind of enjoy it.
Our days have settled into the definite routine that the "obvious" seasons seem to bring. Around spring and fall the days can be crazy and unpredictable, but through the winter and through the summer they always seem to settle into a pattern. It's pretty much get up early, milk the goats while Chris feeds (unless he decides I look too tired, in which case I am forbidden to arise and he does all my chores
),
then I make him breakfast and talk to him until he has to leave.
Once he's gone to work then I feed the rabbits and straighten the
house, run whatever laundry I have to do that day, and devote the rest
of my hours to finding something slightly productive to do until around
4:00 when I run madly around trying to find all the work that I forgot
to do. Of course, if I am having a very bad day, I generally
spend most of the day sleeping. Sometimes I will ride to the
library right when they open so that I can miss the heat of the
day. But then Chris gets home, and I am well-rested by that time
and can make his dinner and attempt to spoil him rotten all
evening. Usually he's too hot and tired to eat when he gets home,
so we go around Penrose and cut alfalfa out of the ditches for an hour
or two, then come home and eat. With the price of hay getting so
bad, this free crop has proven quite useful, not to mention the fact
that the goats just LOVE the fresh alfalfa.Today I made his birthday cake: tomorrow he'll be 20! And tomorrow my dear brother is getting married. How I wish I could be there! But circumstances have prevented this, and so I wish him the first of many happy days and hereby request my entire family to send me LOTS of pictures. I don't care if I get double copies: just e-mail, snail mail, somehow-mail 'em out here! Anyway, I got Chris the silicone bakeware he wanted, specifically for the traditional birthday cake, which is German Chocolate. They work so wonderfully, the cakes always fall right out and look plum perfect! And he finally gets a whole cake WITHOUT pecans in the icing. I was so glad when I found out he doesn't like nuts in his German Chocolate cake, I always disliked them in the extreme.
A rather funny story that I think most of you will enjoy: It has to do with our Alfalfa-Gathering expeditions. Usually Chris cuts a bundle on his way to work, and then in the evenings we go in the opposite direction. Well, I had noticed that the road leading to the Library had lots and lots of alfalfa on it, so we decided to make a special trip down there, as I needed to return some books. Well, there was way more then we were counting on, and as we cut and bundled it all, we were both wondering how in the world we were going to get this stuff back home! Not sure of exactly how many pounds there were, but Chris can still carry me at 140 lbs, and he could not lift all of that alfalfa at once. So we had a LOT of it. Well, we finally cut our way down to the corner, where someone had left some trash for the next day. And inspiration struck! There was a twisted and bent bed frame, with wheels on it! Sitting on top was somthing that someone had probably called a boxspring. It was more like a hollow thing with padded plywood for the top and sides and nothing in the bottom. Simply perfect for hauling the hay in! So yes, on a rather long and difficult trip back home, I followed my wonderful husband as he alternated between towing the hay-filled bed frame (we used baling twine for towing material) with his bike and trudging patiently along on foot. And I have never felt prouder. Yea, we got funny looks and he could have been embarrassed and ashamed or whatever. There sure is a time I would have been simply mortified to be seen with a man who would do such a thing! But the hay was there, the time was there, and it was practical if unusual. In short, there was nothing but "being different" that made it in the least objectionable, and therefore there WAS no objection. S owe rattled and banged our way home, and now have alfalfa spread on every available surface that the animals can not get to. Wow, what a man.
Yesterday evening was so wonderful. During one of those weepy breakdowns that have absolutely no cause (unless you consider pregancy to be a cause), Chris simply took my hand and started walking me out towards the barnyard. We sat up on the edge of the pond and watched the sunset together. Chance (the horse) came and stood behind us, and in the wind and sunset and the way he snorted and pranced at everything, I was reminded all over again of why I love horses so much, and he walked back and forth for a little while, but always stopped to get his ears scratched. And Chris muttered something about him being worse then a dog that wanted attention, but he scratched him some too. Then a Blue Heron flew down to the pond, and we sat very still as he stalked the fish, and one of the cats tried to stalk him. And the clouds were so lovely, and we sat there together and hardly talked, and didn't worry about anything, just thanked God that we had each other. Sometimes during the day it's easy to feel lonely and forsaken, yet when I'm sitting with him, I tend to forget that other people even exist. And Chris put it so perfectly when he said "This is one of those evenings that we'll stil enjoy when we're 80 years old." It was a very suitable evening for our 8-month annivarsary, which came exactly 4 days after the 1-year annivarsary of the day we saw each other in person for the first time.
Well, i had best close now. I should go ice Chris's cake. I'm walking on air, and life just gets better and better. In a way, I've gotten so used to being pregnant I can't imagine NOT being pregnant. I think I'll miss it, I really enjoy it. At least so far I have. Ok, NOW I'll close. Oh, one more thing. To Mommy and Daddy: thank you so very much for letting me get married so much earlier then planned. I love both of you and miss you terribly. And to Jonathan, if you're half as happy as I am then you're doing good.
