Angie's Answer

Decisions, Decisions, Everday!

   Decisions, Decisions, Everday!

              This morning I am not weepy, angry, or overly emotional in any way. I stepped on the scales and they are up again this morning.  Normally this would mean feelings of failure, and anger with myself ..... followed hopefully by determination to change OR, unfortunately more often in the past, it would result to more food to deaden the hurt of my own self hatred.    So, I am questioning myself about my feelings today.  Am I apathetic to the fact the scales are going up instead of down? No, I do not think so.   But I am glad there is not the emotional baggage either that so held me captive.  Now it is more of an understanding of what is happening (weight wise) and that it is MY decision to make changes to loose or keep gaining.  Point blank –do I want to loose or not?

    Well,  I made a decision last night before crawling into bed to journal this morning and pray and seek the Lord’s counsel because I DO want to loose.   I know there is another hurdle I must go over in order to obtain the healthy body I desire.   It is not just the hurdle of good calories vs. more bad calories.  There is a desire in me to overeat, good or bad calories.  There is a hunger that is not physical and/or a sensation that I am going for that I can not put my finger on.  I do not know what it is.  But I do know that my God sees the whole picture.  He knows where my disconnect in eating started, what mental breakthrough I still need, and He is my source of strength to get through this.  Today I am deciding I must make some changes.  But what changes?  What is it that I am doing wrong? Or more appropritately, WHY?  What needs to be laid at the cross?  Why was I willing yesterday to continue to make such rotten choices knowingly?  Is it arrogance that I think I can get by with it and not suffer the consequences? (you would think I would know the answer to that by now!) Is it procrastination?  This is a horrible evil I have noticed causes people to put off salvation, let their homes fall into disrepair, their health & teeth crumble, etc.  This may be my issue.... thinking I can get serious tomorrow…. at least in part.

So let's assess things:

·        Exercise   - doing it and getting more consistent (fluctuates between 2-4 times a week)

·        Weight training – started this put got off track

·        Eating Habits – this is where I falter!  Habits / desires/ cravings come in to play … coffee, carbs., chips, pizza.  I plan to eat one way and change at the sight of a more desirable dish!

So it is the eating that has to change.  I knew that.  How is the question.  How do I make it permanent?  Maybe that is just it.  It will never be permanent.  There may always be a struggle to not let food rule me.  I have grown up using food for fellowship with others, to reward myself, to deal with anger, to celebrate, to dull pain, fix boredom, etc.  I do not have experience since being a teen of anything else.

                 This lack of self- control that destroys my body is not God’s plan for me.  This is not how He made man to function.  Sin is sitting at the door waiting to be invited into my life for lunch at any moment.  I need to visualize this.  If I eat with the Lord, I eat moderately…. I eat to satisfaction of life giving foods.  If I sup with the enemy, I gorge myself throughout the day on empty, life draining, nutrient-void substitutes with satisfaction that quickly fades.  Dining with God gives me life and strength and feeds me both physically and spiritually.  Dining with the enemy is like a constant overdose of poison.

 Life and death are set before me daily.  I need the Lord’s help me to choose life. 

Untitled Comment

10:50, Saturday, May 10, 2008 .. Posted by Schatzi

What a great post....it is a daily struggle to lose weight....I totally understand that feeling....I will be praying for you that you receive freedom from overeating and that God would give you the victory...

Connie