A Quiet Little Woman

A special kind of love

The most important kind of love that I feel is from my Heavenly Father... to quote a quote we have posted on our wall

The Love we need to have

For God

From God

Like God.

Recently I have been feeling SO much love from and for Heavenly Father!  One of the lessons I have been learning most of all lately is that it doesn't matter what ANYONE else thinks of me... because I have a Father in Heaven who loves me more than words can express!  His shoulder is the only shoulder that I can cry on ALL the time, His arms are the ones that I love to be comforted by, and His praise is the praise that is the only one worth earning!  His love is never wavering and always constant... and I have SO much to learn so I can make my love for others like HIS.

Even though I don't know who my future husband is... I have in the last little while developed such a love for him!  I think that this love truly is starting to become like God's!  My sister and I were talking the other day and she said that she wants to come and stay with me when I get married, and I said "Oh, but you have to give us time together!"  It was rather funny because I was getting rather defensive of someone that I don't even know!  I've started to realize that this love is a very special kind of love.  I love lots of people... friends, family, neighbors, and lots of other people... but there are two kinds of love that are set apart, very sacred and special!  The love that I feel for my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, and the love that I feel for my future husband.  Those are both loves that I won't feel for ANYONE ELSE!!

I think of my future husband often and pray for him daily, and I can't wait to meet him!!  All you unmarried girls out there (and boys too!) learn NOW to love your future spouse with ALL your heart and save that love for them, don't give it away!    

My future husband...whoever you are, wherever you are... know that I am learning to love you with all my heart, and I'm keeping it special and pure JUST FOR YOU!

Courtship: A pure, whole heart

One of the most frightening things now days is how quickly and often people change from one boyfriend/girlfriend to another!!  To quote a girl I once heard "he changes his crushes as often as he changes his pants!"  What state is this world in??

A couple of years ago I stumbled across a small book called "The Three Weavers".  This book started my heart on a journey that I'm still on!  It is a story of three girls who are born to three weavers who are neighbors and friends.  When they are born, an lady comes and gives them a gift of a loom, and the girls' job is to weave a cloak for the prince that will someday come to marry them.  One of the girls just wastes her weavings on the common boys in the neighborhood, another falls in love with a shepherd... but the third has a wonderful father who teaches her to save her weaving for the prince that is someday coming for her.  She keeps a yard-stick in her window that has the measurements of a true prince on it... multiple people come and she asks "is he the one?"  But they never measured up to the true measurement of a prince.  Finally her prince comes and she is able to marry him because she has made a cloak fit for a prince, while the other girls can't go with the princes' that have come for them, because they gave their weavings away until they didn't have any left.

I had done the very same thing when I was younger... given my heart away little by little until I don't know how much I had left.  About the same time that I came across "The Three Weavers", I came across a book called "Emotional Purity".  This book is life-changing!  I would highly recommended it to ANYONE, everyone has something they can learn from its pages!  Little by little God had been tutoring me, and teaching me the joys of having a whole heart to give to my future husband and the importance of emotional purity (for a great object lesson of purity of the heart, visit the emotional purity blog).  

One of the most important things that I learned was from a video called "Victory over the dating spirit".  This WONDERFUL video taught me that I was SO guilty of a dating spirit,  BUT the most important thing that I learned was that I could ask GOD to give me a full, new, and completely pure heart for my future husband!  I am so grateful that the atonement of Jesus Christ that makes this possible!  

BUT, lets be honest with ourselves and our very human hearts... sometimes there are people that you just REALLY like and you can't seem to get out of your mind!  What do you do then when you are honestly and truly trying to keep your heart pure and whole and you just can't seem to overcome?  The simple answer is to PRAY!!  There is a certain young man that used to come to my church, and every time that I would see him it would be such hard work to get him out of my mind.  I couldn't stop the feelings from rushing into my heart, but I certainly prayed my HARDEST for help to keep my heart pure.  I would pray that those feeling would be taken away unless he is the person that I'm supposed marry.  It usually isn't right away that it happens, but over time, the feelings that hurt my heart so bad are lessened and then my heart is filled with a simple sisterly love.  I'm by no means perfect, but I'm trying... and that's all that we can do!  It's part of our test here on earth, to see if we can overcome the natural man and conquer our emotions.  Here are some simple things that we can do to keep our heart pure and whole for our future spouses!   

*        Remember that a dating spirit is where you allow your mind to wander and wonder.  If you want to have a WHOLE heart to give to your future spouse, you can start today by not thinking about anyone in a romantic way.  One of the things that has helped me most is to think of all men as my brothers!  

