I got this from a friend. Cracked me up!

An Old Farmer's Advice:

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably aint.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

Tellin a man to go to hell and makin' him do it are two different
 things.

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly bear.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen 
anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

You aint generally learnin nothin when your mouth is movin.

Live a good, honorable life Then when you get older and think back,
 you'll 
enjoy it a second time.

Trust everyone, but cut the cards.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

Rain dancin only works if you have good timing.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, 
watches you  from the mirror every mornin'.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.

Never kick a fresh cow patty on a hot day.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from
 bad judgment.

Don't worry about bitin off more'n you can chew, your mouth is
probably a whole lot bigger than you think.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back
 in.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it is still warm. The colder it gets, 
the harder it is to swallow.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' 
somebody else's dog around.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave
the rest to God