We (HOPE) we found our land!
Whew. Where do I start? Guess the beginning would be a good idea...Well, Chris and I went on a road trip to Sasakwa, OK to look at some property for sale there. No, we don't know any one in the area, but the land looked so nice and everything we could find out about the area sounded like just what we were looking for, so we took the plunge, made the trip.... and LOVED the land. So yes, we put an offer in on it and should hear back from the guy by Friday, June 2nd. I am SOOO excited.
Now to describe this place. It is wonderfully secluded, which was a real blessing. 20 acres with a brand-new cabin, well, septic system, and well house. The cabin is furnished, and there are some extra's like a bunch of scrap lumber, a little motor boat and trailer, and so much more moisture then here in Colorado. The cabin is in a clearing on the top of the hill, then there is a good-sized pond off to the side and down the hill. The hill behind the house is wooded, but not thickly so, and the hill is not a real steep slope. THe hill in front of the house is pretty steep, plunging into a very deep water-run-off bed. Though it wasn't really wet, then just looking at the gully told you that when water runs through there, it MOVES. Most of the 20 acres is wooded, but a grass-fire that went through there last winter cleared out a fair bit of the underbrush and scrubby trees, which will make clearing the area much easier. Alfalfa and clover are growing..... everywhere the sun can get, which is a fair portion. The area on top of the hill, cleared and wooded, is mostly flat, and very few of the hills are terribly steep. So yea, the place needs a lot of work to turn it into a true homestead, but that's the whole point!
Well, other then the land, the trip was very enjoyable as well. Coming from Pennsylvania, I was dreading the humidity that comes with a moist area. Oh, I was SOOO dreading it. Yet we were driving a long, and the air kept getting moister and moister, and it felt so GOOD! I never in a million years thought I would say this, but the humidity felt energizing! So we spent a day or two driving around the area, checking out the cities nearby for jobs, picking up newspapers so we had the Help-Wanted Ads, things like that. It was wonderful to get out again, just the two of us (Probably the last time for a very long time) and have a cel phone without service, nothing to worry about.... Yes, I feel quitre refreshed and ready to tackle anything. However, since the land is all that's on my mind, and Chris's, there really isn't anything else to update about, and I will close now.
Just to let you know...
Well, I know I haven't updated in a while.... And I still can't! Chris and I are leaving tonight/tomorrow fior a few days, and I have a lto to do to make sure our animals and the garden will still be alive and well when we return. But then, yes, I will update. Promise!Of matchbox cars and conversations
Somehow, I never grew too old to race my little brothers around a "road rug" with matchbox cars. We always had boxes and boxes of those fascinating toys, but I didn't realize how much fun they were until I discovered there is not one to be found in this entire family of boys! I spent half a day searching through the trailer, and didn't find a single car I could drive aroudn my kitchen table. Shocking! When I pointed this gross irregularity out to my beloved husband, I was informed that this lack is because the Smith boys had access to yet another fascinating toy: Hammers! Alas, it appears any small cars he once owned have gone the way of all hammered things. So much for fond memories to pass to his sons. (Unless they find the hammers....
)Well, I am determined to begin a collection for my sons. Everytime we go to City Market then we pass this rack just full of them, for $0.98 each. And every time I ask for one, and every time Chris convinces me to wait. Lest you think I beg on hands and knees (only tried that once...
)
and am cruelly refused, it has become quite the joke between us, and we
both ham it up to the fullest, with my "threats" getting more and more
bizarre each time we leave the store empty handed. But, last
night, I got one!!!!! Chris had decided he was taking me on a
date (yes, our date was to the grocery store) and as something
extra special he bought me the purtiest blue race car! It is
steel-blue colored with these weird, neon-electric blue windows.First thing in the car: tear open my box and remove the car, thanking Chris profusely. He announces that if it gets that reaction he'll have to get me more. (Just what I was hoping for
)
But in his innocence, he failed to take into account that girls simply
do not treat their toys as its: this car needed an identity, a
name. After all, it is my first one! And the car was
promptly christened "Little Boy Blue." Somehow Chris thought this
was permanent proof of insanity. No clue why.Well, with that out of the way, I simply had to drive LBB around for a while: across the dashboard, up Chris's arm... you get the picture. And may I add that after years of practice, I have quite perfected the sound effects? Anyone who has listened to two boys "vrooming" back and forth outside their door for hours on end can make the appropriate noises for expressing acceleration, speed, screeching brakes and let us not forget the crashing! But I digress.
Sarah: "My car is faster then your car." LBB is flying through the air towards the front of the real car.
Chris: "Watch it girl, thems fightin' words!"
Sarah: "It's true!"
Well, it wasn't long before LBB was... talking! You got it, he was talking! I believe the conversation went something like this.....