*        Something that I have done to help me stop having a dating spirit and start loving my future spouse with all my heart, is to keep a journal where I write him letters.  Sometimes my heart has been so full of love and longing, and instead of wasting those feelings on someone or something, I pour out my heart onto paper!  I can’t wait to give it to him when we are married and talk to him about the struggles I had waiting for him and the pleasure I had in writing to him, even when I didn’t know who HE was!

*        Another thing that I love to do is to pray for my future husband.  I started doing this a few years ago and I’ve only missed a couple of nights.  Sometimes I pray for specific things, like courage or strength, but usually I just pray that God will bless him wherever he is and in whatever he is doing!  Besides praying for your future spouse in your kneel-down prayers you can pray for them whenever you are tempted by someone else.  There was one time when I was pressing cider and there were some young men working with us, and I started thinking some dating spirit thoughts.  But when I realized what I was doing I turned those thoughts to my future husband.  I prayed that he would be blessed with strength and started thinking how much fun it will be when he is working beside me... maybe even helping me with cider!!

*    And one last thing that you can do is to get a purity ring.  They are very  simple yet they are great for helping you remember to keep your heart pure, and also to help you remember that your thoughts need to be centered on GOD! (go to www. generationsofvirtue.com to see these beautiful rings!)

Just remember that our hearts are very human things, but God can help to overcome our dating spirits if we will just ask.  And if our hearts have been left with different people, he can give us a whole, new one so we can once again be blessed with a WHOLE, PURE HEART!! 

Courtship: What is the difference between courtship and dating?

Sorry this post has been so long in coming, life has been a little crazy here lately!  We had a surprise snowstorm and my angora rabbits got wet, so I had to bring them in and blow-dry them (he-he ;), then one of our goats got REALLY sick and we were afraid that she was going to die, but we fixed her up only to then have her dry up on us!  So, we gave her some blessed thistle and walnuts and she is fine now (be sure to keep that in mind all you goat keepers, and if you have other helps for us, we would love it!).  So, on to courtship... 

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In an article I found about the difference between courtship and dating, it says that "dating" only started about 80 years ago, around when the car was invented.  Before that time (as in old-fashioned stories), the young ladies weren’t allowed to be alone with young men and had to have chaperones, while the young men had to ask the father’s permission to court or even to see his daughter.  When young people were given the liberty of leaving their families to go “out” with someone, things started changing.  At the same time that cars were invented and things started moving from families to individuals, women’s suffrage was happening and I personally believe (feel free to contradict this opinion or ask me questions) that all of this was part of Satan’s plan to ruin families. 

So what is the difference between courtship and dating??  Well, to get started here are 5 things taken from the book “Old-fashioned Courtship and How it Works Today” by Jeff and Marge Barth:

1)      “The main element that makes courtship different from dating is that it involves parental input, counsel, and guidance from both sides of the relationship; whereas dating generally does not consider parental advice as necessary, important or even all that desirable.”  They go on to state several examples from the bible where parental guidance was one of the key factors: Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, and Boaz and Ruth.  “Contrasting to those successful examples we see with Samson what may be considered a clear example of our modern cultural practice of dating.  In fact, in Scripture we do not find a single example of what might be considered a successful relationship resulting from a dating type arrangement such as: Samson, Dinah, Esau, and Genesis 6:1-3.”

2)     “Courtship doesn’t begin until both young people reach a marriageable age, whereas dating commonly occurs among teens who are nowhere near the age where they would be able to make a wise decision about a life partner.”

3)     “Unlike the often temporary design of dating, courtship is primarily intended to be the beginning of a permanent relationship; it should be entered into with each side having the intentions that the purpose for the courtship is that it will consummate in marriage.” 

4)     Courtship involves more than just finding a Godly young person to spend time with and eventually marry; but finding someone that will complete and complement them.    

5)  Courtship requires and builds faith in those involved – a relationship where young people are trusting God to work his perfect plan.  Whereas dating involves little faith or discernment and is often guided by passions, emotions, and immature self-gratification.

So, to sum it up, the main differences between courtship and dating are: parental guidance, waiting 'til you are old enough for marriage, intending the relationship to be the beginnings of a PERMANENT relationship, finding (well, actaully allowing GOD to find ;) someone that will complete and complement you, and last, but definatly NOT least... courtship requires more than just being there, but it requires and builds faith! 

