Far Above Rubies

Strange Dreams and politics

{ 11:07, 2006-Nov-5 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 0 comments } { Link }

Well, pregnancy is notorious for producing wildly vivid and off the wall dreams, and last night's was proof positive!
Right at the end of my dream, before I woke up, I dreamt that I was looking down at my belly and rubbing it, and I felt a bump and said, "Oh, that must be the head!" The bump got bigger and bigger until I could SEE the baby's face looking up at me through the skin of my belly, as if my belly was made of stretchy balloon like rubber and as if there were nothing between the baby and the open air but my skin!!! The baby's eyes were open and he blinked (no...I don't know what I'm having, I just assume it's going to be another boy so I always use 'he') and I was so excited I called everyone in to see it...then I woke up. Mondo weirdo!

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I HOPE you're all getting out and voting on Tuesday! It is your civic duty, after all. Do NOT be fooled into thinking that your vote doesn't count. I'm taking a wild stab at guessing that the majority of those reading this and who blog here are conservative republicans like myself. If you are, do not be suckered into believing that the house and senate are just a blink away from being taken over by the democrats...we CAN retain control if we vote, and vote our values!

My son (11) said to me the other day, "Mom, is there something wrong with those people?" He was speaking of homosexuals after we had heard an ad on Referendum I on the radio in the car.
I told him that no, there is nothing wrong with the PEOPLE who are homosexuals, but what they are DOING is very wrong, and that I was voting NO on Ri because I believe that's what God would have me do. I went on to explain to my son that a homosexual is not a bad person, but living with and having a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex is a sin in God's eyes, but ALL our sins are equally abhorrent in God's eyes, so any sin we commit is no worse than what they do. Sin is sin and to have a relationship with God and to know Jesus and receive salvation, we must ask forgiveness and turn from that sin. In the meantime, we must not condone homosexual relationships or co-habitation in any way. Passing that referendum would do that. I also explained that I would be voting yes on amendment 43 to keep marriage between one man and one woman.

I am such A Big Fool

{ 06:23, 2006-Oct-8 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 6 comments } { Link }

I have deleted my last entry.

Why?

I simply could not bear to see it there.

I indulged in the most destructive kind of selfish self pity, and all for nothing.

RECAP...in case you didn't read the entry I deleted: I went on and on about how I hate my birthday (October 7th) and how no one ever went out of their way to make it special or plan something big for me. I shamefully detailed how my husband had failed me on my birthday every year I have known him. The whole thing left me feeling icky.

YESTERDAY...Got up, and my husband did make a nice breakfast without me having to ask. I even got to sleep in a little. But the day got progressively worse. I just started feeling so sorry for myself and I was so sure that the whole day was going to be a bust. I was sure that if my husband had a card or a gift for me that he would have given it to me at breakfast, but that didn't happen, so my thoguhts got bigger and blacker. There was no mention of anything special to go on that day. I figured that my husband probably thought that since I didn't expect anything, he didn't have to DO anything.

Around 3:30 hubby left to go to a birthday party for a friend of ours at a nearby church. I selfishly refused to go, feeling very bitter that someone else was getting a party, and that my husband would dare go. I stayed home and sulked. Part way through, hubbycalled me and said, "Please won't you get dressed. We have to take Dominic (our oldest) to Bible Quizzers tonight and I'd like us all to go to dinner." I thought, well, I either go to dinner or I have to cook. Better get up and showered and dressed. So I did.

Hubby came home shortly after 5, and urged me to hurry because my hair was still wet, so I hurried, and we all piled in the car. We pulled up at a new Chinese restaurant called Chin Chin, and I was even crabbier because I really wanted a steak, but I kept quiet. Upon getting out of the car, hubby said, "Oh no!" He had forgotten his wallet at home, so I rolled my eyes and we all got back in and headed back home to fetch it.

Upon arriving home, he sent Dominic inside to get the wallet. A few minutes passed, then he sent Zach in to find out what was taking Dommie so long. Another minute or so. He said, "Darn it, what's the matter with those two? I'll be right back. He went inside, came out a minute later, and said to me, "Can you believe it? They were fighting over a toy instead of fetching my wallet! They're going to stand in the corner and eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner. We can get something later. I thought, that figures.

Meanwhile, my mom, her friend, and my brother, James, come walking up. My mom had a gift with her. It didn't even register with me that they came walking around the corner on foot and weren't in her truck. Chas said, "Oh, the jig is up!" But I had no clue what he was talking about. At this point I figured, well, this is it. no dinner out, no nothing. At least my mom brought me a present. I said to them, "Come in, come in."

I walked inside, and..............................

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My livingroom and kitchen were completely covered in pink streamers, banners, flowers, the coffe table was piled with gifts, and all our friends from church had crowded into our tiny house and shouted the greeting when I walked in. There was a huge cake on the kitchen table.

My shock must have been evident. I looked at my husband and he said, "Did you know?" And I told him I really didn't! And honestly, I had NO clue whatsoever. Our friends must have been waiting for us to leave and rushed in to decorate the second we left for the restaurant. At that moment, I felt a mix of total happiness and total shamed for the way I acted toward my husband. This was no last minute party...he had been planning it for weeks, long before my self pity stupor set in.

I recieved some wonderful gifts. From my mom, 2 lovely maternity blouses, from our friend the Cooks a gift card to Borders Books, from our friends the Andersens a gift card to the new Kohl's department store, from our friends the Goffs a gift card for the Coldstone Creamery...let's see, a big box of gourmet truffles from our friend Sharlene, and a mini-spa set from the Lehmans. But best of all was what my husband gave me- 2 wonderful gifts- a new Kodak Easy Share digital camera, and a new wedding ring! It was a ring I had picked out over a year ago, and we wrote down my ring size and the ring style. We could not get it then, but my husband kept that card, and ordered the ring for my birthday. I needed a new one because the set my grandma had given me was too small, and also an heirloom with many small diamonds and one big one. I was afraid of losing it or having a diamond pop out, and I wanted a plain band, white gold to match my husband's. It's beautiful.

Anyway, it was short party! We had to get going to have dinner and get Dominic to church. The Cooks volunteered to take him and his brother, so Chas and I and the baby went to dinner at Applebee's (I had my steak after all).

So that was my birthday. The day started out dismally and turned out to be the best birthday I ever had. I apologized profusely and continuously to my dear husband for how I acted, and he forgave me of course. It still might take me awhile to get over my embarassment, though.

And of course I took it all to God that night, thanking him for these people tha love me, and asking him to change my heart to one of self sacrifice instead of the selfish heart I have. I know I can count on His help.

I can't wait to see what the year brings.

Busy Day!

{ 11:53, 2006-Sep-20 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 0 comments } { Link }

We had a very very very very very busy day.

