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You know from my previous posts that I've been struggling to stay on top of things around here. My mornings begin with a desperate plea to the Father to help me, to give me the strength I need for each day. My last post I mentioned crying out to Him and his answer to "remember." Well, I should mention my ackknowledgement that the fact that he's the one that provides for my every need is more of a head knowledge than a heart knowledge... and my tiny wisp of a prayer that he not let me forget not just where I can from, but who I still am without him. Helpless. Worthless. The prayer that you're sometimes afraid to pray out loud because you know it's going to hurt.... but the one you make anyway because you know what's good for you.
I figured out this morning (with the help of the internet and an interesting website with sound clips) that my childrens' continual hacking cough is pertussis, or whooping cough. Atira has had violent coughing and vomiting spells every night for the past week but feels pretty good during the day. Royal coughed mildly for a couple weeks before that and is over it. Farra and Seth both cough all day , but don't (yet?) have the violent fits with the whooping noise. I've been just taking it a day at a time but my heart breaks for my little girl as I rush down the stairs in the middle of the night to her aid, clean her vomit and calm her down. Every day means cleaning up vomit and doing a load or two of extra laundry. Getting up with the goats after not-enough sleep is soooo hard. From what I've read and heard, we could be going through this for a couple months. This morning I called my dearest friend and asked her to pray for us as I try to weed out unneccessary work in my life (mainly - do we sell some or all of the goats? We'd start again in a year or two after we installed some fencing and finished up our barn) and to remember that I can't do it all even if I tried.... I've been struggling so hard to get things done (I don't have a single clean room in my house and it's driving me nuts) that I'm forgetting the important things... things we enjoy, things that bring peace. Taking time during the day to sing, listen to music, read, draw... whatever... just to do something because we enjoy it, do it together, not in a rush...
Well, anyway. I was off the phone with my friend for all of ten minutes... directing the kids to their different cleaning tasks while I headed out to the garden with a bag of compost material... I called her back, "Guess who just sprained her ankle?" That last step off our deck is kinda steep and I twisted my foot as I hopped off of it. I fell to the ground in consuming pain, immediately comensing to cry all my frustrations out of my systems, immediately recognizing the Lord's hand in it. I was crying and laughing, an odd, disturbing sight (I get it from my mom and grandpa, who have the same strange habit when they reached that breaking point)... Hobbled inside to find my littlest two screaming and fighting over something... sat down, propped my foot up and cried some more. I was in pain, but as for being overwhelmed... seems the Lord knew just what I needed and I felt so loved (sounds weird, I know). He pushed me past that point where I could possible handle things myself and I felt it incredibly liberating! i called my friend then and she prayed with and encouraged me. She's so great.
Later I called my friend Whitney and she brought over some comfrey ointment she'd made when her brother broke his collar bone. After the initial propping and icing it felt better but still hurts to get around. I applied the comfrey and a bandage but otherwise I've been relaxing on the couch enjoying the kids, praying, praising the Lord, bossing the kids around (it's amazing what they can do all on their own when I'm unable, including all the laundry steps, making lunch, tethering goats, changing diapers), taking a nap... I did tell my family last night how very overwhelmed I was feeling and how I would love just a little break... {laf} The Lord is so good. The worst thing I forsee is having to sleep on the couch instead of upstairs in my comfy bed so I don't have to manuver the stairs in the middle of the night when the kids start vomiting. Hmm...
A side note... although, from what I read and hear, there's not much traditional medicine can do to help with whooping cough, we're using herbs to hopefully speed the process along. The kids are enjoying echinacea/vit C tea blends for an immune boost, mullein tea for the respitory infection and homemade mullein cough drops. We bought a vaporizer to use in their room at night and put a few drops of euculyptus oil in it. We're encouraging them to sleep propped up on bean bags as lying down flat seems to irritate the condition. If anyone has anything else to recommend, I am totally open to hearing it!
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