My life untold

My mother's story

Tomorrow will be Mother's Day and will be the second Mother's Day that I don't have a mother to send greetings. She died almost two years ago...May 23, 2006. She was to me the best mom in the whole world. Of course we all claim to have the best, don't we? I posted a wish on WUAH for my mom's story to be published and I am praying and hoping that a hero will help me fulfill this dream. This will be my greates gift I could give in memory of my dearest mom.

My mom was born on July 13, 1947, 5th among 11 children of Timoteo and Memia Moya. I don't know much about the life of my mom when she was growing up...all I knew was she was the only child who pursued her college. She begged to finish it and almost cried when her father told her she can't. Women before should stay at home when they get married so there's no reason for my mom to go to college. Since her other older sisters didn't either. But through her persistence, she got her degree in Elementary Education at the University of Southern Mindanao. A state University in our hometown in the province Cotabato. She got an item to one of the schools in town and after 9 years of teaching, she met my father who was a soldier by then, and they married on May 6, 1979 when she was 29 and my father was 24. A year after they were blessed with a baby girl, Crislyn and two years after I was born. We went to school where my mom taught and I was so proud then that my mom was a teacher. When I was 8, she gave birth to my youngest sister, Cherelyn.

I grew up seeing my mom working so hard at home and at school. She was so dedicated to her family and to her profession. She would patiently stay up late at night to make lesson plans and woke before the rooster do to prepare for school. She was loved by all her colleagues...always smiling, always calm, patient, soft-spoken and kind. When a student couldn't pay miscellaneous fees, she would pay for it without second thoughts. She would bring bag of gently used clothes to her student who don't have decent clothes to wear and she made sure that all her students have snacks and if she sees one or two who have none, she will buy them food at the canteen. She was receiving check just enough and more often short for our needs but she amazingly knew how to deal with all these financial problems.

On October 2006 we received a message that she was in the hospital for stomach pain. My family are living 3 hour-bus ride from her and this made me feel like going home to see her and be with her. She seldom gets sick, thus making me more anxious to go home. The doctor said there is nothing to worry about. He said my mom has developed a blockage on her gallbladder that needs to be removed by surgery. My mom don't want to miss a day at school so she asked if this could wait until after the school year (that will be in March or April). The doctor assured her that this could wait until that time. Not just one doctor but 3 different doctors assured her of this as they see nothing serious on her ultrasound result.

 In November when my mom was hospitalized for the third time, my husband and I talked about it and we decided to go home...for good...we left the city and our things. For the short time we have been there, I saw how she lost appetite...she lost weight and yet she seemed alright. She still goes to school early in the morning. And even she could eat lunch on the canteen which she normally does, she will come home just to see my daughter Ella. They will bond together and snuggle infront of the tv. After an hour she will leave for her afternoon class again and Ella will patiently wait for her. In the afternoon when my mom gets home, they will continue their bonding moment as if the world will end soon. They spent a lot of times together and my mom seemed to get strength from Ella's presence.

I can see she was in pain, but she was silent about it. many times she lay on the floor watching tv and she'd ask me or Donald to massage her head and neck. It was February when her color become yellowish again and she complains on not able to turn her neck around. Yet on these days she still goes to school not wanting to miss a single day to teach her kids. Her coteachers noticed she sleeps a lot too during lunch break...'cos this time she doesn't go home for lunch anymore...she wanted to sleep and she can't do it at home since she can't resist Ella's charm. Days passed and she was still the same mom, so patient and loving and never complaining. She was taking medicine prescribed by her physician for the pain. I was telling her to undergo CT scan but we have no money for this procedure. Since we have no insurance and the PhilHealth doesn't cover for this, my mom chose to wait for April for her surgery. I have tried to ask for help, I talked to people to loan me $125 for CT scan and I will work odd jobs for them so I can pay...but all turned me down. Donald went to the Mayor's office to ask for medical assistance but received only referrals. Hospitals won't do CT scan for free but gives a big discount to poor families...so this will cost only $125 which is half the regular fee. But $125 is hard to find..my mom receives her check with almost negative amount...she has loans being paid and have to buy prescriptions. In those days I can see the suffering and all we can do is take care of our food...we live with my mom and younger sister that time and I make personalized gift items, flour candies and rice muffins to sell. This made us eat and i was able to help out with my younger sisters allowance.

In April she was having fever and the neck pain severed. I asked her to go with me the following day for a check up and she nodded silently....in pain. I massaged her. I was happy that at last she agreed to go see a doctor. She always refuses the past days because I know she worries about money. Early the following day, I went to my aunt and ask for a $50 loan but with no luck. I went home in tears not knowing where to turn to. I was very grateful when my grandfather offered $60 so I told my mom to get dressed. We have waited for almost 2 hours for the specialist, this time we went to the nearby city to seek another opinion. The doctor checked on my mom and was calm to tell us he have found a lump on my mom's tummy and this needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. He asked me where we are planning to bring my mom, I said in Manila (the capital city of the Philippines). My grandfather is a WWII veteran and he and his children are entitled for a big discount at Philippine Veterans Hospital. The doctor said we should bring her there the same day or the following day. I was alarmed. I prodded on why it has to be that urgent, he said this is because when my mom will get fever, it is hard for her to travel.

On the way home, we are both silent....I was thinking of how will my mom get to fly to Manila in this very short notice. We only have less than 24 hours to secure money. With my grandfather's help, she was able to get tickets. The day my mom left was the last day I have spoken to her. Donald and Ella went with the van to the airport while I was chose not to go...It would be hard for me to see her go and I don't want to see me cry as I know this will upset her too. My grandfather who is at that time seeking medical treatment too in Manila was her companion along with another aunt of mine. My dad was on his farm in Pagadian hundreds of miles away from our hometown, my older sister Crislyn was in Davao while me and my younger sister were at home. During those days I always carry this pain of lossing my mom. I am afraid! I am not ready for it neither do my family. But from the day my mom left, I knew then that we will loose her. I just don't know when, but I know it will come.

Everyday we talk to her on the phone, I got to tell her not to worry about us especially her little Ella. She was even more ecited than frightened to have the surgery done. But just when she arrived in the hopsital, she had fever. This hindered her surgery. Days passed by and there is no improvement..it only got worst. I called my aunt and asked her to tell me with all honesty how my mom was doing....She broke inot tears and we cried for a while never knew what to say. She confided that my mom could not be operated because she needs blood transusion which certainly cannot be possible because of high fever. So this hit me! My mom needs us! She needs her family to be there beside her. I was told by another aunt to go and be with mom...half part of me wanted to but the other refuses....I am thinking of my sisters. I know my mom loves me too but I was thinking all the time that firstborn and the youngest are the ones closer to mother's heart. And I don't want my sisters to regret having not seeing my mom for the last days of her life....I wanted to go but I wanted to protect my sisters from tremendous guilt of not taking care and holding my mom. So I worked on everyhting for them to fly, I called my older sister to book two tickets and asked her to secure additional money as I am short of money...I am still waiting for a loan from the money lender in my mom's school. Both my sister's are not ready in loosing our mom, I told them that we should expect for the worst thing to happen. That we will prepare for whatever God has planned.

The hardest part of it was convincing myself that mom will get well, that she will be healed and walk home. Everyday God has made I was talking to Him of giving us strength to accept His will. I am praying that if my mom has really a cancer, then let it be but my plea is for courage and strength. I ws happy when I hear a word that my mom has improved when my sisters arrived in the hospital. The following day, my dad too flew from Pagadian to be with her. She was finally wheeled to the operating room after blood transfusion. The surgery took only less than an hour and I was surprised. We waited for two weeks for the biopsy result and it was the longest weeks of my life. After two weeks, the waiting is finally over. I received a call from my dad telling me in his saddest voice...that my mom has cancer of the gallbladder in fourth stage. Doctors already given up but we are still hoping for a cure....Donald saw about alternative medicine on tv and we called them in the hospital. My older sister and aunt went to the clinic to consult about my mom's condition. They bought all the prescription and let mom take it. 

