Happy New Year!

I wish everyone a joyous and very blessed New Year.  I can't believe that 2009 is over and we are into another decade! 

Love and blessings to all! 

~ Audrey ~

Hello, all my bloggy friends.  Christmas is certainly just right around the corner isn't it?  I am slowly getting the decorating started. 

Today is December 8, 2009.  On this date one year ago, I got my diagnosis of having breast cancer.  I have felt a bit strange today - thinking about it a lot, I guess.  I'm so grateful that I am still here one year later.  I have also been declared cancer-free, which is wonderful, although once you have had cancer, it's not too far from your mind.

It's been a heck of a year.  Biopsies, lumpectomy, mastectomy, then chemo.  In some ways, it's been more difficult since chemo ended on May 29th.  I like to think that I've grown in many ways as a person. 

I just thank God that He has allowed me to still be here.  My family means the world to me, and this journey of mine has opened my eyes to that.  Not so sure if I realized it previously.  So, the Lord has a purpose for everything in our lives - we just don't know what or why - nor should we.

I have to tell you all that I got my first post-chemo haircut!  Yes, indeed!  My CURLS were getting too long!!!  I got a haircut a week ago Saturday, and I now just throw some gel into my hair and go!  It's so nice having hair again.  I will never forget last year when I was going through chemo and my head was always so cold and I had to wear a fleece hat.  It's amazing how much heat you lose through your head.

Have a blessed day, everyone - to you & yours!

Audrey

I lost a friend today.  My friend, Wanda, died in hospice care this morning.  Although it's a difficult time, I know she is no longer suffering.  I am thankful that I got to visit with her on Wednesday, and I am so grateful to have had her in my life as a friend.  It was Remembrance Day, ironically.  She was in a lot of pain then.  I wish she never had to suffer and I wish that I could have taken her pain from her, but that is not possible.  I pray that she is with the Lord now.

I will be taking Wanda's two birds into foster care hopefully in the next couple of days.  I'm waiting for the lady who owns Wanda's suite to call so we can arrange a time for me to pick them up.  We will place them into wonderful homes through the bird rescue I volunteer with.  The circle of life is painful sometimes. 

Wanda was diagnosed with her cancer 15 months ago.   The colon cancer had spread and she was in a lot of pain for many, many months.  She fought a brave battle and was an inspiration to me during my treatments. 

I will miss you, Wanda.  You were a wonderful friend, and a warm, kind and loving person.  The world won't be the same without you. 

Audrey

OK, so I was blog-hopping and came upon this divine-sounding recipe.  I thought I'd share it with you.  I found it here at Deb's "Homespun Living" blog.

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Squares

2 1/4 cups flour
2 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
4 beaten eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup butter [room temp]
2 cups pumpkin filling {I used a 15 oz can}
1 cup chocolate chips + 1/2 - 1 cup chocolate chips

Butter or spray a 13 x 9 inch cake pan. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. In mixing bowl, cream butter and sugars. Add eggs and then pumpkin filling. Sift together dry ingredients and add to pumpkin mixture. Blend. Stir in 1 cup of chocolate chips. Pour into pan and bake for about 45 minutes. After removing from oven, sprinkle the remaining chocolate chips over the pan of pumpkin bars. Let melt, and then spread as you would frosting.
Enjoy!

As I said, this is from someone else's blog (URL above).  I'm going to try them out next week.  Let me know if you try them.

Hope everyone had a great week!  Blessings to you & yours!! 

Audrey

Hi, blogging friends!  I haven't updated for a very long time - my apologies.  My life has been busy, which I guess is a good thing!

Yesterday was Remembrance Day here in Canada.  I would like to say thank you to all the people who have given of themselves in any way to fight for our freedom and for the freedom of our American neighbours.  What a gift.  How can we not remember EVERYTHING that has been done so that we can rest our heads each night?

Yesterday was also a difficult day for me in another way.  I went to visit a dear friend in Hospice care.  She is dying of cancer and has been fighting a difficult battle for about a year and 3 months.  She's been in a lot of pain and still is.  She looks very different from when I last saw her.  She told me she is waiting to die and that it was horrible.  I hope the Lord takes her soon so there is no more suffering.  I can't bear to think of all the suffering she has done.  Please pray for her if you think about it.  She is also leaving behind a 21-year-old daughter - the same daughter who lost her father and grandmother within three months of each other when she was 17.  Now she will lose her mother!  It's a terrifying thought.  It was my first experience with hospice.  I guess it's nice to have a place for someone to go when they are in the final stages of life, but....  My friend is only 3 years older than me. 

