A Thanksgiving Full Of Grateful Blessings
Thursday, November 26, 2009

Posted in In The Family Room

• 3 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Any Avid Rose Gardeners or Perrenial Gardners Here? Help!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Posted in Serenity Garden

Hi everyone,

As we are working out our plans for the headstone we've bought to be placed in the spring, I am wondering what we could do with the two planters that are carved into the base of the stone.  They are 8' round and we have one on each side.

My hopes were to plant "forget me nots", but they die each year, thus when we pass, they won't be flowering anymore because we won't be around to plant them. SO, I was looking at some English Roses from David Austen and was hoping I could plant one on each side.  Only, I'm unsure if the 8' diameter is big enough, NOR do I have ANY clue as to how to care for roses. 

 I'm seeing there are SEVERAL types of roses, from shrubs, to rose tree's to climbing roses for arbors to huge bushes but I found something on his site that looks like it "could" fit.  I just don't know.  I'm also concerned about how much attention the roses will need.  Can they be watered once a week?  Or do they have to be watered everyday?  If the description says hardy on some, does that mean their resistant to disease?  How much depth do the roots need?

If Roses wouldn't work, what do you suggest?  I'm assuming bulbs that would come up every year, only I'd like something that would bloom beautifully and maybe stick around without much attention as we'd like it to grow even when WE'RE gone.

So help me, what are your thoughts?  The Color of the stone is the "Mountain Rose Granite" and we'd like to keep away from total girly pinks since Jackson is there right now and then I'd be the only girl buried there.  I'm thinking purples, blues, deep reds or deep DEEP pinks that look almost burgandy, yellows, even green. 

Keep in mind though our space is 8 inches in dimention around and fairly deep...but it WILL be put on a concrete foundation so there's no more ground to cover DEEP DEEP rooting....Fairly deep.  But nothing HUGE.

What are your thoughts?  Share with us please.

Also care and instructions for your ideas so we have some kind of clue as to how much work will go into it.

Oh, right now there is a pretty new "burning bush next to our "resting Place".  I'd imagine it will eventually grow into bushy.  I don't think it will cause a great deal of issues, but over the years, may cause partly shade on one side depending on where and how the stone is placed.

Thank You!

• 0 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Jesus Bring The Rain - I couldn't have said it any better.
Monday, November 23, 2009

Posted in Faithful Contemplations

"Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us". Romans 8:17-18

• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Easy Grapefruit Preparation
Sunday, November 22, 2009

Posted in Recipes From the Kitchen

 I love grapefruit but LOATHE the time it takes to scoop it all up, so most of the time, I just skip buying it.  Especially since my husbands medication doesn't allow for him to eat the fruit.  Imagine my surprise when I found this video.  Oh how exciting my life became when I found this simple and easy method so that I may once again enjoy a winter breakfast with grapefruit. Check it out!

• 0 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

How To Make A Buttonhole Stitch
Sunday, November 22, 2009

Posted in Thrifty Crafts

Buttonhole Stitch

Since the embedded link isn't available, I thought I'd leave a regular link for future reference.

• 0 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Overcoming Fear Of Death- My Own Story
Sunday, November 22, 2009

Posted in A Womans Spirit

We don't have a headstone quite yet, but ours is on order and will be placed on our plots in the spring with Jackson's name being the center of the stone.  We have designed a simple "family" stone as Jackson is placed centered and we will be buried side to side by him.  While this seems pretty morbid in some respect to those who would rather not think about such things, Doug and I have had to make such Plans and I must say that it has conquered a childhood fear of mine. 

Since childhood I was always afraid to die.  I had NO IDEA where I was going.  I just knew my body would be buried six feet under in a casket.  My thought at the time was however would I breathe?  What about the bugs?  Would people forget about me?

As time has gone by, I have understood the concept of death an dying but moreso with the death of our son. 

I now know that our bodies are separated from our spirits.  You know, our spirit which is within us that shows our personalities, our goodness, even at times our sinfulness which is why Christ died for our sins.  I also know that through Christ's death and resurrection, through my own faith in believing that He suffered, died and now LIVES within us, I am able to have confidence in KNOWING without a doubt, that I will spend eternity once I die here on earth with not only my son Jackson, but with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Over the years, I've learned the above through Gods promises in His Word.  But it wasn't until I held my sweet living baby in my arms and watched him as he took His last sweet breath to be with Jesus that I understood death.  Death as the TRUE LOVE of a Heavenly Father which isn't to be feared, but to be joyfully awaited as we wait to live life eternally with Jesus in Heaven, see those we love and listen to God as He gives the ULTIMATE Bible study.

