Thunderwolf Ranch

The Bible says to love one another , but how can I love these people??

The Bible says to love one another but some people I just can't love yet.  I am asking a few questions. 

How can I love someone who molested your child at the tender age of 4 years old?   ( from all the Dr reports he did more than just molest her, but he was found guilty of just the molestation).  I know God calls us to love everyone, but I just can't him.   I have be trying to forgive him , just for peace within me, and I have got a lot better but just not there 100% yet.

My husband says's it would be easier for me to forgive him if you would admit what hit did and say he was sorry for it.   I was in court over this for 12-13 years .  He is my ex-husband.  He was found guilty  but, that was it!  He lost all his rights to her, but no jail time, nothing .  But he was able to keep us in court for many, many, MANY years trying to get his rights to my daughter back, it never happened, but we were never able to close the book and recover, heal. 

I also have a hard time loving his mom.  My ex's mom.  As for she kidnapped my daughter 5 times.  Yup you read it right 5 times!!!  Yet again the courts and law did such a good job protecting my daughter.  Yup they did nothing!  We got my daughter back  and they did nothing. 

Know how I am to love these people?    I have forgiven his mother , because she has admitted she did wrong.  I have forgiven her father but, to a point  but not all the way. 

I hate how my daughter call him dad now and has a relationship with him.  She lets him keep the babies with out her for a week and he lives in another state.  I do not trust him.  My daughter tells me his daughter by his wife now is showing signs of sexual abuse, but it is ok for him to keep the grand-babies.  I do not see this at all.  We fight her on this.   He was also driving 3 states away to take kids from his church to go see different band, by his self!!!  The church has no idea what he has done and what he was found guilty of.  I would want to know who was taking my children to these places and I do find out before I send my children .

What is sad and wrong is if I was to say anything I am in the wrong!!  I do not get that.  A few weeks ago Dr. Phil had a show on sexual predators and how they live close to everyone and you might not even know it.  I was sitting here talking back to him.  I will tell you what I was talking back to him about.  At least these people have to register as a sexual offender and you can keep track of them, but what about the ones they do not make register?  Those are the one you are not aware of, the ones you can't track and see where they live.  You just have no clue!  That is my ex, he did not have to register ,  nothing.  You would never know what he did unless I told you.  I do have tons and I do mean tons of court, dr, cps, paper work to prove it, and most of all the courts paper work that found him guilty.

What is sad is I told his wife by mistake. Yes by mistake.  We were talking during a visit when my daughter wanted to see him to talk to him about the trouble she was having because of what he did to her.  His wife told me that maybe my daughter could start seeing him know because I was letting him see her because I would not before.  I told her (his wife) that the reason he does not see her is because he lost his rights to her because he was found guilty of molesting her.  His wife was shocked.  I did not know he did not tell her.

Any way back to the subject, I am having a hard time loving these people.  God is working in me because I do not feel the anger as bad as I used to.  Yes, it is still there just it does not run as deep.  I know a lot of it has to do with my daughter not living at home and not dealing with these everyday.

Yes, the daughter who this happened to is my Michelle.  The one with all the problems.  I feel she has so many of the problem she has due to she never got to close the door on his abuse to her and her kidnapping.  Her father kept us in court for so long trying to get his rights back.  Then as an older teen she brought him back into her life and he is still there.  She never got a chance to fully heal from this. 

I am still working on this.  Just had to share.  God Bless. mj 

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{ 04:15, 2008-Mar-28 } { Posted by glenda }

oh sweetie my heart is breaking over this..
I can not tell you how you should handle this. I know that for me if i was you I would have to say Lord I DO NOT LOVE THIS PERSON. I DO NOT LIKE THIS PERSON. BUT I WILL CHOOSE TO LOVE HIM THRU YOU.. LORD.. Now mind you just because the Lord has told us to love does not mean we have to allow these people to keep hurting us.. I do believe that we are allowed to keep away from these type of people. I pray for your daughter. Does she remember any of the things that happened to her? My heart goes out to you.. I will keep you in my prayers
glenda

