Hello all--I have decided it is time for me to take a break from the blogging the world for a bit. DD will begin daycamp for disabled children soon, she will also be doing many other things this summer that will require alot of my time. I am not totally gone however you can still find me at my MSN group for Christian women...I would be happy to have a few of you join me there. I find my desires changing daily and one thing I truly desire is to minister to Christian women in the area of simple living and homeschooling and my MSN group does just that. Hope to see some of you there. You will need to 'join' just fill out the information and tell me you found me thru my blog.

I will be back in time...Until then, be blessed and be a blessing..

~Kris

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I guess some you know through reading a few of my past entries that DD did not go into the facitlity we worked so hard to get her into...and of course since that time I have really pondered about why it did not work out...I mean we drove 10 hours total that day, 535 miles that day, spent 100.00 in gasoline, 40 in food for what?? I suppose I was a bit put out by it all....Not at DD, but at the fact we had been lied to and treated so 'ugly' by the therapist, and I felt like we had been in the twilight zone....so of course being the mere human that I am I questioned God.....Why?...Why did we spend all that money? Why the wear and tear on my vehicle, why all the aggravation and frustration?...Well, I feel he answered loud and clear last night...

We had some singers come to the church last night for a singing, we did not know them personally, nor did they know us, so when the 'lead singer' begain to speak this I was humbled and a bit shocked....He was talking about the way God works and how so many times we get something in our head and believe with all of our heart we are right and then along comes God and He will 'check' us to see if we are still willing to obey Him in spite of our own thinking...he went on to say that sometimes God allows things(test) to see if we are in Obedience to Him...Walla! It made perfect sense to me...All that driving, time, miles, money etc...could that really be a test..I believe so...Why, don't know and don't care...the important thing is we did obey the holy spirits prompting that day and we were obedient...PTL! I think sometimes God does allow us to get 'ourself' in the way...but He can also turn that around for His glory...Amen?!? DH and I were so set that this last place was so perfect for DD that we didn't want to see or hear anything else, so He allowed us to go all that way only to show us up close and personal what this place really was...He tested, we obeyed...Not sure what HIS plan is, but I can tell you I will be more willing to open my heart to hear him from now on...Don't we serve an awesome God?!? I am so grateful that he loves us enough to interact with each of us on a personal level...we are all truly blessed...

Kris

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Well, we got a little bit of the garden done today, we changed a few things from our original plan--I got to thinking about how much canning I would have to do, not that I mind canning, but there is only so much a woman wants to do in a day--LOL--so we slimmed down on the 'maters and a couple of other things.

Here's what we got in:

• 18 'mater plants
• 4 rows of peaches and cream corn
• 2 rows of snow peas
• 3 rows of bush green beans

We still need to plant:

• 9 yellow squash plants
• 9 cucumber plants
• 9 sweet banana pepper plants
• 3 Jalepeno plants
• 9 okra plants
• Watermelon
• Canteloupe
• and 100 onion sets

Hopefully tomorrow we can finish up, but I hear we have rain on the way---imagine that---LOL...but at least we got started!

~Kris

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Finally...the day has arrived to plant the garden...its has been so wet here with all the rain that we have not been able to get it in, but we are hopeful that we can get it all done today....I am excited to get out there and begin planting...will post later what all we planted!