It won't matter what color you are, how much money or material possessions you have...we will ALL live to glorify and praise a Heavenly Father who loves us for those who seek to worship in truth. (see John 14:6) So often I hear of the "Fear" of God as being one to be afraid of, but many do not understand that the fear of God's spoken about in His word is one to be RESPECTED.  That does not mean He doesn't get angry with us from time to time because we disobey.  But it also doesn't mean that He hates us no matter what we do.  He loves us, thus lovingly corrects us.  He doesn't allow bad things to happen to us because we are bad.  Yet he never promises bad things will never happen to us, He only promises that He will be there when they do happen and will help us through, guide us and give us the strength to overcome IF we ask.  He answers in His timing and not our own, and somtimes things don't happen as we hope they do, but HE still knows the answer as to why and there is a reason.  Just sometimes we don't need to know those answers right away and maybe NEVER know them until we are safely with Him in heaven.

These moments have been up and down for us both.  We've been told once we finalize plans for the headstone and our son has a NAME where he is buried, we will start feeling more and more closure.  The truth is, we are already feeling some of that closure already.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still going through emotions.  Mainly at night when I've had trouble sleeping and cry.  I mean, I KNOW where my son is, but sometimes I long for him in my arms.  It's that fleshy feeling I get when God says one thing and I want another.

You can imagine our laughter when we started designing our headstone though. I mean, here we are creating our own headstone with our names which will appear and soon we'll be walking on our own plot with our names already built in.  I mean, you have to laugh.  There's just something absolutely silly about it.

But the most comforting part of it, is that even though we're preparing our resting place.  Our spirit will be in heaven.  Will we REALLY care where our earthly bodies lie?  I highly doubt it.  We'll be basking in the Joys and beauty of Heaven.

I think we are creating our own resting place as a means of comfort right now. Where WE are.  Preparing a place for those who will be left behind so they may grieve, just as we are doing for Jackson right now.  We are grieving the loss of our dear son, yet preparing a place for those in the future to grieve for us. Yet as I say that again, I think of how I don't want our loved ones to grieve for us forever.  I can understand their need to do so, but I also wish for them to find JOY.  Joy because we are no longer feeling sadness or grief or sickness or even tears.  We are in the Garden with Jesus.

So as I thought of what I would like for our family someday when THEY are left behind as we take our last breath and reach HOME.  Doug and I thought with our stone we'd like others to know where our faith stands and use our lives even in death on earth, as a testimony.

I can't wait to show what we have done with the final design.  Right now, I can just tell you that we followed our heart to keep it simple, yet They will always know whom we have served, and maybe someone, someday will see and accept The Gift.

When the monument is finished and placed in the spring, I will take a picture to share with each of you if you don't mind.  It really has been a blessed experience and has conquered a fear of death and has given me a new outlook on the LIFE I will have past this one here on earth.

In the meantime, please have patience with me during posts like these on death, grieving and such.  As I start to heal, there will be less and less of it.  For I know our son AND our Heavenly Father, wish us to move forward with our lives with great joy that our son is SAFE, playing in the garden and hearing all kinds of stories from those in the Bible AND God, Himself.  Jackson will be smarter than us when we get there! What great joy to think of it.

• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" - A Mother's Hearts Cry -
Friday, November 20, 2009

Posted in Faithful Contemplations

The past few weeks have been pretty hard.  Not only are we trying to pick up the pieces and walk forward without our son until we see him again in heaven, but my husband has been out of work for a week, because of another issue with his finger that kept bleeding for literally 4 hours at a time.

Add to that by the grace of God we were spared from what could have been a tragic accident concerning a ball joint holding on by a thread on the front passanger side, that both struts were absolutely shot and one severely leaking, leaving the drivers side tire bald...and a whole slew of issues that happened to take place, we have felt SPENT.

Even through our darkest moments, God has shown Himself through others. Believers and Non-believers, God has used both to share comfort and lift us up when we have felt we couldn't stand on our own.  I can't imagine my life without God, nor could I even imagine going through the death of a child, and the other issues that have taken place WITHOUT the love and presence of God and those who overwhelmingly shared their lovingkindness with us.