Speaking of me, I am doing well.  I have my hair back!  It came back CURLY!  I don't know what to DO with curls!!!!  My hair was poker-straight until this - it's weird!  I must say, though, that it's nice to have HAIR - straight or curly!  I'm looking into some surgery to help me to feel "normal" and "even" again after last year's mastectomy.  Went to see the surgeon last week and he referred me to another surgeon who deals with plastic surgeons regularly.  That appointment is not until January now.  And so I wait.  I also have an appointment with my oncologist for August of 2011!  That's right - they don't want to see me for TWO years!  I think that's a good thing, although I am going to speak to her before then - just to check on a few things not the least of which would be any surgeries I would contemplate.

So, that's my update for now.  I'll try to get on here and update a bit more regularly.

Blessings to you & yours!   

Audrey

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People need help, but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

~Mother Teresa

....I baked yesterday!  I got a huge zucchini given to me from my friend Robin (along with lots of yummy tomatoes and some apples - all spray-free).  I decided that I needed to make Zucchini loaf and so looked up a recipe on line as I didn't have one.  I found a wonderful recipe here at Helen-Mary's blog.

Zucchini Loaf v.2.0

3 c. flour (2 c. unbleached, 1 c. whole wheat) 
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
3 tsp. cinnamon + 1/2 tsp. nutmeg

3 eggs
1/2 c. veg. oil (or equal amount of apple sauce) + 1/2 c. milk
1 c. packed brown sugar + 1/2 c. white sugar
3 tsp. vanilla extract
2 c. grated zucchini
1 c. pecan pieces, or your nut of choice. I don't mean your little sister. (I substituted one cup of milk chocolate chips)

• grease & flour 2 loaf pans 8" x 4"
• preheat oven to 325 f (165 c)
• sift flour, salt, baking powder, soda, spices in a bowl
• beat eggs, oil, milk, vanilla & sugar together in a large bowl
• add sifted ingredients and beat well
• stir in zucchini & nuts until well combined
• pour into loaf pans
• bake 60 minutes (give or take) until tester inserted in the center comes out clean
• cool in pans for 20 minutes, then remove from pans and finish cooling
• wrap for 24 hours before slicing. If you can wait that long. Mmmm yummy.

I haven't really baked anything in SO long since I've been feeling so crummy from chemo.  It's nice to be back to some semblance of "normal" again.  A "new" normal, shall we say?

By the way, the zucchini loaf recipe - I substituted the nuts with milk chocolate chips - mmmmm!  A very tasty recipe!

This is the first post in a VERY long while that doesn't fall into the "Breast Cancer Journey" entry category - yippee!  Thank you, Lord!!!!

Blessings to all! 

Audrey

I "graduated" today.  I saw the oncologist and he said that since I'm doing so well, I don't have to come back for TWO years!  All follow-ups between now & then will be done through our family doctor.  Music to my ears!!!!!  I finished chemo on May 29th.  I began Tamoxifen mid-June and the last week (YES, it's taken THAT long!!!) has been good.  I will be on Tamoxifen for two years, then switch to a different drug for three years.  I have much less fatigue and am feeling sooooooo much better!

So, for now, life goes on.  I do have to look into reconstruction, but with the long waiting lists here in B.C., it's not something that is going to happen any time soon.    Oh, well - it could be MUCH worse!!!

Thanks to my Lord and Saviour who brought me through this awful journey and helped me to learn much along the way.  I pray that there are no more journeys like it any time soon. 

I also have to thank my friends and family, without whom I wouldn't have made it.  This past year has been the worst of my life in many ways, but has also been the best in many others.  It's like the song by Garth Brooks says:  "I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance".  It's so true, isn't it? 

So, I hope that this journey called Breast Cancer is over.  Of course God makes sure that we don't know what's coming, so that we do get to dance.  I'm going to dance now.  So what if I get chemo-induced menopausally-caused hot flashes while I'm dancing??? 

Blessings to you & yours! 

Audrey

Hi, again.  I just wanted to do a quick post to let you all know how I am doing.

I am now 7 weeks post chemo.  My last treatment was May 29th, 2009.  I have started taking Tamoxifen, an estrogen blocker that is supposed to help prevent recurrence of breast cancer by up to 50%.  This is a well established drug, with hundreds of thousands of women being studied.