People in the world don't even care about any of the above 5 things... dating is very, very ME-CENTERED!!  As a christian, isn't it my duty to glorify God in everything, even every relationship in my life?  I think that one of the most pathetic things ever is to see little girls having crushes on boys, and not even having their parents care, in fact, they think it's cute!  I have one little piano student (a boy age 8) ask me about every week... do you have a boy friend?  And another student (a girl also age 8) ask me... aren't you in love with someone??  And the answer to both of those questions is a loud and definate NO!  There are people that I think are amazing and like a lot, but I want Heavenly Father to write my perfect love story... so I wait and prepare my hardest and meanwhile... learn to love God more! 

I think that the most important difference between dating and courtship is that in courtship... YOU TRUST GOD!!  May we learn to trust God more in every area of our lives... even the area of romance!

Watch for the next part of this series... keeping your heart pure!!

COURTSHIP

Since I've decided to court, not date, I've gotten a LOT of questions about what I AM doing.  Since this is such a huge topic, I've decided to take it apart into different sections and just post a little at a time.  Here are the different topics I'll be addressing:

* First of all, what is the difference between courtship and dating?

* Why I decided to court, not date

* The importance of keeping your heart PURE

* How to prepare for your courtship

* What a "perfect" courtship would be like

* How to adjust the principles of courtship into YOUR life

* and last, but definitely not least, resources I've used to learn more about courtship, and stories that have blessed my life.

To start it off, be sure to stop by Little Woman's blog  and read about HER courtship!  It's so encouraging to see young women who have trusted Heavenly Father to write their love story and have had their prayers answered!  I just keep praying to Heavenly Father to send my future husband asap, but still in his perfect time... so it must just be time for me to rejoice in being HIS daughter!  I hope that this series blesses you!! 

Oh, and be sure to go and listen to THIS wonderful song written by a VERY young boy, he was 6 when this was recorded.  I love how he sings about saving his heart for whoever his future wife is... what vision for such a little boy to have!   

Victory Over the Dating Spirit

On sunday I watched the most WONDERFUL video, I think that everyone should watch it!  It was a talk by Dr S.M. Davis entitled "Victory over the Dating Spirit".  I kept stopping, rewinding and rewinding again to get down on paper some very important thoughts.  He has a list for both parents and youth of things that they can do either themselves or to help their children.  Today I'm going to post the list for youth and then if anyone is interested I'll post the one for parents. 

VICTORY OVER THE DATING SPIRIT

Dr. Davis talked a lot about how there are a lot of people that are committed to courtship or something like it and yet they have what he calls a "dating spirit" where they still allow their minds to wander and wonder...  Here are the 8 things that he listed for youth to do:

1) GIVE YOUR HEARTS FULLY TO YOUR PARENTS - consider you parents and yourself a TEAM... a team against the devil and FOR the LORD.  I've never been taught that I need to give my heart to my parents, but the last year or so I've really been thinking that they really can be my best helpers in keeping my heart whole!

2) MEMORIZE AND MEDITATE UPON SCRIPTURE - Psalms 37:4 "Delight thyself in the LORD and HE will give thee the desires of thine heart."

3) THINK HOW EXCITING IT WOULD BE TO GIVE YOUR WHOLE HEART TO YOUR MATE!!! - we don't want to just have a little piece of our heart left for our husband or wife... we don't want ANYTHING missing!!

4) WHEN TEMPTED, PRAY FOR YOUR FUTURE MATE!! - I've been doing this since sunday and it makes a huge difference!  Whenever my thoughts start to wander... I just start praying for whoever I am to marry and I take whatever I was just thinking of and turn it into something good... like yesterday I was working at our apple press and there were some men there helping us and I just tried my hardest to turn those thoughts into thoughts for my husband... praying that he would be blessed with strength and thinking how much fun it will be when he is beside me... maybe even helping me with cider!!

5) GET A VISION BIGGER THAN YOURSELF THAT WILL MOTIVATE YOU TO GIVE A PERIOD OF TIME TO GOD'S WORK - this one took awhile for me to understand... but yesterday I read an article in "Above Rubies" titled "The Family Charge" and in it Nancy Campbell talked about how the only way to change the world for the better is to make ourselves good and then have children who help to carry on that goodness... and have LOTS of children!!  Dr. Davis said that we need to get a vision bigger than just our future husband/wife.. but think of our future children and their children and their children and on and on!!  In our life we are laying a foundation that our posterity will build on... is it secure and firm??

6) DECIDE TO DELIGHT IN YOUR PARENT'S PROTECTION - they only have our good in mind!!  Just like in a rainstorm we are grateful for an umbrella... we can be grateful that they are willing to protect us from the evil out there and be our UMBRELLA in the downpour.

7) BE WILLING TO BE LAUGHED AT BY THOSE WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND!! - when David went out to slay Goliath his brothers asked him WHAT he was doing and kind of laughed at him and he said "IS THERE NOT A CAUSE!??"  We have a cause... be willing to have people laugh at you!!

