Well, I had my last chemo treatment on May 29th.  Today is June 23, and I had THREE good days in a row (last Friday, Saturday & Sunday).  Today was another not-so-good day, so I guess that three is good and we'll take all we can get from here on in.

I am very tired a lot, so can't make many plans, as I don't know how I will feel.

Tomorrow I go for a "Muga" scan, a heart scan to see if any of the chemo drugs damaged my heart.  I certainly hope not!!  Next Monday I visit the Oncologist and he will start me on Tamoxifen for five years.  This drug gives you a 30% better chance of NOT having a recurrence within the 5-year timeframe.  It is not without side effects, too, though. 

I must say that if I ever have a recurrence, I don't know that I could go through chemo again.  It was a horrible time in my life - one that I hope I can recover from soon.  I also cannot sleep still, so am on sleep medication also. 

If anyone has any info/stories about women on Tamoxifen, I'd love to hear about it - good or bad.  Everyone reacts differently.

Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts.  I appreciate it.  I am so grateful that God has brought me this far and I hope someday I can help others through my experiences.

Blessings to all of you & your families.

Audrey

xoxo

Just got home from my last chemo.  It wasn't an easy one - I was queasy all the way through from thinking too much about it, but it IS now finished.  I have to deal with a few bad days that this treatment will leave me with, then life will move on.  I will be on a drug called Tamoxifen for five years to prevent recurrance of the cancer.

My dear friend, Linda, came with me today as well as my hubby.  Linda's hubby also showed up, which was  a shock to me.  He had CHOCOLATES - mmmmm!  And dear Linda - bless her heart - bought me a dozen BEAUTIFUL pink roses with the sweetest little lambie tied on wih a beautiful bow!  Linda was dressed in all pink (for breast cancer) for me today.  Thank you Linda & Dennis for your love and laughter and support - it really does mean the world to me.  And to my hubby - thanks so much for being here for me - I love you!

So, God know what the next couple of weeks will bring, and I'm certain that He will carry me through it.  I pray it isn't too uncomfortable.  I thank God that the treatment was/is available for me and for other people.  A true blessing.  I was also so blessed to have met so many wonderful people through this journey (which, by the way is FAR from over).

I plan on training our little dog, Lucas, to be a Therapy Dog and volunteer at the Hospital and will frequent the chemo room, where I will be able to visit with patients and the great nurses there - I will really miss the nurses - they are the best.  Thanks you guys - you ROCK - especially my favourite, Janice. 

So, I have lots to be thankful for today.  True and caring friends that have carried me through this difficult part of my journey, plus the people I've met along the way.  Thank you, Lord, for carrying me through - I know I couldn't have done it in my own strength.  Friends, you know who you are - to name all of you would take far too long and then I might leave someone out, so thank you to all of you!  I love you!

Have photos I will post in the next day or two.

Blessings to you all! 

Love,

Audrey

Hello, everyone.  I'm sorry I've been missing in action.  This last chemo was wicked for me, although I do believe that overall I've been lucky.  Having said that, it has been rough.

Tomorrow is my sixth and FINAL chemo treatment!  Please pray for me to get through with minimal side effects.  I am terrified - I'm sure I'm just overly emotional as these treatments have pushed me into early menopause, which gets the hormones in a flap!

I ask for your prayers and thoughts tomorrow.  My treatment time is 2 p.m. west coast time.  I guess it's not the treatment itself, but the days after that are hard, but it begins with the treatment.

Hubby and my friend Linda will be coming with me.  I'll be glad when it's over as my veins are weary and just holding up.

Thank you everyone for your support - you have no idea what it means to me.

Lord, please give me strength to get through this.  I cannot do it alone.  You are the Great Physician and Healer and I leave it in your hands.

Blessings to all. 

P.S.  I'm going to try to get another photo of me without my hair and not crying.    Will post that when I get it.

Love,

Audrey

xoxo

Hi, everyone.  Forgive me for not being on here lately.  The chemo is really taking it out of me, leaving me with not a whole lot of energy and I can't focus on anything for more than a couple of minutes - apparently this is a side-effect of chemo.

I am down & out for about 6 days now after chemo.  It is a horrible fatigue that no one could ever describe unless you've been there.  God help me.  I've been home by myself every day and it's so depressing.  Barely had enough energy to get my shower and myself fed, let alone all the birds.  Just found out last night that hubby is away for three days now with ds's class on a special field trip to a ranch, but I had no idea it was this soon.