I am getting a little stronger each and every day.  It sure has been an emotional roller coaster emotionally.  Part of this has been due to drug withdrawals and changes, part of it chemo-induced menopause (or, what I so fondly like to refer to as "mental-pause").  I really dislike being on drugs.  I have been taking sleeping medications since my diagnosis as I just cannot turn my mind off at night.  They do work, and I get a good night's sleep, but they are addicting.  I never would have believed it until I tried to go off them - cold turkey.  What a mistake.  After discussing it with my Doctor, we have decided that it's best if I stay on the sleep meds for a while to allow my body to do the healing it so badly needs to do, and it needs sleep to help it do that.

The one anti-depressant drug I was taking was not compatible with the Tamoxifen, so I had to wean off that one and wean onto a new one.  Talk about tough.  It's not bad enough that I really hate to take them in the first place, but there are withdrawal symptoms coming off them and then side effects of starting new ones.  I mention the anti-depressants without any apologies or shame.  Depression is a chemical imbalance in the body, and nothing more.  Sure, there are varying degrees of depression, but it is mostly due to an imbalance.  So many people judge others about depression.  Yes, it can lead to other more serious disorders, but depression is very controllable once you find the right medication.

So, for now, I'm doing OK.   I'm having more good days than bad now, which is nice.  I do have a lot of back pain, and I don't know what that is about, but I will ask the doctor in a couple of weeks when I go back.  I am even able to plan ahead a couple of days now, which I daren't do even a couple of weeks ago.

My hair is even growing back!  It's kind of at a funky, soft, downy stage right now, but I've read that it takes quite a while to really grow back. Below are a couple of hideous photos of me taken today.  As my mother used to say "cameras don't lie!".  She was right!  One thing I CAN say about the past 8 months - I look to have aged greatly!  My hair is coming back in GREY, of course, but that is changeable once it's longer and thicker!!! 

I'm so thankful for my friends and family.  Their undying love and support mean so much to me.  Too bad it took this horrible thing called breast cancer to really realize it.  Of course, I also need to thank God for being here for me.  He's been here in my loneliness, my pain, my self-pity - all of it.  He is so good!

Thanks for your continued love and prayers!  Blessings to you & all yours! 

Audrey

xoxo

OK, I am really kind of tired of hearing about cancer.  I've just been living in it for 8 months now, and it seems that enough is enough.  Or is it?  Check out this site http://deathisnotdying.com/links/ and you will see how this amazing woman has used her cancer as a way to give honour and glory to God.  Be sure to watch the "video event".  It's long at 55 minutes, but I encourage you to take the time to watch it.  You won't regret it.  This amazing woman makes me ashamed that I thought I'd had enough of cancer.  She's been through a LOT.

Unfortunately, Rachel passed away on July 2, 2009. 

God bless you, Rachel.  Thanks for sharing your story and for telling us how and why we need God in our lives.  Your testimony is amazing and I hope you're enjoying your new and perfect life with Jesus!  The earth is not the same without you, but Heaven must have needed a very special angel when you were called home.  There, but for the Grace of God, go I.

Blessings to all and to your sweet families. 

Audrey

This past week is the first week I have had more than one or two days in a row where I feel good.  Thank the Lord!  I have been able to get out and do a few things - being careful not to overdo it.  My back muscles have atrophied, so I need to build up strength slowly.  I've even been out in the garden a wee bit.  I knew I was feeling better when I bought some flowers for the garden two weeks ago.

I know that there is a possibility of a recurrence, and that every cancer survivor knows that, but I can't dwell on that.  I will cast my worries on God, just as He asks us to do, as difficult as that is for a stubborn woman like me! 

I can only thank God for bringing me through this thing they call breast cancer.  I am a different person now.  I hope I'm a better person, but I AM very different because of this.  It has been almost 7 months since my diagnosis, and I can say that it was a personal hell for me.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Thank you to everyone who kept me and my family in their thoughts and prayers - there is no way to ever thank you enough.

I am now on a drug called Tamoxifen for five years.  It apparently helps to prevent recurrence by up to 30%.  The drug has some nasty side effects for some women, but I've only been on it for 5 days and have not noticed anything major as far as side effects go.  I pray that will remain the case.

We're off to take the kids swimming.  Blessings to all! 