Everyday we called mom, we cheered her and tell stories about Ella then she and Ella will talk over the phone for minutes about Ella's birthday which is coming up in a few weeks. Ella excitedly announces that "Mamang Eling" will buy her cake on her birthday. I was blessed that I have loaned money from the lender to send to Manila. When I called one afternoon, my mom's voice was deep...it is like a voice coming from a hole....I was worried sick. I asked her why she lost her voice, and she reasoned out "it's because of the medicine I am taking...it needs to be mixed in cold water..." The last conversation we had was all about my daughter Ella...about her birthday. Oh how my mom cares about her grandaughter's birthday! She worries about it and I assures her that I will take care of everything....that Ella will have a party and that she will be home by then to celebrate with us.

On the day of their flight home, I was very excited as much as Ella and Donald. I have prepared my mom's bed in the living room since I was told that she needs to be taken cared of when she gets home. I sewed a nice flowered curtain of her favorite color and bought a juicer to prepare her food. I also bought 2 nice pillows and sewed sheets and pillow cases. There are also 2 dozen of glasses for her visitors...I know she will have lots of visitors to come. I was so excited to see my mom again...Donald went with the ambulance to the aiprort, a 1 and a half drive from home. I almost jumped from my seat when I heard the ambulance coming. It's 3:00pm when mom arrived home. I stood outside the house, waiting for the rear door to open. Ella screamed excitedly "Mamang Eling!!!!!!" as she ran to meet her. When the door was opened, I almost fainted. My mom lay on the stretcher with her eyes and mouth wide open...gasping for air. In an instant I called to the Lord to please take my mom NOW. She was dying. She could not recognize people. In the dawn of their flight she had seizure.

They lifted her to the bed I made....I was trembling yet I have to be strong for Ella. I told Ella it was her Mamang Eling but she refused...she said it's not her Mamang Eling. My mom grew her hair long and gray hairs appeared on the forehead. She was so thin and frail. I tried to hold her but I can't. I honestly could not bear seeing her dying. At 8pm I finally gained courage...my dad said I will go and talk to her....I sat beside her and stroked her hair. I began to whisper in her ear the words I have not said....the words that I have only written in letters and cards....the words that I am meaning to say for so long yet too ashamed to utter....I whispered over and over again the words I love you....and tears rolled from her eyes. I held her hands and kissed her. I don't know how long I sat there whispering in her ears all the words I long to say....as I was saying those words, her tears kept rolling....twice she tried to move her hands as if she's trying to say something. Ella and Donald came to stroke her and kiss her. Ella put on some powder on her hands and said I love you's. As the night gets deeper, I talked to her more. I said not to worry about Ella, that I and Donald will take good care of her and try to give her all her needs. As I stroke her hand I promised her one more thing, that my younger sister can get her college diploma no matter what it takes. It was the last words I spoke.....another tear rolled down her cheeks and took her last breath. My mom died with a promise that I made. I leaned to kiss her one last time and whispered "Goodbye Mamang....rest and see you in heaven..."

My dearest Mamang Eling went home to the Lord on May 23, 2006 at 11:00pm. This is the moment I have proven how much God loves us. He did not let my mom suffer long, and He gave me a chance to hold my mother one last time. My mom could have died on the way home, but she endured....God gave her strength to be able to go home alive. My mom could have given up all the way home....but she sacrificed. She endured. Because she wants to protect me from tremendous guilt of not having to say the words I long to say and of not having to bid farewell. I may not have been there with her in Manila through her ordeal....but I was beside her, holding her until her last breath. This is such a great comfort to me.

She was buried  a day before Ella's birthday....surely she was home to celebrate with us. She was home with the Lord.

 (It took me a week to write this story....it was very hard to write my mom's story. I am missing her so much and the more I am nearing to its end, the harder it gets....forgive me if I have not written this well....)

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out here! This is the second Mother's Day that my mom is not here with us, hopefully we could visit her gravesite on her 2nd death anniversary on the 23rd.

This is our second Sunday here and I didn't expect to have more kids in Sunday School! they are in different sizes! I have a 12 year-old and the youngest is 2! So this was a great challenge now for me...I must follow a curriculum but with the wide difference among ages, I think I have to ask for reinforcement :-) Another teacher is needed to handle the older ones. We made Mother's Day cards before we ended our class and they have enjoyed it. All materials compliments of Ella :-) I am so glad she doesn't complain. She was even more than willing to share everything she has. It was all from her "project" thingie...the papers, crayons and stickers.  After the worship service, there are 5 who were baptized by the river officiated by Donald. Ella was so excited when she heard the announcement that there will be baptismal. She said: "Mommy, sama tayo ha!!! May magpa-BACKTIZE!!!" (Mommy, let's go with them!!! There will be people to be backtize!!!) That is our vocabulary of the day...

Ella's vocabulary:

BACKTIZE-dipping of the body in the river to erase the sins and be called a Christian

She was asking her daddy soooo many question about baptismal...one after another...and we are surprised on how well she understood and of how eager she want to learn. They were like having a one on one bible study :-) When she was satisfied with Donald's answers, she announced she wanted to be baptized! Oh dear...that took us more time explaining to this little debator all the things she need to know. It was the first time I heard her say she wanted to grow fast! More often than not I would hear her say she don't want to grow fast because of the house chores! :lol:

Dancing antenna

I woke up and showered early, Tatang will fetch me for a Business Opportunity Meeting in town. While waiting for him, I checked my mails, write a few letters and worked on a story. I am not yet done with it when he came, so I left my work undone.

The BOM went well...it was conducted by a company selling soap, coffee, food supplements, herbal sanitary napkin and the magnetic-therapheutic jewelries. This jewelry was said to magnetize all the toxins out of your body which is secreted through urine and sweat. And the fascinating thing is, you feel a lot more energized when you wear it!

It was past 1 in the afternoon when I arrived home. I sat straight on my pc to finish what I am writing...to my dismay the connection went on and off...as the wind blew, the antenna on top of the tree sways too...and that made my internet doze on and off. At one moment it says connected, then it has a lovely red X the next moment....this goes on and on for hours. And boy I wanted Donald to climb up there and hold the antenna still until I am done. He called Smart and the one who installed it, they will transfer it on top of the chapel by Monday and there would be no more dancing antenna by then.

Donald and Tatang had visited 4 households this afternoon and Ella was sooo excited that Sunday School is just a sleep away. We will make Mother's Day Cards tomorrow and hope she won't insist on having a lesson about Pooh :-)

My mother's story

Tomorrow will be Mother's Day and will be the second Mother's Day that I don't have a mother to send greetings. She died almost two years ago...May 23, 2006. She was to me the best mom in the whole world. Of course we all claim to have the best, don't we? I posted a wish on WUAH for my mom's story to be published and I am praying and hoping that a hero will help me fulfill this dream. This will be my greates gift I could give in memory of my dearest mom.

My mom was born on July 13, 1947, 5th among 11 children of Timoteo and Memia Moya. I don't know much about the life of my mom when she was growing up...all I knew was she was the only child who pursued her college. She begged to finish it and almost cried when her father told her she can't. Women before should stay at home when they get married so there's no reason for my mom to go to college. Since her other older sisters didn't either. But through her persistence, she got her degree in Elementary Education at the University of Southern Mindanao. A state University in our hometown in the province Cotabato. She got an item to one of the schools in town and after 9 years of teaching, she met my father who was a soldier by then, and they married on May 6, 1979 when she was 29 and my father was 24. A year after they were blessed with a baby girl, Crislyn and two years after I was born. We went to school where my mom taught and I was so proud then that my mom was a teacher. When I was 8, she gave birth to my youngest sister, Cherelyn.

I grew up seeing my mom working so hard at home and at school. She was so dedicated to her family and to her profession. She would patiently stay up late at night to make lesson plans and woke before the rooster do to prepare for school. She was loved by all her colleagues...always smiling, always calm, patient, soft-spoken and kind. When a student couldn't pay miscellaneous fees, she would pay for it without second thoughts. She would bring bag of gently used clothes to her student who don't have decent clothes to wear and she made sure that all her students have snacks and if she sees one or two who have none, she will buy them food at the canteen. She was receiving check just enough and more often short for our needs but she amazingly knew how to deal with all these financial problems.