I need your prayers, please.  I know that this kind of fear/depression does NOT come from the Lord, so I feel that Satan is trying to get after me.  Please just pray that I can get through this.  This was my second-last chemo (last Wednesday).  I have one more to go.  Of course, during all this, now my mind is playing tricks and telling me there's more cancer.  I think this is pretty normal for a cancer patient, but it is terrifying, especially being so weak here.

So, please just pray that God will bring me through this.  It's a tough time right now, but I did tell you I'd talk about both the GOOD and the BAD. 

Thanks for your prayers and blessings to you all. 

~ Audrey ~

Well, I had my FOURTH chemo treatment of six today!  My dear friend, Connie accompanied me.  I was very nervous since yesterday - I get myself worked up because I know that I will have several bad days after treatment (from about day #4 - 9 or so).  They talk about anticipatory nausea in some of the literature I've read - didn't really think about it until I started doing chemo, but it's true.  I feel ill when I think about going for chemo.  Even when I go to sit with my friend Wanda, who is also having chemo, I feel ill.  Funny what the brain does.

Anyways, I was thankful that Connie & her daughter Stephanie accompanied me.  I can't imagine going to chemo alone.  The nurses at our clinic are the best ever.  I love them all - they really ROCK.  They are so compassionate and caring.

Now, on chemo brain.  I did have a whole spiel written up for my last post, but it was taken away into cyberspace somewhere.    One of the things about being on chemo (for me at least, but it is a side effect for many people) is that you are unable to focus on any activity for any length of time.  Nothing that requires any concentration anyway.  I think that's why I haven't been updating my blog.

And finally, on Angels, last Friday, we had a group of kids and parents from dd's music teacher's academy descend on our place to come and clean our gardens up for us.  I was so stunned that people would do that for US!  The group stayed for 3 hours and got a PILE of work done.  I am so very grateful to Linda (dd's piano teacher - the GREATEST in the world, by the way!!  ) and her hubby Dennis, and all the kids and parents who came and took precious time out of their long easter weekend to come and work in our gardens.  I must also say that Linda was in kahoots with my DH to pull this off.  The only one in the dark was ME!  The gardens look wonderful now and it's one less thing on my mind.  Thanks to all the Angels who helped out.  What a blessing!

I have so much more to say, but I'm very tired after chemo and need to lay down.  I'm attaching a photo of me with my Dad from my last chemo treatment.

My sister Karen was there also with Dad & I - she took the photos.  I was going to get a nurse to take a photo of all of us and never did.  Now I'm so disappointed that I don't have one with Karen in it.   

Anyways, blessings to all.  Hope to update soon.  Hope you understand why I haven't been.  Like I said, I have so much to say, but can't concentrate long enough to get anything down, or it gets blown away into cyberspace!    I still appreciate every single prayer that is said on my behalf.  This battle isn't over for me.  Your love and support are so appreciated - no matter how far away you are.

Love,

~ Audrey ~ 

Well, I spent over half an hour writing a post for this subject yesterday, but it has been sucked up into cyberspace and is now gone forever.  I will try again perhaps later today or tomorrow.

Blessings to all!

~ Audrey ~

Well, it seems it's been awhile since I updated my blog, so I thought I'd better do that today. 

Actually, dd's piano teacher, who is THE very best piano teacher in the WHOLE wide world, told me that she LOVES reading my blog and I had no idea that she did, so this update is for you, Linda!  Linda has been so wonderful and such a HUGE support for me during this breast cancer journey.  She used to be a nurse and now teaches music.  Her nursing knowledge is invaluable and she has helped me out SO many times in the past few months - I could never thank her enough.  She also makes the BEST healthy muffins ever!    She is there with the drop of a hat if I need her, and for that I am SO grateful!  I am so grateful for your friendship, Linda!  We also have a lot of things in common!  Linda also has the sweetest hubby who has also been a wonderful support to me and our family also.  He even built me a GORGEOUS wooden mantle piece for our living room as we had never had one done in the eleven years since our addition was comleted.  The new one is gorgeous and I love it, love it, love it!  It just makes the room feel so cozy FINALLY!  Here's a pic of my new mantle - isn't it gorgeous???  Thank you, Dennis!

Hubby and ds are in Red Deer Alberta right now at some hockey tryouts for ds.  That's a 14-hour drive from here and I always get so worried when they're gone.  I pray for God's travelling mercies for them always when they are away.  I'm such a worrier and it's really such a useless emotion.  I'll be happy when they are home tomorrow (Monday) morning.  They just called and have begun their journey home.