Audrey

Well, I had my last chemo treatment on May 29th.  Today is June 23, and I had THREE good days in a row (last Friday, Saturday & Sunday).  Today was another not-so-good day, so I guess that three is good and we'll take all we can get from here on in.

I am very tired a lot, so can't make many plans, as I don't know how I will feel.

Tomorrow I go for a "Muga" scan, a heart scan to see if any of the chemo drugs damaged my heart.  I certainly hope not!!  Next Monday I visit the Oncologist and he will start me on Tamoxifen for five years.  This drug gives you a 30% better chance of NOT having a recurrence within the 5-year timeframe.  It is not without side effects, too, though. 

I must say that if I ever have a recurrence, I don't know that I could go through chemo again.  It was a horrible time in my life - one that I hope I can recover from soon.  I also cannot sleep still, so am on sleep medication also. 

If anyone has any info/stories about women on Tamoxifen, I'd love to hear about it - good or bad.  Everyone reacts differently.

Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts.  I appreciate it.  I am so grateful that God has brought me this far and I hope someday I can help others through my experiences.

Blessings to all of you & your families.

Audrey

xoxo

Just got home from my last chemo.  It wasn't an easy one - I was queasy all the way through from thinking too much about it, but it IS now finished.  I have to deal with a few bad days that this treatment will leave me with, then life will move on.  I will be on a drug called Tamoxifen for five years to prevent recurrance of the cancer.

My dear friend, Linda, came with me today as well as my hubby.  Linda's hubby also showed up, which was  a shock to me.  He had CHOCOLATES - mmmmm!  And dear Linda - bless her heart - bought me a dozen BEAUTIFUL pink roses with the sweetest little lambie tied on wih a beautiful bow!  Linda was dressed in all pink (for breast cancer) for me today.  Thank you Linda & Dennis for your love and laughter and support - it really does mean the world to me.  And to my hubby - thanks so much for being here for me - I love you!

So, God know what the next couple of weeks will bring, and I'm certain that He will carry me through it.  I pray it isn't too uncomfortable.  I thank God that the treatment was/is available for me and for other people.  A true blessing.  I was also so blessed to have met so many wonderful people through this journey (which, by the way is FAR from over).

I plan on training our little dog, Lucas, to be a Therapy Dog and volunteer at the Hospital and will frequent the chemo room, where I will be able to visit with patients and the great nurses there - I will really miss the nurses - they are the best.  Thanks you guys - you ROCK - especially my favourite, Janice. 

So, I have lots to be thankful for today.  True and caring friends that have carried me through this difficult part of my journey, plus the people I've met along the way.  Thank you, Lord, for carrying me through - I know I couldn't have done it in my own strength.  Friends, you know who you are - to name all of you would take far too long and then I might leave someone out, so thank you to all of you!  I love you!

Have photos I will post in the next day or two.

Blessings to you all! 

Love,

Audrey

Hello, everyone.  I'm sorry I've been missing in action.  This last chemo was wicked for me, although I do believe that overall I've been lucky.  Having said that, it has been rough.

Tomorrow is my sixth and FINAL chemo treatment!  Please pray for me to get through with minimal side effects.  I am terrified - I'm sure I'm just overly emotional as these treatments have pushed me into early menopause, which gets the hormones in a flap!

I ask for your prayers and thoughts tomorrow.  My treatment time is 2 p.m. west coast time.  I guess it's not the treatment itself, but the days after that are hard, but it begins with the treatment.

Hubby and my friend Linda will be coming with me.  I'll be glad when it's over as my veins are weary and just holding up.

Thank you everyone for your support - you have no idea what it means to me.

Lord, please give me strength to get through this.  I cannot do it alone.  You are the Great Physician and Healer and I leave it in your hands.

Blessings to all. 

P.S.  I'm going to try to get another photo of me without my hair and not crying.    Will post that when I get it.

Love,

Audrey

xoxo

Hi, everyone.  Forgive me for not being on here lately.  The chemo is really taking it out of me, leaving me with not a whole lot of energy and I can't focus on anything for more than a couple of minutes - apparently this is a side-effect of chemo.

I am down & out for about 6 days now after chemo.  It is a horrible fatigue that no one could ever describe unless you've been there.  God help me.  I've been home by myself every day and it's so depressing.  Barely had enough energy to get my shower and myself fed, let alone all the birds.  Just found out last night that hubby is away for three days now with ds's class on a special field trip to a ranch, but I had no idea it was this soon.