It is 5 til 10pm, we have only just gotten back from church, had a snack, and gotten the boyos to bed, and it's the first downtime I've had all day! I'm pooped!

The day began at 7am, getting up and ready to go to my group leader meeting at church for MOPS by 9 (we were 15 minutes late even so). After that the kids and I all went to my prenatal meeting, which was at the house of the lady who apprenticing with our midwife, Bill (yes, the midman). I had to have a blood draw (ugh), but as always, it is so exciting to hear the little peanut's heartbeat! The midwife was actually able to assess the baby's position in the uterus which I was impressed with since I'm only 19 weeks, but hey, it's what he does, I guess!
I had felt some tiny movements in the last few weeks, but I am just now able to really feel him or her really moving around now. During the worship service tonight there was some major activity! Baby likes da worship music...yeah!
A hectic afternoon, a short rest, a hurried dinner of Hamburger Helper beef barfaroni (yum yum) and off to church, with a short stop at Walmart on the way home for milk, butter, and dish soap. I think the 8 year old was sooooo hoping I would forget the dishsoap, because he was told he'd have to finish the dishes when we got home. Actually, I caved and said he could do them in the morning!
Ahhh...some sitting down time now...for a minute. Then it's looking over the lesson plans for tomorrow and getting ready for bed.

Down With Self-Righteousness!

{ 05:49, 2006-Sep-7 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 6 comments } { Link }

     Wondrous new things, these blogs! A little over a year ago, I didn't even know what a blog was, and I still run into people who dont know either. I am hopelessly trying to explain it to my mom, who won't read my blog because she's too busy, and she still insists on calling her mass emails she sends out for her business her "blog."

    I have a few I read faithfully because I really enjoy the writing of the owner, but I really love to random blog-hop just to see where I land and who I can get to know. Through this method, and by following links to other blogs not hosted by homesteadblogger or homeschoolblogger, I have noticed that there are a handful of blogs out there that have been following a disturbing trend. I call this trend the "I'm a better mother/homeschooler/homekeeper/wife/and biblical scholar and I have the inside track to heaven" bloggers.

    Sound kinda harsh? I don't mean to be. And I certainly don't think there's ANYTHING in the world wrong with filling your blog with daily life stories, advice and ideas on all manner of homekeeping and homeschooling things, and using your blog as a means to declare your faith and to witness to any who read it. I believe blogs can be a tremendous witnessing tool!

    What I have a problem with is bloggers who use their site as a platform to bash other women over the head with their "me"ness and make you think that if you deviate in any way from their prescribed lifestyle (which is surely and divinely dictated to them from Above) you are an apostate and doomed for hades.

    Now, there are many ways of doing things out there that I simply do not subscribe to. I do NOT, however, belittle those who do things differently from me. Here's a sampling of the many things I DON'T do...things for which I have been labeled an apostate and "lukewarm" Christian. Let them think that. God has not laid heavy on my heart the fact that...........

I am not a prairie muffin~ I only own a couple of skirts and wear them only when necessary. I can't fathom gardening and working out in a dress, but if you want to, sister, more power to you! I don't mill wheat to make my own bread- don't have time, and I have yet to figure out that darned sewing machine! I try to grow my hair long, but it's so thin and whispy and is so prone to split ends, I mostly keep it shoulder-length. I would LOVE to go without cosmetics, but I struggle with adult acne, so spackle I must. Does not doing these things lessen my ability to worship God and let His light shine through me? I am not going to let anyone call me vain and empty because I like my hair styled or wear makeup, or call me a lazy housekeeper because I don't make everyone's clothing from scratch or know how to feed my family on $10 a month

I am not a KJV only-ist- I have visited a few blogs written by women who take the position that the King James Version is the only God-endorsed bible in existence, and that all others, including the NIV (which I have and use) are corrupted, perverted, and actually authored and influenced by Satan himself. Okaaaaaay. Now, I have no problem with the KJV. I personally cannot read it because it is written in Elizabethan English and is simply just too hard to follow. One blogger states, "No adult should have aproblem with reading the KJV, as it is written at a 5th grade reading level!" Well, my 5th grader could read it, but he couldn't understand it! I handed him my NIV, had him turn to the same chapter, and he was able to tell me exactly what the scrpiture was talking about. And I'll add that I was an honors English student in college, having scored perfectly on the English portion of my ACT entrance exams. In the second grade, I walked across the hall to join the 6th graders for reading class each day because my reading skill were so advanced, and I STILL can't follow the KJV flawlessly!
    I won't get into the issue about other versions being inaccurate and corrupted, except to say I have read countless commentaries disproving that they are. I trust my NIV to bring to me God's Word, my daily bread. God has not convicted me for reading the "wrong" bible.
Note: truly corrupt bible versions are those of false religions, which have been changed to contain false doctrine and deny the divinity of Jesus Christ

I do not believe it is wrong to step outside your home for fullfillment!!
    There is one blog in particular I am referencing now, but I have seen others take this stance. It is the stance that "You are a wife and mother and have no business seeking rest, refreshment, or fullfillment outside the walls of your home."
    I love my family fiercely. I adore my husband and believe he was brought to me by God. My 3 rambunctious boys can be a handful, but I love them with all my heart. I feel honored and blessed to be able to serve God in my home as a wife and mother, and I take all associated duties seriously, while still having fun with my family. At one time I hated my house, feeling it was too small, not pretty enough, I didn't have pretty furniture or matching dishes/linens/wall hangings, my yard wasn't landscaped...I was the picture of discontentment. I have grown to see my home as my castle, with my husband as king and I as the queen! My job is to make it as clean and inviting and warm as possible, and I relish the task.
    This particular blogger I speak of proceeded to browbeat me for daring to be a MOPS group leader. For those who have never heard of MOPS (a worldwide Christian organization), it's for moms of preschoolers. Meetings are twice monthly and include a great buffet lunch, guest speaker, craft time, and a discussion/chat time. I signed up to lead a group this fall. She told me I must have done so because I hate my children who obviously are misbehaved, that I hate my home, and that I hate my husband because I was seeking feminine friendship. Alrighty then.
    Her contention was, "Any kind of women's bible study, conference, retreat, or gatherings steal you away from your God appointed station in the home. Friendships with other women are wrong and take the place of intimacy with your husband. All you need is your husband, your four walls, and your bible, NOTHING else!"
    This really hurt me, which is just one reason I do not read this woman's blog anymore. Yes, my first priority is God and serving Him by being the best wife and mom I can be, according to His will. If ANY outside activity I took part in conflicted with taking the best care possible of my family, I would quit in a New York Minute!
    I have met some great ladies at MOPS. There is premium care for my 20 month old son, and my 2 older boys love to go and be youth helpers and help take care of the babies. I felt led to become a group leader, and it is my hope I can use that position as a means to lead even one woman to Christ. It in no way interferes with my home duties. In fact, I have a separate schedule set aside for those 2 Wednesdays each month that lets me get everything done that DOES get done on Wednesdays in my home.
    I think if this particular blogger is completely fullfilled in her home and doesn't want any friends or to have any opportunities to bring Jesus into the lives of anyone else, that is her right. But, it is not HER right, nor anyone else's to tell me I am blaspheming God by belonging to a women's group.
    I suspect these women, no matter how they wish to appear otherwise, are just like you and I. They argue with their husbands, they get aggravated with their kids, who are NOT perfect angels all the time, they want to scrap homeschooling and stick their kids back in Public school when days get rough, let the house go when they have a headache, and occaisionally miss a day of bible reading.
    I am dismayed to think that a fledgling Christian wife and mother may visit these sites, read them, take them as gospel, and come away feeling that they are hoplessly unrighteous (which we all are) and could never possibly measure up. I pray for those ladies.