I have had some wonderful days the past week or so.  On Thursday, I had my friend over who is also sick with cancer.  We had a wonderful visit and I haven't seen her for over two years.  I felt a connection with her immediately when I met her two and a half years ago, and we didn't stay in touch.  Now that we have connected again, we can support each other.  Totally a "God" thing, if you ask me!!!   She also has birds.  I am helping to place a few into new homes for her so that she will have more time to care for herself and her health.  I look forward to a wonderful friendship and she will be moving in a couple of weeks and will be very close to where we live.  I am praying for a miracle for Wanda.  Her cancer is more serious than mine, and from what I understand through talking to her, has gone quite a long time before being diagnosed.  I will be sitting with her during part of her chemo on this coming Tuesday for a little while.  Her chemo is very different from mine.  I won't go into too much detail as I don't have her permission,  but suffice it to say that she needs our prayers.

On Friday, my dear friend Jenny came out to help me clean cages AGAIN.  She drives over an HOUR each Friday just to see me and to help me clean cages while I'm going through my chemo.  She is a gem and such a blessing to me.  She took one of the budgies that needed re-homing and will be giving him ("Oliver") a wonderful home!  Jenny & I went out to the teeny little thrift store in Aldergrove and then for lunch on Friday.  It was so nice to get out and have lunch and have fun chatting.  It was raining, but it didn't matter.  We had lots of fun!  Thanks, Jenny.

Yesterday, dd and I went to downtown Vancouver where I shopped at the parrot shop.  It's a wonderful store and I could spend hours and $$$$$$$ there!  I don't go too often as it often costs me a lot before I get out of the store - LOL!  Anyways, I bought Bella & Bobby a new cage yesterday.  It's the same cage they are in, but a different colour.  The dark green cage that they are in currently shows every single thing and it's just too dark.  So, I bought a light grey one and it goes with all the other cages in the house. 

While we were there, we met up with my dear friend, Lorraine.  Lorraine also has birds, and so we shopped at the parrot store together for a little while, then she and I and dd went for lunch.  What a wonderful day it was.  We walked a block to the restaurant and it was so nice outside with the sun shining and a light breeze blowing, even though it was quite cool.  It was a gorgeous day, considering the winter we've had.  Lorraine is a dear, dear friend whom I am so blessed to have.  Her sister is going through breast cancer treatment as well, and I so appreciate Lorraine's support and she will ask her sister questions for me if I'm wondering about something.  Her sister is going through radiation right now - it's quite intense for her and she also needs prayer.  She is in a lot of pain from the radiation and it also makes her VERY tired.  I am fortunate in that I don't have to have radiation due to the surgery I had.

I haven't seen my dearest friend Connie since last Tuesday at the pool.  She is so busy with her large family and I don't like to bother her with my seemingly petty and selfish problems (ie. bawling at the drop of a hat,  sore chemo veins, etc. etc.).  Their entire family has been quite sick this past two to three weeks, and because of my lowered immune system, we haven't been able to get together, as I can't risk getting sick.  It's sad because the kids have been out of school for spring break and not been able to do much since they've been so sick - my heart goes out to them.  I pray for everyone's full recovery in their house!  Even though I don't see Connie these days as much as I'd like to, I know that she is always out there praying fervently for me (for a complete recovery) and for my family.  Nothing means more to me than that  .  I love you, my dear - thank you for your undying love and devotion to me and our family.  I do hope that we can get together again soon!  Don't forget that I want you to come to a chemo with me.  This one coming up on Wednesday is taken with my sister and my Dad, but there are still THREE to choose from after that.....or should I say there are ONLY three to choose from after that!  I hope you & your entire family are on the road to a full recovery very soon - I miss you all and it really hurts not to be able to see you as much as what I'm used to! 

And so I have so much to be thankful for!  We've had several beautiful days, and I have some wonderful friends!  I also have my loving family that I wouldn't trade for the world.  Our animals and birds also keep me going most days - blessings beyond measure!

This week, Wednesday is my chemo day.  I am hoping that my sister, Karen, and my Dad will be there with me.  My Dad has his oncologist's appointment that day (he has advanced prostate cancer), and so I think that we will all be going together.  I have four more chemos left - this one coming up is #3 of six total.  My veins are sore, and so I hope that they go quickly.

I hope that you are as blessed as I am with such wonderful friends!  Their value truly cannot be measured when they are there in times of need.  I so appreciate them all!

This has been a good week.  I have certainly been feeling lots of hormonal things, but I understand that it's menopause (or "mental-pause", as I like to call it!!) kicking in.  I was told by the oncologist that my regimen of drugs would bring on premature menopause.  I get weepy for not so obvious reasons, I get sweaty and then cold!  YIKES!  Who knew???  Lord, please carry me through this gracefully and quickly - if that's at all possible! 