I am so sorry

{ 06:02, 2008-Mar-28 } { Posted by NYLass }

Dear MJ
I am grieving over this. The court system perpetuates abuse and I am so sorry you have had to deal with not just what your husband did, but what the courts continued to do.
I would like to encourage you in your faith. Christ was loving the money changers when he overturned the tables( Mathew 21:12). John was loving the Pharisees, when he called them a brood of vipers (John 3:7). Love hates what is evil (Am 5:15). You are not sinning in hating what this man did to you, your marriage and your precious daughter. And as long as he continues to be unrepentant in his sin the church is to turn him over to satan, that he might see his sin and repent. Since this is not happening ALL involved are still being wounded. To struggled the way that you speak of in the blog is not sin, it is grief and righteous anger, but not sin.

I am so sorry that this is happening and STILL happening. You will be in my prayers.

Edited by NYLass on 2008-Mar-28 at 08:08

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{ 07:01, 2008-Mar-28 } { Posted by Kitty }

I know how you feel somewhat. My ex husband was very very abusive to me and my son. And no matter what he did to us his mother always took his side. I never experienced what you have, the sexual abuse or the kidnapping, but abuse and neglect yes. I was one of the lucky ones I guess, he was more about his money than his children so he stayed away. I told him if he wanted to see the kids he had to pay child support. I knew he wouldn't, and he never did. He removed himself from their lives and that was that. Thank God. But its funny that you would talk about your ex mil, I opened the newspaper this afternoon to see her picture in the obituaries. She died yesterday morning.
Im also lucky in the fact that neither one of my kids want anything to do with their father, so I have no worries there. As for your dd letting him see the grandbabies, I asume she remembers what happened to her and if she still lets him see them, she either has a forgiving heart and trust in God for their safty, or she is playing with fire. Especially if she sees signs of abuse in her half sister now.
And as for you forgiving them, my greatest help was the fact that I would tell myself that he missed out on two of the most precious people God put on this earth. He missed their growing up, the graduations, ect. He is alone, divorced again, and has lost his entire family and now his mother. I always knew he would end up alone. Try to find peace in your heart about this, ask God to take all bitterness, because it only hurts you in the long run.......good luck with all of this.............Kitty

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{ 09:21, 2008-Mar-28 } { Posted by gabbie427 }

I am grieving over this as well. I am infuriated that he was found guilt and yet spent no time in jail and does not have to register.

However, I do believe it is your duty to protect your daughter until she is 18 and explain to her if he did it once, he may possibly (most likely), do it again. If she is sending her children over there, she is putting them in danger and should be stopped!!!!

As for the forgiveness, my Ex did alot of things too (too many to go into here), and God lead me to pray for him every day. No I didn't want to, and I fought with God about this a long time, but eventually I did. I don't like the man, and I don't want to have anything to do with him, but I don't wish harm on him, and I still pray for him every day! It has helped me heal alot to do this.

*HUGS* I wish I could give you a big hug, and talk some sense into your daughter though. Please set her down and have a heart to heart with her. Offer to keep the kids instead of sending them to his house unsupervised!

God's Blessings,
Amy Jo

Prayers

{ 05:39, 2008-Mar-29 } { Posted by 3jemsmom }

MJ~
There is no power on earth greater than the power of prayer. Talk to God. Tell him you can't forgive this alone, but that you give it to him, and he will forgive it for you. Place your worries on the Lord, and if they come back, do it again. I'm praying right now that the Lord grants you peace in your soul once and forever for this. I pray for the safety of your daughter, your grandbabies, and his other daughter. I pray for the safety of the other children he comes daily in contact with. And for you, MJ, I pray that the Lord will touch HIS heart, and that he will finally admit his sins, and ask forgiveness, from God if not from you. I ask for healing in all of this, for each person affected by his sinful actions, and those of his mother. I ask God to watch over you now and protect you, as you stand strong in the face of such trials. May the peace of God come to you now, and remain with you always. Amen
Shari