On October 2006 we received a message that she was in the hospital for stomach pain. My family are living 3 hour-bus ride from her and this made me feel like going home to see her and be with her. She seldom gets sick, thus making me more anxious to go home. The doctor said there is nothing to worry about. He said my mom has developed a blockage on her gallbladder that needs to be removed by surgery. My mom don't want to miss a day at school so she asked if this could wait until after the school year (that will be in March or April). The doctor assured her that this could wait until that time. Not just one doctor but 3 different doctors assured her of this as they see nothing serious on her ultrasound result.

 In November when my mom was hospitalized for the third time, my husband and I talked about it and we decided to go home...for good...we left the city and our things. For the short time we have been there, I saw how she lost appetite...she lost gain and yet she seemed alright. She still goes to school early in the morning. And even she could eat lunch on the canteen which she normally does, she will come home just to see my daughter Ella. They will bond together and snuggle infront of the tv. After an hour she will leave for her afternoon class again and Ella will patiently wait for her. In the afternoon when my mom gets home, they will continue their bonding moment as if the world will end soon. They spent a lot of times together and my mom seemed to get strength from Ella's presence.

I can see she was in pain, but she was silent about it. many times she lay on the floor watching tv and she'd ask me or Donald to massage her head and neck. It was February when her color become yellowish again and she complains on not able to turn her neck around. Yet on these days she still goes to school not wanting to miss a single day to teach her kids. Her coteachers noticed she sleeps a lot too during lunch break...'cos this time she doesn't go home for lunch anymore...she wanted to sleep and she can't do it at home since she can't resist Ella's charm. Days passed and she was still the same mom, so patient and loving and never complaining. She was taking medicine prescribed by her physician for the pain. I was telling her to undergo CT scan but we have no money for this procedure. Since we have no insurance and the PhilHealth doesn't cover for this, my mom chose to wait for April for her surgery. I have tried to ask for help, I talked to people to loan me $125 for CT scan and I will work odd jobs for them so I can pay...but all turned me down. Donald went to the Mayor's office to ask for medical assistance but received only referrals. Hospitals won't do CT scan for free but gives a big discount to poor families...so this will cost only $125 which is half the regular fee. But $125 is hard to find..my mom receives her check with almost negative amount...she has loans being paid and have to buy prescriptions. In those days I can see the suffering and all we can do is take care of our food...we live with my mom and younger sister that time and I make personalized gift items, flour candies and rice muffins to sell. This made us eat and i was able to help out with my younger sisters allowance.

In April she was having fever and the neck pain severed. I asked her to go with me the following day for a check up and she nodded silently....in pain. I massaged her. I was happy that at last she agreed to go see a doctor. She always refuses the past days because I know she worries about money. Early the following day, I went to my aunt and ask for a $50 loan but with no luck. I went home in tears not knowing where to turn to. I was very grateful when my grandfather offered $60 so I told my mom to get dressed. We have waited for almost 2 hours for the specialist, this time we went to the nearby city to seek another opinion. The doctor checked on my mom and was calm to tell us he have found a lump on my mom's tummy and this needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. He asked me where we are planning to bring my mom, I said in Manila (the capital city of the Philippines). My grandfather is a WWII veteran and he and his children are entitled for a big discount at Philippine Veterans Hospital. The doctor said we should bring her there the same day or the following day. I was alarmed. I prodded on why it has to be that urgent, he said this is because when my mom will get fever, it is hard for her to travel.

On the way home, we are both silent....I was thinking of how will my mom get to fly to Manila in this very short notice. We only have less than 24 hours to secure money. With my grandfather's help, she was able to get tickets. The day my mom left was the last day I have spoken to her. Donald and Ella went with the van to the airport while I was chose not to go...It would be hard for me to see her go and I don't want to see me cry as I know this will upset her too. My grandfather who is at that time seeking medical treatment too in Manila was her companion along with another aunt of mine. My dad was on his farm in Pagadian hundreds of miles away from our hometown, my older sister Crislyn was in Davao while me and my younger sister were at home. During those days I always carry this pain of lossing my mom. I am afraid! I am not ready for it neither do my family. But from the day my mom left, I knew then that we will loose her. I just don't know when, but I know it will come.

Everyday we talk to her on the phone, I got to tell her not to worry about us especially her little Ella. She was even more ecited than frightened to have the surgery done. But just when she arrived in the hopsital, she had fever. This hindered her surgery. Days passed by and there is no improvement..it only got worst. I called my aunt and asked her to tell me with all honesty how my mom was doing....She broke inot tears and we cried for a while never knew what to say. She confided that my mom could not be operated because she needs blood transusion which certainly cannot be possible because of high fever. So this hit me! My mom needs us! She needs her family to be there beside her. I was told by another aunt to go and be with mom...half part of me wanted to but the other refuses....I am thinking of my sisters. I know my mom loves me too but I was thinking all the time that firstborn and the youngest are the ones closer to mother's heart. And I don't want my sisters to regret having not seeing my mom for the last days of her life....I wanted to go but I wanted to protect my sisters from tremendous guilt of not taking care and holding my mom. So I worked on everyhting for them to fly, I called my older sister to book two tickets and asked her to secure additional money as I am short of money...I am still waiting for a loan from the money lender in my mom's school. Both my sister's are not ready in loosing our mom, I told them that we should expect for the worst thing to happen. That we will prepare for whatever God has planned.

The hardest part of it was convincing myself that mom will get well, that she will be healed and walk home. Everyday God has made I was talking to Him of giving us strength to accept His will. I am praying that if my mom has really a cancer, then let it be but my plea is for courage and strength. I ws happy when I hear a word that my mom has improved when my sisters arrived in the hospital. The following day, my dad too flew from Pagadian to be with her. She was finally wheeled to the operating room after blood transfusion. The surgery took only less than an hour and I was surprised. We waited for two weeks for the biopsy result and it was the longest weeks of my life. After two weeks, the waiting is finally over. I received a call from my dad telling me in his saddest voice...that my mom has cancer of the gallbladder in fourth stage. Doctors already given up but we are still hoping for a cure....Donald saw about alternative medicine on tv and we called them in the hospital. My older sister and aunt went to the clinic to consult about my mom's condition. They bought all the prescription and let mom take it. 

Everyday we called mom, we cheered her and tell stories about Ella then she and Ella will talk over the phone for minutes about Ella's birthday which is coming up in a few weeks. Ella excitedly announces that "Mamang Eling" will buy her cake on her birthday. I was blessed that I have loaned money from the lender to send to Manila. When I called one afternoon, my mom's voice was deep...it is like a voice coming from a hole....I was worried sick. I asked her why she lost her voice, and she reasoned out "it's because of the medicine I am taking...it needs to be mixed in cold water..." The last conversation we had was all about my daughter Ella...about her birthday. Oh how my mom cares about her grandaughter's birthday! She worries about it and I assures her that I will take care of everything....that Ella will have a party and that she will be home by then to celebrate with us.

On the day of their flight home, I was very excited as much as Ella and Donald. I have prepared my mom's bed in the living room since I was told that she needs to be taken cared of when she gets home. I sewed a nice flowered curtain of her favorite color and bought a juicer to prepare her food. I also bought 2 nice pillows and sewed sheets and pillow cases. There are also 2 dozen of glasses for her visitors...I know she will have lots of visitors to come. I was so excited to see my mom again...Donald went with the ambulance to the aiprort, a 1 and a half drive from home. I almost jumped from my seat when I heard the ambulance coming. It's 3:00pm when mom arrived home. I stood outside the house, waiting for the rear door to open. Ella screamed excitedly "Mamang Eling!!!!!!" as she ran to meet her. When the door was opened, I almost fainted. My mom lay on the stretcher with her eyes and mouth wide open...gasping for air. In an instant I called to the Lord to please take my mom NOW. She was dying. She could not recognize people. In the dawn of their flight she had seizure.

