Jan. 3, 2009 we enjoyed an especially restful Sabbath. Royal and I had a touch of a bug that had us lounging around in a dazed, feverish kind of state all the day before, but Sabbath morning we were feeling much better. I guess two days of nearly solid rest, spiritually and physically, was just what I needed to prepare for labor.

During the before-bed reading and winding down with Bobby and the kids I had a few contractions, but not really any different than I’ve had the last month. I was finally feeling at peace with the approaching labor, thinking "it’d be okay to have the baby tonight." I even asked the kids how they’d like to wake up in the morning and see their new brother or sister. Also in mind was the great weather (63° and balmy when I went to bed - with the windows open) and the fact that it was forecasted to turn icy by 3rd day. I sure didn’t want my labor team to miss the birth due to the weather.

I think I have a lot of control over the "when" of my births. With Seth (my planned and only hospital birth) I went 5 days overdue because I wasn’t at peace with the doctor (there’s an understatement). I know I was in early labor a few days before my due date. When labor did finally kick into high gear and we went to the hospital it totally stopped when I got there. Anyway, it just seems like I have to be completely at peace and then it happens pretty fast. With Little Brook, I had reached that place by the end of Sabbath. But I had no physical signs of labor or reason to call my gals and give them a heads up, so I went to bed as usual.

Bobby joined me and we ended up talking until 11pm I was so uncomfortable. I remarked to him that I was almost looking forward to the birth (finally) so the pregnancy aches and pains would go away. Again, Yahweh knows what he’s doing, huh? The baby was so low and so active I was dreadfully uncomfortable. I managed to get to sleep and Bobby went off to read the Word.

I woke up to use the bathroom, it was 2:30am. When I sat down I had this killer contraction. The big, cervix stretching kind that you only get in real labor. I lost my mucus plug. I went to the dining room where Bobby was reading and mentioned it to him, "It could be a couple days yet, but it’ll probably be tonight." I’m not sure if he even heard me. I went back and laid down on the bed. I felt nauseous. I began to shake, just like I did when I woke up in labor with Royal. The kind of shaking you can’t control, like when you’re really cold, teeth chattering and all that. I knew it was time and got really scared. I prayed and sought strength in Yahweh.

Back to the bathroom. Bobby walked by and I caught his attention, "Hey. I’m in labor," I said quietly. "Oh." He went immediately to work making up the bed and getting things ready, checking in with me every few minutes to ask what else had to be done. (I’ve learned it doesn’t pay to go over things with him beforehand, he just doesn’t retain the information, though I’d love to not have the bother when I’m in labor. Oh well, we get by.)

I called Merry and Kelly within 10 minutes of waking. Fast as it went with Royal, we all knew not to mess around and waste time. Then I called my mommy. I told her what I could tell her alone, "I’m scared. I want to just go to the hospital and not experience the pain." Now, logically, I see that as an "out of the frying pan and into the fire" kind of action. But emotionally it felt like I’d just woken up in the lion’s den with a huge hungry lion and that was the only escape. She tried to comfort me and said all the right things, right from the heart, but I think she knew I could be comforted only by Yahweh. Still, it was good knowing she was up praying.

I showered to calm the shakes (that mostly worked, only while in the water) and then hunkered down under a bunch of blankets and it seemed like no time before my "gals" arrived. Merry, who was with us at Royal’s birth, and my new friends, Kelly and two of her daughters, Shanna and Jessica. My contractions were regular and strong but not distracting yet. They checked my blood pressure and pulse and listened to Little’s heartbeat. All was well. We agreed they’d do internal exams only if it seemed there was a need. We went over a few more birth sorts of things and we prayed and then just talked for awhile. They offered to leave us to labor alone but I found their company comforting and a pleasant distraction. The fear I experience during that early stage is one of the hardest parts for me and they helped me through it just by being there and talking about normal things.

Clock-watching is not something I’ve ever done in labor, but I did it this time. Time seemed to pass quickly. The contractions were ever present, but sporadic in intensity. I’d have a few gentler ones, then a couple really strong ones. After sitting comfortably on the bed for awhile I began to wonder if things were going to pick up. Then I remembered my long (10 hour) gentle labor with Blue and decided that however long it took, it would be okay. Even so, I felt like getting up and walking around. I knew it would speed things up and was okay with that. I spent some time alone in the shower. I needed the time to focus inward, on my heart and what my body was doing. Contractions did get more intense. Afterward I stepped outside on the deck with Bobby. It was so nice to breathe in the fresh air and listen to the waterfall. It was still warm, but cooling down a little. I started shaking again so we went back in.

