Angie's Answer

 Let me explain the release part now. Several weeks ago, on a Saturday evening, one of my Coffee House Gals (CHG from now on) had us all over for a special girl night out. What a fun time to get away from the home responsibilities fro a while and just be a girl (like an old sleepover!). I had been so looking forward to this night, until it came. By Saturday evening I was already sleep deprived (I can not remember the reason why now), I was in a foul mood, and I had not spent time alone with the Lord that morning because we got up and went straight to an early basketball game for my daughter to cheer. So here I am in my girlfriends home, sitting in my regular spot when we all come together, kind of in an “I’m here, But….” Mood. Then in walks one of my girlfriends and she is bouncing and literally estatic because she had just spent time basking in the Lord’s presence before coming over. Immediately I am frustrated, angry, ashamed, and irritated…. Even jealous of her. Why? Because she is at peace, she is happy. So here I was, overwhelmed again at my inability to be obedient and please the Lord. THEN, almost as if peering into my being, my bouncy/joyful friend jumps up on the couch beside me, and, says “You are it tonight baby!” Meaning I, Angie, will be the focus of immediate prayer. “Yikes! NO!”, my flesh cries out. “I do not want to go there; I’ll just cry all night and that is not fun”. So a wall goes up and I am trying hard not to be the emotional one of us AGAIN!However, as you might have already guessed, my wall does come crumbling down and all I can do is cry. My friend, J, ask if I can just say one word to describe what is going on inside of me. One word. So I tell them (all of 4 of them are gathered around me now). "Ashamed" and "Heavy". I felt like I was enslaved by a weight of shame.... prisoner to this idea that I can never get it right, never be victorious is this area of my life. I felt ugly, shameful that I knew so much knowledge but seemed to have no power to follow it. And even more shameful that as a Christian that lack of power goes against the Word of God that says we CAN do all things through Christ. “So why am I still in this pit?”, I think. And the hot tears just flow and flow and flow. My friend’s begin to try to comfort me and ask me questions about why I would feel ashamed. Eventually I am able to put together some of the words I have shared here. And then they understand because this is not the first time I have shared with them this struggle I have. But that night was different.Somehow the Lord’s voice begins to come through to me via my friends. “I LOVE YOU, reguardless of where you are in this battle. I love you, Angie….. unconditionally! I love you.” And something in me finally received it. I got it. I would have said the same words to comfort another friend, but I could not get it into my own heart before then. I grew up with a family that put a lot of emphasis on weight, clean homes, and appearances. And though these things are good to oversee in your life they can become a trap of the enemy. He can take them and make you a slave to his lies. The Lord rescued me from the slavery of thoughts like, “You are not worth anything. Look how fat you are. Do you know what people really think of you? You are a hypocrite! God is so displeased with you. You are not doing what He has showed you to do. You should just give up. Give up the business too, because then at least you would not be a hypocrite. Just give up.”Praise His name that I basked in that LOVE for days. I knew, I know that He loves me. I am taking those crazy thought of the enemy captive now. And where there was a heaviness in my soul, there is now an abundance of JOY. If I NEVER loose another pound, HE will love me just the way I am.