While my heart hurts very much still, I am able to stand.  Standing is good.  I have made a new step.  Now there are those who may suggest I get passed this and quickly, but I am learning that it's OK to cry, it's OK to feel the emptyness I feel.  I must just remember that God is with me and I can STILL count on Him as He has shown Himself deeply with each new day. 

I often reflect on the fact that He too, gave His son as a sacrifice for Sin.  He watched His son go through such suffering so that MANY would not parish, but have eternal life.  It says alot!

While it's unfortunate, I am also learning I am NOT, nor will I be THE ONLY ONE going through this.  Over the past 3 weeks, I have met and talked with MANY women who have lost their child.  MANY different ways.

In my bureavement group there is someone like me who went through the same exact pre-term birth.  Another couple found themselves with the same genetic disorder, only to find out that they could not bare more children or they would find the same ending as their dear child.

I met someone that will soon share a resting place just in front of us.  She is slightly older, but had her daughter pre-term at 22weeks as I have.

Another several have discussed how they weren't given an opportunity to hold their child or bury them.  NOR did they have support.

Mothers who couldn't bare children who lost THEIR child through an adoption process.

They are all the same losses, yet different.  Some were in early trimesters, some mid to late, others through the loss of the children who were born IN their heart who were prayed and waited for.

I am NOT alone.  Sadly I feel for each family, each woman who still holds a part of their heart with their child/ren. 

But there is HOPE for us.  The hope that we can all one day unite in Heaven and hold our dear children tight for an eternity.  A joy long awaited though for Gods timing, short.  Thinking of the wait to see Jackson seems like an eternity here on earth, yet for God, it's a glimpse.

I think to myself, how on earth can I take another step?  The son I've waited for 8 years is in heaven waiting for me.  The hopes and dreams as I step out into the real world and watch life go on seems almost unbareable, yet through the tears, I find a glimpse of light.

God, I know YOUR here!  I'll say.  I see you all around me.  He has even spoken boldly and yet I find myself asking questions and being so stubborn as He trys to lead me through this darkness I am in. 

I am deeply sad, but not overwhelmingly depressed.  I am standing, but am walking day by day with Gods hand.

Please forgive me if I don't post as much as I have.  Just know that as I go through this "valley", I'm doing so with joy in my heart.  Knowing the end result one day, will lead me to My God and Our son.  Just today....TODAY, I need a bit of Gods sunshine.  Today, I hold onto His promises and seek Him as He picks me up and carries me until my burden gets a bit lighter.

And to end the Title,  "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

• 6 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Customer Appreciation Day November 20th
Thursday, November 19, 2009

Posted in Financial Stewardship

The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf 

25% OFF All Merchandise!*
Enter Code: CPN_C7RAE8

Enjoy!

• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

10.00 Off an 8lb or larger Honey Baked Ham
Monday, November 16, 2009

Posted in Financial Stewardship

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to share an awesome find from the Honeybaked Ham Co.  10.00 Off an 8lb or larger ham.  Enjoy!

• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

To Those Who Serve and Have Served, Thank You!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Posted in Kind Words To Comfort Thee

I am proud to be an American.  It's where God planted me.  I'm proud to be an American. It's where I live freely.  Nothing comes without a price, just as Jesus made His sacrifice. We must acknowledge those whose lives are given so that we are free.  Those families who sacrifice their father or mother, sister or brother.....there IS a price for freedom it doesn't come for FREE.  Thank a Veteran, hug their spouse and give back for Liberty.

( No matter where you are, what country you live.  Please thank a Veteran. )

• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

ESV Bible Reading Plans
Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Posted in In The Readers Den

My husband started this plan last week and I became interested in it.  You can read it, print it, have it RSS Feeded to you, Emailed to you, and in printing form.  It's a wonderful way to find time to study the Bible.  I've been wanting to read in Chronological form and have subscribe to that one, but there are so many other reading plans for daily devotional.  Check it out if you have the time.

http://www.esv.org/biblereadingplans

• 0 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Today Is Orphan Sunday
Sunday, November 8, 2009

Posted in In The Family Room

God calls Himself the Father of the Fatherless.  Of those who are orphans, and even those, who's parents haven't really been, well....PARENTS.  God shows His love for His children when HE became Our Heavenly Father. Imagine how much love He gives to those without the love of a parent.

James 1:27 reveals the importance of His people caring for those who haven't a parent and those who have lost their spouse.  He says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.”

