Thunderwolf Ranch

Questions

Is it wrong to want to get away with you husband for a few days?

Is it wrong to want a break from your home for a few days with hubby?

Is it wrong to want a break from your children to spend time with hubby?

Is it wrong to want a break from your daily life to spend time with hubby?

I have had 1 night away in 8-12 years with hubby, I have had more if you count my being in the hospital. My husband gives the time he says he will give me to others or to go do what he wants, even if he is gone 8 days. He does a few to a lot of trips a year to go fishing or hunting.  All I ask for is a trip away for a weekend alone with just him.  He has promised it for years and it does not happen. He has been trying for the last so to be 5 yrs in Jan, but all that has happened is the one night away maybe 3 miles down the road. He did spend a week with me at home when the girls went away to his moms, but I still had to cook , clean and feed and care for almost 200 animals. It was time alone with him, but not a break for me.  The 2 times we had plans for him to do something for me he gave 1 week to his mom and blew me off, the other we had plans to go some where for my birthday but the decided he rather go out of state to go hunting with his friend, and blew me off again. He says he will try harder next year, but I told him it is tooo late. I will not wait one more year while he goes off and does things with is friends doing what he want while I keep waiting for him to notice me. I feel that if he can go fishing out of the country for 8 day he sure could take me away for a weekend. We do a bit more together, us girls joined a gym we signed hubby up too so we work out as a family and sometimes just us, we do a few dinners a year, but I need more and he want me to wait for the 5th going on the 6th year for him to maybe do it. I have never had a week or more alone with hubby in our married life, but I can tell you too many time he has done to be with his friends fishing or hunting and how he gives my time with him to his mom.  am I wrong to say no more? We will go back to his life and her life like before when us girls did stuff with daddy/hubby because he did not want to do anything with us. Then at least I can go on vacation and not keep waiting for him to notice me and my needs. He goes and does his fishing/hunting no matter what. Do you know how much it hurts to know that your husband would rather spend his wife's birthday doing what he wants out of state across the country? or to plan it with you and you get real happy that you get a day a just family time with hubby and your children doing something out side of your house to only have your husband tell you that he is going hunting out of state again and keeping his word to you? I do , it is indredibly pain full. Or how about you are so sick your Dr. wants to put you in the hospital but you can go because your husband goes to see his sick mom out of state., I had no one to care for our children, my mom came over to help the girls care for me, but not take them for me. His mom was in the hospital for 4 months and yes she almost died, but this was after she was on the mend and his mom had he husband by her side and my husband spent tons of time seeing her.

Am I just asking for to much?

To want a small part of my husbands time he gives to others?

To want my husband to help me , to be there for me when I need to seek medical attention for myself?

By staying home to care for our children?

To count as a important person in his life?

Instead of being his last thought?

Help, I am hurting very bad and I do not see his changing, he has had 5 yrs in Jan, do I have to live with more pain waiting for him to notice that he has a wife and she has needs too.

Why does he say he needs time away because he works?

Why is what I do not important enough to get a few days alone with him?

I wonder what I have done so wrong the get this treatment from him?

Am I wrong to tell him I can not take anymore?

Help!

Untitled Comment

{ 04:50, 2007-Nov-19 } { Posted by Anonymous }

My advice would be to stop.

Take all of your energy that you spend trying to get your dh to notice you are alive, and put all of that energy into Seeking The Lord, and His Righteousness.
Stop wasting your time trying to get your dh's attention. It's not working, nor will it work, and it leaves you hurt and empty.
Instead, Let the Lord Love you. Love the Lord with all your energy.......Let the Lord change you and your outlook and your focus.......

I have the same problem

{ 05:32, 2007-Nov-19 } { Posted by farmgal35 }

I know exactly what you mean. I have been going though the same thing for the last 15 years. My hubby has always been good about putting his friends before me and the kids. We have been married for over 18years and we did finally get one weekend away. Oh wait, did I mention, it was for his companies fishing tournment. The first night, his friend stayed in our room. We did have one night to ourselves. It was in April and I had to fish tournment with him. We blasted off with snow on the boat and like16 degree. Great weekend with my hubby and his friends. Then there was one time I had to have surgery on my foot. Dh was unable to take off for the surgery and be there with me. But he was able to leave work early and go on his fishing trip. Leaving me at home with out any food and with a baby, toodler and a 10 year old. Thank God my mom came down to help me. She was very upset with him. He always manages to take 2-3 fishing trips a year. Oh and last year when I lost my grandmother, She was buried on Thursday and he left Friday night for a tournment. I really needed him that weekend. Now what to tell you I don`t know. Keep loving him. Pray. Find you some good girlfriends and tell him that you are going away for the weekend. If he doesn`t want to keep the kids, tell him you will pay some one then. My hubby use to take off with a bunch of his divorced friends on fishing trips, which after fishing was just a big party. I know there was a lot of drinking going on. I told him I didn`t think that was a thing a married man needed to do. All I know is my uncle went down with them one time and he said he would never go back with them. Something went on that my uncle didn`t not approve of. To this day I have yet to hear the whole story. He finally stopped going with them about five years ago, but knew if he kept going it was going to cost him his marriage. I know a lot of woman on here with tell you he is the head of your household and he his. But the Bible also says a man is to treat his wife as Christ did the church. Like I said I have no idea what to tell you. Because I have the same problem and lots of other women to do. One thing you could do is plan a weekend for the two of you to go fishing or hunting. That way, you get what you want and he gets what he wants. At least, you will be spending time together. Good luck. sheryl

Untitled Comment

{ 12:31, 2007-Nov-21 } { Posted by Anonymous }

You are in a tough situation. I have had feelings like this towards my Husband also. My situation doesn't seem as bad as yours though.

I finally got to the point where I told my Husband I was not happy and if things didn't change, I would make changes that may include doing whatever it took to make myself happy.

He took it as I would leave him. I meant it as I would go on vacation by myself or I would get a seperate checking account and we could live as roommates instead of partners.

Things are now better. They are improving VERY SLOWLY. He is still selfish and I still long for his time and love, but I truly belive he is giving me what he can at the moment.

My suggestion to you is to pray if you are spiritual, if not, do what makes you happy. If leaving him makes you happy, that may be best for you. It is not best for a family and is very hard emotionally and financially, but it is do-able. I know many very happy women who left because he didn't care about them. Many have found men who do care now.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.