My hair is almost totally gone now.  I really do not like who I am in the mirror now.  I bought a wig, and will be wearing it when I go out, I think.  I have to pick it up this week.  The novelty of this ugly bald head has quickly worn off for me - I think it looks hideous!  Here is a photo of me (and Lucas!) that I had dd took a few minutes ago.  Notice the red nose and puffy eyes from the continuous hormonal waterfalls - nice, eh?  NOT!

Here's a photo of the "normal" me before breast cancer came into my life.....  Hopefully I'll look similar to this again someday...  I'll post one of me in my wig when I get it this week.

Blessings to all!    Thanks for your continued love, support and prayers.  Please pray this week that my veins will hold up to four more chemo treatments.  They are so sore now after only two - I can ONLY imagine!

~ Audrey ~

Well, I'm in between chemo #2 and #3 right now.  I'm feeling pretty good, but had a rough few days from about day 3-8 (after chemo).  Had some severe bloating a horrible sore throat and major food and drink aversions.  It's hard to get even a sip of anything down me during that time.  It's even tough for me to take my sleeping pills, which I so need right now to help me get the proper rest I need to help heal my body.  I would normally never take any such things, but am taking them just to get me through until after treatment.  I also had very bad weepy spells this time - one minute I'm fine, next I'm bawling over soemthing so insignificant any other time.    Then two minutes later I'm fine again.  It's really a lot to do with one's hormones. 

We also had a bad week with losing our beloved Thomas last week.  That was all in the midst of feeling horrible from chemo and dealing with the emotional turmoil of his injury and then his death.  It was a very rough week on our entire family.

On one of my particularly bad days last week, a thought occurred to me.  I was asking everyone for help - the kids to bring me this or that, or hubby to bring me something or other.   I had forgotten to ask THE most important person to help me that day - GOD!  Well, no wonder I had had a bad day.  Why do we continuously struggle to do things in our own strength.  You'd think we'd get it after awhile - I guess I'm a VERY slow learner!!!  Upon my realization, I called the kids over and told them that I'd had a few bad days and had had to ask them for lots of help, which I normally don't do and that I really appreciated their help, etc. etc.  I also said that my days were worse than perhaps they might have been if I had asked for help from one very important person - GOD!  Ds was blown away by this and I could really see his mental wheels turning.  I explained how imporant it is to invite God to be with us and help us all the time.  It was a very important lesson for me, but what a great teaching moment for me with the kids!!

Please don't think I'm complaining - I'm not.  I'm still grateful that I'm eligible for chemo and that it is coursing through my body like tiny little pac-men chewing up any rogue cancer cells.

I got to see my sister yesterday at  breakfast where she, my father and I get together at a local restaurant every other Monday morning just because.  Ds and dd were with me also since it's spring break.  We had a nice time, ate some great food, had some great conversation (as always), then I took the two kids swimming, where we met up with Connie and her brood.  Connie was also caring for three other children of moms who are working while the kids are off on spring break.  Anyways, all the kids were swimming and splashing and having a blast!  We stayed for 3 hours and then I was beat!  Wanted to come home and have a nap, but got doing other stuff and didn't get my nap until almost bedtime. 

Next chemo is next Wednesday the 25th provided that my blood samples all come back OK.  I can't believe I've lost almost 35 pounds since my diagnosis on Dec. 8, 2008.

Thanks to everyone for your continued parayers and support!    Next chemo will be #3 of six - almost HALF-WAY there!!!

Blessings to all. 

~ Audrey ~

Our poor Thomas left us last night at 9:12 p.m.  Rest in peace, dear furry one.  You brought us so much joy.  We are so sorry for the devastating accident that took you from us....   

All our love, Thomas.  May God keep you by his side and may you continue to purr for Him.

Blessings to all....

~ Audrey ~

Well, I had round #2 of chemo on Wednesday.  I was feeling pretty good, but I have to be so careful not to overdo it.  That is the most difficult part for me.  When I overdo things, the nausea and extreme fatigue comes full fury!  It's tough to slow down before you're finished doing things, though, as any mom knows!