They lifted her to the bed I made....I was trembling yet I have to be strong for Ella. I told Ella it was her Mamang Eling but she refused...she said it's not her Mamang Eling. My mom grew her hair long and gray hairs appeared on the forehead. She was so thin and frail. I tried to hold her but I can't. I honestly could not bear seeing her dying. At 8pm I finally gained courage...my dad said I will go and talk to her....I sat beside her and stroked her hair. I began to whisper in her ear the words I have not said....the words that I have only written in letters and cards....the words that I am meaning to say for so long yet too ashamed to utter....I whispered over and over again the words I love you....and tears rolled from her eyes. I held her hands and kissed her. I don't know how long I sat there whispering in her ears all the words I long to say....as I was saying those words, her tears kept rolling....twice she tried to move her hands as if she's trying to say something. Ella and Donald came to stroke her and kiss her. Ella put on some powder on her hands and said I love you's. As the night gets deeper, I talked to her more. I said not to worry about Ella, that I and Donald will take good care of her and try to give her all her needs. As I stroke her hand I promised her one more thing, that my younger sister can get her college diploma no matter what it takes. It was the last words I spoke.....another tear rolled down her cheeks and took her last breath. My mom died with a promise that I made. I leaned to kiss her one last time and whispered "Goodbye Mamang....rest and see you in heaven..."

My dearest Mamang Eling went home to the Lord on May 23, 2006 at 11:00pm. This is the moment I have proven how much God loves us. He did not let my mom suffer long, and He gave me a chance to hold my mother one last time. My mom could have died on the way home, but she endured....God gave her strength to be able to go home alive. My mom could have given up all the way home....but she sacrificed. She endured. Because she wants to protect me from tremendous guilt of not having to say the words I long to say and of not having to bid farewell. I may not have been there with her in Manila through her ordeal....but I was beside her, holding her until her last breath. This is such a great comfort to me.

She was buried  a day before Ella's birthday....surely she was home to celebrate with us. She was home with the Lord.

 (It took me a week to write this story....it was very hard to write my mom's story. I am missing her so much and the more I am nearing to its end, the harder it gets....forgive me if I have not written this well....)

POOH

I stayed up the whole night and when I felt my eyes are shutting all by themselves I crawled to bed at 5:30am. Ella stayed.in.the.house.the.whole.day!!! That was a really great news! She kept her word :-) Her colds is getting better and she just played in the house, napped in the afternoon and read her books before dinner. Maybe she was just so afraid of throwing up that's why she didn't insist on playing outside. She has been so afraid of throwing up since she was a baby. To her, it was like going to die! LOL So I have a great idea on how to keep her in. :-)

Donald had a bible study with a family nearby. Same like yesterday, he studied the bible with a family too. Ella was making me crazy the whole afternoon about going to church. She keeps on telling me she want to go to church.....and I kept telling her that we will gather on Sundays to worship. She refused to listen, she just wanted to go to church right there and rthen and hear her Daddy deliver a message and sing her favorite church hymns "Send the Light" and "Beautiful". And oh she was so sweet to tell me "I want to go to church because our class is very nice...you are our teacher...and the story is very good!!! Can Pooh be our story on Sunday?" :roll:

Oh and she has some reasons too why she wanted to go church..." Because I want to be with Daddy in the church...and because the church is just beside our house...and we won't be late anymore like in Davao...and I will not be tired and fell asleep in the taxi...." :-)

Well I agree! We won't be late anymore!

Freezing summer

It must be hot since it is summer but here in Agusan, we have rainshowers everyday and it is freezing cold at night! Last night Ella wore a pair of pyjamas and socks. If she had found the bonnet, I am sure she'd worn it too. She can't sleep without fan before, rarely wear shirts with sleeves and never uses blanket at night. You could have seen her how she hide underneath her comforter last night.

The other night she and my sisters had a chat. She was so happy to see them and was proud that we have a big house. LOL This is not that big but much bigger than our old place. Donald was holding the webcam while she directs him where to point it so my sisters could see how our house looks like. She always tell me she misses them and tito Ace and my sister's PIL. Oh and the dogs and the cat too!

As expected, she got colds. I was telling her not to get near ChenChen, the girl who have colds who doesn't even care to blow her nose, but she refused to listen. She wanted to play still. Finally Ella believed in what I said. That she will really get sick. She promised not to go out tomorrow and let's see if she can keep her word.

The toy that died

I was still enjoying my internet up to this moment! No more long walks to the market to check mails on the internet cafe. It was just a relief from the stiff neck and the foul smell of the cafe. Some ar smoking inside and the others are just so selfish turning high the volume while they play....I suppose it should be airconditioned and that each has to have a headset. My neck hurts too. On the first cafe I went I was looking up for the monitor while the other cafe, I was stooping down. Then there's this keypad that is soooo hard to press...as if it wasn't been used for decades. The worst thing is it has no letter F! But anyway, I am still grateful that there's internet cafe here in town.

Today, we woke up early. I checked mails first then went around the little rooms to organize stuffs while Donald went outside uprooting weeds again and Ella played with her new friends. I don't know why I only accomplished to sort two crates of odd toys of Ella. These were from our old little house so she's very much happy to see those again after two months of staying with my sister Crislyn's parents-in-law. I put the toys that cold be played with other kids while the toys which were given to Ella as a gift or that of value has to be saved. So I let the kids play with the other toys. I am not being selfish, but last Saturday Ella cried because her bike's seat was broken. The boy much taller and bigger than her kept on riding it, the next thing I heard was it broke. So I was just being careful of Ella's toys since we can't afford to buy for now.

So the kids went playing on the shed beside the house where we gather on Sunday School. Donald was on the side near them while I was in the front yard planting ornamental plants we have brought from Davao. As expected, a little boy broke a toy and Ella was just calmly saying to Donald that her toy was broken. When I went near to see if I can do something about it, she ran to the house crying. She was saying "My toy is dead! My toy is dead!!!" Instead of symphatizing with her, I broke into laughter. Her toy was really dead....Poor girl. I told her that it was just a toy and that's why Mommy kept her special toys inside the house.

Oh by the way, the best thing living in the province is your neighbor knocks at your door with a bowl of "binignit" (it's like a porridge with sticky rice, banana, sweet potatoes, sago - looks like tapioca, coconut milk and sugar). This is the place I like! :-)

We have finally MOVED!!!

This will be a very long shot. We finally made it to the province!!!! :-) We moved here last Friday (May 2) and I just had my internet connection this afternoon. For some who have with me from the birth of my blog, this is our plan that has been postponed several times. And I was just so happy that a friend and a hero helped us to move. So Donald and I still couldn't believe we are already here LOL

The day before the move, Ella told us that her girlfriends are going home to their province too. They are just there in the city to visit their father who works as a security guard. So I thought this is just the right time to give the girls some stuffed toys from our store. Ella excitedly called them and gave them the plastic bag of toys. I heard a shy "Salamat" (Thank you) from them while they looked at it in surprise.

The following day, Donald said the truck will be coming at around 9:30am. So he made a quick trip to the bank to deposit our payment for my computer. When he got back, he packed my computer and everything that goes with it. I'd like Ella take a longer sleep but had to wake her up to say bye-bye to her friends. First she did was to hug and talk to the dogs. She was whispering something to them while stroking their fur. Then she called her friends, they played for a little while. The girls mother was there too, thanked me for the toys. When the mother went home, I called Ella in to take a bath. She was just so sweet telling her Tita Crislyn to bathe her because she never did it to her since. She was saying "Sige na Tita, liguin mo ako...kasi 'di mo pa ako naliligo..." (Come on Tita, bathe me...you never did this to me since).

Donald and the truck went first to our little house beside my parent's in law. They hauled our things there and went to my sister's parent's-in-laws place to get the rest. Ella was happy and smiling while waving goodbye to my sisters and to her friends. She sat on the rear seat of the truck, when I turned to look at her, she was silently in tears. I cuddled her and asked her why she's crying. She said she will be missing her tita's, tito, lolo tony and lola carmen, the dogs and her friends....to make the move easier for her I decided to show her the package that arrived from the states just minutes before we left the city. A pack of stickers, my scene doll and another activity toy for her birthday.