Gods will for us is in Isaiah 1:17, “Learn to do good; seek justice, reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, plead for the widow.”

He gives us all direction. We are to put OTHERS above ourselves.

 I'm excited to see more and more churches taking leading roles in making Orphans MORE than a "ministry", but a part of THE CULTURE of the church.  Since we have been adopted into the family of God through Christ's sacrifice and ressurection, part of living out the gospel SHOULD include taking care of those who have no family.

I encourage you today to check out the LIVE webcast from 4-6 CST and starting at 5pm EST.  Join Steven Curtis Chapman, Jim Daly, Dennis Rainey and churches and families from around the country in this special event.

Click HERE for the LIVE cast.

• 3 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Doug and I have had the pleasure to see this first hand.
Sunday, November 8, 2009

Posted in Kind Words To Comfort Thee

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. -John 15:12-13

• 0 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Christian-Homemaking GiveAway
Saturday, November 7, 2009

Posted in A Womans Spirit

Amidst the hustle and bustle of the past few weeks and the next several weeks to come with the Holidays arriving.  Chores STILL need to be done.

There's laundry, sweeping, mopping, dusting, cooking, baking and much more that need to be done.  I came home to be a homemaker 3 years ago, when my husband was working full time, interning full time and going to school full time.  We were living on a miniscule income and though coming home was answer to prayer, I KNEW there would be MANY things we'd have to sacrifice for me to be home for my husband, and one day to be home with our children as a stay at home mommy.

I learned to coupon, how to find EXCELLENT deals at each store, who to contact for money saving coupons that when doubled or tripled brought us virtually FREE items. We had to learn basic financial principals to budget, save, pay bills while also adding to a nest egg and all the while, we had to manage a house while on a tight budget.

SO many things I learned.  Almost everything in our home is second hand.  While most people wouldn't know this, we got AWESOME deals on BEAUTIFUL furniture and while I DID splurge on our table/chairs and buffet table at a local woodmaker shoppe, EVERYTHING you see in our home has either been second hand or given to us.

I am SO proud of this.  Here we have a beautiful home filled with nice things, but because "things" aren't all that important to us, and while we have necessitiy for some of those "things" like furniture and ammenities.  We have gotten them at a deal and have been good stewards with the money God has given us.

I've heard time and time again how we are born naked into this world and how we die taking nothing with us but our spirits into heaven.  So why is it that we work and work and work for things that while sometime SEEM important, are actually not that important at all. Yet many of us pay a price to "keep up with the Jones' " so to sey.

With that in mind, I thought I'd share a helpful site that has helped me in my ongoing craft of "homemaking".  A site that offers tips on not just "Cleaning".  As many of us homemakers and moms know, there is more to being "homemaker" than sitting in front of a tv all day.  I feel bad for many of the women who have to balance working a full time job while also tackling the "homemaking" of their homes and families.  It's a hard JOB.  Cooking, Cleaning, Raring children, Helping our husbands, keeping the home budgets balanced, having time for church or school or taking the kids to their functions while also finding time for US.  A homemakers job is NEVER done.  So I'd imagine having TWO full time jobs is quite stressful.  Kudo's to All you women out there. I'm proud of you all.

So here's the deal.  Christian Homemaking site is having a Giveaway. Details are as follows:

It’s official. The NEW Christian Homemaking.com website has LAUNCHED!!!  And you’re invited to the BIG party I am throwing…

Join me from November 7th through November 13th 2009, as we kick off our new website with a week of fun, fellowship and prizes.

Enter the Christian Homemaking Launch contest for a chance to win one of the following prizes…

1. I’ll be giving away one Christian book each day.

• Saturday: 10-Minute Time Outs for You & Your Kids.  Scriptures, Stories & Prayers You Can Share Together.  By Grace Fox
• Sunday: Broken Into Beautiful.  How God Restores the Wounded Heart.  By Gwen Smith
• Monday: Walk With Me Today, Lord.  Inspiring Devotions for Women.  Emilie Barnes
• Tuesday: Becoming a Vessel God Can Use.  Donna A. Partow
• Wednesday: 10 Things I Want My Husband to Know… and How to Tell Him.  Annie Chapman
• Thursday: Just Enough Light for the Step I’m On.  Trusting God in the Though Times.  Stormie OMartian
• Friday: Cinderella Meets the Caveman.  Stop the Boredom in Your Marriage and Jump-Start the Passion.  Dr. David E. Clarke
• Saturday: Motherhood: The Guilt That Keeps On Giving.  Julie Ann Barnhill

2. I’m extending an invitation for you to join me on my next Keeping Up Teleclass for FREE. Yep, I’m pulling back the curtain to let you experience one of my information packed teleclasses from my Keeping Up Club. This is a live training call that my members receive every month as part of their club membership.  You must be signed up for my e-zine to get the call-in information.