I'm so sorry

{ 06:01, 2008-Mar-29 } { Posted by jatie }

I know how difficult this must be for you, please understand that you are not alone..so many of us have dealt with different forms of abuse, and yes the worst kind of all...it being someone in our family doing the abusing.
I've found that although it's not always possible to forgive them in person, we have to forgive them in our own heart. Jesus forgave and asked His Father to forgive the ones that did terrible, horrible, painful things to Him and then hung Him on that cross and watched Him die . I know it's difficult but if our goal is be 'like' Jesus we must forgive, or we will not be forgiven..and we certainly don't want to be apart from our Lord. God will guide you, He knows your heart. God Bless You

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{ 01:31, 2008-Mar-30 } { Posted by Schatzi }

Oh my....I have no advice for you, but know that I will be praying...we sure fight against the principalities of darkness everyday....never stop praying.

Bless you dear sister,

Connie
......"Oh God Almighty....how can we possible forgive people who do such dispicable things....we cannot never forgive on our own strength...this family Lord is suffering and I ask that you comfort them...that Your vengence would be upon the sinful, not ours. Give grace and mercy to this family...God, please bring healing to this mom and please, Lord protect these grandbabies....and show the other person the sin he has in his heart and how he desperately needs Your and Your forgivesness....please Lord God, bring healing and protection....In Jesus name Amen!"

Edited by Schatzi on 2008-Mar-30 at 03:32

((((Hugs))))

{ 07:30, 2008-Mar-30 } { Posted by ourlilhomestead }

I am so sorry your daughter (and you) have gone through so much!! I will be praying for you, her, your grandbabies & every one else who comes in contact with your ex.
What part of So Cali are you from? I was born & raised in Santa Clarita ..... near Magic Mountain.

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{ 01:55, 2008-Sep-11 } { Posted by Anonymous }

Dear Sister-In-Christ Sweet Woman of God and Strong Tower for Many,

My Heart if filled with Love and Prayers for You & Your Family. What a Godly Husband you must have for him to be supportive, strong, encouraging and understanding through all those years. Watching the duress his wife was endearing during such tragic times. Praise God!

I felt Your Wounded Heart & the burning Tears that stung as they ran down your cheek. The Lord is Good, Kind and Faithful. For it is the Lord who wipes away each tear and contains it. In His Word it says, “He knows every hair on our head“. He said, “He will Never Leave you or Forsaken you“. The Word say’s, “Those who sow in tears will reap in Joy”. “For the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne shepherds them, and leads them to springs of waters of life. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

I too have endured a few hardships. I feel sad for all your Losses, Broken Dreams and Lost Hopes. The lost time spent dealing with your experience. The Good Times you didn’t have. The people who did not understand or wouldn’t listen, or worse you couldn‘t say. Sadness you experienced each time you went to court and the let downs from the outcome you were left with. To not get relief, to see or feel any “Just Punishment Served” for the damage you personally endured and your family suffered.

The Word says, “Vengeance is Mine Say-eth the Lord“. Our “Justice System” is No Match for the King. For His Judgment is Eternal and the Only Way Out is John 3:16.

As a Mother We Love So Deeply. We Hurt So Badly, We Feel Everything that Happens to Our Children and don’t Understand Why Not take Me instead, Why Her, Why Them? This is Why Jesus Came.

God couldn’t stand, His Precious Children, His Daughters in Pain. And I Hope as the Others Prayed for your Ex’s Repentance, Salvation, Safety & Peace for Everyone. I Pray for them of course but I Pray for You as You Are The One Still Suffering & Anguished. I’m sure it feels like it is relentless & never-ending. But, that just isn’t so.

You are His Princess, as we do not understand the why for’s and why not’s. And God knows I certainly don’t always agree with His Way or as a Child I Fear what His Plan might be. But, I know He is in Charge & Control. It is in Him and through His Mercy and Grace that I may have His Strength to Over Come the Past and Heal through His Supernatural Touch, His Divine Forgiveness. For He Has and Will Continue to Give Me the ability to Embrace the Gift and Power to Forgive those Who have Harmed me & there are many. We would be here all day if I shared my story! He has the Power and Saving Grace.