It rained in the city but it has just rain showers along the way. We managed to reach Trento safely. We unloaded the things, good that there are neighbors who helped us :) It was 5pm when we arrived at the parsonage, so we had no time to rest. We went to the market to have early dinner since we can't cook right then and there. Then I went to check mails at an internet cafe while Donald went to buy candles. The neighbor told us beforehand that the restrooms had no lights working. When we went back from the market, first we did was to clean the room where we will be sleeping. We took the old bed and repalced it with our twin bed with pull-out. The floor is narra wood tiles that has been unkept for long months. People get in and out with their muddy slippers so I had to really scrape the floor clean. After all has been set in the room, the lights went off. A power black out that lasted for 20 long hours. Good that it is cold here so Ella can sleep without fan.

We had a very funny first night here. While we are lying in bed, with mosquito coil and candle on the floor (the house was not screened and we forgot to bring mosquito nets!) a bug came buzzing in. I was hoping it would find its way out, but of course, with the lit canlde...it stayed here in the room and kept buzzing around. Doanld stood up and caught it with his shirt, he threw it outide the window and laid back. Minutes later, the same sound was heard! It was buzzing again and we can't stand the noise. So Donald get it for the second time and I told him to put it on the candle. He was like "I don't want to kill..." So I said "Okay, drop it in the chamber pot." And the poor bug was drowned. We actually had drowned two bugs that night. LOL The parsonage had no restroom yet, so we have to use the restrooms at the back of the chapel 50 meters from the house. At night it will be too unconvenient to go there just to pee, so we have to use chamber pot especially for Ella which is also good for the bugs. LOL

Saturday was a good day. Two neighbors came to help us clean the floor. We mopped it and scrub it before spreading it with wax. We had brought two large containers of used clothes that was from our store which they happily dug after cleaning. I went to check mails in the market again in the afternoon. It was already dark when I reached home. We had dinner on the large (extra large I mean) table that was the only furniture in the parsonage aside from the two bunk beds and 1 twin bed. I was feeling so pissed during our first night here when I discovered that Ella's mini plastic table had flown off the truck. What was left was the chair and its one leg. That table was Ella's table since she was 1 and she always wiped it clean with alcohol. She ate in it, did her assignments in it, I also used it too...I used to put my sewing machine and edger there since we don't have any tabel in our old little house. We ate in it too! There's so much memories of that table. So now Ella will have to sit on my computer chair so she can reach the big table.

Sunday, we rose early for the Sunday service. Donald delivered the message and I taught Children's class. Ella was like "Teacher....can we have a snack now?" When we have just started the class! LOL I prepared snack for them, since we have not talked about the budget on snacks for the kids when we arrived, I took Ella's cookies and her juice which she gladly shared with othe kids. She even took the bananas from our table and shared it with the kids too! I asked her the night before if she could let other kids use her crayons, she agreed smilingly.

My antenna for the internet connection was installed in the afternoon. Donald had gone to their office last Saturday to apply and pay for it. I checked mails in the market again and bought 2 small milkfish for dinner. We have to buy just for the day sicne we don't have fridge. And oh the water is smelly, though it is potable. It must have been due to the pipe that has been dug deep in the dirt. We have water pump here, so when we have power interruption...we don't have water as well. At 3pm we had another power interruption and yes, you guessed it right. It was a 20-hour black out again. I was telling to Ella, "Is it okay with you that we are having black outs?"...She answered YES and I wonder why, since she can't stand black outs before! I asked her why, the answer was, "So that YOU will get used to it." LOL

Monday. When the power went back at 11am, I dressed to check my mails. As I stepped outside the gate, I saw this little boy (son of the woman who helped us clean the house) on the road. He was eating something, at a distance I can't see what was it...I just smiled and asked where he's been. He asnwered in his little voice that he was from her grandmother's house. When I got near him, I saw a piece of dried fish tucked on his rear pocket! I asked him where the fish came from, he said from her grandmother's. I said, "You didn't asked permission to get it, don't you?" He nodded. And I smiled in disbelief how this little boy found dried fish so appetizing...he must have been so hungry so I sent him to the house to tell Uncle Donald he was hungry. When I got back, I asked Donald if the boy went here, he said "Yes, I called him because he was swimming on the ditch infront of the house." Silly little boy! There was a large hole made by the trucks passing by here, when it rained the hole will be filled with water. This is where he swam pretending it was a swimming pool.

We drowned two bugs again last night.

Tuesday. I had my internet connection now!!! Yipey!!! In the morning Donald went to uproot weeds while I did the laundry. I soaked it the other night so I did it in just a short time. Donald helped me on the clothes line. Ella was playing with the kids

Little girls faith

There's a good news last night. Before I posted here in my blog, I first sent email to Ms. Ingrid (ihs1954) telling her I had the money. Then she replied asking me when we will move and that she asked me about my computer wish...how much do I have now for it and how much do I need. I didn't answer the last question because I feel it is not right to let her know...I felt embarrassed in a way 'cos she had gone extra mile to help us...and I just felt it is not right. I hope I made sense here. So I went making a post here adn after, I checked on www.wishuponahero.com to see the new wishes and hoping I can make a little help for others too. When I checked my account, I was surprised...really surprised that I have an offer to accept. I was even more suprised and startled when I saw Ms. Ingrid again! You can't just sit there and not say anything...I was so happy and thankful yet a little bit guilty since she had given me so much help. She must have been grieving for her husband's recent death yet she's there unselfishly helping people.

My friend Beth (cobaltsky) sent me email about her felling a lot better. I am happy that she's back in her old, bubbling self. I felt so sad too when she's down...it's too contagious! :-) There are changes that will happen in her career and I hope it will all be alright.

Oh I forgot to tell you this. Yeterday when we are heading to McDo, we passd by a stall of Smart Bro, so we stopped and inquired about the internet connection process. It took me few minutes to fill up the form. I looked around to see Ella was inside a boutique which sells religious statues, rosaries and the like. I called her and held hand towards McDo. Ella said "Mommy, I talked to Jesus in the store....I held his feet and said w are moving and that I am going to receive birthday packages...." I looked at Donald, waited for him to take care on this issue. We were protestants and we don't have such things as statues but Ella has quite a knowledge that what she had seen was the figure of Christ for the Catholics. When we are in the jeepney going home, we are bombarded by question after question about Christ and God and Satan...she even asked if heaven's gate is already closed so Satan could not enter again. I almost had a nose bleed answering her queries...

Hello downtown!

I went straight to my computer to check emails. In the afternoon we went downtown to get the money sent by Ms. Ingrid. It should be yesterday but I had problem with the paypal link so I moved it today. I am uncomfortable to go alone so I asked Donald if he will go with me...of course Ella will go too. It's like 2 months since I've last seen downtown. We went straight Western Union and waited for a while, then we picked some snacks for Ella since she had been given $20 by CarolinaMommy for her needs and milk too. She asked if she can go in and play at Wonderland. A play place for $1.5 per hour. I can't afford to spend and waste money for it so I told her we will go to McDo so she can play there. Since MoreWishes sent $10 for Donald's birthday, we ordered fries, spaghetti,chicken and sundae so Ella could play in the play place. We spent $6 so we saved $4. Ella was so happy and don't want to leave. When we are outside the store and about to leave, a girl asked Ella for food...she's holding her french fries, she looked at me and I said "She's asking for food..., give her some" she looked at the girl and then looked back at me and asked me "Can I give it all?" I nodded then she let the girl take it. That's what I'm proud of her, she's pssionate about the beggars especially the kids. She would even stroke an old woman's arm even when she looked so filthy and give her money...that was when we had money still. But now that we have no extras and even asked for help from others, she still know how to share.

When we got home, Donald told me the tv was gone two weeks ago. The store repoed it and he never told me about it. I was actually expecting it but I still feel sad about lossing it. There's nothing left except our beds, our old clothes, our plastic drawers of clothes, one plastic cabinet for food and dishes...few plates and flatwares...and some odd cooking utensils. It's just made me sad since Ella loved watching her dvd's. It's the only way we can keep Ella inside the home. Especially when we get to the province, she has nothing to do there...but tv is just a thing. It is not a neccessity.

Elisabeth had sent me a message an I was so happy to receive one from her. Yesterday she was so down and I'm glad she's doing okay now.

wishing for a computer hero....