3. The Grand Prize  a free, 3 month membership in my brand new Keeping Up Club!

Here’s what you need to do to enter…

Sign up for the Christian Homemaking E-zine (use the sign up box on the site – you can skip this part if you’re already subscribed) AND do TWO of the following:

• Comment on one of my articles – use the comment link.
• Follow me on Twitter(@BlairMassey)
• Become a fan of mine on Facebook.
• Join our forums and post a great tip. This is a great place to fellowship with other Christian Homemakers.
• Blog about our new site and the contest (please send me the link to the post on your blog).

On Monday, November 16th, I’ll announce the grand prize winner.

....So what are you waiting for?  Go enter the Giveaway and start checking out the site. You'll find tips and all kinds of goodies to ponder as you make your house and family A HOME.

• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Mommies 35 and over. Are you out there??
Friday, November 6, 2009

Posted in A Womans Spirit

As many of you know, my husband and I have now become mommy and daddy to Jackson.  Born premature and went to be with the Lord at 22 weeks old.

As I pray each morning to get out of bed and LIVE as God intends me to. I also dream of one day having more. As many brothers and sisters for Jackson as God will allow.  However, I know I'm up there in years.  I'm 35.  While medical staff seem to think I'm over the hill, my body and Lord seem to think I'm in my prime now.  It took us 8 years to conceive Jackson and it was through God that this miracle even took place.

I have seen the OB, whom recommends trying again in the future as soon as we are ready, my baby weight is down and I'm emotionally ready to try.  Lets just say it's not this minute as each day I'm trying to wake up and pray to God for strength as I live each day without our dear son's presence.  I cannot imagine how God, Himself, gave His son for my sins and the sins of others.  It is that reason and many other reasons that I am able to move each day KNOWING I'll see my son again.

I'm trying to fathom having more children.  Is it too much of me to ask for more? Am I being selfish?  Do I have a right at 35 to bare more children?

I know this sounds rediculous. But I could use some support and encouragement from those women who are my age and older with children.  Your outlook.

I look at the likes of the Duggars with MANY children and think, they must be older than me and yet they still continue to have more.  Maybe then, just maybe, I can see our lives with more children after Jackson.

Can I bare more? I suppose it's possible.  I mean, God has blessed us with child. Jackson was very much alive and his life, as little time as we had with him, STILL has made us parents for eternity now.  For that I am blessed. For God we are blessed...for Jackson we are blessed.

Forgive me for being all over the place with my thoughts.  I have my good days, and I have my tough days.  Today and yesterday have been tough for some reason.  Don't get me wrong. I have HOPE, I KNOW where my son is.  I just miss his presence and the hopes and dreams I had for him here on earth.  While I'm praying once again to fill our home with children....I also long for the child we had to let go of.

My heart aches, yet I STILL have hope for a child/ren. Both through conception AND adoption. I'm not sure HOW this journey will play out, when it will all happen....but I just know God will again provide for us KNOWING the desires of our heart.

Today, if you are a mom over 35. Will you please share with me?  I could use your warmth, your encouragement and your testimonies.  As I go into the new year at 36, I still hope to add a quiverfull to the son we already have in heaven.

Thank You...

• 10 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Outpour Of Human-Kindness (Long but worth a read)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Posted in Faithful Contemplations

Human Kindness

I've been wanting to share this for days. I just haven't had the energy and strength to do so. While I'm STILL exhausted, I just want to write this down before everything leaves my mind.


For over a year, we've been looking for a church. We've visited 4 in this time, and while they were nice, we just didn't feel they were for us. I prayed daily to find the right church for us and confided in Doug that I couldn't understand why we hadn't found it yet.

Once we moved in the beginning of October, we searched the internet looking for churches again. We found one that as soon as we reached their site, had their core beliefs ON THE PAGE. We looked at one another and said, "This is the one". Something told us we had FOUND our church home. Though we weren't quite sure why.

We downloaded podcasts from the library and listened to them at home, THEN we attended the service our first week.