We also have a poor kitty who is recovering from a bad accident.  He was hit by DH's car last Saturday night and has a broken jaw.  He was in at the vet for 5 days - has had his jaw manipulated and wired on the bottom jaw and is still not eating on his own.  The vet was tube feeding/watering him.  We brought him home on Thursday afternoon and he hasn't eaten yet, although he has drank some.  I will syringe feed/water him starting this morning. He is not out of the woods yet as if he doesn't begin to eat and drink on his own, he won't make it.  Poor Thomas - he's been such a great kitty to us and this was SUCH a freak accident.  He' never usually outside for more than half an hour at the most, but this night I had forgotten to let him in.  DH was out at a buddy's birthday party that evening and was backing the car in, so didn't see Thomas (Thomas is a VERY slow-moving cat, although he's only 13).  Hopefully Thomas will make a full recovery and we will do our very best to help him - he's a very loved member of our family.

I must make mention here of all the wonderful friends I have.  I cannot believe the love and support that I have been given.  I have a dear friend, Jenny G., who comes out every Friday without fail (from over an HOUR away), to help me clean my bird cages.  She brings cooked dinners when she comes too!  Always delicious, but I just can't believe the extents she goes to to show her love and support to me.  Makes me cry every single time.  Another friend, Jenny T., has been sending us free-range organic meat (roasts, etc.) to Jenny G. to cook for our family.  Yesterday, I received a beautiful hand-made quilt from another friend from Vancouver whom I know through Greyhaven and who works at the Avian Vet's office we go to.  Tracy, the quilt is absolutely exquisitely precious!  It's got such detail and I went and snuggled with it immediately when I received it.!  Thanks from the bottom of my heart to Jenny, Jenny and Tracy.  It's not all about the "things", either (dinners, meat, quilts), but just that you are thinking of me - it means the world to me during this most difficult time in my life.  Thank you just doesn't seem to say enough....

You all know Connie, my dear friend from here in blog-land.  I haven't seen her for a week or so because their family has been ill and we can't risk getting sick here with my non-existant immune system.  Connie is always there for me and even has cookies in her freezer waiting for us as we speak.  I know that she is also a prayer warrior on my behalf, so that is of utmost importance!  Thanks, so much, dear!

So, to all my friends, thank you for all your love, support, prayers, thoughts - everything!  You have/are touching me so much more than you could ever know!  BTW, there are many others - you know who you are - Lorraine, Robin, Dennis, Donna, Ellie, Rhonda - who are there supporting me endlessly - I thank you so much!  My family, too, is always there - I love you all and thank you for your love and support!

Off to get Thomas his medicine and grind up some food for him.  Please pray for his complete recovery.  He loves the children they love him so much (we all do) and he has been with us for 12 years and is an absolute love.  It is heartbreaking to see him this way and if he doesn't bounce back soon, we will have to make a very difficult decision.

Love and blessings to all!

~ Audrey ~

... in updating the blog.  I have been doing pretty well, all things considered.  Felt REALLY good the last two days before round #2 of chemo, which was today.  I even attended one of DS's hockey games last night, which is big for me as they tend to be tiring.

Chemo went well.  I felt the drugs going in a lot more today because last time I had taken two Ativans to help ease my anxiety and today I didn't - guess I didn't feel anxious.  So, I was much more aware of everything today.  Not a big deal, just a bit achey with the drugs being pushed manually into the IV through the syringes (5 of them).

I was a bit nauseous this afternoon, but hubby reminded me that we went shopping and I did 3 loads of laundry and probably had overdone it and he probably is right.    It's so hard to slow down when you're used to a certain level of activity and getting things done.  I find one of the most difficult things for me is to really get hydrated the day before, day of and day after chemo.  This is important (a) the day before so that your veins are nice and plump for the chemo to be administered.  (b) the day OF chemo, it's important to keep the drugs moving and not settling anywhere in the body (ie. kidneys or bladder) as the drugs are deadly and can cause damage - so having lots of fluid in your body helps to keep the drugs moving and flushing out.  (c) the day AFTER chemo - more of the same - just to keep the drugs moving and flushing and it's also important to go to the bathroom as soon as you have to so that things are "moving along" from your bladder.  Very interesting stuff, but I have a difficult time with fluids at the best of times, so it's a bit of a struggle for me, but nothing that I can't handle, it's just a bit of a challenge.

I really cannot say that there were any side effects last time that were horrible.  It was mostly just annoying things - acne for a few days (DS13 LOVED that one!!), constipation and diarrhea on and off, slight headaches, backache, leg cramps and some slight bone pain, a few mouth sores and fatigue.  AND they were all spaced out - never together, which was easier to handle.  I am grateful for the chemo and that the side effects are minimal.  Thank you, Lord!

