These are all from my inbox...

CHARLEY WAS PROUDLY taking a visiting Texan on a tour of his Arkansas farm when an animal crossed the road in front of them.

“What was that?” asked the Texan.

“A deer,” replied Charley.

“Well, in my state, the deer are much bigger than that,” said the Texan. “And what’s that?”

“A groundhog,” said Charley.

“I didn’t even recognize that,” said the Texan. “Ours are bigger than that.”

A little while later, a turtle crossed the road.

“What‘s that?” the Texan asked.

Charley replied, “A tick.”

THE TOMBSTONE READ:

Remember me as you pass by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, someday you’ll be,

So prepare to follow me.

Someone added:

To follow you is not my intent,

Because I don’t know which way you went.

ON THEIR WAY home from Sunday worship, Willy and Wanda were complaining about their church—the pews were too hard, the sermon too long and the organ too loud.

In the backseat, little Wally quietly listened to all his parents’ complaints. Finally, he piped up, “What do you expect for a dollar?”

You May Be in a Country Church if...

• • PRAYERS ABOUT the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
• • The pastor is wearing boots.
• • High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.
• • There is at least one pledge of two calves in the annual stewardship drive.
• • The minister never has to buy any meat or vegetables.
• • When it rains, everyone is smiling.
• • The church directory doesn’t need last names.
• • Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
• • Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.