Mr. Dave posted my wish on the frontpage, I hope heroes will find it there. I am crossing my fingers again to this so we can move. I can't bring the computer anywhere until I have settled this months payment and will agree that I will pay the last installment next month. Ms. Ingrid had sent me the money for the move and she have gone extra mile sending me the money. She sent it to my paypal, then I realized I couldn't withdraw it neither transfer the money to my sister's account 'cause I have only $100 spending limit. I could not lift it since I don't have Eon Card yet. The card has a verification # there to be entered on the paypal when verifying your account. Ms. Ingrid told me to send it back to her and she'll wire it through Western Union as soon as possible. My sister sent the money to her and in a few minutes, I received an email from her that the money is now available. Since it is midnight here when I received it, I decided to get it the next day.

So this must be today. But when I was about to go, I found out there's a problem with the paypal link I have put in my computer wish. So I was stuck infront of my pc until 7 pm trying to get Sir Dave to fix my problem. Thank God Sir Dave did fix it.

Now I worry about Ms. Ingrid because she wants us to move as soon as possible that's why she have gone extra mile, bothering herself to send to my paypal then send it back again through Western Union, all in all she have spent $300 just to help us. I am just hoping she would understand if we will be delayed for a few days to settle my computer account.

Beth did send me pm again and I was very happy to hear again from her. Her students are all too sweet and kind to us. I just hope we can exchange mails more often. She's a big hero too!!!

moving soon

We are moving pretty soon....the money sent by ihs1954 is in my paypal but had to wait 10 days for my Eon Card to be approved, and another 7 days to clear the money from paypal to the bank. I don't know if I made snese on this :-) All I know is it's 17 days before I can get the money. ihs1954 and I are working through it, I may send the money back to her then she'd send the money to me through Western Union so I can get the money asap. But then I could not resend her more than $100 each month....so now I and Donalda are working it out. We are looking for ways that we can move and just pay it when we get the money.

Ella said she was sooo happy last night because we had spaghetti and cake...but is sad too because there was no ballons. Daddies didn't get ballons on birthdays I said. Today Violetaplacebo sent me a pm about my wish of fabric paints for my personalized gifts that I make. She'd be sending me tubes in May and also some stuff for Ella since his hubby just hada fantastic job. She encouraged me too to set up a shop on etsy.com to sell my gifts and other products. She's willing to help me do it. Thank you so much!

I'm happy to receive another pm from cobaltsky. My newfound big sister :-) A very generous and passionate hero!!!! She's constantly keeping in tuch with me about the box she'd be sending. Donald's package will be out on Wednesday :-)

When we had finalize the date of the move, I will post our new address in the province. But for those who have already sent mails for Ella, that'll be okay since my sister can give this to us. Don't worry heroes, Ella will receive your packages.

I already posted the wish for keeping my computer. Ms. Kylie  told it was beautfiul wish and she thanked me for the comment I made there for her help, and Sir Dave too, in posting that wish. She said she will see what she can give on weekend. I am also waiting for Mr. Dave to post it in the frontpage since he said he had a slot for me there. Monday morning is the best time he said, maybe it is still sunday there. I will sit and wait...cross my fingers and toes that I would be granted with this very needed wish.

Happy birthday!!!!

Today Donald turned 26. Yipey!!!! We have the same age! I am 4 months older than he ya know and I hate it most that I was born December of 1981 and he on April 1982. There's $10 that MoreWishes dropped in my paypal for our dinner date but it takes a few more days for clearing. So the dinner date will have to wait until then.Cobaltsky will be sending him a package too! :-) 

Ella played with the girls and she almost forgot to eat lunch. She is so sweet putting wet kisses on my cheek thanking me over and over again. I asked her what's the thank you's for. She said it's for the gifts she'll be receiving on her birthday. She is soooo excited for it but I am more excited. This is the first time she'll receive many gifts. Cobaltsky (Ms. Beth) has gathered many stuffs to send to us...and she said it may be in 3 boxes. What I am more happy about is our friendship. She is so sweet to go extra mile to care for our needs. Yhalyhal also sent a pm telling me that she has sent the package in the mail today. Wow!!! Thank you so much guys!

Ms. Ingrid (ihs1954) was very kind to us that she wanted us to move as soon as possible. She exchanged pm with me regarding our plans of moving, and she encouraged me about helping others too once we are gack on track. I can't tell how I felt when she told me she will help us with the moving expenses and was too concerned about my computer which should be paid before we move, for the food, the house and the whole place. I sent her photos of the place and she said we can do more in the province. She gave me instrution about getting a truck, the fix date of the move etc etc and then I will post a wish so she will grant it.

I waited for a few more hours since i have psoted a wish for fabric paints and books the day before. When I have posted it at last, she granted it right away with $250 in my paypal. That will be enough for the move and 1 month internet connection so I can continue blogging there. Donald can't believe it. He can't stop getting soooo excited of the move! And for the packages that cobaltsky is sending.

This morning, I had a message too from Kylie, another great hero of mine, about the computer payment wish. She said that Dave, the founder of WUAH, had sent him a word that I can send him the scanned documents of proof of my identification and the store invoice. So I sent it to Mr. Dave and he replied saying I can go and post my wish. Wow! They are such a good people! My angels!!!! I said I can post it at 2:30am here in the Philippines. And he will post a featured wish also in the front page. Thank you Kylie and Dave!!!!

Hey, my sister, her husband and her parent's in law arrived in the evening. They went to pick some groceries and they brought home pasta and other ingredients for spaghetti. Donald will be very happy! Spaghetti's his fave. He also had a small cake and chicken. Wow! We will have a good dinner tonight! Ella will be the happiest though. She had not eaten these things for months now :-)

Blessings, blessings, blessings......

I haven't got back here last night to update about Donald went missing. Just after I have posted my entry yesterday, Donald appeared on the door. Glad he is smiling and seemed fine....he went to find his long lost friend on the next village and they had a nice talk catching up about how they've been. He went home with a bag of vegetables. 6 eggplants, 12 string beans, 4 okra, 1 little bitter gourd and 3 bell pepper. His friend gave them to him fresh from the garden. I sliced it in little strips, put ginger, onions, garlic and a little water. It tasted good without fish or anything to go with it. Donald also fried a patty of ground pork which my sister bought. I had a very nice dinner! Ella ate rice and soy sauce. My sister and her husband went out last night to check if they can withdraw money which they earned from coding captchas. I asked her if she can check too if I can withdraw from my account for Ella's milk, but they weren't able to withdraw. So my sister loaned me P300 ($7) since she knew that I really have money on my account. This morning I sent Donald to the pharmacy to buy a big pack of milk. This will make Ella happy. She's been ranting about it yesterday.

Anyway, later that night, ihs1954 and I were exchanging pm about the equipment that she wished to give away. I asked if I can have it for my grandfather. That was the start of our communication. She learned about our life, what we are going through and how we be able to survive. I told her that I am blogging and will be earning from it because I have been recently approved by PayPerPost and PayU2blog. And am still waiting for other 3 companies to approve my http://caroleenstreasures.com I have been approved too by Academia-Research to write essays. But since I am just a newbie, I have to wait a few days before I can get assignments. She learned about our plans of moving to another province that I have written about in here several times. She wanted us to move as soon as possible so we can have a roof above our heads and Donald can start working with the church and I will make money through blogging. Tonight, she wanted me to post a wish about it so she can grant it. I can't believe we are going to move soon! Thank you Ms. Ingrid!!!! God bless you even more!!!

I have been waiting for Ms. Beth's (cobaltsky) pm...I've been looking forward everytime for her letter. She has been always there to give us hope since the day I knew her at WUAH. She said the package will come out tomorrow. She'll be sending things for the three of us...and she and her friends are praying for us always. Their prayers are so powerful that I have met ihs1954 who will help us to move. She's like a friend, or even a long lost sister or cousin....as if we connect with each other and I am happy she said that to me too. God bless her more and more!

Tomorrow is Donald's birthday....we are going out maybe. Terrabear grant my wish to give him a nice dinner. And Ms. Beth will send him a package. He's too excited.