An interesting side note here.  DS13 had to do a speech at school and the topic he chose was breast cancer and the fact that his mother has it and the challenges that I and we, as a family, have had to face.  Today he found out that he has been chosen to go to the finals in the District along with another student from his grade.  We are very proud of him!!!  The children have learned an awful lot about this disease as well, and it's a very good thing when children are interested enough to want to learn about it.    So, congrats, DS, on your hard work with your speech!

So, thank you for your continued prayers.  I SO appreciate it.

Blessings to all! 

~ Audrey ~

Well, today is day 13 after my first chemo treatment.  I have been tugging at my hair now & then and having little tufts of it come out in my hand.  So, it's time.  Tomorrow I will get my head shaved. 

I am going to ask Connie to bring her camera so we will have a before and after photo.  I knew it was coming, but when it's actually done, I'm sure it will be difficult.

And so, on goes this fight against breast cancer.

Blessings.... 

~ Audrey ~

I'm feeling much better than I did for a few days after my first chemo treatment.  Thank you ALL for your continued prayers and good wishes. 

I had a few days of feeling - well, not really SICK, per se, but just really YUCKY!    Today is day 11 post-chemo and I feel very good - almost "normal" - if there will ever be such a thing again! 

I thought you'd like to see MY regimen of chemo drugs.  DH took this photo as my "mix" came out of the pharmacy..........

A little scary, wouldn't you say?  These were all inserted into my IV drip individually, over the course of an hour, by our chemo nurse, who was great!  So, these drugs actually KILL all fast-growing cells in the hopes of catching any "stray" cancer cells that have split from the original site of concern which, in my case, was thought to have been removed in surgery.  There is always the possiblity, however, that stray cells have left the original site and spread and this is the purpose of chemo.

Of course, in killing all fast-growing cells, included in that group is (to name a few): hair follicles, finger nail and toe nail growth, BONE MARROW cells and a lot more that I'm not really knowledgeable about.  While chemo drugs are killing you in a way, it's a "controlled" kill that is administered in a regimen designed just for you and your type of cancer.  It is hoped that you can handle your entire regimen from start to finish for optimum effectiveness.  Illness and infections, of course, may delay your treatments.

I've learned MUCH more than I care to have learned about chemotherapy over the past couple of months.  It IS helping to save my life, though, so for that I'm VERY thankful!!!

And, most important, thanks to the Lord, for having me in a place where we have access to one of the best and most up-to-date cancer centers in North America!  It's only 15 minutes away.  I also thank Him for keeping me healthy so far, and for letting me have a good prognosis at the end of my treatment.

Blessings to all on this Lord's day.    Please don't forget to include Him in your plans since he's the designer of your lives!

~ Audrey ~

Cancer is not a disease that anyone would wish to have.  I have found through this journey that I have NEVER felt so alone or isolated in my entire life.  It's absolutely heart-wrenching and I would never wish this on anyone - ever.  I can't make plans now because I don't know how I'm going to feel on any given day because of the chemo.  It seems that each new day brings new challenges with it, and I'm adjusting and having little pity parties as I go along - LOL!    Sure, I have friends that call me daily to check in, and I SO appreciate it, and love them all for it.  I find myself doing the smallest of chores and laying down in between to rest if I need to.  I even have to think before I answer the phone to see if I have energy to talk to whomever it might be.  We don't have call display, so I never know who's calling.

Yesterday was a good day in that I got four loads of laundry done and was able to cook supper.  Now THAT was quite an accomplishment for me these days and I was pleased with myself.  I hope that the chemo does its job and that I am able to get my life back again because for now it seems like the chemo owns me.  Making dinner seems like one of the biggest chores these days - it's just so difficult at times.  I look so forward to when the kids come home from school and when hubby comes home, even if I'm tired.

I'm even having a tough time praying right now.  I know that doesn't sound right to some, but it's true.  Perhaps because I'm too focused on me and the way I'm feeling.....

"Lord, please forgive me for focusing too much on me.  I really want the glory to go to YOU through this time.  Please use me whichever way you need to so that your will be done.  Lord, I also pray that I get through this chemo with good health.  It can knock you down so that treatments need to be postponed or changed, and I hope that doesn't happen.  Thanks for your loving hand, Lord.  Please help me to keep my focus on YOU during these trying times.  I also thank you for my loving family and friends and that you sent your son to die for US."

Blessings to all.  Have a great day! 

~ Audrey ~

It has been very different since going on chemo.  My treatment was last Wednesday.  I was taking very strong anti-nauseant drugs for the first three days, which WORKED, but which also knocked me out to some degree.  I was very tired and slept a lot of the time.  Now I'm feeling a LITTLE bit more energetic (not much though), but have a real food aversion.  I feel just like I did when I was pregnant.  Nothing appeals to me, food-wise.  Funny how it goes, but I did read about this stuff before I had my chemo treatment.  Everyone's different, and I'd much rather take this over being sick to my stomach, but it's still not easy.