A REAL Headache....

{ 11:06, 2006-Sep-4 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 2 comments } { Link }

    I have always had problems with bad headaches in my second trimester, and this pregnancy is no exception. All day yesterday and the day before I had a bad one that just would not quit. I took Ibuprofen twice yesterday, and all it did was take the edge off a little bit. I was unable to get anything done around the house, read, or even watch tv. It was a miracle I was able to feed the kids and get them to bed!
    I crawled into bed and asked God fervently to please take the pain from my head. I have so much to do to get ready to resume our homeschooling schedule and I was at a dead standstill with these headaches.
    I woke up this morning and right away pounded a huge glass of water, which sometimes helps. I set the kids up with cartoons and went outside to sit in the cool shade and breathe deep and ask God to bless my day and keep me pain free. I had a bit of soreness at the back of my head, but I think it was from rubbing the back of my head and neck so much yesterday.
    It is quarter after 9pm, and I have not had a headache today, but I have had a feeling of pressure and discomfort all over my head all day. I have tried to just relax and keep calm and not worry much about general housework today...I had to save all my energies for getting the computer/schoolroom into order, and I did make a pretty good dent. I got the shelves put up, and I got all the colored dots onto all the books in our library (blue for science, yellow for history, etc, so the kids will at least put them in generally the right spot on the shelves).
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    I have to say, I have just been in love with my little man Charlie. I love all my kids dearly, of course, but at the age of 20 months, Charlie is just so much fun. He has such an expansive vocabulary and stuns me daily with the things he can say("Charlie, do you have poopie pants?" "Yes, mom, poopie!" "What shall we do about it?" "New diaper, Mom!"
    I really don't remember my older two boys talking quite so much at that age! I suppose babies with older siblings have an advantage in that they have these built in tutors who love to try to get him to copy them.
    Today I was putting Charlie-Bear down for his nap , and he grabbed me around the neck, hugged hard, and then kissed me on one cheek, then the other, then repeated it about 5 times! I was just so overcome with happiness I laughed and cried. Who gives better love than a baby? Their affections are just so pure and raw. I was sitting on the floor sorting laundry recently and Charlie ran up to me very fast and just flung himself into my arms and yelled, "Uv oo, Mommy! (Love You, mommy!) It just does not get any better than that. It fills me with so much joyful anticipation for the new little life to come, wondering what kind of personality he or she will have.
    I can't explain it, but love for my older boys is a different kind of love. At 11 and 8, they no longer want to hug and kiss me. I get a brief little hud and pat at bedtime, but any attempts to draw them onto my lap for a snuggle (Charlie calls it a "nuggle") are met with "Awwww, Mom, quit it!"
    Love for an older child mellows into a comfortable yet still protective love, while the love I have for my baby boy is still fierce and even takes my breath away sometimes. I think of how helpless and vulnerable he is...how every baby is...and it almost is too much for me to bear, knowing there are babies out there being thrown away. Babies who are left in cribs to cry and be alone, with no love and only the most cursory and emotionless care. Babies who are battered and treated like animals. It is such an awful reality, and I wish I could love and hold and protect them all.

Virtually Painless

{ 04:13, 2006-Aug-25 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 0 comments } { Link }

Well, I survived my first MOPS meeting as a group leader on Wednesday!

I was so nervous. I carefully chose what to wear and did my nails the night before, made the baked french toast for the brunch buffet, got up and ready in plenty of time, arrived on time, all that.

I was so nervous because I just didn't know who God was going to put at my table (at the first meeting of the semester all ladies draw a group out of a hat at random and belong to that group all year long). Would they like me? Would I get a bunch of MOPS veterans who would think someone like me who had only attended 5 previous MOPS meetings had no business being a group leader? I knew I would have 2 ladies I already knew at my table, because I asked for them to be put there- my sister and my friend Natalie. That was a comfort and helped me calm my jitters. The first meeting was basically a get to know you, this is what MOPS is all about, here are the rules kind of thing. No discussion groups this time. We all sat at craft tables afterwards and made nametags with fake flowers and hot glue guns. I always love the craft segment.

Next time will be the test of how well I can lead a group discussion. Here is how a meeting goes...all ladies check in and sit at their tables, pray over the brunch, eat brunch, little bit of visiting, then the guest speaker does his or her thing, and a discussion time follows where I am supposed to lead a talk on the subject our guest speaker covered. It doesn't have to be too stiff and formal, but I have to be able to keep things going and not let conversation die. Then I am to encourage my girls to take part in the craft project offered, follow up with any prayer requests, and encourage them to come back next meeting. I am also to plan one group outing per month for my group, which I really have the jitters about!

This "semester", the theme is "Fresh Air...What Every Mom Needs". All of the group leaders got to pick our table names from a list provided by MOPS International. I chose for my table "Mountain Air" since I grew up in the Rocky Mountains. And...I really did get a bunch of great ladies. I think God selected us all for a reason and I feel confident about making friends with them.
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I finally heard from the insurance adjuster from the insurance company of the lady I was in an accident with 10 days ago. She took all my information and said I would have to get a damage estimate and fax it in. And get this...I get an extra $500 just because I'm pregnant. I told the insurance lady that I had no injuries other than a sore back, and that my doctor thought I was fine and didn't even recommend an ultrasound and that I was fine, but she said it was a matter of poilcy. If you are pregnant you are automatically awarded a small sum just for having the added stress of being in an accident while pregnant. I didn't expect that, but it will sure be welcome!
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I have to brag on my husband.

I have been very tired lately and the house has been pretty much falling to pot. I have always had a hard time taming clutter because my home is extremely storage deficient, so many things simply have no home! The laundry seems neverending (gee, could that be because it IS???) and I've just been feeling down in general.

Anyway, Chas came home this morning (he has been working one week on, one week off). Unexpected and early. The house was wrecked. I had been very apologetic lately about the state of the house, and he is so good about it. He said not to even worry for a minute and that I was to just concentrate on taking care of the kids and RESTING.