I spent the next portion of time (I watched the clock, but the time didn’t necessarily register) lying on my left side, facing stronger and more frequent contractions. From behind, Bobby applied counter pressure to my lower back with each contraction. Jessica sat in front of me, holding my hand and soothing my head with a cool cloth. That cool cloth felt so good! The rest of me felt so warm I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I think I labored the rest of the time with my eyes closed, except for a dazed peek every now and then between contractions. I kept my inner strength up by talking to the baby and thinking about my other children and how excited they would be when they came down in the morning, especially Blue. Blue had been more excited (at least more expressive) about the coming baby than anyone. I just focused my mind on her smiling face, vibrant blue eyes and curly blonde hair and her saying, "I’m your fraverite Blue Berry!"

I was aware of a low murmur of voices as Merry and Kelly and Shanna tended to the things that needed tending to and was comfortable knowing they were there and doing so, but otherwise I didn’t really notice anything unless someone touched me or spoke directly to me. But the touches were gentle and loving as they applied hot compresses and checked on the baby’s heart rate. Encouraging words drifted to my ears every now and then. Everything was just right. I can’t imagine another cold, sterile hospital birth surrounded by strangers after something so loving and comforting and beautiful with friends.

After awhile I sat up against the wall, supported by pillows. Bobby was on my right and Jessica still on my left as things started getting really intense. I remember looking at Kelly and asking in awe, "And you did this 11 times?" She smiled. "Twelve, actually. I miscarried one. Had to go through labor anyway." Wow. What an incredible woman.

Soon contractions were getting to where I couldn’t stay calm. I squeezed the hands in mine and held on tight as wave after wave hit me. I knew I’d be holding my baby in just a few minutes, but didn’t feel like pushing just yet. Oh, how I was waiting for that feeling that meant I could DO something! Bobby said later that he knew the baby would be there within minutes because it always is when I start to get vocal. Great... I’m predictable. =)

I think there were only three or four contractions like that and then I gave a little push just as Merry encouraged me to try it. Yes! It was time. I’ve read so many birth stories where the women just waited and let the baby come slowly and I always think I might try it... but I just don’t seem able. Especially once the baby crowns, I just have to have the whole little body out. I hold up if, and only if, my attendant says to and we’ve never had a problem. I only gave three or four good pushes and there she was on the bed. Blue always talked about how the baby would "pop" out and this time that was pretty accurate! Maybe because she was so much smaller than I was used to.

That moment right there is the best feeling in the whole world. 5:41am. Labor is over. The hard part is over. I always cry great tears of relief and joy and thank our Father. This time it was amplified. This time it wasn’t just relief from the immediate pain of labor, but relief from 9+ months of struggling with fear and diet... From before we even conceived, learning to trust Yahweh and his plan for our family, knowing how hard the pregnancy would be, praying for wisdom concerning diet and exercise to stay on top of the gestational diabetes, all the other discomforts of pregnancy... and there on the bed, squeaking and crying and turning quickly from purple to bright pink was my reward. I wept more than ever before. It was worth it.

Of course, it wasn’t all over. There was the afterbirth which seemed a little slow in coming, but did eventually and was complete and perfect. Then the afterpains, which seem to get worse with every birth. But those around me were so loving and they took such good care of me. The dawn came and soon the kids started waking up and filing in. What precious moments.

This first week has had it’s challenges, too. The initial pain of nursing an infant, the difficulties working my sleep schedule around hers, listening to the other kids bicker and not being able to do much about it. The first three or four days we had an assortment of Kelly’s daughters here helping out, and our neighbor, Whitney, stayed with us one day. My kids are old enough now they really are very helpful and can do a lot of the things that need to be done, but they don’t always do it peaceably, so it was great to have someone here to keep them in line. They also very much enjoyed the company of the older girls and the paper dolls and gooey gunk and games and singing. Folks have been bringing us meals each day as well as gifts for all the children. Such a blessing!

Bobby had to run off first thing the morning of the 2nd day to find some means of employment to make the mortgage and electric payments at the end of the week. That hit me hard... It was going to take a miracle. I wanted him home. Then he threw his back out in the process of taking some things to the scrap yard and we were both laid up. We made our mortgage only by the generosity of friends. It’s been a hard week. But as always, hormones raging or not, you simply have to make up your mind to not pout about things. It’s hard, I struggle with it every day (especially when he’s not working), but I will overcome. I will choose joy and peace no matter how loud the baby cries, how fast the bills come, how little sleep I get, how scarce the work... I will not worry about tomorrow. I will choose peace and enjoy my blessings each moment.

And if you catch me in a weak moment... pray for me and remind me that I want to be a joyful old lady, not a bitter one! I know it’s a ways in the future, but I believe the choices I make now are that far-reaching.