I need your prayers, please.  I know that this kind of fear/depression does NOT come from the Lord, so I feel that Satan is trying to get after me.  Please just pray that I can get through this.  This was my second-last chemo (last Wednesday).  I have one more to go.  Of course, during all this, now my mind is playing tricks and telling me there's more cancer.  I think this is pretty normal for a cancer patient, but it is terrifying, especially being so weak here.

So, please just pray that God will bring me through this.  It's a tough time right now, but I did tell you I'd talk about both the GOOD and the BAD. 

Thanks for your prayers and blessings to you all. 

~ Audrey ~

Well, I had my FOURTH chemo treatment of six today!  My dear friend, Connie accompanied me.  I was very nervous since yesterday - I get myself worked up because I know that I will have several bad days after treatment (from about day #4 - 9 or so).  They talk about anticipatory nausea in some of the literature I've read - didn't really think about it until I started doing chemo, but it's true.  I feel ill when I think about going for chemo.  Even when I go to sit with my friend Wanda, who is also having chemo, I feel ill.  Funny what the brain does.

Anyways, I was thankful that Connie & her daughter Stephanie accompanied me.  I can't imagine going to chemo alone.  The nurses at our clinic are the best ever.  I love them all - they really ROCK.  They are so compassionate and caring.

Now, on chemo brain.  I did have a whole spiel written up for my last post, but it was taken away into cyberspace somewhere.    One of the things about being on chemo (for me at least, but it is a side effect for many people) is that you are unable to focus on any activity for any length of time.  Nothing that requires any concentration anyway.  I think that's why I haven't been updating my blog.

And finally, on Angels, last Friday, we had a group of kids and parents from dd's music teacher's academy descend on our place to come and clean our gardens up for us.  I was so stunned that people would do that for US!  The group stayed for 3 hours and got a PILE of work done.  I am so very grateful to Linda (dd's piano teacher - the GREATEST in the world, by the way!!  ) and her hubby Dennis, and all the kids and parents who came and took precious time out of their long easter weekend to come and work in our gardens.  I must also say that Linda was in kahoots with my DH to pull this off.  The only one in the dark was ME!  The gardens look wonderful now and it's one less thing on my mind.  Thanks to all the Angels who helped out.  What a blessing!

I have so much more to say, but I'm very tired after chemo and need to lay down.  I'm attaching a photo of me with my Dad from my last chemo treatment.

My sister Karen was there also with Dad & I - she took the photos.  I was going to get a nurse to take a photo of all of us and never did.  Now I'm so disappointed that I don't have one with Karen in it.   

Anyways, blessings to all.  Hope to update soon.  Hope you understand why I haven't been.  Like I said, I have so much to say, but can't concentrate long enough to get anything down, or it gets blown away into cyberspace!    I still appreciate every single prayer that is said on my behalf.  This battle isn't over for me.  Your love and support are so appreciated - no matter how far away you are.

Love,

~ Audrey ~ 

Well, I spent over half an hour writing a post for this subject yesterday, but it has been sucked up into cyberspace and is now gone forever.  I will try again perhaps later today or tomorrow.

Blessings to all!

~ Audrey ~

Well, it seems it's been awhile since I updated my blog, so I thought I'd better do that today. 

Actually, dd's piano teacher, who is THE very best piano teacher in the WHOLE wide world, told me that she LOVES reading my blog and I had no idea that she did, so this update is for you, Linda!  Linda has been so wonderful and such a HUGE support for me during this breast cancer journey.  She used to be a nurse and now teaches music.  Her nursing knowledge is invaluable and she has helped me out SO many times in the past few months - I could never thank her enough.  She also makes the BEST healthy muffins ever!    She is there with the drop of a hat if I need her, and for that I am SO grateful!  I am so grateful for your friendship, Linda!  We also have a lot of things in common!  Linda also has the sweetest hubby who has also been a wonderful support to me and our family also.  He even built me a GORGEOUS wooden mantle piece for our living room as we had never had one done in the eleven years since our addition was comleted.  The new one is gorgeous and I love it, love it, love it!  It just makes the room feel so cozy FINALLY!  Here's a pic of my new mantle - isn't it gorgeous???  Thank you, Dennis!