Now, he and I have had an understanding ever since I became a SAHM, and a homeschooling one at that. He works outside the home, and my work is inside the home. I have never minded this a bit, and I think it's the way it should be. I am very old fashioned and tradtional in my thinking. I despise feminism and the blurriness it has brought to the line separating the sexes. My husband expects me to keep the home, but he has never, and I mean NEVER, been a jerk about it. He has never once criticized my housekeeping, my cooking (he wouldn't either, I'm a fabulous cook), or anything like that. He is aware of how hard I work just to get the basics done with 3 kids around full time, and is very respectful of that. He helps out whenever I ask him to when he's home. My husband is wonderful.

Anyway, the boys had been really giving me a hard time lately, and I haven't behaved very well as a result. I haven't had my finest mommy moments the past few weeks, and last night was BAD. Dominic and Zach were both in rare form, and even sweet little Charlie was making me want to pull my hair out and run away from home. I was Big Bad Mean Old Mommy last night, and I unloaded all over my poor husband during our messenger chat last night.

So, he came home this morning, and let me know that he was going to be running the boys through Miller Family Work Camp all week, and that I was to rest and relax. He is going to be giving the kids a lesson in "What Happens When You Disrespect Your Mother". We both agreed that the boys were getting too old for spankings to be a meaningful and useful form of discipline anymore, so we had to get creative. I invented Work Camp mwahahahahahahaha! Which is basically just a very long list of jobs they have to complete one by one, and if they slack or complain, another job gets added to the list, and so on.

And what will I be doing tomorrow afternoon while my dear husband oversees work camp? I will be at Barnes & Noble, perusing pregnancy books and magazines and sipping a Chai Tea Frappaccino, nibbling on a scone or possibly a pair of biscotti. Most likely I'll have a scone AND a biscotti. Okay, I'm getting a giant rice crispies treat too, I know I am so I might as well admit it.

And....she's GONE...POOF!

{ 06:14, 2006-Aug-18 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 1 comments } { Link }

Not sure how I feel about this!

A longtime friend of mine (once my best friend but not for quite sometime) is moving in 2 weeks. From here in Colorado to Washington. It's likely I will never see her again since she and her husband have grown to hate this area and don't have any family here. Our friendship has waned so much in the last 3 years or so that it would not inspire a desire to travel the distance to visit.

Some brief but important background...(ok, maybe not so brief)
We became friends while working together in the same restaurant. I think we became close mostly because we were a few of the only ladies there who were not college bunnies there to make drinking money or fund their manicure and tanning/waxing habits. We both had kids (she married with 3, me single with 2) so that was our main thing in common. We were workout buddies at one point, and basically just there for each other all the time. She and her husband conspired to set me up with my now husband. Her husband worked with Chas, they arranged for us to meet at their home for a BBQ...and we fell in love and were married a year and a half later. My friend and her hubby were our MOH and BM.

About 9 months before Chas and I were married, we bought our home together. Yes, we shacked up. Along about November, we began to feel a desire to find a church, and selected Palisade Christian Church just across the road from us. We loved it immediately but it was a small church (of maybe 50 or 60 ppl) and we were nervous about people finding out we were not married yet (not even formally engaged...that happened about a month later at Christmas dinner at his folks' home in Arkansas). ESPECIALLY the pastor and his wife. But when we met him, he was so warm and welcoming, even after finding out. THAT worked on us big time. To be welcomed into a church family and not be judged or ostracized or frozen out becase we were sinning...that hit hime big time.

Shortly after, we both were convicted in our hearts at virtually the same time about our living situation. I became very upset and emotional one evening and told Chas I though we should stop all sexual physical contact immediately until we were married. He told me he felt the same way and we felt such relief. We both experienced a changing of our hearts and lives that night. It was just a few days later that I said the sinners prayer and became saved, and gave my life to Jesus, and Chas soon followed. We could not, of course LIVE separately. It just was not financially possible. I had given up a low income apartment I had lived in for 5 years. To get back in I'd have to go on a very long waiting list. But, we were true to God and ourselves the whole 6 months.

So, what does all this have to do with my friend and our relationship?

Well, I'm sure some of you will be reading this and not even need an explanation. You become a follower of Christ, your friend remains separated from Him. Actually, in her case, she had given a pretty good effort to going to church and taking the kids, but her husband was not enthusiasitc and made it hard for her, so I think she just gave up. I did try very hard to reach out to her, invite her to attend church with me, and just to live so she'd see Christ through me.

However, our friendship began to die a slow death. She would balk whenever I talked of church and changed the subject, and we met less and less. A phone call every now and then, which I actually did not look forward to because she has a bad habit of yelling at her kids while trying to have a conversation with you, and that's very exhausting for me. I just can't stand it.
At one point, her son, who was in the same class as my oldest before I pulled him out to homeschool, pretty much stole my son's best friend away and excluded him out of everything. My friend became close with the stolen bud's mom and became very cold toward me for a time. These were some of the things that led to the deterioration.

And in general, my husband and I realized that this family was a toxic influence on us. She and her husband fought constantly, cussed and put each other down, talked openly disparagingly of each other, and were both just unhappy miserable people. They brought us down! And their kids, well...there are kids you want yours to be friends with and then there are these kids. I try to love em', I really do. But there is no discipline in the house, they get whatever they want whenever they want it, disrespect and talk back to mom and dad, and eat all manner of junk all day every day, resulting in the 2 oldest being obese. My kids would visit with them and act like complete brats for days afterwards. The influence was apparent, so we stopped getting the kids together.

Now, please know I do not judge them (that's not my job). But I would be a fool to continue to let this family infect mine with their negativity, I'm sure you understand.

So, fast forward to the present...she would call me now and then, but the calls all had a sinister undertone. It was like she was trying to make sure I wasn't TOO happy or doing TOO well. I'm happy in my marriage? Well, you never know, she says, when your husband might become a jerk one day like hers. She would very slyly try to find out how much money my husband was making and if I had gotten a new car yet or whether I had given up my crazy idea of homeschooling and put the kids back in public school yet. It was plain to me she wanted to make sure I wasn't happier that she was. She didn't even want me to have nicer things or more money! I had to suppress an urge to call her and tell her when we bought our new (used but bee-ay-yoo-ti-full) minivan last month. She came by a few days ago to bring me some clothes her oldest had outgrown, saw our new van, and looked absolutely green. She looked it over inside and out and said, "it's actually nice!" I have to admit, the old devil in me was glad she saw it and that our minivan was far nicer than hers. I hate that I felt that, but it was there, I am ashamed to admit.

It was at that visit that she told me she was moving in 2 weeks, and it was a mix of feelings. On one hand, I was sad to hear it. I always held hope that I could have some kind of influence on her.
On the other hand, I was glad! No more checkup equality calls, no more hearing her scream at her kids, no more having her go on about how important her family is to my town because a street here is named after her family (she hasn't lived here in this town for many years but claims residency here). No more having her come over and scan my house for improvements or new things. No more.

