NONE of me... ALL of you!!

About a month ago our paster preached a message encouraging us to stop praying "more of you, less of me" and pray "NONE of me, ALL of you" instead. Isn't this how we really want to live??  He said to expect some radical changes if we really pray this.... God has some big plans for our lives and when we live that prayer out our lives will NEVER be the same again! I caught the vision.... I thought that was awesome... that is what I want for my life.... I want NONE of me, ALL of you.  So..... over the last month I have been praying this.  I mean I have been PRAYING this.  I even typed it up and posted it in the kitchen, put it in my Bible study note book and wrote it into my life purpose statement.  It gave me "warm" feelings... good "spiritual" feelings.... hey, this is great... NONE of me, ALL of you!  How wonderful!  This is great!! HA!!!    Then God says...Do you really mean this???  Do you really want to live this way???  The Holy Spirit began pointing things out to me that had never bothered me before.  Why are they bothering me now??  Must I really deal with these things in my life??  NONE of me, ALL of you!  OK, so I have faced these things and have grown.... so far so good!  This isn't so hard! Then TODAY..... WHAM!!!  A BIG one hits!  I had a friend (probably one of the top 5 closest friends in my whole life) that a couple of years ago hurt me.... the kind of hurt that goes deep.  I know you all can relate... we have all been hurt by someone.  I honestly thought I had forgiven her... had moved on.  We haven't really had much of a relationship since and I had grown to be ok with that.  Fast forward to today.....  she asked me for a big help.  I am going to be completely honest.... my first reaction was... "are you kidding??"!!  My heart was in turmoil.... I stewed over it all day.  Finally the kids were tucked in for the night and I am in the kitchen making granola bars and two loaves of bread.  My praise CD is on and I am in my "prayer" closet as I work.   Have I really forgiven her????????  Yes, No, Yes, No....  Yes, I have forgiven her, I don't dwell on the hurt, I don't let it affect my life.  No, I am not walking in forgiveness.... I have built up a wall.... "I'm not going to let myself get hurt again!"  Can anyone relate??  Walking in forgiveness is WAY HARD!!  I could end up hurt!!!  Can I possibly walk forgiveness??  The Holy Spirit is working... speaking....... Christ walks out his forgiveness.... his love is unconditional!  He never leaves me in the dust.... no matter how many times I fail.... He is ALWAYS there! All of a sudden.....  God touches my heart... breaks down that wall.....  NONE of me, ALL of him!!!!!   I don't have to do this on my own.....  I stood crying into my granola bars... then I was just singing along with the song that came on... "Lord reign in me..."  The peace, the joy that enveloped me I can't put into words.  The hurt, the unforgiveness.... GONE!!!!!!  It isn't me.... My flesh would love to harber bitterness..... but God moves!!!!!!!!! I know I am not done growing.... more WHAM moments are on their way.... God is at work in my heart..... my life will NEVER be the same!!!!  Now I am excited:  I am thrilled  to have the opportunity to help my friend!  I am soooo glad she came to me!!!!!  God will help me to serve her!!!!!   This whole thing is taking me places I never dreamed of going!!!  God is amazing! ALL of you, NONE of me!!!!

Posted: 10:07, Monday, February 19, 2007 in NONE of me, ALL of you

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