Hubby and ds are in Red Deer Alberta right now at some hockey tryouts for ds.  That's a 14-hour drive from here and I always get so worried when they're gone.  I pray for God's travelling mercies for them always when they are away.  I'm such a worrier and it's really such a useless emotion.  I'll be happy when they are home tomorrow (Monday) morning.  They just called and have begun their journey home.

I have had some wonderful days the past week or so.  On Thursday, I had my friend over who is also sick with cancer.  We had a wonderful visit and I haven't seen her for over two years.  I felt a connection with her immediately when I met her two and a half years ago, and we didn't stay in touch.  Now that we have connected again, we can support each other.  Totally a "God" thing, if you ask me!!!   She also has birds.  I am helping to place a few into new homes for her so that she will have more time to care for herself and her health.  I look forward to a wonderful friendship and she will be moving in a couple of weeks and will be very close to where we live.  I am praying for a miracle for Wanda.  Her cancer is more serious than mine, and from what I understand through talking to her, has gone quite a long time before being diagnosed.  I will be sitting with her during part of her chemo on this coming Tuesday for a little while.  Her chemo is very different from mine.  I won't go into too much detail as I don't have her permission,  but suffice it to say that she needs our prayers.

On Friday, my dear friend Jenny came out to help me clean cages AGAIN.  She drives over an HOUR each Friday just to see me and to help me clean cages while I'm going through my chemo.  She is a gem and such a blessing to me.  She took one of the budgies that needed re-homing and will be giving him ("Oliver") a wonderful home!  Jenny & I went out to the teeny little thrift store in Aldergrove and then for lunch on Friday.  It was so nice to get out and have lunch and have fun chatting.  It was raining, but it didn't matter.  We had lots of fun!  Thanks, Jenny.

Yesterday, dd and I went to downtown Vancouver where I shopped at the parrot shop.  It's a wonderful store and I could spend hours and $$$$$$$ there!  I don't go too often as it often costs me a lot before I get out of the store - LOL!  Anyways, I bought Bella & Bobby a new cage yesterday.  It's the same cage they are in, but a different colour.  The dark green cage that they are in currently shows every single thing and it's just too dark.  So, I bought a light grey one and it goes with all the other cages in the house. 

While we were there, we met up with my dear friend, Lorraine.  Lorraine also has birds, and so we shopped at the parrot store together for a little while, then she and I and dd went for lunch.  What a wonderful day it was.  We walked a block to the restaurant and it was so nice outside with the sun shining and a light breeze blowing, even though it was quite cool.  It was a gorgeous day, considering the winter we've had.  Lorraine is a dear, dear friend whom I am so blessed to have.  Her sister is going through breast cancer treatment as well, and I so appreciate Lorraine's support and she will ask her sister questions for me if I'm wondering about something.  Her sister is going through radiation right now - it's quite intense for her and she also needs prayer.  She is in a lot of pain from the radiation and it also makes her VERY tired.  I am fortunate in that I don't have to have radiation due to the surgery I had.

I haven't seen my dearest friend Connie since last Tuesday at the pool.  She is so busy with her large family and I don't like to bother her with my seemingly petty and selfish problems (ie. bawling at the drop of a hat,  sore chemo veins, etc. etc.).  Their entire family has been quite sick this past two to three weeks, and because of my lowered immune system, we haven't been able to get together, as I can't risk getting sick.  It's sad because the kids have been out of school for spring break and not been able to do much since they've been so sick - my heart goes out to them.  I pray for everyone's full recovery in their house!  Even though I don't see Connie these days as much as I'd like to, I know that she is always out there praying fervently for me (for a complete recovery) and for my family.  Nothing means more to me than that  .  I love you, my dear - thank you for your undying love and devotion to me and our family.  I do hope that we can get together again soon!  Don't forget that I want you to come to a chemo with me.  This one coming up on Wednesday is taken with my sister and my Dad, but there are still THREE to choose from after that.....or should I say there are ONLY three to choose from after that!  I hope you & your entire family are on the road to a full recovery very soon - I miss you all and it really hurts not to be able to see you as much as what I'm used to! 

And so I have so much to be thankful for!  We've had several beautiful days, and I have some wonderful friends!  I also have my loving family that I wouldn't trade for the world.  Our animals and birds also keep me going most days - blessings beyond measure!

This week, Wednesday is my chemo day.  I am hoping that my sister, Karen, and my Dad will be there with me.  My Dad has his oncologist's appointment that day (he has advanced prostate cancer), and so I think that we will all be going together.  I have four more chemos left - this one coming up is #3 of six total.  My veins are sore, and so I hope that they go quickly.

