Country Mom

Post Pardum Depression: Part 1

Good day to all and Blessings to all who enter this site!

This is part 1 of a several part series on Post Partum Depression.  Part one will mostly be on my battle with this disease.  How it affected my marriage, my personal life, my kids life, etc.

I was officially diagnosed in December of 2008.  But it was short journey compared to some women and their journey, but a long one for myself and my family. 

I was ready to divorce my husband.  My husband and I were having problems pretty much since shortly after the birth of my son.  The chemical imbalance sure wasn't helping me perceive reality.  We were constantly fighting.  I always seemed angry even if I didn't want to be angry.  It seemed no matter what, I was always angry... mostly at my husband.  I seemed to pit most of my anger at my husband. I had no idea what was going on or what to do. I just knew something had to give. Something had to change in my life.  I did start to draw closer to my church, and at this time my husband wasn't "into" church yet. I mean he went but that's about it.  We just seemed to grow more apart everyday. Oh, heck, let's be honest, we grew more apart every minute.  Let me put it this way.  Just before Christmas, I was looking into moving back to Vegas, just me and the kids. I was researching all that I could before separating from my husband. I was full ready to get a divorce.  To tell you the truth, so was my husband.  He to was tired of fighting and was just tired in general of all that was happening.  The funny thing was, was that neither of us really wanted to get a divorce. I know, I know, that's sounds just like a contradiction. And, it probably is, however, we both knew something had to give. We just didn't know what to do other then a divorce.

This also affected my kids. My daughter to be specific.  My son could do no wrong, literally.  He was just a baby.  That I could clearly recognize in my unsound mind state.  However, my daughter also got the brunt of things. It seemed everything she did was wrong.  I always seemed to be yelling at her. It didn't seem to matter what she did, it was just wrong. 

Then, the relief came.  I wasn't diagnosed with PPD yet, but I at least knew what it was.  My husband's boss is the one who brought it to our attention. She just happened to read an article about it not to long ago (from this point).  It was about Brooke Shields (she too had PPD).  She then told my husband about it.  He told me.  I then looked up PPD on the internet.  I then knew what I had, what it was. Yes, I still had to go to the doctor (and I did) to have it confirmed (and he did).  But, at least I knew what it was that was the matter.  That in itself was a huge relief. I now could begin my recovery.  My husband now had much more patients for me.  I had to be put on medication (Zoloft was best for me).  Then make my way back.  Now, I admit my husband and I have a way to go.  We also really need some counseling (but money speaks louder right now).  However, we're well on our way to a full recovery.  I am off my meds now and life is much smoother and closer to what it was before PPD at home. 

I had no idea that anger was a very common sign of PPD. It also had to be the major player in mine. If there are any questions (more in-depth) as to what it was like, I'll be happy to answer them.

I will be posting symptoms that someone may or may not experience during this, along with some possible feelings in my next post. I welcome any and all post.  I'm also looking to post anyone else’s stories that you're willing to share. I feel this is a sorely understood subject, even in this day and age.  Many of us suffer from this in some form or another. Many of us are still ashamed of this. (thought many may not be as severe as mine and some may be more so).

I thank you for your time and hope you may get something from my small series of post on PPD.  I pray for great blessings on your day.

Jessica

Untitled Comment

11:39, Monday, August 4, 2008 .. Posted by blessedmomof10

Jessica,
I am so glad to hear that you found about about PPD before you went forward with your divorce! So many women suffer from this! It is more common than is reported. Most women I know have suffered in some degree from the baby blues after having children. It is being talked about more - but still many suffer without knowing what is wrong! I am so glad to hear you got help!
I look forward to reading more ~
gloria

Thank you

12:20, Monday, August 4, 2008 .. Posted by CedarCityMom

I thank you so much for your support &reading my post. I very much agree it's not nearly talked enough about. Again, Thank you!
Jessica

Untitled Comment

01:36, Monday, August 4, 2008 .. Posted by gabbie427

Thank you for writing this and being so open about you experience with PPD. I too have suffered from it, and so many have thought it necessary to sweep it under the rug. I tell as many as I can, because I hope it will help someone else!!

God's Blessings,
Amy Jo

Thankyou

09:35, Tuesday, August 5, 2008 .. Posted by CedarCityMom

Dear gabbie-

I thankyou for your comment. Comments like yours are the ones that make me glad I wrote this post and will continue one this post. I would love four you to write a small post for my article, I'm looking for others stories too. I pray for your struggles too.
God Bless!
Jessica

God bless you!

11:43, Tuesday, August 12, 2008 .. Posted by kerimae

I am so glad you are sharing your story. I believe I suffered from this with baby number five, although not to the extent that you did. I remember being so frustrated with my husband, I just wanted him to *GO AWAY*, I was so mad! Wow, so glad that passed and so thankful for the Lord and His mercies.

I pray mommies will be blessed by your sharing!

Hugs,
Keri

Thank you!

12:13, Wednesday, August 13, 2008 .. Posted by CedarCityMom

Keri-
Thank you so much for your support in my quest to try & reach more women about this serious disease.
Jessica