Since becoming a Christian, my life has been different. I found no more joy in being "center of attention" as the old Becky used to be. I'd rather sit somewhere and become a fly on the wall...blending with the environment.

From the Very First service, I was not able to be that fly. It seems God wouldn’t allow me to be. An older gentleman introduced himself to my husband and invited him to mens ministry. We had met his wife upon entering who not only welcomed us with open arms, but introduced us to many and led us to a table to sign in so they'd know we were there.

AFTER the service, we met Linda whom we later found out works for the local adoption agency. The second service we attended....We were introduced to a gentleman who used to work in International Adoption and whom now takes care of Teens (we were fosterparents in Ohio to teens and our hearts desire has always been to adopt children even if we could conceive one day).

In those short few weeks we started attending...it seemed NOBODY would let us "blend". We were introduced to many and in the upcoming week would find out WHY.


I went into early term labor as many of you know. During contractions we found I was dialating and moving fast. My husband called the pastor of the new church we were going to and asked if he would pray for us. Pastor Bill put us on a prayer chain and over an hour later, called my husband and asked if he could come to pray with us because he was in the area.

He prayed for us and for Jackson and then suddenly told us while he didn't know exactly what we were going through, he knew some of it. He and his wife could never have children. After many issues, they were contacted by an agency and now have their 16 year old daughter through adoption.

Shortly after pastor went home, my water broke. I was upset and scared for my baby, but we continued to pray. I did what any mother would do and I put my trust in the Lord for strength and I pushed even though all I wanted to do was keep my baby safe in my womb.

Jackson came as most of you know and we had the priviledge to spend 25 blessed moments with him until I gave unto the Lord my son's spirit.

My parents showed up shortly after and spent time with us. Supporting me at a time I needed it.

I went home that evening after giving birth where Doug and I weeped. No parent should ever have to make burial arrangements, pick out a casket, work out details for a resting place or figure out how to pay for it all including the headstone.

Our heads were spinning and we weren't sure HOW we'd deal with the loss of our son, while making plans for things we could not afford. We also thought our plans for a home of our own would be put on hold yet again not knowing where we'd be or what we'd be doing. At this time, our priority became putting our son to rest and paying for HIS needs before the luxeries of our own needs.

So many things running through our minds.


Shortly after we were home the phone started ringing. It was my husbands nursing team and clerical staff calling. They had ordered us food and wanted our correct address to send it so we wouldn't have to buy food. They offered their hand at different burial services and just wanted Doug and I to know just how much they loved us.

Next day, Diane from church called....we have food for you she said. We received TONS of food so we didn't have to make anything ourselves. We started getting cards from people whom we didn't know....encouragement from OCP (an online board I’ve been a member of for years) and friends/family on facebook and my blogging community HSB....from such places as New Zealand, Canada, Australia, England, Africa and many more.

We went that Sunday to church and some couldn't understand how we could be there at such a time. I just KNEW I needed to praise God. I needed to Thank God for Jackson, the time spent with him, for carrying him, feeling him and most importantly for the miracle it was to even conceive him. We both knew that the BEST time to be in church with a church family, was when we are at our LOWEST. Granted, we didn't KNOW many in the church...but those we met came around us. We KNEW it was God as we heard Blessed Be Your name.....You Give and Take Away, You Give and Take AWAY...My HEART will CHOOSE to say, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME JESUS. All of a sudden our dear friends we met through the beginning started circling us and holding us...weeping with us and praying with us.

It became known to US that GOD chose this church for such a time as this. We waited and waited and waited and WAITED for God to speak boldly on our church home.

After the service was over and everyone finished praying with us, we went into a room with the Pastor and Linda whom not only works for the adoption agency, but also works with bureaved couples (we didn't know that either). We prayed together, weeped some more and they asked how we were feeling. I cryed. I cryed because my only two options were to place my son with either my gram who raised me or my moms mother who was not yet buried. While I love both dearly.....all I wanted was for my son to be near us and have his own plot. I couldn't put into words what I had wanted I couldn't even think about it because the cost was just SO MUCH.  Who thinks of burying a child?  We were just thinking about life insurance before Jackson was born to protect him.

Soon after hearing our words and tears they both looked at each other and said, "you shouldn't have to be thinking of this at this time...we've been wondering why our benevolence fund kept rising without anywhere for it to go. We believe God wants us to use this fund to help you. We would be honored if you'd find a place that suites you both...we will pay for Jackson's plot, burial and casket". They also offered the service at the church and a luncheon after the burial.