Milk

I am so thankful that I had two heroes who offered to grant my wish. MoreWishes dropped $15 and again Ms. Beth (cobaltsky) would be sending gift for Donald! Our great hero Ms. Beth! Though he won't be receiving it on his birthday, what's important is he will be receiving it :-)

Yesterday was another hard day gone by...there's money in my paypal for Ella's birthday..but there's $20 that CarolinaMommy sent to buy Ella's milk, so I will not be feeling guilty to spend it for Ella's milk but we have to wait a few days more to get it. I don't fully understand the system but that's what I've been told.

I woke up late, good that we always woke up late so we could skip breakfast. During lunch we had eggs and there's little chicken on the fridge, Donald made a soup so it will feed us all. I was hoping Ella won't ask for milk this time since I am dead tired telling her we have no cash at all.The other day she sweetly talked to my older sister about buying a milk, and she did was given money and ran to the store to get a small box of milk. That cost about $1.5 which was good for only a day. So yesterday she had none.

When she woke up, she asked for milo. I said there's no milo and asked her if she can eat rice with soy sauce....but this time she didn't agree. She went beside her Tita and used her charm again so she can buy a sachet of milo ($.015). My older sister gave her a bill and she returned with one sachet of milo, two marshmallows and 4 jelly ace. She spent P10 ($.025) and I was like smiling at her because she can not resist on buying some goodies for herself. She's really a child. After a while, her two playmates came and they played outside while I reheat the left-over rice. I called her in to eat when it was heated and she let me sprinkle the milo on the rice. She had two plates of rice and must have been full. Then she went outside again to play with the girls, she asked me if she can share her jelly ace and I said yes. So she excitedly announced to the two girls that she has a jellyace for each of them. I was happy that she knows how to share even she have little food.

I thought she was full..but I was wrong. She began ranting about milk...milk..milk...and it just breaks my heart when she asks for it. I told her she had already eaten and that we don't have money to buy her milk this time. I told her to wait for hr package or for the money to be withdrawed. She understood but as child as she is...she kept on telling us to buy. So I said to her to go to the store and ask the lady there if she can have a box and we will pay it next week. Donald was telling me I should haven't sent Ella there. She came home running and yelling "Mommy, they won't give me milk!!!!" "Credit is not allowed!!!" That is what I want her to know...that the store doesn't give credits. I called her and whispered to her that if we get the money, we will buy her a can...what I am just asking is for her to patiently wait and understand our situation. Anyway, she is eating rice so milk will be less needed. She nodded and just smiled.

My younger sister heard her screaming from the store and she called Ella to the room. She was telling Ella she had little money left and hat she can take it to buy a box of milk. They are still in the room...I don't know what's happening now. They often had this sily quarrels...my younger sister is 18 and sometimes she was acting like Ella's age.

I hope soon we can get back on track. This is the worst thing that happened to us. Homeless, without even a single money for food and milk, there's no laundry soap, no shampoo, even paste...I was wondering how can we survive if we are not here at my sister's in-laws house. There's rice shortage and the prices went too high. Ella is still praying and thanking God for the shelter and the food...at least she didn't consider this as sufferings.

I will update this later today. Bye for now!

Birthday treat

After taking a few days thinking of wishing for Donald's birthday or not....I finally had the guts to do it. Time flies so fast, just last year we had a business picking up...I had a card with P1,000 ($25). It was the best gift I have given him...I was thinking giving him a shirt or pants but I gave the money instead so he can pick what he wants. He did pick what he wants...for our daughter....a bike!

I guess this time he needs a happy time, we haven't gone on a date ever since we are married. If we had extras before, we saved it for Ella's needs. But now we are much poorer than mice...with no money at all...even for Ella's milk or snacks...I can't give him even just a little surprise.

He's been so good to us, so helpful in the house chores, he even cooks, he helps me to the laundry, he is so considerate to me and he has not done anything offensive to others. He deserves a treat but I could not afford it. I hope there would be heroes who will hear my prayers....

Thank you heroes!

My life, our lives are slowly getting back on track. Although we haven't received yet the gifts the kind and great heroes have pledged, we are looking forward for it and been excited all the time that Ella can get packages on her birthday. Yesterday, there are $30 on my paypal account donated by Ms. Kylie Stein (Kylie) and Kristy Humbert (carolinamommy2008). Ms. Elisabeth (cobaltsky) sent a message again that the school wants to send us a big package of things we needed and presents for Ella. She said maybe she they will send two boxes. Wow! I really appreciate how they are wanting to help us....It always made me cry recieving messages like that. Winkerdoodle01 sent a message telling me her gift for Ella is already in the mail. Thank you so much! To all our heroes!

Know what? My wordpress blog is approved by PayPerPost!!!! And also PayU2Blog!!!!!! Yipey! I am sooo happy about it because I have been looking forward for this. I have just read the email this morning and it was unexpected because blog must be at least 2 to 3 months old before it will be approved. But mine was only 1 month and 11 days old! I have been declined many times because my blog is new, but I persisted on resubmitting my blog everytime they decline it. I was am very happy that I can finally earn money by blogging!

But I have a problem with my computer. We have to pay the 2nd installment on the 29th and there's no way we can pay for it. I was trying to convince myself 3 weeks ago that I will loose my computer if we could not pay. The store will definitely take this for a temporary deposit until we can pay. I tried telling myself to accept the fact that I could do no more blogging in the next few weeks, maybe months...but I could not afford to loose this. Especially now that I have been approved by PayPerPost. Just when the opportunities are pouring in....my computer will be gone too.

When we realized we are loosing our business, we sold our home and the store to pay off debt. What was left for us was just a meager amount not enough to start a new life. We had 10,000 ($250) in hand and we are weighing things what to do with it. We decided to get a computer because my sister encouraged me to try blogging so I can earn money. There are lots of blogger who are earning dollars from it so I and Donald decided it is the best thing to do. The $250 could not pay for the whole computer package so we looked for another option. We are advised to get an installment plan from the computer stores in the city. But the total amount of the package will cost almost $1,900 in 18 months period. My sister's mother-in-law knew the manager of Columbia, a computer store which supplies the other computer stores we have gone to, so she asked if we can apply for installment plan since their price is more than half lower there (good as cash in 3 months). We are lucky that the manager agreed but we have to issue checks. Since we have no checking account, my sister's in-laws issued 3 checks. So the $250 that we only have was paid as downpayment, then the rest wa divided to 3 months so we have $150 payment monthly. Last month we managed to pay for it by loaning our camera in a pawnshop. I don't know if we can redeem it. I have done my best to set up my blog, I have been persistent to be approved by the comapnies who pays blogger to post a blog about them....and after a month and 11 days, my persistence had finally gained a good result. I am very thankful and at the same time sad that I have been approved since the due of my computer is near and I would put this on temporary deposit....I was disheartened but I am praying for a miracle to happen.

Yesterday Ms. Kylie asked me about how we are able to eat, I told her we are taking shelter here at my sister's in-laws house and we are able to feed our stomach by cooking for them and at least help keep the house tidy. They are also financially not well as of now. Then she asked me how do we earn money, I said we don't have income coming in right now since I am still new to my job as virtual assistant which paid me $34 last week (but still not on my hand) and I am still waiting for my blog to be approved so I can earn dollars in monetizing my blog. Today she told me I can wish for it on WUAH but have to provide proof so hereos can help me more. She asked me to send the informations, name of the store etc so the admin can verify it and write a wish on the frontpage. I gladly sent him all the inforamtions that can help and praying that they can verify it soon so I don't have to loose my computer. This is the only way we can earn for a living right now. My husband could not get a job since college diploma is important and none of us have diploma. Although we are hardworking, there's no such things as easy to find jobs here. To all who reads this, please pray for us. Thank you! 

Blessings

Yesterday and today and the days ahead will be the most happy times in my life! I have wished yesterday for Ella's birthday...used clothes and used shoes that she really needs as she outgrown her old ones, used books and used toys that she will enjoy since she doesn't have decent toys but a little doll house that I bought during MY birthday.

I am overwhelmed by the response of people who wanted to make Ella happy on her birthday. I can't help but cry with joy everytime I receive a message telling me they want to send something for her. They are very kind and God will bless them all. One gave Ella $10 which I planned on getting her a cake for her birthday. Another hero said she will send Ella a barbie, a hoody, a coloring books and crayons, some stickers and treats. She also said when she saw Ella's pics, she said she needed to help her because she looks like her daughter who died! Another one will send her a book, then another hero will send also a book and a pair of shoes. One also said she will send bunch of stickers, my scene barbie and pin the tail on the donkey game. Another will send her a card. And there's also a hero who will be sending clothes for Ella and she's is so kind to send me a pair of summer wear too.

