Shame and Discipline

12:51 AM - Thursday, January 17, 2008 - comments {4} - post comment

Excerpt from Mama, We've Got Ourselves A Selfish Little Girl Here

"But the worst thing about shame if you’re a Christian is that you tend to think that God has the same feelings about you that you have about yourself. This creates a huge problem. How in the world are you supposed to have a deep, intimate relationship with a God you think has written you off as worthless and unloveable?

As John Bradshaw says, "When I feel guilt, I feel that I have made a mistake, and when I feel shame, I feel that I am a mistake." How can you believe God loves you if you feel like you're a mistake?

Shame takes six common forms and does not have to be blatant like the Red Lobster incident. In fact, it can be more damaging when it's subtle because then it's not obvious what is happening, so our defenses are down.

The six common forms of shame are:
1. The put-down: "You naughty boy!", "You're acting like a spoiled child!", "You selfish brat!", "You cry-baby!" "You're mean!" "Rug rat"
2. Moralizing: "Good little boys don't act that way" "You've been a bad little girl" “God isn’t pleased when you act that way” “Angels are crying right now because of what you’ve done”
3. Age-based expectations: "Grow up!" "Stop acting like a baby!" "Big boys don't cry ” "You're 10 years old--you should be able to do this by now""
4. Gender-based expectations: "Toughen-up and take it like a man!" "Don't be a sissy!" “Stop being so emotional!” “Don’t be such a silly girl”
5. Competency-based expectations: "You're hopeless!" “You’ll never be good at anything” "You should be able to do this math by yourself " "You should know better than that" "Any idiot could have figured that out"
6. Comparisons: "Why can't you be more like so-and-so?" "None of the other children are acting like you are" "You're not as _____as your sister (brother) "

Shame not only makes us feel like we intrinsically have no value, but it also gives us a distorted perception of what love really is. Why? Because the people who shame us the most tend to be the people who tell us they love us. So we get mixed messages about love. On the one hand we are told we are loved, but on the other we are made to feel like we are not worthy of love."

Etiquette: Socially Acceptable

11:51 PM - Friday, January 11, 2008 - comments {2} - post comment

How many of you would like to learn about proper etiquette? I will give you some insight on the proper manners of the earlier centuries. Nowadays we don’t have too many rules of Etiquette that too many people follow. I thought everyone could learn from this…even guys. So I am going to do a series on it.

Part I

Etiquette: Socially Acceptable

Manners make the man…or woman, as the case may be. During the Victorian age in England, proper etiquette was key in achieving self-worth and respect. From day to day social behavior, to personal relationships, etiquette during the time that Arcadia took place (in the early 1800’s) was a dominant force effecting the actions of the people. They are all very well-thought ideals.

Socially acceptable…
• When in the company of multiple acquaintances, it is offensive for one to blatantly inquire about the time.

• The only proper gifts to be given to those people other than one’s relatives include exclusively books, flowers, music, and confectionery of sorts.

• Upon one’s first encounter with a new acquaintance, it is not acceptable for one address the other in a less than formal manner.

• All greetings should be carried out with the same tone of voice–no favoritism should be shown.

• Despite your interest, or lack thereof, it is only proper to show apparent sympathy with the situation at hand.

• When you are accompanied by a companion while traveling, it is customary to inquire about their preference in routes, and consequently, use that route.

• You should always greet someone and call them by their correct title: sir, madam, miss, lord, lady, etc. 

Questions:
• Did you know any of them?
• Which ones?
• How many are still in affect?
• Do you do any of them?
• Why they are important?

A book called “Georgisms” is a great manner book. It was written by George Washington throughout his life - starting when he was very young. Simple manners makes one pleasant to be around.

Coming Next: Part II Table Manners

I am also writing for the Girlhood Home Companion by the Novak’s. Please subscribe to it to read my articles coming in future issues.

"Learn to close your eyes"

10:44 PM - Friday, January 11, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

“What do you do when you can see through anything?”