Well, I'm still sorting these feelings out, and just felt I had to get them all out.

My streak is over

{ 11:55, 2006-Aug-15 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 1 comments } { Link }

Well, I had gone the entire 15 years I have been a driver without a single accident.

I can't claim that anymore!

I was on my way home from a MOPS group leader meeting and shopping for Dominic's birthday (August 17th...my oldest baby will be 11!!!). Heading home, la dee da...when a woman in a sedan pulls RIGHT out in front of me, like she was in another world. I braked HARD but there was not enough time. I smacked right into the left front of her car. She got out, ran over to see if I was okay (I was, thank God) and called 911. We were instructed to pull our cars off the road since they were both drivable and we both were not injured (turns out I am but more on that in a minute) and we waited for the state trooper. Accident reports, exchange of info forms, blah blah blah. She admitted readily that it WAS her fault so there's no problem there. The officer sent me on my way.

It wasn't until I was closer to home that I realized how scared I was and how badly I was shaking, and I began to really cry. Scary thing, getting into an accident, and I was really blessed that it wasn't worse!

After I got home and got washed up and rested a bit, I began to have a headache. My back felt really tweaked and my neck and shoulders sore. But more of a point of worry, I am 14 weeks pregnant. The insurance claims person said to get to a doctoe RIGHT away to be checked and perhaps have an ultrasound. I have an appointment tomorrow at 10:30 with our GP. What will likely happen is that he will refer me to a chiropractor and an OB for an ultrasound, which will mean THREE docotr's visits! I have respect for doctors, I really do, but all in all it seems GP's mostly pass out scrips' and refer you to a specialist. I'd cut out the middle man this time, but it is necessary for the insurance records for this accident.

Hey, weird thing...the woman I hit...she is a friend of my mom's, and her son and my little bro were best buds in grade school. Small world, huh? I didn't recognize her, but after I got home and read her info form, I just had to chuckle.

Funny thing...since the age of 16, I have owned crappy car after crappy car, and we finally got our hands on this beautiful white and gold Pontiac Montana a few weeks ago. Never so much as a scratch on the piles I used to drive, and now look what happens to my beautiful new minivan!!! Sheesh!!!

Onto other things. Ever had a Blue Ribbon Burger from Red Robin? My husband and I are absolutely enamored of them, and he replicated them for dinner tonight. If you've never had one, here's how it's built...bottom bun, chipotle mayo on bun (made by blending mayo with chiles in adobo sauce) french fried onions, juicy beef patty med well topped with melted bleu cheese (hence the name), lettuce, tomato, and top bun smeared with Heinz 57 sauce. It came super close to the restaurant version. I tell you, this burger is to die for.

My baby turns 11 on Thursday (tear, tear). He is growing up so fast! Chas will be working, so he's having a couple of buds over for pizza ( I'm cutting the budget close this week with buying his gifts, so I'm thinking top your own english muffin pizzas) and root beer floats. He asked for the floats instead of a cake. Fine with me! If we had a cake I'd probably eat half of it myself. The boys will watch a movie we rented (Chronicles of Narnia) and then go home. I absolutely refuse to host sleepovers when my husband is out of town. The boys never listen to me, they wake up the baby, and I never get to sleep.

Later, when Chas is home, we'll go bowling or take the boys to the mall arcade or something. We just don't have the fundages for a party out somewhere this year.

What is Dommie getting for gifts? First and most important, an acoustic guitar. I had to cut into my curriculum budget for this one, but in a way, it can be looked at as an educational tool. I told him I'd only think of getting him one if he agreed to commit to learning it.
We got him a new deck of cards and some new dice, a personal radio, text message walkie talkies, and a new lego set. Oh, and a new tackle box. He's really into fishing lately.

Well, sports fans. I'm about out of gas tonight. That's what's goin' on in my world.

Battling the 1st Trimester Monster!!!

{ 03:41, 2006-Jul-16 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 3 comments } { Link }

Well, my 1st trimester is nearly over, hooray! For me as with many women, that first 12 weeks is just so draining. Last time around, it wasn't too horrible, because my two oldest were still in public school or able to go out and play unattended once school let out, and I was able to rest as much as I wanted on the couch.

Different scenario this time, as I now have a 19 month old bundle of energy to chase after! His older brothers are great with him, and that is a help, but I have to wait til he goes down for his nap to hit the couch and rest, and even then, it's resting only, not napping, because there's the 2 older boys and friends tromping in and out all day long!

I have found that exercising in the morning after breakfast and before chores has greatly helped me reclaim some energy. I do the Kathy Smith Pregnancy Workout and I'm trolling for the FitMama dvd on ebay at a good price. As much as I really hate to exercise, I can't escape the fact that I'm beginning a pregnancy 50 pound overweight, and it simply has to be done if I don't want to top 200 pounds again. I just have no motivation or drive to do it on my own, so I find videos to be a great encouragement. And once it's over, I really feel energized and ready to start the day. Immediately after my workout, I down a glass of water with a scoop of green drink mix stirred in, and let me tell you...the power boost I get is unbelievable!

So...other than that, what else...well, I am not one of those pregnant ladies who "glows" unless you count the sheen on my face from sweat and overproductive oil glands! I have been battling adult acne for 10 years now, and before I got pregnant this time around, my skin was finally starting to permanently clear and look good without all the spackle I usually have to use to cover up. Well, pregnant again, and whammo...I'm all zitty again like a teenager! The roots of my hair are hopelessly greasy and my hair just lies flat. Really the only good thing about my appearance due to preg. hormones is that my nails are growing very fast and strong.

And aside from a few days of nausea, I feel pretty good. I spoke with my new midwife (the man) on the phone the other day so he could collect some stats from me and he told me his patient here in town hasn't delivered yet but that we will arrange a meeting here at my house after she does. One thing that has me edgy right now is that if I had stuck with one of the local, hospital-birth-only midwives, I would have at least had an ultrasound by now to check gestational age and see the heart beating. At this point, when it's too early to feel any movement, an ultrasound can be a great comfort. It lets you really know that YES, indeed, there is a baby in there and he/she is alright. But I'll hang in there!

My world is a changin!!!

{ 11:18, 2006-Jun-27 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 5 comments } { Link }

Well, it's been a good long time since I've blogged!

Things in the Miller household have changed dramatically since my last post....

We're PREGNANT!!!!!! Miller baby #4 is due around the middle of February. Funnily enough, I had just given away a ton of baby stuff including a changing table, baby swing, a Bumbo seat, a sling, and much more including a huge bag of baby clothing.
No matter...baby clothes are pretty easy to come by and I did want some newer things anyway. Plus, the sling is only on loan...those are priceless!

