Thunderwolf Ranch

Thank you for your comments , this is why i asked , help please

I had to ask that question, because I am hurt ( bad) by what my hubby does.

He will go fishing to mexico for 8 days every year but the last 2. He will fly to see his friends and go hunting in texas and gerogia for 5 + days. He will go away for the weekend to go to fishing, go gold panning for the weekend and he goes day fishing during the summer ocean fishing only. Stuff like that, but he will not spend a day with me doing what I want. I have asked for year for equal amount of time , if he is gone for 8 days can we as a family have 8 days?no never done, fishing for 3 days, can we have 3 days? not in many years. I have asked for a silly thing for my birthday for the last 2 1/2 yrs. I want to got to disneyland ( my birthday is in november) see all the christmas lights , see it snow and have a family picture taken there , just have fun. Ok some back ground, I have a service dog so we do not have to wait in lines, we just walk up the exits ( sorry) so we can do alot in a few hours. Every year except the last 2 me and my daughters would dress up the dog ( put a hat on him) for each years picture ( raindeer, santa hat etc..)  and have a picture of the girls with the the dog and santa, ( they family loves the pictures) ( ok me too) hubby did not go.( one year when when it was raining my best friend and her daughter, mom went to disneyland and it was raing so the dog marty had on his mickey mouse rain coat with mouse ears) ( ok we have fun with him) So i asked for the last 2 years if we could do it with our 2 daughter at home and hubby and me , he all ways said yes , but we never did. He could not take the time for me ,but he did go to texas to go hunting for 4 days in november right after my birthday and one year he went to georgia on my bithday to go hunting. We use to go to pimo beach a few times a year  a long time ago the last time we as a family was there is was to burry my grandma all most 4 years ago. The girls and i went but not hubby, so i sold the house and our rv trailer after a year of no use. I have asked for a few days away with just him for years i never get that, but he will go away for 8 + days to do what he wants. Help I feel like I am nothing, he does not spend time with me, like i need. He says he is trying this year , we have gone out to dinner 2 times this year, to give him a chance , i want to but it hurts to be let down for the last 18 years!!, How can i let go of this hurt? His mom is in the hospital in las vegas he goes to see her every other weekend and then works saturday the weekend he does not go to see her, ok then we can do some thing after work right ( he works till noon) , no, we can't sunday we are at church from 11am to 1:30 pm and back again at 5:30 pm to 8 pm. I am green eyed at the time he spend with his mom ( that is sad I know, but it time with some one else , he give when i do not get any). I want time with my hubby, how much easyer can i ask than 6 hours at disneyland for my birthday?, (We girls even gave up our yearly passes to disneyland)  He says it is also because of my allergies he wont go with me any where. I have anaplyxasis shock to things. But if i can take the girls camping to the beach (pismo) by my self ( he would not go with us) have a yearly pass to disneyland and do stuff with the girls whay can't he do stuff with us or me??? .It was to the point for many years that he did his own vacation ( still does) and us girls did stuff. I got tired of it I want to do stuff as a family and a few days just me and hubby( one would be nice). We would go see his mom in az at the river for 4+ days  and he said that was my vaction. I told him that is not fair , if it was my vaction we should do some thing i enjoyed instead of having no choice to go to his moms. I love his mom so much ,I like to see her too,  it is not that, it is he made time for her and not me. There was also one year i gave him same dates in jan for a few days off in may ( he said if i gave him enough notice he would do it)  so he said ok he will put the dates in at work( he get 3 weeks vacation a year and if he want to go fishing they pay him while he is fishing and even for his trip , they even fly him up north to fish , his time off paid , his flight paid, he hotel paid, his food paid, aren't they nice, the thing they do to keep him), never did until it was tooo late, and he said he could not get away, but a week later his mom called with the same days for us to come up to see her that i asked for  and he said ok and took it off , so i spent my time with his family, why can he do it for him and her and his friends , but not me???

Please help, i am soooo hurt, he wants a chance again to do right , but i have heard that for years and years, i tell him i do not know if i can , because every time i do it never works out, and i end up hurt more each year, I think yes and plan get excited to be let down again and again, i just have to much hurt in me , to try. Please help, please

My hubby is a good man, he supports us good , we never have to want for anything , i mean any thing, We have so many animals he buys and feeds at a $1000.00 a month, lets us home school, do what we want , ( we allways ask him 1st if he says no it is a no). My girls do not lack for anything , they want it they get it. They ask for clothes when needed or on a good sale and we get a lot from the thrift store, and they want to save animals, they are not wordly. oh yeah thy love to buy books ( i wonder where they got that from) I do not lack for any thing also, and hubby is verrrry well taken care of, when he is home he comes 1st). Hubby's only problem is giving us girls time and just me time. Do i give up or do i try again? How does this hurt go away? He says i rub it in his face  , if i bring it up , but it is not that way to me( some times i am just sad by it and he will ask what is wrong if i say it is rubbibg it in his face). I want to know what i do soo wrong to make him not want to spend time with me. He says nothing but why then? Why can he do it for him , his mom , his friends , but not me? I want the hurt to go away , but how can it when he still wont do it, I understand his mom is in the hospital , she needs to see her son( sad to be green eyed over his mom in the hospital, i am working on it) , but why can't i have one day? one day, one day is to much though. Please help , i do not know what to do. God bless, mj

I am so sorry

{ 12:17, 2006-Mar-27 } { Posted by spinninggrandma }

I wish I could help. I really don't know what you should do or say.

However, if this has been happening for all these years, then perhaps (perhaps!!!) you should just stop asking him. Do your thing with your girls and don't even ask him to come along. Maybe that will help and he will want to join you. Maybe not.

But I think you need to stop being hurt and asking and just do it alone, with the girls and realize that he is NOT going to change ... most guys will NOT change.

If he treats you well, otherwise, then for some crazy reason he needs to be alone and not "DO" things with the family. Don't know why.

Good luck - keep your chin up. And try NOT to be hurt ... it's obvious he loves you if he treats you well, but he can't show it with time ---

Untitled Comment

{ 12:50, 2006-Mar-27 } { Posted by Trina }

Perhaps you should seek some marriage counseling, if he wont go then you go..You cant keep living feeling hurt all the time.. and I have to agree with Connie, after 18 years its not likely to change.. My husband goes hunting and fishing at different times of the year...and that is his time...I find things I want to do, I enjoy this break
..did you ever consider taking up hunting or fishing, and going with him? Mostly I wanted to say Im sorry that your hurting so....

Curious

{ 01:32, 2006-Mar-27 } { Posted by gokings13 }

Is this the way his father showed 'love' to him and his siblings? It sounds like he is 'showing love' by giving you 'stuff'. I would recommend that you seek out Godly Counsel, and get the whole family involved. He is providing wonderfully for your "material wants and needs" but your emotional side sounds pretty bare.
Pray. Pray. Pray.

Nothing I can add......

{ 09:14, 2006-Mar-27 } { Posted by GrandmaRosie }

The ladies above have pretty much said it all. Sometime, if you cannot change something, you just have to change the way it makes you feel. Please do not get bitter, pain can do that to you. Somehow you have to let God do any changing He wants done in your Husband. I am praying for you Sweetie. ^..^