Clark Kent asked his mom as he looked through a wall with his x-ray vision. This was on SMALLVILLE, so you may not have seen it.   The reply his mother gave, I thought, was very wise. “You learn to close your eyes,” was her simple answer.   I have felt for a couple days that I should write a post about the subject of Modesty and learning to close your eyes, heart, and mind to the evil of the world. Mother  has posted 2 posts about Swimwear & Modesty and such, which is probably why I’ve been thinking about this. Also SuperAngel  was reading the bible to us last night, and the verse she was reading struck me funny.

Isaiah 6: 9-10… “Then I (Isaiah) said, “Here am I! Send me” And He said, “Go, and tell this people: Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive. Make the heart of this people dull, and their ears heavy, and shut their eyes: Lest they see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and return and be healed.”  

This verse is very well spoken, in my opinion. The Lord is saying, Keep your heart closed to my Word and do not hear with your ears, but when you are ready to come back to me and you want to see with your eyes and open your heart, the Lord will be ready to heal you; and he will, over and over and over.   But lets talk about Isaiah. He said, “Here I am, Lord send me!” Now, if you are wondering what my point is, I’ll tell you. When you can do anything or see anything, and in our world today of free thinkers, we as Americans think it is ok to NOT close our eyes. Especially Christians.  

Let me give you my definition of a Christian: In today’s world, a Christian is someone who believes in Jesus as their savior but fails to live TOTALLY biblically. They do what’s right to a point, but when it comes to dressing modestly, their schooling choices, church and other such things they discard what they know to be true. Some people don’t know, and they are deceived, but, they should know, because, Bibles are readily available, even at the local Wal-Mart.        On the subject of HSing… I have often heard this phrase used: “My children are being a witness in their school.” People often say this when confronted with the idea of HSing. We, of course, don’t bring the subject up unless it pertains to us but people often feel the need to defend themselves, anyway. I 100% disagree with PS and will NEVER put my children in it. I enjoy teaching young children and it will be a great joy when I have own.  

So, “What do you do when you can see through anything?” As a believer and as a biblical young lady, I find this very disturbing to see Christians knowing they should close their eyes but don’t. I see girls running around in 2 potato chips and a Band-Aid, as Mom recently heard. Movies and cars, girlfriends and boyfriends are things that Christian young adults just need to close their eyes about. Why is it that a parent can’t protect their son or daughter about dating and hold them accountable? Why can we not be totally apart from the world? The Lord did not say, “You are in the world so blend in as best as you can.” No, He said, “You are in the world NOT of the world.”

I don’t date (Never have never will).I saw where another blogger posted a requirement list for her daughter's future husband. I don’t dress immodestly (I always have a skirt on that goes well below my knees – not tight- and only wear long t-shirts at home. In fact, I am too embarrassed to wear anything that would show skin. I have never been able to wear a shirt if it did not come to the middle of my backside. Another thing about being modest is we all of us women in our family have long hair. Having short hair would make me look like a boy and unfeminine so, and I don’t watch every movie that comes out.  Mom and Dad preview it first to make sure it is appropriate. I don’t need to see everything in movies. The more I’m away from those things the less I know. To close this post I would like to ask everyone to stop by Mom’s; and read up on her posts. I am open to comments, but please no open debates. I thought I would post a little list of requirements for my future husband. Overall I will do what He says but I think it would be good for me to check these things out first.

  1. The young man needs to ask my father for permission to court or see me.

2. He has to be a biblical believer and know the Lord. He should have a role of leadership.

3. HSing would be another issues, because I would like to home educate my children and I think it is important.

4. We would have to agree about the way to raise children, such as spanking and discipline. The number of children will also be discussed.

5. Eating habits, sleep times (Because I am not an earlier riser unless I have to be. I am a night owl… LOL ).

6. I don’t want in-laws like Ray Ramon’s…

7. I am attracted to brown, curly hair, so if the Lord could grant that wish, I would be grateful.

This is just a few. I’m sure I will add more.

Fine Attire

10:38 PM - Friday, January 11, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

I wrote this poem for the Girlhood, in which it’s published, but I thought I would share it with you. Working on the “After Highschool” series and writing on the role of women, modesty, and Biblical-living has made me ponder a lot on how we view ourselves as women/young ladies. In everything we do, let it be for His glory and not ours.