Chris: "This is the limit." Draws line across dash board. "You stay on that side."
LBB: "Or what?"
Chris: "Or I have a very big hammer....."
LBB: "But then Sarah might cry!"
Chris: "Then you better stay on your side." Grins. (he's really not mean, you know)
LBB retreats from the edge of the line and begins driving wildly around his now-limited area. Three minutes later.
Chris: trying to drive. "Car," somehow he nevers calls him Little Boy Blue! "I think it is time for you to be good."
LBB: "Oh really?"
Chris: "Remember my hammer?"
LBB: "But I am a new car! I don't know how to be good. Maybe you should tell me."
Chris: "A good car will park in Sarah's pocket and not come out while I can see him."
Laughing so hard she is almost crying, Sarah parks the car. Chris is laughing as well. But later, in WalMart....
Chris is staring at hose nozzles on the shelf as Sarah stands behind him. Somehow LBB leaves Sarah's pocket and drives slowly around, quietly chanting "He can't see me, he can't see...." Dives back into pocket as Chris turns around.
Chris: "No way! I don't believe it!"
Sarah, oh so sweetly. "What's wrong, honey?"
Chris: "Was that ungrateful vehicle just MOCKING me?"
Sarah: "No! Never!"
Chris: "I think he was...." Starts tickling poor Sarah and then continues on his way, muttering about hammers.......
It was a hilarious evening, all thanks to LBB, which means ultimately to Chris. I really do have the greatest husband in the world. I mean, any guy who buys his wife a matchbox car and lets her drive it all over him and the car? And then tell him it's faster then his car? It really made me miss my brothers, too. Now LBB sits on top of the baby crib, awaiting the inevitable day when a minature Chris gets his first hammer.......
Hmmmm, where to start? I know I have a lot to say, I just..... don't remember what it all is! But I'll try.
In evening devotions we're reading through Psalm 119. Been taking us a little longer then most chapters do, but it has been so worth it. I don't think I've ever sat down and read the whole thing before, and some nights after reading I just want to weep. The entire Psalm is plea to God, a plea that God will write his law on our hearts and never let us turn aside, never let us forget. It is over 100 verses of begging God to teach us right from wrong, to imprint his laws and statutes on our minds and souls. It is so easy to apply God's laws to others, and yet within our own hearts is the true battleground, the one and only place we have any control over.
Reading the blog of a friend who takes part in weekly abortion protests, I have been struck once more with not only the horror of what goes on, but the awfulness of sitting idle and doing nothing. We turn and look the other way, agreeing with all our fellow believers that it is a sin. Yet it is not the fellow believers who need to be told, it is the women walking into that house of murder every day! And what about witnessing? Every day, people pass us in the store, on the street, and on their way to hell. Of course there is unsuitable times and manners of witnessing, but there is still so much more that most of us could do! So many causes, so much I could, should, would do, want to focus on, to change. Yet we must take life one day at a time, never losing sight of our earthly priorities or heavenly purpose, or the weight of the world will overwhelm our frail stength. If we step outside of the clearly revealed word of God in order to do good, God will not prosper our efforts and without him they are nothing. As great as the need to the world is, the first and foremost duty I have is loving Chris, taking care of my home. All else here must come second to that. I think of Queen Mary, the wife of William of Orange. She was in such a position to do good to nations, to be their sole ruler and make all the wise decisions for them: yet she chose honoring her husband over all else, and through her treatment of King William, he became one of the greatest Christian rulers the world has ever seen. In the end, she did more good by keeping her priorities straight.
Got most of the Keepers articles typed up on Friday, just in time! I believe Margaret is going through them now. By the way, has every one seen the finished layout? It wasn't up when the first issue was released. Of course, all future articles will be viewable by subscribers only, as will our Princess Connection, a pen-pal feature. We are working on figuring out how to keep this exclusive, either with password access to the subscriber-exclusive areas of the website, or hidden links.... Our web-masters are working on it now. ANd since they are the absolute best, then......
Just when our fridge was full, someone came by yesterday and bought 5 gallons of goats milk. Chris is feeding them more gras hay now instead of alfalfa, and that has cut back their milk production a bit. But since I'm not selling the cheese, I can only make so much of it!
Still, that was a definite blessing to sell some of that. My
little goats are getting so big, Sprout is developing bad manners and
will probably need to be disciplined, and the bull and I had what I
hope was our final argument: I used the HotShot on him.
Twice. I have been giving Ribeye, the calf, grain: but Buddy
doesn't get any, and my arms were hurting from swinging a stick back
and forth to keep him away, besides the fact that he stopped caring
about getting his nose whacked. So I got out the cattle prod and
Presto! A bull who stays on the other side of the pen! I really
love that big guy, but I am still in the process of convincing him I am
meaner and badder then he is.That's all for now. I'll be sure and update next time I have something to tell.
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