We'd been hoping for a year now to get pregnant, but I have very irregular cycles due to Polycyctic ovary disease so we were never able to chart and predict. We just went on our merry business, hoping one would stick!

The family went to a BBQ on Saturday afternoon, standard fare of hotdogs and hamburgers, potato salad, chips, and cake. Then, late that night, I felt sick to my stomach, and initially though something I had eaten disagreed with me, but no one else felt sick, so it got me to wondering...hmmmm? I realized I had not had a period since early May (not in itself unusual) and I'd been having slight crapming in my pelvis when I stood up. But I was trying not to get too excited because I'd done this before...projecting my wishful thinking! I decided to wait til the end of June, and if I still had no period, I'd get a pg test.

Well, turns out I hate waiting. I figured, by the end of June I'm not going to be MORE or LESS pregnant than I am right now. But I had no money, so I did at least have to wai til Monday to go to the Pregnancy Center in town (they give free pg tests). I was a little disconcerted about walking into that place because this is one of those liberal type counseling places that pushed abortion referrals. I'd seen the outlines of each type of abortion procedure on their website when I was looking for the address, and it really made me sick. But I just kept in the front of my mind what I was there for.

The lady who took my information and did my test, Amelle, was very nice, and seemed surprised that I was indeed married and WANTED to be pregnant. I gave her the pee sample, she dropped some in the test, and said, "Wow, I've never seen the test line appear BEFORE the control line!" I said, "And that means..." She said, "You're definitely pregnant!"

My knees shook and I sterted to laugh this giddy slightly hysterical kind of laugh. She seemed very touched and gave me a big hug, then reached into a cabinet and gave me a knit pair of white and yellow baby booties displayed in a plastic corsage box.

I had gone alone. I figured, if the test was negative, I wanted to drive home and be disappointed in solitude before telling Chas. But now I could hardly stand the amount of time it took to get home, and I sat there in my van, giggling hysterically and weeping!

I got home, went inside, and managed to look kind of somber and sad and sat down in front of my husband. He looked bummed and said, "Oh, honey, you're not." I took his hand, and in his palm I put the pregnancy test. He looked down, blinked, and gasped, "Oh honey!!!" He was so excited!

So, come February, we'll be a family of 6!

I had decided long before this pregnancy that I did not want to have any more babies in the hospital. I found my last experience with having Charlie to be less than great. I was treated like an idiot, beginning with the nurse who asked me, "Are you really in labor?" as I sat in the wheelchair my husband took me up in, writhing in agony from a contraction. I was not allowed to move around or make use of the whirlpool, but made to lay down and have a fetal monitor strapped to me the whole time. I had a crabby nurse who talked down to me. After Charlie came out, he weighed almost 10 pounds and they forced formula on him because his blood sugar was a little below normal. This, I found out later, was totally unnecessary, as he would have stabilized just fine within a few hours and some nursing. Then there was the 3 AM blood draw. They tell you to sleep then send people in at 3 AM to poke you with a needle!!! Oh, and I can't forget the nurse who came in and declared she needed to check me for hemmorhoids. There's no mistaking hemmorhoids, and if I had them, I'd have known it!

Now, for a scared first time mom, a hospital experience may be reassuring, but when I was in for my 3rd, I found it tedious to sit through all the "education" they force you to sit through in order to be released. I know how to change a diaper. I know how to breastfeed. I know how to spot jaundice. Just get me out of here!!!!

And don't even get me started on the BILL, which we are still paying. $12 for a stool softener!

The one thing I can really say I enjoyed about my last hospital stay was being able to order anything I wanted to eat whenever I wanted it, and did I ORDER!!! We made sure first that meals were included in the room price, and I ordered something to eat every few hours I was so ravenous.

I hit a snag, though, realizing that there are no midwives in Grand junction who attend homebirths. I really love Janet, the midwife who delivered all 3 of my boys, but she would not be able to help me this time. Mesa Midwives gave me the number of a midwife about 70 miles away who does homebirthing. Get this....a MALE midwife! I'm meeting with him sometime next week when he's in town for a patient's delivery for an interview.

I was a little dismayed that I had not managed to lose more weight before becoming pregnant again. As it stands, I'm 50 pounds overweight, so I am going to have to really try hard to watch what I eat this time and exercize better. I gained far too much weight with Charlie and ended up 217 pounds at delivery time. Ain't gonna happen this time. I'm 180 now and determined not to gain more than 20 pounds.

Took a little break!

{ 03:10, 2006-May-25 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 3 comments } { Link }

I had begun to feel like I was spending too much time on the computer...ironically I spent a lot of time reading about homekeeping and meal planning and child training. I just spent too much time looking and not enought time doing!
I found a wonderful e book I purchased that helped me to set up a home management binder that was really what i'd been looking for, and laid out cleaning routines that have proven to be very doable! I am finally getting things under control around here. It is not perfect yet, as I am doing some projects in addition to the normal cleaning routines like lining the tops of my kitchen cupboards with EZEE peel off contact paper to make the next cleaning a snap. Oh, what a chore that was, getting up there and cleaning the greasy sludge. It's my own fault, though, for waiting almost FOUR YEARS to clean up there! AAAAAAAgh!!
So happy...we finally got the front yard tilled under and cleared of weeds and rocks, and we're planitng a lawn next week! Yippee!!!
The summer after we bought our home, we decided to let the lawn die for 2 reasons. 1, we hated the coarse look of the grass already there and planned to plant a new lawn, and 2, we were kind of in a tight place financially and it made sense not to spend the money to water a lawn we were planning on tearing up soon anyway.
But we never did, and i've had to live with this ugly dirty weedy yard (front AND back) for nearly 4 years. I have had to really fight to keep from being discontented at the state of the outside of my home, and to really have a heart of thankfulness that God saw fit to give us this home at all. Over the years we've lamented to each other about how we made a hasty mistake buying this house. It's too small, only 1 bathroom, tiny dark kitchen, a yard too tiny for a family with 3 kids and a dog for sure! But we loved the look of the area, and it's walking distance to 3 great parks, post office, grocery store, and the school the kids went to before we switched to homeschooling.
But when we get into that oh woe is us mode, we remind each other that moving here led us to meeting some very dear friends, including our former pastor and his wife, John and Angela. John married Chas and I, and Angela was (still is) such a dear friend to me and was there for Charlie's birth. We know that God led us to be here right now, so the best we can do is to try to make our home beautiful.
I mean, what woman doesn't want a lovely lawn with some flower beds and maybe a vegetable garden? I've longed to have a pretty yard to care for and craft. I grew some grape tomaotes and some lettuces in planter boxes last summer, but it wasn't the same. It didn't hold the same satisfaction as getting in the dirt on your knees and smelling the soil and having the sun beat dowm on your back.
Our porches have been a sore spot for me too. The shape of them is just wacky. We have a very old house but it has been built on to and modernized, and we've often commented to each other that whoever did all these "improvements" might not have been entirely stable. Our kitchen cabinets are hung crooked, doorjambs wonky, and the walls are horribly texturized. And the porches. SIGH...
I took matters into my own hands recently and with a sledgehammer knocked out these ugly board panels that go across the front of the porch, sort of closing it off. Now it's just the 2x4's and the posts. we'll get 2x2 to fill in the gaps and paint it a lovely white. Then, after the porch itself is stripped and stained, I plan to beautify it with some pretty wicker porch furniture and potted flowers and hanging baskets of flowers. An area truly fit for company and visiting...that's what I've always wanted.