On The Journey To…Becoming… Me

10:34 PM - Friday, January 11, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

P.I.M. (Poison Ivy Maiden)
I have poison ivy. I’ve had it for about a month now, off and on. The reason for the itchy spots on my arms is not from my adventures in the wild nor foolish play, but because I’ve had to get goats, thus walking through poison ivy. I can’t hold Lucy or really touch her until it’s gone. On top of that the mosquitoes have been horrible. Within the last week alone millions have come out and you can no longer walk out the front door without getting swarmed. I am a poison ivy plant covered in mosquito bites! I. am. so. itchy.

Last week I asked mom if I could just wear my under-shirt (tank-top) because the poison ivy on my arms were so itchy and my sleeve was just rubbing against it. It was late, and all the boys were in bed, so mom let me wear it alone. I felt naked with nothing covering my shoulders, though, and in a way embarrassed.

Here in the Dixon house…
We don’t wear tank-tops, swimsuits (as if we ever go swimming), or shorts. Even the boys are not allowed to wear above-the-knee shorts. Pants and knee-length shorts are the only thing they can wear. The girls usually dress in skirts, unless working in the mosquito infested barn/yard.

Mom, being the one who stays home and dresses us and buys most of our clothing, has to keep an eye on what we wear. I have not always agreed with her idea and rules about the clothes we can wear, but over the past few years I have come to realise the Biblical obligation to wear modest clothing, and it is not long “their” rule. Wearing shoulder-less shirts (tank-top, spaghetti-straps, bikinis) and shorts/tight jeans are immodest IMHO. As Christians young ladies we should be defined by many things, including the clothes we wear, how much make-up we put on, and the way we look at boys (Proverbs 9:13-15). We are, someday, going to marry (Genesis 2:18-24, 1 Timothy 2:13-15) and we want to be as pure and modest as we can for Prince Charming.

My Long Road To Femininity…
In 2005 when I played softball I wore shorts that came just above my knees. I was comfortable wearing them, and I hated skirts. Wearing skirts was stupid and they were for the ‘goody-goody’ homeschool families, whose daughters did nothing but cook and clean. After mom bought me a skirt, against my wishes, and I wore it a few times.. I realised that I felt pretty in skirts and they defined me from other girls and boys. It’s not too often you see a girl in a knee-length skirt.

I started reading the Bible more, instead of fighting against it, and reading about keeper at home and what that meant. It didn’t seem like such a burden as it did before. I suppose it was presented to me in a bad light in the beginning, and I think that’s why so many are against it (and also they want what they want so they have a circumstantial-faith).

My sister was no help and all the things that these “goody-goody’ homeschool families” did made me feel like a terrible person if I didn’t want to wear skirts and be a ’servant’. But as I started to take interest in the KAH idea and read the Word, I got a better understanding of a keeper at home was… I wanted to follow. I have found that in a way Jesus was *just* what a keeper at home is defined as. He was humble, obedient, loyal to his Father’s will, and self-less. The femininity-view today is completely opposite, which is why we have scantily-clad girls walking around. They can dress how they want to; it’s their body. That is why I don’t think it’s up to one person to determine if their apparel is immodest. If we did that than we’d have a few more Brittany Spears and Sharpay (HS Musical) walking around, both believers and unbelievers. Eeek! We have to rely on our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to help us in our walk as Paul wrote many times.

My Heart Changed…
I don’t know when or why my opinion of the matter changed, but it did. Maybe it was the Lord changing me into the person who was going to be writing to you today (and for the past year and half). BUT what if I hadn’t listened? Who would I be today, and would you all still think highly of me?

As I’ve learned sometimes we really really really have to lay down our ideals and our opinions of things like this and listen to… Him, who is the Holy one. I used to fight my mom about being feminine because I was fine just the way I was, but I found that mom wasn’t trying to mold me to be just like so-and-so. She was just trying to follow the Word.