We got in touch with a GOOD family friend who is basically family to us who owns a funeral home. He made all the arrangements for Jackson, got his casket and didn't charge us for ANY funeral costs whatsoever. In fact, his wife paid for a cute outfit for Jackson that said "our little hero" when I couldn't find an outfit to fit him. I was beside myself with sadness because I couldn’t find an outfit small enough to fit my son and couldn’t bare to bury him naked. I’m his mother.  I want to make sure our son is protected even after death. Our friend told us his wife kindly took the honor of finding the perfect little outfit for our baby.

Monday was Dougs first day back at work. He was emotional ALL DAY. We found that morning that we were charged 298.00 extra for our cell phones because we had accidentally gone over minutes from the time I went into labor to the time Jackson had passed from this earth into heaven. When we went in to talk with the customer service rep, she was AWESOME. She fixed our account and the whole company took the whole amount off our bill with exception to what we owed. My husband weeped at the kindness when many companies would still expect us to pay.

He then went to work with a less burdened shoulder when he called me during the evening break last night to let us know that his team from work gave him a card but asked he not open it without me....THEN told us his team had pooled together to give their vacation hours which will be given in one lump sum in two weeks. We were floored But not as floored as we were when he got home and we opened the card with bills flying out.

Over the past two weeks, we’ve had many people praying, encouraging us, many church families praying for us and outpouring of love shown to us and our son Jackson.

All this sharing to say God was with us in our DARKEST MOMENTS. Through our sadness, our fears, our grief that we cannot be with Jackson and He cannot be with us for just right now....KNOWING that we'll eventually have a whole eternity with the boy we've loved since BEFORE he was even conceived 8 years prior to the moment we kissed his forehead, told him we loved him, and Gave our sons spirit unto the Lord.

You see, God KNEW. He knew of our little miracle medical staff said wouldn't happen, He knew we'd have time with Jackson ALIVE when we were told it wouldn't happen, He knew we'd have HIS strength to push through the most beautiful moment and the most saddest moment of our lives....and HE knew that we would be taken care of by the loving prayers, encouragement, love, compassion and outreach those we know and those we know briefly would have on our lives.

Without HIS strength we were weak. Even through our sadness HE is here. I am forever grateful to a merciful, LOVING Father in Heaven who has given us much in so little time.

You see, beyond all the things money can buy...lies the love of many people who in many different ways have held us up when we weren't sure we'd make it another day.

Our son is in a resting place near a "burning bush" and a HUGE oak tree. My husband and I have been given the opportunity to purchase another plot with small monthly payments so Jackson is in the middle and I will be buried in front of him, Doug will be next to us both. It is the most peaceful resting place and so much has been taken off of our shoulders and we feel like we can be at peace with just about everything being taken care of so Jackson may rest in peace and we may be there one day with Him but most importantly be there with him in Heaven as we hold on to him tightly, sit at the foot of Jesus as HE tells us of Gods great love.

The money's that have come in have taken care of almost half of the headstone that at 2 thousand dollars...we weren't sure how long would take us to put on Jackson's grave. God has taken care of much of this and we are forever grateful.

In closing...if you've made it this far...I'd like to say that I used to wonder if given the opportunity during a "Valley", If I'd be faithful to God or cower as Peter did when he denied Jesus, Matthew 26:34.

My husband turned to me and said while it has much to do with faith it has MORE to do with TRUST. We either get cocky and trust in ourselves or we trust in God who gives us the faith we need and the strength we need to overcome mountains.

Whatever it is, somehow I did not deny God for Jackson passing...but found myself moving closer to Him and my husband, KNOWING that while I miss Jackson tremendously....I KNOW He's in a much better place, being well taken care of and I have HOPE and much Joy to know that someday soon, I'll have eternity with both my son Jackson AND with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I pray my post didn't depress you, but give you hope today through ANY storm you may be going through.

No matter how hard things get...HE is with us.  God works through the kindness of others to show HIS love.  We are not promised a life without sadness or hard times, but God promises he’ll be there to hold us up when we can no longer stand.  All we have to do is trust in Him and because He loves us, He WILL never leave us nor forsake us.

 Thanks again for reading this LONG post. I just needed to share my heart today. A friend of mine was reminded of a song as she read my post today.  I feel compelled to post it along with my writing. 

