Catholic Heart

on submission in role of "keeper"

06:49, Monday, January 21, 2008 .. Link

In response to the comments received (thank you), I did go to the chapel this afternoon, and spent about twenty minutes in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. I felt the dryness, but remembered to offer it up for the intentions of others. As I knelt praying, an elderly woman came in very quietly and sat down on the other side of the chapel. She seemed to be of heavy heart and spirit. As I prayed, a thought came to me that i should give her my rosary, and a gentle chastising within that I had not made any more rosaries recently. I apologized inwardly for this oversight, and promised the Lord I would return to making rosaries so I could give them away to others as promised.

So, I did. I ended with my "Come be my light" prayer (my version of the heart of Mother Teresa's book), and as I went to leave, I touched the woman's arm. I handed her my rosary and told her that I wanted her to have it, that it has been through many prayers, and has been with me long enough - it was time for a new home.

As I left, I saw her wrap the rosary around her hands as she likewise knelt to pray. That gave a good feeling that it was the right thing to do, and I mentally resolved to always be working on a rosary, and to always have a "stash" of completed rosaries in my bag, so that I'd always be ready to "make them, pray them, give them away."

Then I faced an issue with my freelance work over businesses that value deadlines and money over family and what's right. Women, especially in your 30s and 40s -- don't let businesses and society dictate your morals or your life priorities. It can eat you alive. Your family comes first, always. People call me backwards, but I believe in my heart that it is better for a woman to be home before her husband comes home, to have the children ready, the house ready, and a hot, satisfying dinner ready when he arrives. I find that I generally need to start preparations by 4:30 p.m., as my husband usually arrives home between 6 and 6:30 p.m., and he works a hard day and needs to eat and relax and rest his weary body. The children should not be on the phone chattering with their friends, the baby should be awake and in a pleasant mood (if possible), the table ready for eating dinner as a family, the living room or family room tidied and ready for your husband to relax and find refuge from the world, and perhaps his favorite "comfy clothes" (as we call them) ready to change into from a grungy work uniform.

Then later in the evening, after everyone has eaten and had their fill, I clean up from dinner, wipe down the stove, clean out the sink, and make lunches and set up the coffee pot for the next morning. So the next morning, I am the first to rise at 6 a.m. for morning prayers and my coffee, make sure the coffee is hot and ready - fix my husband's coffee, make and pack his toast, yogurt, sandwich and snack with his medications, make sure his wallet, phone and keys are ready, and see him off to work after a quick chat of what that day may hold. Then it's me grabbing a quick shower and then preparing the kids for their day ... and my running continues. My husband leaves by 6:30 a.m., and often does not return home until 6:30 p.m., and sometimes he gets home even later depending on what his bosses are demanding.

I've read in many places that women in their 20s are understanding the role of submission in marriage, but that often seems to fall apart once women hit their 30s and 40s. I say - let this be your strongest time!! Submission sounds like a sign of weakness, but it is actually a source of great strength and consolation in a marriage when the wife is submissive to her husband. When a wife is a true "keeper at home" in the manner which is best for her husband, then he knows that he has a "Rock solid" wife he can depend on, lean on, trust, turn to, and value more than anyone else, for her worth is truly "far above rubies". My husband may not be aware of how his reliance on my role as keeper has grown over the years, but we've been married for nearly 12 years, and our marriage now is stronger than it has ever been (I'm frequently complimented on this also). It took me several years to reach this place of submission in my role as keeper - but it's been worth every step.

Women in your 30s and 40s who disregard the idea of submission and being a keeper as a "yeah, right, like I'm gonna do THAT for HIM!" ...... don't be too quick to judge until you've witnessed the power and strength it can bring to your marriage. Even if your husband is lapsed or fallen away (as mine is), you can still do this -- because YOU can believe and submit to the will of God for wives, and in turn this blesses your marriage with many graces and much inspiration. It requires much prayer and sacrifice, but is entirely possible -- I'm living proof of this. My husband's words to me recently were that I'm the love of his life and his best friend, and his 'sidekick' (he meant that lovingly) .... he has never 'gushed' like that before, but one morning it just came pouring out of him when we were talking about some serious issues.

Many of the career-oriented and "me first" women who I have talked to are in their 30s and 40s, which is why my comments are directed towards them. I'm 35 years old .... I know what I'm talking about - I live it. And I've noticed that the women who have spoken most angrily against the notion of submission, are also the ones with miserable husbands and rocky marriages ... hmmmmm.

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