And then there are the emotions.  This chemo will throw me into an unnatural menopause.  Of course, we know the emotional toll that goes along with that!!  I cry at the drop of a hat - poor hubby and poor kids!  It's just an adjustment and this, too, shall pass, but it's certainly unnerving.  I'm used to being a fairly strong woman, and then to just crumble like this in an instant - it's very difficult!    Nobody said it was going to be easy, though.  Chemo is chemo, and it's used for a reason - to be sure that the cancer is GONE!  Halleluia that I have access to such a thing, as difficult as it seems.

I'm thankful for lots of things right now and that's pretty important to me, so I'm hanging onto that.  Hubby has been wonderful, as has DD and DS.  I'm so blessed.

Boy, when they talk about fatigue, they aren't kidding!  You have NO idea, unless you've been through it.  Feels like I could sleep for months sometimes. 

And so, my dear friends, I come to you again, asking for your prayers.  I know that only God can get me through this - only He is big enough.  I pray that I make it through this difficult journey (and my journey is not nearly as difficult as some).  I thank God for the experience and ask that he uses me to help others that I come into contact with because of it.

Blessings to you all! 

~ Audrey ~

I sent out a blanket e-mail to a lot of my contacts earlier this afternoon.  I will just copy & paste it here as it says most of the info and it's only 3 hours later now and I'm still feeling pretty good except for a slight headache, which I believe is from the Ativan, as I did get it yesterday as well.  Tired, too. 

"Henry  took me for my FIRST round of chemo this morning - the first of SIX.  We were there for 8:15 a.m.  My dear friend Connie was able to take DD to school for us, so one less thing to worry about - thank you so much, dear!  Went really smoothly – nothing unexpected – just having to pee a lot because of excess fluid intake for these three days.  Should have seen the size of the FIVE syringes she was inserting into the IV – YIKES!  We don’t want these drugs settling anywhere in the body – especially the kidneys or bladder, so try to dilute everything as much as possible.  I took one of my Ativans (just a little calmer-downer) before we left here, one when we started chemo, and then when we got home after stopping for a couple of groceries and a bite to eat, Henry then sent me to bed since I was pretty unbalanced (PHYSICALLY, I mean – ha ha!) because of the Ativan.  Had a good nap for a couple of hours and still feel pretty darned good.

It’s 6:20 p.m. and so far so good.  No problems.  Will keep you all updated.  I apologize for this being a blanket e-mail, but it’s easier for me right now.  We shall see.  Of course all your prayers and special thoughts have made a HUGE difference!"

So, I'll post a photo of me sitting in the chair and of the load of syringes they had set up for putting into the IV - looked scary, but that was it!  The nurses and volunteers were all fabulous!

Thank you Lord, that I live in a place where we have access to this kind of treatment and that it is so close to home.  It's a true blessing!   I would also like to pray right now for some women that need your comfort now.  No specifics, but you know who they are and they know who they are.  Lord, I pray for your love and healing on Wanda, Fran, Anne, Jeannie, Lorraine, and Elaine and also for Heather.  I pray that you would comfort each one of these women right now during their time of need.  Be with their families and show them how to comfort each one.  These things I pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

I'll keep you updated day by day.

Oh, and I need to share my scripture verse that came to my inbox this morning.  Always so fitting:

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are
suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.
But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so
that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

Blessings! 

~ Audrey ~ 

1 Peter 4:12-13

Well, tomorrow I begin my chemo treatments.  I will have six rounds of chemo - three weeks apart.  I'm very nervous - more so than with my surgery.  I need to pray for the Lord to take this from me as I'm hanging on this time and not letting it go so easily.

I discovered a wonderful little pill that the doctor gave me called Ativan.  Thanks to my wonderful friend, Lorraine for telling me about it and getting me to ask my Doctor for some.  Lorraine's sister is currently going through breast cancer treatments also.  She had a lumpectomy followed by chemo and will now begin her radiation.  Anyways, I took one of these Ativans today and it relaxed me so much and I even got to take a little nap and eat lunch.  Prior to taking it, I was nauseous at the thought of food.  I am certainly no advocate of willy-nilly drug-taking, but these are really helpful.  I will take one tomorrow at chemo to just relax me a bit.  They are used quite regularly by lots of people during cancer treatments.