8) GO TO SLEEP AND WAIT ON GOD TO WAKE YOU UP!! - In Genesis we read that GOD put Adam to sleep and THEN and only then did he bring Eve to Adam... be willing to wait because GOD WANTS TO WORK A MIRACLE FOR YOU!!!!  LET HIM!!! 

We all make mistakes and we may not have a WHOLE heart to give our future mate... GOD through his SON has given us a way to be make clean and new... if we ask, he will give us a NEW HEART!!!  There are many times in scripture that HE was able to give people a new heart and to help them to change and become the people that HE needs to help his kingdom progress... Here are two more things that we need to do...

1) Ask God to forgive you for your dating heart and wandering mind and to give you a NEW HEART!!

2) Ask Mom and Dad to take your heart and to keep it safe and secure until the right person comes along to claim it!! 

One last thought to leave with you... "Don't ever let a sick world laugh at you because you have enough sense to stay morally and spiritually healthy by NOT drinking out or their polluted and contaminated wells of life!"  Change your life and make a difference in the WORLD by following what GOD has in store for you!!

Alex 

p.s. sorry it's so long!!

Waiting for Prince Charming in this Season of Singleness

This is SUCH a wonderful CD!!  You can order it from biblicalwomanhood.com for $8.97, and it is WELL worth the money!!  I don't think that you can read the subtitle, but it says "The Incredible Potential and Possibilities for Unmarried Women".  As Crystal Paine says so wisely: "I believe that God has something so much greater for Christian young women today than following the careerism, consumerism, humanism, and feminism that the world wants to offer you.”  There is SO much for young girls to do besides just WAITING for prince charming... we need to work on becoming PRINCESS CHARMING!!

With Crystal's permission I am posting the three things that she suggests on her CD for single young women to do while waiting... BUT really anyone could do them!  They are wonderful things for us all to develop and cultivate!!   

Waiting for Courtship...

Today some good friends of ours came to our house, and my mom asked me to come in and tell the mother about my journey to courtship... where was I supposed to start!?!  I kind of stumbled over my words a lot and she seemed kind of bored, but all during the conversation she kept asking me... "Well, is it okay to date??"  What am I supposed to say when my answer would be NO, but she obviously wants YES as an answer??  I told her how we need to place the pen for our love story in God's hand and not keep trying to write our own.  Have any of you ever read "When God Writes Your Love Story"?  It is my most favorite book on courting... well, not exactly on courting, but more on waiting!  I just went through a little bit of an interesting situation awhile ago, I was committed to courtship, but then this young man asked me on a date and I said yes and then we invited him over to our house to try to make it more family centered.  I went on three dates with him and had him over quite a bit, but I had SUCH uneasiness!  I prayed and fasted about whether I was supposed to continue to date him, and the answer was NO.  He called later that week and asked me out again and I said that I couldn't that week and he asked if that meant never... SO I had to tell him about courtship to explain myself!  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but good to have to tell someone.  That night I wrote this "Courtship Commitment":

I, Alex.... am completely committed to COURTSHIP and waiting patiently for God's perfect will to unfold in my life.  I will use this season of singleness to come ever closer to Christ, to discover my mission, and to devote my life to serving God and others.  I will daily strive to remain emotionally pure and to keep all thoughts captive in Christ.  May Heavenly Father bless me in my efforts...

I am so much more committed to courtship now!!  It's kind of like the refiner's fire... Heavenly Father was testing me to see how committed I was, and now that I went through that I KNOW that I don't want to go through it again!  I just find it so interesting how God refines us and makes us more like HIM... this summer has been one of the hardest times EVER in my life!!  My mom got pregnant after trying for 2-3 years and then after bleeding for a few weeks had a miscarriage... we were all so sad, but learned that God's willing and timing ultimately is the best!  Now I have a little sister in heaven that is watching out for me!  During that time I was in charge of SO much at home!  I was working 20 hours a week, taking care of my mom and making sure the laundry and meals got done.  Then on top of it I got acne really bad (finally cleared up!).  I learned during this time that the only person that I can rely on is the SAVIOR!!!  When times would get hardest I would ask HIM for strength and HE strengthened me!!!!  Even though this summer has been hard... I have never been so close to HIM!!! 

WOW, this post kind of took a different turn than expected!!  Sorry about that!  I guess that what I was trying to get at is that try as my friend might to convince me that dating is the "right" way, I KNOW that it isn't!!  I am committed to courtship and waiting for my future husband whether I get married in 6 months or 6 years!!!  God is SO good to me!!! 

Alex