After that I was in complete agreement with the feminine idea, but I did take it too seriously and thought everyone who didn’t do the same was wrong. My view on this has also changed - rather than being judgmental, I just try to understand (because I was once at that place) and be ‘light’. I realised that wearing pants isn’t immodest if you’re a girl, but that wearing a skirt makes you more feminine. It’s not a matter of modesty.

The Bible says…
In Proverbs (31:25) that “Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in the time to come”. We should not worry so much about clothing that is become an uncomfortable subject. We should just dress modestly so we can also cloth our ourselves in strength and honour in our Lord so that when the time comes (when He returns) we may rejoice.

This verse is very similar…1 Peter 3: 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

The most commonly used verse is probably 1 Timothy 2:9, “In like manner also, that woman adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls or costly array.” I think that Paul was not trying to make women look as plain as they could, but he was really trying to tell them that it’s not gold, pearls or costly array that makes a women modest and pure, which is another reason not to spend money on the latest-and-greatest fashion.

How are you displaying your modesty?
Like the world defines it or how God does? It’s not complicated unless you disagree with it - and only then do things become unclear as I found when people try to debate the Word and God.

As I walk down this road, I am striving to please one and only one, Jesus Christ, the saviour of the world.

*This was not written to push my ideals on anyone, but to simply share them in all Christian-love and humility. I am still learning and growing in the Lord. I do not profess to “know it all” nor do I.

Jocelyn, A Pondering Heart

Scripture To Ponder: 1 Peter 3:1-6

10:04 PM - Friday, January 11, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible,

even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement" (1 Peter 3:1-6).

Let's Just Praise The LORD

12:14 AM - Thursday, November 15, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

Please consider joining me for Saturday Psalm & Praise. It is a meme I started, just to have a place each week we can go to read others' posts about Praise and Worshiping the LORD.

I always have a Mr. Linky to sign, but putting one on your post is optional!

Blessings!

~Jacque

Why Did God Make Mothers?

11:59 PM - Wednesday, November 14, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

1Peter 5
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

 9Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.

 2Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;

 3Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being examples to the flock.

 5Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

 6Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

 7Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Jeremiah 29

11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Oh thank you LORD. Your Word is life. Thank you for the words we need as mothers to hold their hearts in You. Thank you for the Words of admonishment and encouragement so we can keep our sanity and stay rested in You.

Blessings!

Jacque

Seeking Rest In The Ancient Paths

Planting the WORD, Reaping...

6:21 PM - Friday, November 9, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

I was at a friend's blog tonight, and I was reminded of a chunk of wisdom a dear friend once imparted me, and I had to share it:

A friend of mine once described putting the WORD in as planting a good seed that, as it grows and fluorishes, it pushes the bad weeds up and out. And, that is not easy, either. We are talking about roots that we let grow in our children's lives that we must replace with the WORD and allow the WORD to work out the bad... and help and nurture as it is pushed out. The moral was that, just remember: the more of the WORD you put in, the more weeds will surface. Don't give up when you see them. Just know that the weeds will be gone and the WORD is going to be what is left very soon.

What Is Wrong With Girls These Days?

6:24 PM - Saturday, November 3, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

I know that is too far-encompassing a question to adequately cover in a blog-post, but this is sad, sickening and outright WRONG!

I understand we live in this world, in these times... some women must work. Women get jobs and take their babies to daycare, and then they go earn a pittance which usually really does not adequately cover expenses and needs - especially when there are so many other wants out there... and I won't get started on where was the husband or father (no, I don't know if she was married, divorced or single)...

but THIS is wrong:

This Wednesday, Oct. 31, 2007 police booking photo, provided by the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office in Phoenix, shows Ashly Duchene. 22, who was arrested after her 17-month-old son was found dead in her hot, stuffy car following her seven-hour shift as a Hooters waitress in Phoenix. (Maricopa County Sheriff's Office)

Can you even imagine the poor little baby? I keep thinking of Caleb, who is 2 1/2, crying, sweating, suffering in 100' heat in his car seat. Miserable. And, gasping for air, and all he could get was hot, dry air... suffocating.

