Angie's Answer

WHAT KIND OF HUNGER IS THIS ?

Sorry that I am very behind in blogging.  I think of it often during the day and what I will blog, but the time to do so just seems to dissapear before I know it.

We are talking about looking for a car before the end of April.  Betsy (our van) needs a lot done before inspection we think and the cost of repairs might be futile, so why waste the money that could go toward a better vehicle.  Pray for us as we look for the next blessing the Lord has for us. 

I am still working on the taxes,,,,,, yeah I know, I could have given it to someone else.  Just can't seem to sit down and finish the last part.  I know I am close.... but here I sit blogging.

Yesterday, I found myself not being satisfied.  It was the first day since starting this, that I kept finding myself in the kitchen wanting/looking something.  I did not give in a whole lot.  When I munched it was fairly decent choices, like raisens, nuts, etc.  But the thing was NOTHING was satisfying me and really I did not feel hungry.  So what was this feeling?  I did not put much thought into it till time to go to church last night (not always possible for me on Wed.).  I was thinking how nice it will be for me to go, when all of a sudden it hit me.... I was HUNGRY for the WORD of GOD !!!!!   I had gotten busy that morning checking emails first  (yea, oops!) and then other things caught/required my attention.  We did school, etc, and I never thought again about the fact that I never made it to my nice cheery yellow recliner to read my Bible and pray.  I felt so much better after getting in His presence.  I do not think I would have really comprehended what someone was talking about if I were to have heard/read a comment like that years ago.  But I have learned that I can not go long without time with the Lord. 

I will share a little with you about the year 2001, becuase that is the year I really think I grew leaps and bounds in my walk with the Lord Jesus.  It is why I am so Hungry to stay in His presence.  In 2001

• a very good friend called me up on May 31st to crying.  Her husband had molested the 2 boys they were in the process of adopting!  You would have to knowme  how dear children are to me to understand that this just floored me.  Plus I was one of the references for this couple to be able to adopt (USA/foster care sytem).  This good friend and her husband had been trying to adopt the oldest boy for over 4 years at that point.  He came to them as a very disturbed little boy.  This only made things worse or explained why he did not get better once in their care. 
• my family put our house on the market in July, sold it in less than 2 weeks, and had to find temporary housing guick while we built a home.  Good stress.
• I was stressed out trying to figure out how to do every thing I thought I should be doing (wonder-woman syndrome!)
• 911 happened !
• I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis the week after 911
• My husband starting seeming distant.  I now know he was depressed, but my mind thought many other things.  Plus I had just been decieved by our friend and  trust in my own judge of character was shakey. 

All these things made me question the things in which I put my trust: friends, churches, government, husband, myself.

1. The friend let me down ( not to mention the children). 
2. The church we went to actually reached out to the molester with arms of love (nothing wrong with that), but with no wisdom reguarding other children and no safe guards.  I was dissappointed in how they handled things and began to think the pastor's could not be trusted (that is not to say they could not but this is where I was emotionally in the situation.) 
3. My doctor was correct in his diagnosis but very arrogant and would not answer my questions.  He, guote, told me " If you are not going to do the shots I reccomend then there is nothing I can do for you."   This was because I said I wanted to read up on the meds before doing the 7 weeks of shots.  That turned out to be a lie anyway because MS shot therapy is a lifetime deal if you choose to go that route (I did not in the end).  I was not sure if you could trust most doctors.
4. My husband was giving me funky vibes, not saying the things I needed him to say about my MS news, assurring me he couldn't live without me or anything like that.  Neither of us was "feeling the love".
5. 911, well I obviously did not trust the government to protect us anymore. 
6. Social services and the judicial system.  Turns out they had not done a single home visit the 2 years my friends lived here. And the courts would not prosecute my friend even though he admitted to all the accusations of the boys (6& 3 years old).  Thank goodness he was a Coast Guard dude and the Coast guard tried him militarilly without putting the child on the stand.

 I bring all this up because it was while everything felt like it was falling apart that I learned a very valuable lesson.  I learned it not in my head my deep in my soul.  Only Jesus is a perfect companion who will never let you down, will never be unfaithful, and will always be truthful.   I realized if I had nothing but Christ, I would be okay.  I learned that I needed to start each day with Him.  Doing so, gives me direction, helps me know what to let go of, and gives me such sweet peace. 

Churches will let you down, husbands will leave,  freinds will stab you in the back, bosses will let you go, your stocks may plummet, etc. but Jesus will help you through all those situations.  HE alone is faithful.  So if like me you find yourself at times ( or maybe a lot of time) looking to food when you are not physicallyhungry, then maybe like me you are just HUNGRY for time with him.

Bless you all, Angie