I just can't believe there are still people who is willing to help....I thought the world changed so much now that people don't care about others. But I was wrong. I got bunch of response telling me how sweet Ella is, how lucky I am for having her...yes, I think I am the luckiest mother on earth for having a daughter like her.

When I told Donald about it, he was silent as if he can't believe what I have told him. I was thinking he wasn't believing me but his silence has another reason. He leaned forward and asked if I could also wish for his birthday. Hahahahaha!!! Silly man! He was actually very happy that her girl can have birthday presents from the kind hearted people out there. He gets too excited when I tell him that there's someone who wants to send Ella this and that. But I was thinking before I went to bed at 4am, maybe I can wish for him also. His birthday on the 27th of this month. He is such a very good and supportive man, he helps in house chores, he do the laundry sometimes, he cooks, he takes care of Ella...he is very considerate to me and he loves Ella so much. I remember last year, I gave her a card on his birthday with P1000 ($40) in it. The business is picking up that time and I have little extra to buy him a gift but gave it the money instead so he can buy what he wanted. When he opened the card, he almost cried because it was the first time in our marriage that I gave her a gift of cash. He told me we will go downtown to buy something. I was so touched because he had bought Ella a bicycle instead of something for him! He just loved her daughter very much.

Now his birthday is coming up soon....He is sad and feeling down. His family disowned him. They sent a message that might as well forget that he has a family and forget about them. I hope I can wish for him something that can make his day.

EDITED: after I have posted this entry, I got a message from cobaltsky (Ms. Elisabeth)....a hero who have read my blog and my wish. She said last night that Ella looked like her daughter who passed away and that she would like to give Ella a birthday present. This morning I read her message that the people in her school wants to send a big package for the whole family! I was really really happy and can't almost believe it! They are asking if Donald and I needed something and she stated there about the things they will be sending us. Her husband, Mr. Clay is very kind too to have wanted us be helped. He said Ms. Beth can spend around 100.00 to get us some things. God will bless this couple and the whole school. I can't thank you enough! God really works in mysterious ways.

wish upon a hero

Not much of going about our lives lately. Still flat broke but am gaining strength from opportunities on online jobs. I got paid $34 from my virtual assistant job. That is for my one week work but I can't withdraw the money yet. From the time it was sent, there's 10 days waiting period before it can be withdrawed. Yesterday I was also accepted as essay writer for academia-research. I hope I can get projects soon so we can save for Ella's tuition fee this June and a little for her birthday. The truck that will load our things to the next province hasn't come yet. The church members sent message last sunday that the truck will come Monday. We waited but I didn't expect much as it always gets postponed eveytime. I was somehow relieved that it hasn't come since we don't have even a single peso at hand. But a little annoyed because they kept telling us that it will come.

I am anxious to move since we are just staying here at my sister's in laws. Although my sister, her husband and her in-laws are treating us nicely, I don't feel fine this way. My other sister (who are staying here also since our mother passed away) who is staying here also is very impolite and shows resentments that we are here. Maybe because we are sharing a room. She's in bed and we are on the floor. She has said harsh words on me and my husabnd and I get impatient and told her that she should respect my husband. It pains me because when we are still earning and giving her what she needs and even wants, paying her tuition fee and giving her extra money so she can buy clothes or shoes....she is very good to us. I could not hear her complain or answer back at us. Now that we don't have money she treats us bad.

Now we are officially, truly, madly, deeply broke. But these past days I am not as emotional as the last time I posted here.

While working on the computer last night, I cam across this website http://www.wishuponahero.com and I was thinking to make a wish for Ella's birthday. I was pondering about it when I went to bed since I haven't asked anybody (even my sister) for money to get by. My sister knows our situation but they are hard on money now and needs to pay bills. When I woke up today, I decided I will try to post a wish. Ella's turning 5 on June 2 and she is excited about it. I have promised her a small party and presents when our business is still good. She have been looking forward for it the whole year.

Donald's birthday is coming up. He's turning 26 on the 27th of this month and I sweetly talked about not having his favorite spaghetti on his birthday. He smiled and said it's perfectly fine with him 'cause we don't have anything to spend. What he's complaining is he will get older soon :-)

Another day

I have spent almost the whole night giving Donald cold compress to alleviate his high fever. It almost reached 40 and I was really worried that he might not be well until today. When I woke up, he was already up and had taken a bath. But his head is still aching but his fever dropped. Glad that it did since it is the third day that he's sick...and that means if he won't be well today, I really have to bring him to the hospital to get checked up.

Still my wordpress site is down and I am beginning to get annoyed. Here's the story. I tried changing my font on the header and I didn't expect something might be wrong because I have done this before. I have changed the font of the entire blog and it went well. How come that it says 'fatal error' when I changed the header? I didn't panicked when I can't open my site because I can still access through wordpress admin panel. But I tried many times to get in the admin panel and it won't honor my username and password!!!! I panicked right then because I didn't change my username as well as my password. How on earth did it have been reset? So I emailed my sister's BIL to ask if he still have my username or pw...he didn't replied until my 3rd letter and that kept me waiting overnight. Now it was almost 3 days and still no action from him. I must say that this is his wife's work of art again. My sister's BIL was the one who is controlling the domain of my host. And he was the one who set up everything and just gave me my username and pw. His wife is into blogging too and has been posting against the family of his husband (that includes my sister who is her SIL now) Well I don't want to go into detail of how this woman behaved like untamed animal (sorry for my language) she even left a message on the cbox of her other SIL under my name! I discovered it last night and I was furious about her being so uncivilized. OMG I never expect that she will sabotage my username and pw. I was thinking that she might have reset it so I could not get in because she hates me too for being her SIL's sister. What? She's really getting me so upset. I am holding back my tongue so I could not say a word that I might regret.

Anyway, Ella played outside with the neighbors again. She is actually there with them when I woke up! Since Donald is getting better now, I had time doing my work on the pc. I fried a piece of tenderloin for lunch, and God is really working at us. The little piece of meat which I have cut into small strips hadn't been consumed all. Remember the parable of Feeding the 5000? See? It is really true!

In the evening, I asked Ella what she wants to do. She said she would like to buy Tang juice snd a small pack of food that she can nibble while watching tv. I suggest maybe she can read book instead because I have no money at all. Then she pulled out her pink purse and showed me her money. I counted it...it is only 4 pesos ($.001). She can only buy 4 candies out of it. I felt a pinch in my heart. I said sorry I can't give her what she wants to eat right now because we have no money. I haven't controlled myself, tears rolled down my cheeks when she said "para man tayong kawawa oi...kasi wala tayong pera" and she said nobody buys her flowers, if only she can sell them we can have money. In her innocent age, she picked wild flowers in the yard and set it on the concrete by the gate. She said, she is selling flowers. She was discouraged that nobody buys....I thought it was just a play until tonight that I heard her about having money to give us when the flowers would sell. I hugged her and said we are still lucky that we have still food in the table. She is also teary eyed. I brushed her cheek and said I will look for pennies on my bags. I found 40 centavos. I taped it by tens. I counted her money again, she now have 8 pesos. Still not enough to buy a Tang. I looked on the shelf but found none. Donald and my sisters heard our treasure hunting and tossed in coins that they found. So Ella bought 2 packs of juice, a small pack of cookies, and 3 candies.

Tonight we had boiled beans with leafy vegetables for dinner. I hope I could find another online job that can sustain our needs. Donald and I talked about him trying to apply for work. I am a bit nervous. June is coming up. Ella's birthday. She will go to school also. My younger sister will be in her 4th year in college. We have no place to stay but here in my sister's in-laws house. We are a bit crowded here. And I am thinking about the electricity and water and food that we are consuming here. I am praying that we can settle soon. There's a little abandoned hut nearby and I was planning to ask the owner (if I can see Him) that we will rent it. It was like 8"x8" size. Though it is very small but at least we can have a place of our own.