A virus has ransacked the house

{ 11:17, 2006-Apr-28 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 2 comments } { Link }

Oh my...me and my sons Dominic and Charlie have been dreadfully sick. It started with Charlie on Tuesday with throwing up...then he was better by Wednesday morning. Wednesday night, I was just shutting down the computer around 11:30 when I heard gagging coming from the boys' room. I looked in to see Dominic barfing all over his bed (ugh). I took him into the livingroom and sat up with him ALL night, follwing him into the bathroom every ten minutes or so. I watched 2 Lord Of The Rings movies

in that time. I finally got some sleep around 6 am, but then the baby was up by 7. I was nursing him when nausea overtook me, and I had to plop poor Charlie on the floor and make a dash for the bathroom. My bout lasted til about 10 last night.
No one is throwing up anymore, but we're all still feeling a bit tender tummied- I ordered pizza for dinner and we all ate less than 1 slice. I just am thankful that we got sick in succession and not all at the same time! I am also praying that Zach and my husband don't also get sick.

I'm so excited!!!

{ 12:50, 2006-Apr-24 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 3 comments } { Link }

Oh...so many good things happening!
My husband got a new job. In fact, he was offered the job before he even left the jobsite of the job he was leaving! Does that make sense? Basically, NO time lapsed between the old job and the new job...YAY, God is good! I can see getting out of debt, making some repairs and improvements on the house, and finally getting a used minivan on the horizon!

A friend of mine recently told me that she had made the decision to be a SAHM! If she reads this, she'll know who she is! I had been praying for her that it become possible for her to do, and that she is able to find ways to get out there and meet lots of moms and keep busy! And if she IS here and reading, she should go down and read my entry titled "Homekeeping Hearts Are Happiest" So happy for you!

Things are finally getting done in the yard...I'm taking the initiative and whacking apart the front porch myself and I'm going to strip and stain it myself. No stress relief like breaking apart something ugly with a 16 pound sledgehammer! Grass will be planted soon! Woohoo!

Off to hang laundry out now, then do a little yardwork, go to the mall to buy a Precious Moments figurine for mother's day for my MIL, then we're grilling Elk steaks for dinner...mmmmm!

Talking Vegetables, oh my...

{ 12:39, 2006-Apr-15 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 0 comments } { Link }

We just got back awhile ago from seeing the Veggie Tales Rockin' Live Tour at our church. Just another reason why I love the church we go to...we host these really great events! We had a great time tho Charlie began to melt down toward the end. It didn't end til 9pm!

Well, if you couldn't tell from my last post, I had been in a bit of a black place lately. Everything just seemed to pile in on me at once. Do you ever just have those times when you still feel like a little kid, not ready to be a wife and mommy and have all these things to tend to? Well, I had been in that zone for a few weeks. I would just stand and look at the mayhem around me, go get into bed, pull the covers over my head and whimper.

I realized I needed...A ROUTINE! GASP! You mean you don't have a ROUTINE, Shannon!?!?!? No, not a really good one, anyway. I tried the Fly Lady before, but it was too much with all the emails and the "zones" and if you really wanted to do it right, you had to but all these tools and notebooks and garbage.

Well, I bought a notebook...a ten cent spiral notebook from WalMart! In the back, I started to make a list of every meal I made, to assist in menu planning. In the front, I made a page for each day of the week and listed what I would do on those days. Here's my basic rundown...

MONDAY- Livingroom. I listed what tasks I would do weekly and which ones I would do monthly for every room, like dusting weekly and cleaning the ceiling fan monthly.
Wash sheets and towels.

TUESDAY- Computer room. Wash Dad's clothes.

WEDNESDAY- Boys deep clean their room while I supervise. Wash boys' clothes.

THURSDAY- Kitchen. Aside from everyday dishwashing and sweeping. This includes stuff like neatening the tupperware cupboard or cleaning out the fridge. Wash my clothes.

FRIDAY- Bathroom, my least favorite job. With three peeing males in the house, guess why...hmmm... Wash dishtowels, rags, and the white washcloths we use instead of baby wipes.

SATURDAY- Laundry room. It gets very dirty because the back door is in there, and is also VERY prone to clutter. No laundry unless its an emergency!

SUNDAY- a day of rest!

I plan to add other things like different yardwork tasks. This is just a start. I am also working on firming up more of a morning and bedtime routine for all of us, myself included.

So, what's YOUR schedule/routine? If you care to share, blog your routine, leave me a comment, and I'll check it out on your blog!

Feeling a little LOST today

{ 12:33, 2006-Apr-7 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 4 comments } { Link }

I can't explain. Just a general blueness today, like life is just a little "off." I have been feeling pretty inadequate lately in regards to my parenting, homekeeping, and homeschooling efforts. I really don't think I try to live up to an impossible standard or anything like that. There are days when the house is a pigsty and it doesn't bother me one bit. But I look around here today and just feel totally overwhelmed.
Dishes are piled up. There's a load of laundry sitting in the washer wet that has been there for 2 days and is probaly getting stinky (I'll now have to double-wash it in HOT), the kids' room is heinous, and my and my husband's room looks like my room did when I was in high school. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
I have felt lately like my kids are just walking all over me, and i've had to resort to threatening them with "Just wait til your dad gets home" kind of stuff. Dominic, in particular, bullies me and whines and pleads and grates on me and is relentless til I give in, and I don't want to be that kind of mom. We lecture them on respecting us and it does no good. I think he in particular is going through this awful stage...bad attitude, total lack of reapect, terminal boredom...
I won't even go into the homeschooling issue except to say that I am going to have my act so much more together next year. Everything this year has been so seat of the pants make it up as I go along and disorganized. I really did not set goals well, and I just am not confident enough to write my own curriculum yet.
I have felt lonliness weighing on me lately. I really don't have any close friends. A few ladies I see now and then, and a good neighbor who sends me some funny emails and tolerates me annoying her all the time, but no one I can really open up to and heart to heart with. It makes me sad and full of longing for the close friendships I had when I was younger. My best friend Mariah from high school. My best friend Valerie from Junior high. My best friend Bernadette, who got me through almost 5 years of working in a horrible envoronment at a job I hated. I am now only in scant contact with the latter 2 and have not spoken to Mariah in about 3 years. I tried making a move towards restarting things, but she was not interested.
Belonging to online communities can be a fun thing, and a source of inspiration, ideas, advice, and laughs, but still leaves me feeling like someone on the outside looking in. Unless you are one of the ladies that has been there from the beginning, it is really hard to feel like you belong. I feel friendship and a certain level of cameraderie with a few, but mostly I just feel tolerated.
I have been going to MOPS meetings, which I really enjoy. I hope I can make a few friends there.
Boy, sorry to be such a downer! I really hate it when I feel like this. I just need to go to bed and take all this to God in prayer.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day...