Moms, do we not understand how important it is to create a love and a treasure in our daughters' hearts for these beautiful little blessings? I know they have stinky diapers. I know they spit up ... and throw tantrums and scream when they don't get their ways - so what?

They are treasures. They ARE blessings. Last week we went through a series of comments about Caleb, who can be terribly trying at (many) times during ... an HOUR! He went from being called "Ca-Bug" a few months ago, to being called everything from "Tyrant" to "Destroyer".  I mean, when it takes all of 5 minutes to dump out 2 baskets of laundry, get a bowl of apples down from the counter, spill some water on the floor and go into the bathroom to "miss the toilet", well, you can see he earned those names.

However, as I pointed out in a moment of one - or maybe a few- children going on about his terrorizing antics: He is a Blessing! As a matter of fact, I let him know that fact in no uncertain terms. I told him that He IS a blessing, and he WILL act like it from now on. Period. He will. I will help him, but everyone is done telling him he is not a blessing.

After all, he has lived in this house long enough to pick up enough of all of our bad habits, and though our human bent is towards sin, well, it isn't ALL his problem! A LOT of it is mine and Daddy's and his siblings' habits he is emulating, and the lack of Spiritual Fruit in our own lives. Just more stuff to work on.

And, while I am sticking my neck out here... I'll go a little further, Moms... PLEASE please please just know that it starts before the baby is born. Whether it is yours or a friends, acquaintance's... someone at church or on the street. What do you say about it? Can you imagine all I have heard in my 18 years of having 8 children?

Psalm 111:10
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.

It all starts when they find out we are expecting again. I am talking about christian people, not joe-advocate for the 2-child family, here. Here are some of the lovely things I have really heard:

First of all, our pastor told Matt, "Now don't you go getting her pregnant right away, now." Glad he didn't listen. Amanda came along 10months and 16 days later. What a blessing she would have been to miss.

Another 'friend' gave me her condolences after finding out we were expecting Rachel, #3. Then, when we had 'another girl', she laughed at the fact that we didn't even have a boy. Yes, older than I and a Believer for longer. Great mature-in-the-Lord attitude, huh?

I have had men and women ask, "don't you know what causes that?".

"Man, are these all yours?"

"Are you done yet?"

Those are starters, and it continues during the pregnancy from there. Then, I get to hear things like, "Wow, I'll bet you are miserable!" And, "Well, at least you only have a few months left."

Blah Blah Blah. Complain. Complain. Complain. Have I always been happy to be pregnant? Yes. Have I always cherished my actual 'Being pregnant'? No, not always. But, when I actually looked at what I was complaining about and the fact that this time with my dear Little One in my belly, I knew it was a time of Joy, not complaining. God said I am blessed to be expecting, who is anyone to tell me different? Was I always happhappy-joyjoy? Um, NO. But, I learned to not complain and do whatever else to bless my children before they were born.

Can you hear all the complaining and all the hatred and discontent for the pregnancies? Can you see why abortion is such an accepted option? "Oh, I want some drugs... gimme drugs... just knock me out and take the baby out." Yes, and God gave us this process for many reasons. Natural childbirth. We have taken it to such an educated level, we have lost what God gave us as women to emotionally handle our pregnancies, ourbirths and our babies. We have exchanged that and medical benefits to our babies of natural childbirth for our own convenience and comfort.

And, why am I even asking the question, "What is wrong with girls these days?" I guess it should be "What is wrong with us women these days?".

I am sure this mom did not intend to kill her baby. IF she truly did forget, then that is a neglectful heart toward her own child. How can you forget? Maybe she couldn't afford child care that day and thought the baby would be ok. I don't know. All I know is that she didn't think of him for 7 hours. What is wrong with her?

Psalm 127:3

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

People think Matt and I are irresponsible by bearing and raising 8 responsible, well-rounded children, and she had this one, and she killed him. We need to wake up to the attitudes we place or allow into our children's hearts - out of our own mouths, in their friendship circles, on tv, in movies. Wake up Mom. It is your responsibility to train your daughters, not society's, not the public school system's - or the church's. Yours.

blessings! -Jacque