~Kris

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...you have it all figured out...God comes along! Where to begin...we traveled 5 hours Thursday to the hospital we had worked for over a month to get DD into, only to find out they were nothing like what we had been led to believe..I will not go into all the details as I would be here for an entire day...LOL..but let me say this...they told us they did not use medication we find out they use some heavy duty drugs to control misbehaving children....we were told they they help the children learn to control their angry outburst...only to find out they use restraints at  he first time children begin to get 'upset'...how is this teaching them?...We were told we could have a tour of the place when we arrived since this could not be arranged before hand due to our driving distance....when we ask about this we were told we could not have a tour because we could not see the other children....this really concerned me....every place DD has ever been in we have 'seen' the other children, but never told names....but the final thing was when the lady that would have been DD's therapist came in with an attitude that I cannot adequatly describe...she was put out by the fact that she had, had to wait over an hour to meet with us, but the paper work took that long and was done with a hospital employee there was nothing we could have done to shorten the time....that was just another 'red flag' ...she began asking questions and seemed to not like any we gave her..by this time I was really getting a bad feeling, and then she ask DD what kinds of things make her mad, DD answered honestly and the lady threw down her pencil, cocked herself sideways in the chair and rolled her eyes as if she was saying "Oh great another one of those"...at that point I spoke up and said "Why are you acting that way?" she ignored me and continued with her hateful attitude...the final straw was when the lady said she would need to meet with us as a family every 2 weeks and we said we would like to see DD weekly she came unglued and VERY hatefully said "Why, do you want to come every week?"....WOW! that was hard to take...I began crying and said "Well, to see DD" she went on to tell us that was not something she liked cause she had to fill out paper work...Let me tell ya it was all I could do to not say "And your point is? Isn't that what you get payed to do?"...But with the help of the Lord, I held my tounge...at that point hubby  said we are going home...they tried really hard to 'talk us into' leaving her and even went so far to get another therapist..hubby told them if they had to beg and talk us into leaving our dd that was just another reason to not leave her....*SIGH*....Prayers were answered, just not in the way we thought they would be...the Holy Spirit certainly 'checked us' when we were there and we are so grateful for a God that is actively involved in our lives, and opens our eyes to things we might not otherwise see...I cannot say where we go from here, I have scheduled counsling for her and the counslor is taking 2 hours the first time to gather information...what a blessing...I have some other things in the working, but not inpatient treatment...right now DD is doing well with her med adjustment and behavior is very acceptable...we are praying diligently to find the answer...God is in control. Somedays I just do not understand why we are going through some of the things we are going through, but I do know what don't kill us will make us stronger...Guess I am getting close to being Hercules...ROTFL!...The trials we face here are certainly for a reason, and I have learned over the years that God truly does know best even when I don't like it or understand it...so we are taking it one day at a time and muddling through this trial the best we can...

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

~Kris

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Its been a rather quiet and boring week around here, but I have so enjoyed the quietness and time with the Lord...It has been so needed to refresh my spirit and get my thoughts straight.....DD is coming home today at noon, but we will head out for the other place tomorrow morning around 8 a.m....it will be a very long day as it is 5 hours one way from my house...She is excited to come home, but she is aware that she has to go to the other place and she seems 'ok' with it...I so wish our lives were different, but I also know the Lord has a great plan for our life and he can take this situation and use it to HIS glory...Don't we serve a great God?!?!

Life here is different without DD...I told my sister that for 11 years my focus and life has been on dd, every waking hour, every waking minute...I didn't shower without her right there hiding in the corner of our bathroom afraid someone was going to get her, if she went to the bathroom I had to sit outside the door, I tell ya it was hard...but as you can well see from just those 2 examples that my entire life was wrapped in her illness, and then one day....poof! it is all gone....yes, I speak with her, and visit her, but my life has been turned upside down now....and hers too....I am no longer there to 'keep her safe' from her perceived threats...I am no longer there to sing to her when she is getting upset, I am not longer there to be her punching bag when she is angry and frustrated....So on both ends of the spectrum it is hard...Mental illness in children is so often seen as just defiant behavior, the parents are viewed as people that just need to be more strict...I myself at one time viewed things this way...granted there are children out there that are just in need of some discipline. We are hopeful that dd can be helped and lead a semi-normal life, hubby and I are hopeful that we can restore what we have lost in our marriage for last few years, this has really taken its toll in that as well...we are hopeful that on some level we can find peace amongst the chaos that comes with raising a mentally ill child.

Those are my thoughts for now...more later...

~Kris

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