Abundant Blessings Homestead

Tears..and what really matters

Friends, I have just come across a blog that has me in tears...
It's Lorrie's blog . I do warn you before you go, you'll be in tears soon too. You see, Lorrie went to be with Jesus...and her husband and sister have posted some. It's heartbreaking....

But, I'm glad it's there. And I'm glad I found it this morning. You see, some things have been weighing on my mind lately..and consuming way too much of my thoughts. Things that are of no lasting value. Things that are out of my control. Things that really don't matter.

We seem to think that we have all this time. Time to make things right. Time to spend with our loved ones. Time to fix this or that. Time...

We really don't. I told Mary yesterday on our Mary and Mama shopping trip that I'd blink 10 times and she'd be as old as Rebecca. (Mary just turned 5, Rebecca will be 15 in March). She laughed...and I'm sure it was funny watching me blink 10 times and her not change at all. But, it's true. Cause I can't believe that Rebecca is indeed turning 15 nor that Mary is 5 now. Where did the time go???

When did my babies grow up to where they are now? I want to shake those Mamas who are wishing away their babies' "stages" and say, STOP!!! This too shall pass...and pass all too quickly. Sure, there are sleepless nights, diapers, never ending messes. But there are also baby smells, smiles and kisses. Don't wish it away for it will go away all on its own too fast.

And those times I have spent wondering what I have done to offend this person or that...no more. You know what? I haven't done anything..and if there's a problem, then it's THEIR problem, not mine. I am through trying to figure it out. I'm through trying to resolve an issue that isn't my issue. I'm through trying to fix it. If it's to be fixed, God will do the fixing and I'll be here with open arms when it happens. If it doesn't, well, it's your loss.

Those times when I am too hard on my children...or not understanding enough to my Honey. They are done. For, what if it were me that were taken like Lorrie? Would those little things really matter? I want the lasting memories of me to be of love, acceptance, adoration, hugs and kisses. Not scolding or being upset. I want them to remember me the way I think of them..with complete love.

The Lord has been doing a work in me for some time now. The trials of 2007..and even into 2008...have really shown me whom I can depend, true friends who are there no matter what, what we should hold onto and what we should let go of. They have shown me that I am indeed blessed with the very best husband and children in the entire world. They are my source of joy, strength and love. Without them, I am nothing. I cannot imagine ever living apart...there's no way...I remember when Toby was first looking for work here and was not finding anything...his friend and former boss had offered him very good money to go back to Florida to work for awhile. We laughed that one off right away. No way!!!! If Toby goes somewhere, we ALL go. No way..where he goes, we go. I don't care where he goes...to live wherever he lives...whatever job he chooses...whatever home he picks. It's us, together forever more.

We are coming up on the year anniversary of our wee one going to Jesus. A year already. It was so incredibly hard in the beginning. And there have been some really hard days since...special days or times when I was really missing our babe. Even yesterday, I must have seen 100 newborns or largely pregnant women. Each time, a pang in my heart. Each time wishing for the same. But, God had a different plan for our babe. And I anxiously await meeting him one day.

I feel a new dawn in my soul. Things are finally in perspective where they should be. Rebecca will indeed be 15 in March...and she'll be getting that rite of passage for 15 year olds.....her learner's permit. Yes, it scares me. Yes, I want to say no way! But, who am I to limit her? Who am I to hold her back from her life? My folks didn't hold me back...and I did plenty more than Rebecca ever thought of doing..even at her age. She has a life to live..and a free will to do so. I am not holding her back from growing up. I miss the little babe, the little girl..but the young woman is so amazing, how could I ever not let her grow up?

So, I'm making a few changes....here in blog world and in the real world. Changes that have needed to be made for some time. The time has finally come. Cause time is slipping away...and life is too short.

Untitled Comment

{ 08:53, Tuesday, January 29, 2008 } { Posted by gabbie427 }

Reading Lorries's blog makes you realize we take alot of things for granted don't we. I lost my parents last year and was reminded of this and haven't forgotten it since. I keep wishing I had one more day, one more day with them. Makes me want to hug my family even tighter!!!

I am so sorry for your loss!!! I will be praying for you!!!

God's Blessings,
Amy Jo

what really matters

{ 06:41, Wednesday, January 30, 2008 } { Posted by Cathy }

Laurie,
What a wonderful post. I love your view of life and knowing what REALLY matters.
Love ya friend,
Cathy