Far Above Rubies

And....she's GONE...POOF!

{ 06:14, 2006-Aug-18 } { Posted in Ramblings } { 1 comments } { Link }

Not sure how I feel about this!

A longtime friend of mine (once my best friend but not for quite sometime) is moving in 2 weeks. From here in Colorado to Washington. It's likely I will never see her again since she and her husband have grown to hate this area and don't have any family here. Our friendship has waned so much in the last 3 years or so that it would not inspire a desire to travel the distance to visit.

Some brief but important background...(ok, maybe not so brief)
We became friends while working together in the same restaurant. I think we became close mostly because we were a few of the only ladies there who were not college bunnies there to make drinking money or fund their manicure and tanning/waxing habits. We both had kids (she married with 3, me single with 2) so that was our main thing in common. We were workout buddies at one point, and basically just there for each other all the time. She and her husband conspired to set me up with my now husband. Her husband worked with Chas, they arranged for us to meet at their home for a BBQ...and we fell in love and were married a year and a half later. My friend and her hubby were our MOH and BM.

About 9 months before Chas and I were married, we bought our home together. Yes, we shacked up. Along about November, we began to feel a desire to find a church, and selected Palisade Christian Church just across the road from us. We loved it immediately but it was a small church (of maybe 50 or 60 ppl) and we were nervous about people finding out we were not married yet (not even formally engaged...that happened about a month later at Christmas dinner at his folks' home in Arkansas). ESPECIALLY the pastor and his wife. But when we met him, he was so warm and welcoming, even after finding out. THAT worked on us big time. To be welcomed into a church family and not be judged or ostracized or frozen out becase we were sinning...that hit hime big time.

Shortly after, we both were convicted in our hearts at virtually the same time about our living situation. I became very upset and emotional one evening and told Chas I though we should stop all sexual physical contact immediately until we were married. He told me he felt the same way and we felt such relief. We both experienced a changing of our hearts and lives that night. It was just a few days later that I said the sinners prayer and became saved, and gave my life to Jesus, and Chas soon followed. We could not, of course LIVE separately. It just was not financially possible. I had given up a low income apartment I had lived in for 5 years. To get back in I'd have to go on a very long waiting list. But, we were true to God and ourselves the whole 6 months.

So, what does all this have to do with my friend and our relationship?

Well, I'm sure some of you will be reading this and not even need an explanation. You become a follower of Christ, your friend remains separated from Him. Actually, in her case, she had given a pretty good effort to going to church and taking the kids, but her husband was not enthusiasitc and made it hard for her, so I think she just gave up. I did try very hard to reach out to her, invite her to attend church with me, and just to live so she'd see Christ through me.

However, our friendship began to die a slow death. She would balk whenever I talked of church and changed the subject, and we met less and less. A phone call every now and then, which I actually did not look forward to because she has a bad habit of yelling at her kids while trying to have a conversation with you, and that's very exhausting for me. I just can't stand it.
At one point, her son, who was in the same class as my oldest before I pulled him out to homeschool, pretty much stole my son's best friend away and excluded him out of everything. My friend became close with the stolen bud's mom and became very cold toward me for a time. These were some of the things that led to the deterioration.

And in general, my husband and I realized that this family was a toxic influence on us. She and her husband fought constantly, cussed and put each other down, talked openly disparagingly of each other, and were both just unhappy miserable people. They brought us down! And their kids, well...there are kids you want yours to be friends with and then there are these kids. I try to love em', I really do. But there is no discipline in the house, they get whatever they want whenever they want it, disrespect and talk back to mom and dad, and eat all manner of junk all day every day, resulting in the 2 oldest being obese. My kids would visit with them and act like complete brats for days afterwards. The influence was apparent, so we stopped getting the kids together.

Now, please know I do not judge them (that's not my job). But I would be a fool to continue to let this family infect mine with their negativity, I'm sure you understand.

So, fast forward to the present...she would call me now and then, but the calls all had a sinister undertone. It was like she was trying to make sure I wasn't TOO happy or doing TOO well. I'm happy in my marriage? Well, you never know, she says, when your husband might become a jerk one day like hers. She would very slyly try to find out how much money my husband was making and if I had gotten a new car yet or whether I had given up my crazy idea of homeschooling and put the kids back in public school yet. It was plain to me she wanted to make sure I wasn't happier that she was. She didn't even want me to have nicer things or more money! I had to suppress an urge to call her and tell her when we bought our new (used but bee-ay-yoo-ti-full) minivan last month. She came by a few days ago to bring me some clothes her oldest had outgrown, saw our new van, and looked absolutely green. She looked it over inside and out and said, "it's actually nice!" I have to admit, the old devil in me was glad she saw it and that our minivan was far nicer than hers. I hate that I felt that, but it was there, I am ashamed to admit.

It was at that visit that she told me she was moving in 2 weeks, and it was a mix of feelings. On one hand, I was sad to hear it. I always held hope that I could have some kind of influence on her.
On the other hand, I was glad! No more checkup equality calls, no more hearing her scream at her kids, no more having her go on about how important her family is to my town because a street here is named after her family (she hasn't lived here in this town for many years but claims residency here). No more having her come over and scan my house for improvements or new things. No more.

Well, I'm still sorting these feelings out, and just felt I had to get them all out.

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{ 08:31, 2006-Sep-7 } { Posted by mc2rwe }
I loved reading this post. Actually, I have enjoyed reading all of them. I feel for you in this situation because I have been there myself. Out all of my friends through the years I only have one friend that is a non believer and I feel that she is my life because God wants her there. How you expressed your feelings on this particular situation was honest and straightforward. I appreciate that.

Kathy

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