April 8 1995

On this date 13 years ago I lost my grandfather , Bubba.  I was 25 when he was called home, he was 72.  Bubba died from cancer.  The cancer started in his lungs and spread to his brain, throat, breast.  Bubba lost the long hard fight.  I remember when we (me, mom, grandma) took him to the Dr.'s.  I did not want to go but they made me because I made him relax where no else could.  I was sitting out front with Bubba , he was in his wheelchair, we were picking flowers ( I still have them and wear what is left of one in a medicine bag around my neck).  Bubba told me no more cemo.  I told him no he still needs to fight it, but he said he is done.  I remember just hugging him with tears running down my face.  Grandma and mom come out and looked at me, they knew.  They were so glad I came and was able to get him to relax and just being there with and for him and were glad he told me, because he did not tell either one of them.

You see Bubba is like my dad also. My father left my life before I was 1 year old.  Bubba became my dad, role model in my life( I got my daddy when I was 12 years old).  I walked 1st to him, he taught me how to play games , throw a ball, catch a ball and so much more.  I became his favorite person, it was my mom, but I took over.  I loved to sit on the deck with him and grandma just listening to them talk about the old days, to hear him sing, to feel his hugs and to see the love in his eyes as well as the I am proud of you look in his eyes.  My wedding day is real special because Bubba picked it out.  My husband now , at that time boyfriend and I were living together ( before Jesus)  Bubba said no more he said you guys are getting married on March 16 and that's that!  We were going to get married, we just did not know when.

As his time was coming shorter I spent as much time as I could with him at my aunt's house 25 miles away, he was in hospice there.  He would just light up when he say me and the girls.  The baby was just 3 then and she would climb on his bed and hug and kiss him, hold his hand and just love him.   Her older sisters loved and hugged him to , but it was harder on them to stay in the room.  The baby just could not leave his side.  A few days before he went home he thought she was me, he would call her by my nick name.

The day came when I got the call from my dad ( step dad but real to me)  he told me it does not look good.  I jump in my dads truck drop off the babies with a friend and got the 25 mile drive in 9 minutes.  I remember walking into aunties house and seeing everyone around her kitchen table I smiled at daddy and said you are right when you go over 100 mile an hour the speedometer just goes up back to the other side.  Daddy asked how far up I said to 20  miles per hour, he just smile and says's you were going over 120 miles an hour.  I smiled and said know wonder I got here so fast.  I start down the hall to his room daddy and mom and grandma call to me before I got to his room, but I did not stop.  I walk in and look at him , I thought he was sleeping, but then I looked and his chest did not move, he had gone home.  I sat there kissing his hand , crying, talking to him, stroking his head telling him thank you for all he has done for me , the girls and my husband , for being such a good role model for me.  I walked out daddy, mom and grandma said we tried to tell you.  I told them it would not have mattered.   I went in the room with grandma a few minutes later to help get him ready for the corner, every one else went out back.  Grandma and I took off all the hospital stuff of him and made him look like Bubba again.  I brushed his hair and removed the gold chain he always wore and put it on.  I still wear it to this day.   The corner came I stayed with grandma, I remember they were wheeling him out to the living room towards the door and I wanted to yell for them to put him back he is not dead, but he was.

At his funeral it was very hard because I could not believe he was gone.  I loved it when they gave me his flag, mom leaned over and said I had to give it to grandma, I said no as I was shaking my head NO.  I did give it to her with the promise I would get it later.  She kept her word I had about 2 years later and still do.

It has been 13 years but it still feel like yesterday to me.  Grandma went to be with him on 12-15-2001.  I miss her so much too, but this is his day.

God Bless, mj