Catholic Heart

economic woes, future worries

08:55, Sunday, February 3, 2008 .. Link

This past week I've been experiencing a deep sadness again, an aloneness, but it's difficult to pinpoint its source. I remember reading in MT's book that those who give light to others, often find themselves in great darkness, that we experience the darkness of Christ's sufferings on the Cross even as He gave His light to others.

I started a website yesterday, called Special Needs Resource Consulting. I plan to use it to help other parents just starting in the Early Intervention process, and also I hope to write more articles about evaluations, medical assistance, the diagnostic process, and how to cope with daily life in the meantime. As I started establishing the framework, it occurred to me how overwhelming this project would be, and how would I write all these articles .... it's all in my head, but finding the time and DOING it are challenging.

Everything will change next month. My little one will start preschool, which will free up 3 hours a day, 3 days a week for me. I'll be able to work a little, clean, run errands, write. It will be a stark change for me.

Since I was pregnant with her, my little one has needed me constantly. She was a high risk pregnancy, involving bed rest, weekly or bi-weekly testing (ultrasounds), serious antenatal depression on my part, and then from one year onward .......... doctor visits and therapy sessions. Round-the-clock, nonstop.

March will be a shock for me. And since my husband is planning his return to night school in March ...... I'm fearing that March will hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.

In the meantime, I'm trying to survive on very little money (being paid two weeks late again), increasing food costs, and the awareness that gas prices will go up again by summer to $3.50 a gallon, at least. Our section of the city is not designed for ease of walking to run errands, but I have to figure something out. And I know Catholic school tuition will be going up again, along with the registration fee of $100 again. They're trying to keep the school open when they keep losing families each year ... but raising tuition and fees drives more families away, while they hired new teachers for their new preschool in hopes of drawing more families to stay. It's a vicious cycle. To offset the tuition costs, they do fund raisers throughout the year ..... no matter how you look at it, the money has to come from "somewhere" -- for all of us. And "experts" are debating whether we're in a recession, is one coming, etc. ..............

For us, for our city, I think we're in a recession already. Their stimulus packages and other 'bright ideas' won't get here in time, and I don't like the idea of 'handouts' from the government - government dependency is not something I'm in favor of. Yet, we pay taxes for a lot of things we don't approve of - maybe it's like we're getting our money back that won't go towards what we disagree with.

I am also confused on how they can send rebate checks out when the federal government is in a deficit? How do you send out money you don't have? Is it like a government credit card?

Good thing I'm not a financial adviser ....... these things make no sense to me - I just get depressed about them when I see 'no way out' of a looming crisis without jeopardizing my children's daily lives.

And yet I know that Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow, but to deal with today, that tomorrow will have enough troubles of its own .... and to remember the lilies and the birds, we are worth much more than they are, and that God would take care of us as His children. I try very hard to remember God's faithfulness to me and my family these last nine years (that I have been home with my children). We've had some very difficult times, due to lack of planning or poor management, but God has come through for us, even at the last minute. It is so hard to trust when I can't see when that 'last minute' will be, but it is what He asks of me -- to take care of what He has given me to manage (my family), and He will provide what is needed.

My aunt has been asking St. Anthony for help with a family situation, and it appears that he has indeed interceded ..... think I will try also, it cannot hurt.

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