Angie's Answer

DANCING GIRL

Today seemed the perfect day to share with you all a vision I have had in my head for years.  Sad that only recently I have been able to act on this.  Go back with me a couple of years ago, 2005 I think, when God gave me the vision. 

I was standing in church just worshipping the Lord and praying  for others as I would think of them during the song time.  I was praying a lot for certain friends of ours that were having marital issues. My heart was burdened for them and that was one thing I had been praying about when this "thing" happened.  As I stood there praying, I felt the Lord ask me, "So what about you?"  My response, "Me?  What?  What do you mean?"  His reply had surprised me.  He said to me that I had been praying for others, now I needed to pray for myself.  Immediately my mind started thinking of what specifically He might mean.  I had been feeling so good, so amazed that I had been burdened to pray for others. (This interceeding for others thing was a new thing for me back then.)  But when He asked me to pray for myslef... suddenly there was that old feeling of guilt.  "YOU must mean the weight? (Ughh!, groan in shame)"  But instead of condemnation the Lord gave me the sweetest vision.  Before I tell you more,  you must know that the church I was visiting was grieving the lost of a child (the Preacher's granddaughter) and the message was on Lazarus.  The deacon who spoke before the Praise and Worship service was saying that we all have a tomb, a dark place of death in our lives and that only Jesus can resurrect it just like he did Lazarus. 

While I stood there and the music played all of a sudden it felt like I was vividly remembering something.  I mean I saw it not with the physical eye but more like a memory of something I had seen before, except it had never happened so it was not a memory. 

In the vision I saw myself come out of a tomb.  When I did Jesus reached out and took hold to a piece of the burial cloth that was all wrapped around me.  He then started to pull on it and I began to unravel ....sort of like a spinning top when the string is pulled.  The spin I did was like a beautiful dance.  I felt so FREE!  So light.  Then the Lord spoke to my spirit and said, that I the lies that held me captive, like a body in a grave, was what kept me captive to the weight I carry.  As He strips the lies ( the death clothes, the cloth) from me then my heart and mind would be FREE!!!  No longer a slave to weight.  No longer feeling weighted down, dead.

More than 2 years have passed since that day, and I have had hope in my heart ever since, that one day I would overcome, just like Lazarus.  But I did not know how.  I tried to diet numerous times with no success or no permanent success.  Then toward the end of  Feb. '08 at my friend Marianne's home, the most powerful lie  was broken (read my March 8th blog for more details) .  That lie was that I had to be successful in controling my eating habits in order to be worthy of God's love and therefore other's love as well.  I am aware of how wrong that sounds and that it was a LIE.  But the truth was, that  in my deepest heart of hearts, that was how I was responding to food and to dissapointments, etc. in my life.  I would try not to eat wrong foods, unhealthy foods, high fat foods, or just simply try not to be a glutton ...... and then I would fail.  AGAIN! And then the shame, the unloved, unworthy feelings would just hit me like an avalanche.  Yet this is what Christ has freed me from.  These feelings and LIES are what I am now working through with Christ.  It is not falling for the Lie and believing in HIS love that is giving me the strength to overcome and make better choices.  The weight seems to be coming off ever so slowly (common sense aside for a moment...let's face it gals, when you are over 50 lbs overweight, it is never fast enough and 2lbs a week seems anything BUT "SENSIBLE" ).  Yet that is not the point.  The point is I am FREE.  I will probably say that a whole lot because it is still so refreshing and needful for  me to admit/say it.  I feel like that girl dancing.  In my spirit I am dancing most every day now, and sometimes in the flesh as well.  Today being Resurrection Sunday, I thought it was only appropriate to share my proof that He is ALIVE.  I know that He is because He has changed me when nothing else could.  He has set me FREE with His love.  Love so great that He laid down His life. 

Today I ate a yummy meal at my friend's house where we celebrated the Lord's Resurrection.  I had a lot of typical fattening foods, and I have no guilt.  I enjoyed and I showed some restraint.  But I did it with Joy and I am not worried that I just blew a diet.  It can't be about a diet anymore.  THis is new life.

I will end with this song that was sang this morning in church before the wonderful Resurrection play.  It is a recent song by Paul Baloche titled "You Gave Your Life Away".  It speaks so strongly to me.

You spoke and worlds were formed
You breathed and life was born
You knew that one day You would come
So far from Heaven's throne
Clothed in human form
You showed the world the Father's love

CHORUS:
You gave, You gave Your life away
You gave, You gave Your life away
You gave, You gave Your life away for me
Your grace has broken every chain
My sins are gone, my debt's been paid
You gave, You gave Your life away
For me, for me, for me

You lived a sinless life
Yet You were crucified
You bought our freedom on the cross
Forsaken for our sin, You died and rose again
Jesus, You are the Lamb of God

How glorious is Your love
If I could sing forever, it's not enough
How glorious is Your love
If I could sing forever, it's not enough
It's not enough, 'cause

Forsaken for our sin, You died and rose again
Jesus, You are the Lamb of God

Here is a link to the song on You Tube.  It is a wonderful video of Pauls explaining how the song came into being. Enjoy!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjGOkh0gciA

Happy Resurrection Day, Angie