Thunderwolf Ranch

OH BOY...help, prayer needed.

The stress from our little talk ( mine and our daughter) was TOOOO much. I ended up in the trama room in the Er.  The nice ambulance men (who some know me by my 1st name!!) gave me a ride to the Er. My poor babies one was in bed with me because i did not feel right (i wonder why) i had to have one daughter help me downstairs give me my meds and call the ambulance. Then my mom was here before the ambulance ( she lives 10 houses way) , thank God she was there i cried on her shoulder , i kept saying i am tried of this i want to be healthy.

The Er. doctor who i had before , told me this one was different it is caused by stress.

After i was released from the Er. i went home until it was time to see my normal Dr. and he said the same thing. He told me i am carring around to much stuff, the pain , anger, hurt, from the kidnapping and molestation, to me it has not ended because my daughter has the people who did this to her  in her life and my grandsons. I do not trust them. She forgives them, but not us because we were hard on her. We were hard on her , she could not be trusted, sneaking out, sneaking boys in, the worst being 15 yrs old at church with a 21 yr guy getting caught. I could say more but you get the idea. I want to be free of all this, both Dr.s told me i need to talk to someone , so i am going to see a counsler at our church. but until i work some of this out i do not want to see my daughter. My mom and i are giving her a baby shower soon i will do that and see her then , but i need time , i need to find a way to not let what she does or says hurt me, let it roll off me. The whole time i was in the ambulance and Er i kept

saying in my mind "let go and let God" and "Gods will to be done" it gave me peace, i would be crying in pain and saying it over and over, they pain would subside, when it would come back i said it over and over again. I felt God in the ambulance and in the Er, what peace he gave me , my fear came true (anaphlyxis reaction) and he was with me. Thank you for all your prayers, please keep them coming i need them. God Bless, mj

P.S.Do you like the picture of my dog in her water bowl? She is my hope and joy, she may be a golden but she has the heart of a wolf. She keeps me safe and warm no matter what. If I am in the bath or shower so is she, if I am cooking she is at my feet. and yes she sleeps in bed with me , as does the queensland and 2 cats , 1 of the cats half on me and half on her.

I have both her mom and dad and 1 of her children. She is on my lap as I write this. Her name is hope . I almost lost her when she was born and at 3 weeks and yet again at 3 months, from day one I called her hope, because my hope was that God will heal her and boy did he ever. From the time she could crawl she would leave the welping box and find me, even when her eyes were still closed.God made her just for me. I thank him so much for her.  I have trained her to be a service dog like her dad, but she is to protective in large places like disneyland , so her dad works the big places even though he is 11 yrs. You might see pictures of him at disneyland when you are there.

I have 3 goldens, 1 queensland, 1 golden/highbird , and 1 highbrird. I post pictures of them all soon.

Prayers going up...

{ 08:47, 2006-Feb-25 } { Posted by Nonni }

I won't say I *know* how you feel, but I can understand. My oldest shocked me with a 1 year old. He's only 17 now!! It's a l-o-n-g story. I've gone through trying to see where I went wrong, to wondering why...But, the baby is beautiful, she's my heart, and we're all given free will by Our Lord. We all falter, make our own mis-steps, and mistakes. There are things we don't understand (Why he allows certain pain and suffering, disasters - both personal and natural) Yet, in time we often come to understand (somewhat) in hind sight. Your daughter will too, I have no doubt.She will know where you were coming from, and realize it was not being hard, or manipulative, or unreasonable. You've shown her the path, at least she is blessed with knowing how to get back to it when she is led that way.
You can not be responsible or accountable with what she chooses to do with her own free will.