I hope that you are as blessed as I am with such wonderful friends!  Their value truly cannot be measured when they are there in times of need.  I so appreciate them all!

This has been a good week.  I have certainly been feeling lots of hormonal things, but I understand that it's menopause (or "mental-pause", as I like to call it!!) kicking in.  I was told by the oncologist that my regimen of drugs would bring on premature menopause.  I get weepy for not so obvious reasons, I get sweaty and then cold!  YIKES!  Who knew???  Lord, please carry me through this gracefully and quickly - if that's at all possible! 

My hair is almost totally gone now.  I really do not like who I am in the mirror now.  I bought a wig, and will be wearing it when I go out, I think.  I have to pick it up this week.  The novelty of this ugly bald head has quickly worn off for me - I think it looks hideous!  Here is a photo of me (and Lucas!) that I had dd took a few minutes ago.  Notice the red nose and puffy eyes from the continuous hormonal waterfalls - nice, eh?  NOT!

Here's a photo of the "normal" me before breast cancer came into my life.....  Hopefully I'll look similar to this again someday...  I'll post one of me in my wig when I get it this week.

Blessings to all!    Thanks for your continued love, support and prayers.  Please pray this week that my veins will hold up to four more chemo treatments.  They are so sore now after only two - I can ONLY imagine!

~ Audrey ~

Well, I'm in between chemo #2 and #3 right now.  I'm feeling pretty good, but had a rough few days from about day 3-8 (after chemo).  Had some severe bloating a horrible sore throat and major food and drink aversions.  It's hard to get even a sip of anything down me during that time.  It's even tough for me to take my sleeping pills, which I so need right now to help me get the proper rest I need to help heal my body.  I would normally never take any such things, but am taking them just to get me through until after treatment.  I also had very bad weepy spells this time - one minute I'm fine, next I'm bawling over soemthing so insignificant any other time.    Then two minutes later I'm fine again.  It's really a lot to do with one's hormones. 

We also had a bad week with losing our beloved Thomas last week.  That was all in the midst of feeling horrible from chemo and dealing with the emotional turmoil of his injury and then his death.  It was a very rough week on our entire family.

On one of my particularly bad days last week, a thought occurred to me.  I was asking everyone for help - the kids to bring me this or that, or hubby to bring me something or other.   I had forgotten to ask THE most important person to help me that day - GOD!  Well, no wonder I had had a bad day.  Why do we continuously struggle to do things in our own strength.  You'd think we'd get it after awhile - I guess I'm a VERY slow learner!!!  Upon my realization, I called the kids over and told them that I'd had a few bad days and had had to ask them for lots of help, which I normally don't do and that I really appreciated their help, etc. etc.  I also said that my days were worse than perhaps they might have been if I had asked for help from one very important person - GOD!  Ds was blown away by this and I could really see his mental wheels turning.  I explained how imporant it is to invite God to be with us and help us all the time.  It was a very important lesson for me, but what a great teaching moment for me with the kids!!

Please don't think I'm complaining - I'm not.  I'm still grateful that I'm eligible for chemo and that it is coursing through my body like tiny little pac-men chewing up any rogue cancer cells.

I got to see my sister yesterday at  breakfast where she, my father and I get together at a local restaurant every other Monday morning just because.  Ds and dd were with me also since it's spring break.  We had a nice time, ate some great food, had some great conversation (as always), then I took the two kids swimming, where we met up with Connie and her brood.  Connie was also caring for three other children of moms who are working while the kids are off on spring break.  Anyways, all the kids were swimming and splashing and having a blast!  We stayed for 3 hours and then I was beat!  Wanted to come home and have a nap, but got doing other stuff and didn't get my nap until almost bedtime. 

Next chemo is next Wednesday the 25th provided that my blood samples all come back OK.  I can't believe I've lost almost 35 pounds since my diagnosis on Dec. 8, 2008.

Thanks to everyone for your continued parayers and support!    Next chemo will be #3 of six - almost HALF-WAY there!!!

Blessings to all. 

~ Audrey ~

Our poor Thomas left us last night at 9:12 p.m.  Rest in peace, dear furry one.  You brought us so much joy.  We are so sorry for the devastating accident that took you from us....   

All our love, Thomas.  May God keep you by his side and may you continue to purr for Him.

Blessings to all....

~ Audrey ~