Thunderwolf Ranch

Rain rain and more rain, MY Fear.....

Rain so much rain. Too much rain. We have mud eveywhere. My pigs are in hog heaven they have swimming pools not mud holes. The calf pen is so muddy I kept putting straw in the pen but it does NO good. The goats are doing good. The chickens are half muddy half dry, same with the turkeys. My one golden and highbrid are in half mud water/ half dry. The highbird ( being a wolf) is scared of the water mud, there must be monsters in Ok , to him there are MONSTERS he cry and whines, it is like hello you are a wolf. His mom the golden ( she stole him from his bio mom when he was 3 days old and we let her keep him, she had a mock pregnacy so she had milk for him) looks at him like you are crazzy water is fun. The old queensland barks and whines to be let back in after being out 2 min to go potty, then she jumps back on the couch under the blanket. We are going to have more rain next week 4-5 days.  My horses will be doing the backstrook then. Then we will have sea horses.LOL

My one golden the male service dog need to have a tumor removed from his ear this next week . It will cost about $600.00. He is 11yrs old and has saved my daughters life when a big dog jumped our fince and bit my daughter in the neck and would not let go. She was 3-4 then, he fought off the dog he won , that is rare for a service dog. He has warned me of my reactions for years.To our family he is a child ,brother, so of course we will do it. So I need to set a time with the vet.

As for me I am doing ok. I had a few bad days. I have been feeling stressed. With my girlfreind kay lossing her hubby, it has scared me I could loss mine too. He has traved back and forth to see his mom in the icu in to different states( sees her in 1 takes his step dad home daily to another and we live in a different state). This time he took one of our daughters to see grandma. I worry about both of them. From my reaction  last week I have been living in fear.

I am scared to go feed , scared to run my go to's. I am I going to be taken out of the market in an ambulance, is today the day I have a bad reaction and die? Who will care for my babies (ok they are 13 &15 yrs), what about my hubby?. I am trying to work thruogh all this but it feels like the fear is winning half the time.   I am trying so hard But some days fear wins.

I do not want to live my life in fear, what am I teaching the girls?  They mean every thing to me

I do not want to leave them .I know there is nothing I can do when God says it time is come home , so why do I worry so much? My hubby is wonderful but, it is hard on him too, can we go here or there is there a hospital near by. Me having my fear going good does not help him, nor me, nor the babies.  I am reading a book called " deadly emotions by Don Colbert, Md"

because my Dr has said alot of reactions are caused  by stess. I have learned so much in the book and from my Dr. I am going to talk to some one at church to get help unloading the baggage and get rid of my stress. I will post how it goes. God Bless, mj