Busy day today...

{ 11:14, 2006-Mar-31 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 1 comments } { Link }

I've got so much to do today!

Dominic is attending a backwards progressive dinner hosted by his small group at church, and I am hosting the last course, which is the appetizer course. I'm glad, because now I won't have to drive all the way out to the curch to pick him up afterward!
So I'm going to spend all day spiffing up the house, which is a disaster.
I've decided to serve tortilla chips with a layered baked dip and punch. Cheap, but kids will like it.
Okay, so 15 little boys will be in my house, using my bathroom...I think Dominic will be cleaning the bathroom tomorrow, NOT me! I shudder to think of the puddles on the floor. Oh, how I long for my own girly bathroom! It would be pink and white, with a swoopbacked, clawfooted tub, with a matching old fashioned pull chain toilet and ceramic pedestal sink. I'd have dotted swiss curtains, a beautiful oval vanity mirror edged in distresses ivory painted wroughtiron...oh, to dream! But alas, we have ONE bathroom, and with three (four soon) upright peeing men/boys, well, you can imagine the ickiness factor. I'm just grateful we have linoleum and not carpet in there!

It is absolutely beautiful outside today, so i'll try to get out for a walk with the kids today.

Homekeeping hearts are happiest!

{ 04:27, 2006-Mar-30 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 3 comments } { Link }

I just wanted to share my thoughts on being a SAHM today.

I am coming full circle to realizing that this is what I was meant to do! Imagine!
When I was a little girl, I remember being asked to write down and draw a picture of what we all wanted to be when we grew up. I drew a picture of a mommy holding a baby and I wrote that I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. I remember the teacher (I think it was kindergatern or first grade) asking me, "But what JOB do you want to have?"
Sadly, this is probably going on in schools all over the country. Little girls express a desire to have children and be keepers of the home, and they are shut down with scorn or disbelief or condescention.
Now, let me say that I think there is nothing wron with having career ambitions or wanting to go to work. And I am fully aware that in some cases, it is necessary for the mother to work outside the home, either because she is single or it is necessary for the family's survival. Often things have gotten so tight here at home that I asked my husband, "Please honestly tell me if you would prefer that i go get a job." He always says he wants me right where I am...keeping the home, caring for the kids, and homeschooling them. It's always a relief for me to hear him say that, because I love to be a homekeeping mom. But I really have to be firm in my beliefs that most families just DO NOT need two incomes. We truly do trap ourselves in this modern world, do we not? We have multiple vehicles, mortgages we can't afford (but we have to look good to people, so we buy these houses anyway!) cable TV, spoiled children who get their heart's desire, and so many material possessions we just can get along without. I believe that if these families would take a close look and really decide what's important, they'd have no trouble letting go of the external trappings of American life and seeing that a mother's place is in the home.
I have heard comments along the lines of "Stay at home moms use that as an excuse to not work and to feed their laziness." Now, I bet somewhere out there, there's someone like that. But if someone told me that I use homekeeping or homeschooling as an excuse not to work, I'd have to laugh in their face so hard I'd poop myself!
I work harder now than I ever did working outside the home! I am oncall 24/7 with no pay. But the benefits...ahhhhh...the benefits are astounding!
I get to see my little one year old learn a new word every day. I get to personally ensure the academic success of my older 2 boys. I get to play with them, teach them, laugh with them, and protect their innocence from the predators waiting for them at the friendly neighborhood public school. I get to instruct them in the ways of Jesus and watch their little characters develop.
I get to be there for my husband when he comes home from a tiring day at work. I get to take the time to make myself look nice for him (sometimes I just can't muster the nergy...he understands!), to make the house clean and good smelling and quiet and mellow (again...sometimes!) and have a good meal waiting for him when he gets home. I get to tuck in my kids, spend quiet time with my man, and go to bed peacefully, not worrying about setting the alarm or worrying about a co-worker I'm in conflict with or an unkind, ungodly boss.

And did I mention I am in complete and joyfull submission to my husband? At times, I do struggle with this, but it is clear in God's word that the wife must respect her husband and submit to his authority. And do you know what? I LOVE that! I love it that I have someone who can stop me from making a bad decision or who will speak on the phone to a bill collector for me. He is strong, kind, gentle, and does not abuse this role. Never once has he made me do something I didn't want to do. Not once has he withheld money or freedom from me. Not once has he acted bossy, domineering, chauvenistic, or abusive in any way. He is truly a godly husband, and it is my duty and pleasure to serve him as my husband, my leader, and yes...my BOSS! I strive every day to be a Proverbs 31 mother and wife. I have a long way to go, though!

I will never allow someone to make me feel bad when they ask what I do and I answer, "I stay at home and homeschool." Their blank stares and their, "Ohhhh.." only serves to amuse me. Or I have people say to me, "I could never do what you do...I couldn't stand to be stuck at home with my kids all day long...Oh, that would drive me crazy!" I want to say, "Well then, you probably shouldn't do it!" My children are a joy to me (90% of the time, mind you) and if I saw them as annoying little hindrances to my life, I would NOT be a stay at home mom! Why are women today continuing to have babies but refusing to take joy in them and be integral parts of their lives? I don't want to have babies only to farm them out to others all day long while I go to work so my family can afford a NEWER BETTER car or membership to exclusive clubs/schools or all the latest fashions! Why are we continuing to have children only to let someone else be in charge of what goes into their impressionable young minds? The humanistic tripe that our public schools are forcefeeding our kids scares me. Our government wants to take these little souls and turn them into machines, ready to do the bidding of the powers that be.
Well, not my kids. I want them to remain children for as long as they ARE children! I don't want to subject them to bullies, peer pressure, and ungodliness! I want them to be puire of heart, pure of mind, happy, and most of all, I want them to walk in God's light.
If any of my friends are reading this...my friends who do have children and who do work outside the home...please know I am not judging or condemning you. I am only wanting you to be able to know the kind of joy I have being at home with my children, and to know that you CAN do it! Please take close looks at your lives, and realize what you can live without. Your children need you and want you! You won't lose who you are or become 2 dimentional! You'll be fulfilling God's desire and plan for you, and as long as you don't forget to take care of yourself and build your character and interests, you will only GROW!