Dear friends, know that you are loved today.  You are loved by Doug and I, but most importantly, even when you don’t feel it, you ARE loved by God. May you feel His love pour over you no matter where you are in life.  May you find Him in the good times and in the times of dispair, but may you walk with Him for eternity as He reaches out for you. In Jesus name I pray…AMEN!

• 8 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Thank You Dear Friends
Saturday, October 24, 2009

Posted in In The Family Room

• 17 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Pre Term Labor
Thursday, October 22, 2009

Posted in In The Family Room

Jackson Jeffrey Shearer was born October 22 2009 5:00PM. He went to be with the Lord shortly afterward at 5:25PM. Those moments that we were parents were precious few. But we know we shall see him again. Today is the happiest and saddest day of our lives. Thank you for all of your prayers. Please keep them coming.

• 17 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

We're Having A...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Posted in In The Family Room

I just thought I'd share that I have updated the baby's blog and have said the following:

We're having a ...

BOY

Today we had our week 22 sonogram and found out we are having a boy. Words can't describe how excited we are.  I actually wanted a boy first to be a big brother to a sister some day.  If we had a little girl I'd be JUST as happy, but I'm quite glad with Gods choice. He just knew and created such a beautiful life.  My cup runneth over.

He still didn't cooperate with some of the measurements, but we have found out that he is 15 ounces.  Just shy of 1 pound.

We DO have a name, but we're keeping it a surprise until our little guy arrives. 

I have a theme picked out and I'm unsure if I shared it yet.  The nursery will be Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter.  A light lime green color with baby and medium blue.  It's so fun because we had these colors to begin with when we thought we were going to adopt.  So God just KNEW.

I cannot post the sonogram today because we are at the library.  I will update with a picture closer to November.

Blessings to you all!

• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Checking In ...
Sunday, October 18, 2009

Posted in In The Family Room

Hi everyone!

I DO appologize for having been off for quite awhile.  So much has been going on over here.  We've stopped looking for a home of our own because we just haven't found anything for the price we'd like in the area that we want.  So we've just moved into a rental for another year.

In the process, we've been settling and trying to get current with Dr.'s appointments and finances.  So, we've been without internet and TV.

Which brings me to why I have been absent for SO long.  We are all doing well.  God has blessed us abundantly to spite some stressful events in the past month.  God ALWAYS seems to get us through though.

The baby is doing well.  I had some issues medically last month which caused us to go to the OB, and found out that it was normal for MY body.  THEN, I ended up sick with a cold that turned into an upper respirtory infection.  I am JUST getting over that. Phew has it been an interesting month.  But again, God has gotten us through EVERY aspect of  the hardship having given us His strength to get through.

We have another appointment this Tuesday to see if the baby will show whether he or she is a boy or girl...also to get measurements of the anatmony the baby didn't cooperate with the last time. Haha

I'm REALLY enjoying this wonderful pregnancy.  What a gift we've been given. 

On another note, we are on week 2 of attending a new church this weekend.  It has taken us quite awhile to find a church we are comfortable with.  One that has contemporary worship and a great foundation in Gods word while not too reserved.  I think we have found it.  We have been made to feel very comfortable at our new church and so many people have introduced themselves to us even when I'd like to blend in with the crowd. 

The most comforting part of this church is that we have found SEVERAL parents who've adopted as well as a woman who works at the local adoption agency and a man who works with teens now who also worked for years in adoption.

Our hearts are still VERY MUCH desiring to adopt in the future.  We've always known we'd adopt even if we could have children.  We have prayed for our darling children AND their birth parents for over 8 years.  I can see how God just gives us exactly what we need when we need it.  I am so grateful for this growing life inside me and the fact that God has given me an opportunity to experience this pregnancy while also giving us opportunity to be parents to the children He wills in our life now and in the future. Praise God for His lovingkindness.

I can't express enough how much love we've gotten from family and friends.  Even those on the internet who express their concern and prayer. My cup runneth over and we are truely blessed.

In closing, I appologize for having not been on here to update.  Please forgive me but know that it may be until November before we get internet.  We are working on a tight budget to get back on our feet and also to provide for our dear baby on the way.  I hope to find some wifi in the upcoming weeks to update on whether we know if we're having a boy or girl. 

Thanks again dear friends and much love to you all.  Thank You to my parents who've let us run on their wireless for a short time too.

Blessings to you all.

• 5 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link