The hardest thing to do is Let Your Babies Go. (I can most certainly attest for that.) I have ten babies with the Lord. Today, I can I am a wonderful mom. In-spite of that fact. I have two children not in my home that I think should be. As Christian Families we are under attack from the Principalities & Rulers of Darkness. My children aren’t with me but, I gave as much Jesus to them as I knew how. And The Word Says they will not depart from it. But, don’t just let them go. Gently and ever so Carefully Give to Him Everything you have including your Grandbabies. Then, ask Him if He Will Help You to Forgive. The enemy keeps us linked to the past by beating us with guilt and doubt. As hard as you tried to Protect your daughter I’m sure you Blamed Yourself and beat yourself up heaped on piles of shame and remorse wondering how you could have prevented it, done something different, if…if. So, while you Ask for help to forgive him, ask for help to Forgive You too, you did the best you knew how. Because his actions are not your fault! And just incase you had accusations, of where was your God? God was with you and your daughter all the way through!

Unfortunately your Ex. exercised his Sinful right to use his OWN Freedom of will and sinful nature. Sinning is Not God’s Will. And the woman who was brought to Jesus and the Townsmen wanted her stoned to death (it was the way back then) due to her sins. Jesus thought about it then drew a line in the dirt. Whosever has not sinned may cast the first stone. She was repentant however, would she have been had she not had the chance too?
As I read your story and felt the heartache for you & your and painful memories. The fears you have for your daughter, & maybe (God understands & knows our Hearts ) feel a little betrayed for all that you did to protect her from your Ex to her spending time with him let alone the Grandbabies too! The helplessness you may feel for her & you’re grandbabies each day that goes by.

Most People who have not walked even 10 feet in some peoples shoes let alone a mile could comprehend; The Great Strength and Courage, it took to look in the face of your child, have the perseverance to go into the Courts deal with Officials, and Society as a whole. (Whom they themselves believe they know better.) I Hope this comes out the way it is meant to. When you can't say anything and it hurts So Bad, and everyone is tired of dealing with it or hearing about it or denies it, or wants to pretend nothing has happened You (We/I) are still doing what we know is right. The Humiliation & of people knowing your business to Look Society in the Face and after the grief and sorrow You (I/we) have had to Stand against, to result in what appears to be for nothing. May God Bless them Who Judge and Give them Gratitude for they were probably spared because they couldn't have handled it. We are persecieved as weak but, not many would Stand Tall & Walk with the Dignity & Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and do What Mother’s like you or I have done for our Children. Please remember what we do as Mothers for Our Children is not for Nothing and does not go down in vain for the God of Jacob, Isaac, and Jacob Saw it All, and He Will take care of it. If You Let him.

My Dear Sister in Christ, as Dramatic as this may have come across this was my thorough intent. Sweet Princess You Deserve to be Validated. I Hope & Pray your daughter will Give you Respect & Honor for the Good Fight You Fought For Her. She will acknowledge that you worked so hard to Protect her! Mine did two days ago and so much more! She Thanked Me.

May God Bless You and Hold You in the Palm of His Hand Where Your Name is Engraved! Forgiveness set me Free. Forgiveness gave me Peace. Forgiveness let me off the Hook. I had started to wallow in self pity and honestly bitterness was starting to creep in that’s sad & not a good way to show Jesus. I was raised a Strong Christian & Forgiving was the way to go and then life happened! Sweet Sister, people want to be around me more and I enjoy me more don’t Forgive him for him, Forgive him for You, for Your God, for Your Good Husband and all the Children/Grandchildren you have. Or someone who may need you to understand their pain.
You never know when you will be called on to serve, what if your daughter calls upon you for the needs of Your Grandbabies? You don’t want to have this bondage holding you back.
I can not share my story (only little bits here or there) story, but Praying for yours helped me feel better too. I’m sorry you hurt! Thank you for helping me.
God Bless, His Lil Princess
I wish I could sit down at a soda shop and you could let it all out. God Bless You!