I will let you all know how it goes.  I'm just not sure what to expect - everyone on the planet is different, and from what I understand, almost every chemo mixture is different also - mixed specifically for that one patient.

Lord, I give this over to you - I'm SO not strong enough to keep this worry in me - please take it away.  You are the Great Physician.  Amen.

Thanks again for all your support and prayers.  I couldn't do this without you all! 

Blessings to each of you! 

~ Audrey ~

Well, just so you know, I don't normally EVER talk about myself this much.  This cancer stuff has really changed things ....  I apologize for this blog being all about ME right now, but I did tell you it was going to be about my journey, so I must be truthful. 

My day started off not so good.  I was crying and couldn't stop.  You see, I've worked myself into a tizzy about chemo.  We visited the oncologist on Wednesday (great Doctor, by the way), and I begin chemo next Wednesday.  I thought I was going to be OK with chemo, but when you see it down on paper and actually read about the side effects, it's pretty darn scary!  So, I am worried.  My sweet friend, Connie, prayed for me this morning to help me relieve some of my anxiety - thanks, my dear.  I know I must turn this over to the Lord, but I'm fighting it right now.  I have gotten better throughout the day.  I had a very busy couple of days and was totally exhausted yesterday - I think it's taking it's toll.  My friend Wanda is also not well, so my mind is on her - I have been praying and praying for a miracle.  It distresses me so that she is sick right now.  She is such a sweet and kind soul and just does not deserve this.

I'm worried about chemo, but like a good friend said, the cancer would have killed you a lot faster than the chemo would.  Besides that, with God by my side, why should I be worried at all, right?

So, I need to hear about your chemo stories.  Tell me (in the comments section) about friends/family and what their chemo journey was like.  I just need to hear the stories right now - I know it sounds very strange, but I do. 

Also, an update on DH - he has been fabulous this whole time.  Better than I ever could have expected.  The kids have been awesome, too!  Thank the Lord for my family and friends (you ALL know who you are)! 

And lastly, DS had his 13th birthday on Wednesday.  It was slightly overshadowed by the visit to the oncologist by DH and I, but I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to my sweet Hockey Boy!  Can't believe you're THIRTEEN already!!!

Blessings to all of you!   Thanks for your continued prayer and support - even when my blog is depressing.  Hopefully it will get better very soon!  

~ Audrey ~

Hi, everyone.  Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers.  God is SO good for surrounding me with all of you! 

I am healing very quickly and very well.  I have only a scar now.  All dressings have been removed.  I think I've healed pretty well.  I do have a lot of scar tissue, though, which I certainly was NOT expecting.  It is very tight and reaches from the middle of my chest to almost under my arm beneath the scar.  Scar tissue is something I'm not familiar with - perhaps because I'd never had any other surgeries actually cutting into my skin.  My band of scar tissue is perhaps 9" across, and is 2" above and 2" below my actual external scar.  It cannot be seen, but it can be felt under the skin.  It's very tight and can be uncomfortable at times.  Who knew?  I've heard that if you overdo it while healing that scar tissue can be worse?  Not sure if that's true or not.

I'm not complaining - don't get me wrong.  It's just an observation, and I really had no idea there was such a thing!

I already have an oncologist appointment this Wednesday.  For those who might not know, an oncologist is a doctor who specializes in cancer and its treatment.  I was only referred last Thursday, and the secretary at the surgeon's office said it would take a couple of weeks, so it's pretty fast!  I've heard that once you are referred to your oncologist, that chemo can start within a week - YIKES!  That's OK, though, because when you're faced with a demon like cancer, chemo is your friend!    It's just a perceived fear because of the side effects we often hear about that happen to some people.  I hope I don't have nasty side effects, but at the same time, expect to have some.  It depends a lot on the type of drug given to you and how aggressive they have to be with your regimen of treatments.

I have a prayer request, please.  I have a friend (who also happens to be a bird lady), who is battling a nasty cancer that has spread within her body.  She is recovering from surgery and has had some setbacks and I'm really worried about her.  Her name is Wanda, and I just ask for prayers for her.  I am driving her to one of her hospital appointments on Thursday and am very thankful to be doing so.  I hope that I can support her in every way that I can.  This nasty thing they call cancer knows no boundaries and is ruthless in its quest to conquer wherever it can.  Of the devil, no doubt!

So, thank you all again for your support.  I'm feeling so blessed in my recovery.  I feel VERY good except for the fact that I tire easily, which is to be expected.  I will let you know what the oncologist says on Wednesday (ds's 13th birthday).

Blessings to all! 

~ Audrey ~