Thunderwolf Ranch

Help needed

I wrote a week ago about how my fathers girlfriend of 30 years passed.  Well from that day forward he has been calling me daily for money!  My father is going to be 63 in April.  He was a multi millionaire who blew his money on drugs many years ago. He still has that habit along with drinking. I never saw a penny of his money.  He only paid my mom 8 months of child support in my 16 years I was a child ( I moved out into my own home at 16).  My parents separated when I was 8 months old.  

Ok, my father lost his homes a few months ago, he rented a home and lost that Dec 1st ( he wanted me to pay his rent and back rent due), I did not.  At his age he should live with his choices he is making.  He choice is to live the rich life when he is poor. 

I ended up loaning him $200.00.  It paid for 3 nights at his hotel he is staying at and $50.00 cash for him to eat and feed his dog.  He was to pay me today before noon today, because the money came house of my house payment and I need to pay my house payment.

I just talked to him and he was/is a jerk!  I told him days  ago that I needed it at the time to pay the house bill before they close or I will have a late fee.  I can't believe how rude he is being to me.  I am his only child.   When I was talking to him he told me he will pay some time even if it means he has to sleep in the car.   He is an adult , he is responsible for his own self, not me.  He is telling me he is going to hock a ten thousand dollar lamp to pay me.  

When my husband and I were broke when we were paying way to many court and attorney fees to protect our oldest daughter away from the man who molested he (my 1st husband).My father who was bringing in five thousand a week would not loan me even $20.00 for milk and food.

My husband and I and the girls always got by , it got way better as Michelle got older and the court listened to her wants.  My mom and dad ( step dad, but the real one to me) would help us out also, with about 10 thousand for court cost. Michelle's therapy each week was $700.00 cash, then attorney fees, court fees made it so much more. From the time Michelle was 4 years old to 16 to 17 years old we paid close to, if not more than over half a million!   But my father would never help us out once!   And he is made at me because I need my house payment money.  We have no savings again, because we helped my husbands brother and our daughter Michelle move up north and she was back down her in 2 months.  Oh and the best when Michelle moved down here again she refused to give us any winter clothes for the grand babies , she kept them all and they live with us!  So we spent $250.00 getting them clothes, baby supplies, baby food , baby wipes, baby diapers and stuff.  We gave her most of ours when she moved.  We now have it all again and are keeping it.  So we have no savings!   Yes we will start one up again in Jan.

But what am I to do with my father?  Out of all his friends no one has helped him out, just me and hubby and it is getting us in trouble.  What do I do?

God Bless,  mj

Untitled Comment

{ 01:11, 2007-Dec-21 } { Posted by gabbie427 }

Keep him in your prayers no matter what. He mustbe hurting, but no this is no excuse for his past treatment of you.

You take care of your family!!!!

Amy Jo

Untitled Comment

{ 05:53, 2007-Dec-22 } { Posted by Sweetmama2 }

Take care of yourself and family. He obiviously has no responsibilities and you do. If he falls hard enough he will learn to help himself. I know that it sounds harsh but you said he would not help you and you have tried to help him and he has treated you badly. Just keep praying for him and have others do so and that is all you should do to help him out.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Blessing to you ans all yours.
Sweetmama

Untitled Comment

{ 06:32, 2007-Dec-22 } { Posted by Trina }

quit enabling him and your daughter,they are both adults... I know its hard to say no. but you must start...you may not get the money back.. maybe you will.. but the "having to hawk a lamp" is a guilt trip dont takce it on... in fact if he has that kind of assests.. let him sell them and live off that.. Like someone else said.. pray for him, but close your purse strings...

My heart goes out to you

{ 07:26, 2007-Dec-22 } { Posted by blurose }

I have struggled with similar responsibilties to my father who was an alcoholic and my homelife was dysfunctionl as well. Now as an adult, the part I have really had to work on is yes, he may be a liar, a cheat and any other form of immorality, but God directs me to love and honor him -he doesn't say honor and love IF he is a descent father, he says to do it regardless. Is it hard, HECK YES, I don't want to be in the same room with him most of the time, but this is what i am to do though. Even if he talks bad to me, I am still to honor him. I do not enable his addictions with money but I do offer him a home and food if he has none. I cry out to God that it is not fair -and it isn't, but the reality is that our lives are messy and alot of trials are not fair but we are learning things we do not even know that we are and he is growing us up in these things. We are to love unconditionally and man is that hard when we hurt.......

I agree

{ 08:50, 2007-Dec-22 } { Posted by browns71280 }

I agree with sweetmama and trina. They are adults and need to be held accountable for their reactions. You need to think of your family at home. Who is going to help you in your later years if help is needed? I don't think they will be there for you. I am wishing you a quiet and Merry Christmas day.
Debbie

so sorry for your frustration and sadness

{ 01:34, 2007-Dec-22 } { Posted by Hisirishgem }

Many drug rehabs will tell you that in order for someone with an addiction to stop, they must hit bottem. Neither your father or your daughter will learn responsibility if you continue to pick them up. As the others have said, your enabling them to continue to be who they are.

Its so hard on you dear friend. I so understand where your coming from. But your responsibility is to God, your spouse and your children....You father gets whatever is left AFTER you pay your bills so you can live day to day.

Take this as a lesson learned, and push forward knowing you may not get the money from the people you loaned to. It's a shame they are family, but you've learned and will move forward. Please continue to pray for their needs, allow God to deal with their addictions, money matters, and other needs. Give them what you can with prayer, maybe home cooked meals or such, and most importantly, you need to set bounderies so you will NEVER go through this again.

In other words, dad, dont call me for money. You may call me to see how I'm doing, to come by and say hello, but I will change the subject or hang up if you call just wanting something from me.

Same thing with your daughter.

I'm praying for you dear friend.

Rebekah

help needed

{ 04:15, 2007-Dec-23 } { Posted by slittlefox }

You can't help other adults. You can only help yourself. Sue your dad for that loan and don't EVER loan or help him again! He never helped you; he doesn't deserve anything from you. Instead, you are owed by him. In fact, you might check with an attorney about suing him for child support for yourself...that ought to get his attention! A friend did this when an adult - her real father never acknowledged her and as an adult, told her SHE was DISTURBING HIS life...huh? Well, she sued and WON! All that back child support went to her....that he never paid. He even had to help pay for her college tuition! Now, I say check it out.....nothing to lose. But whatever your decision, lose the looser.....he's the bum; not you. He's the father and owes you - not vice versa. If he freezes in the streets, that's his doing; not yours.