Laughing Stock Farm

The REAL Feminine Mistake

“Dear Mommy,

I wanted to write to let you know that I haven’t really been all that happy lately. I’m growing very tired of seeing only you day after day; and frankly, I’m a little bit tired of all those silly games you seem to want to play with me when I’m awake. I need a little more socialization than just spending time with you and occasionally Daddy, my brothers & sisters, all the Grandpas & Grandmas, your friends, etc. I need to get out in the world and experience more of life.

Love,Emily”  (Age 2 mos.)

 You can recite to me all the “research” in the world to make your case for working outside the home and make the most passionate argument about your own need for self-fulfillment and need for money to help support the family; but truly, in my heart of hearts (without any reservation) I know where every loving, concerned mother belongs - at home with her children. Ask any four-year old if they’d rather Mommy was home with them or off at work. That’s all the evidence I need to support my deeply-held belief that women belong at home with their children. It’s as simple and provable as that. We all, as mothers, know the what the truth really is.

As I listened to the Today Show this morning, an interview with Leslie Bennetts about her new book, “The Feminist Mistake” caught my attention. When I first heard the title, “The Feminist Mistake”, I seriously thought it would be a book about how women have bought into the lie of “having it all” and have sacrificed their children at the altar of “self-fulfillment“. How surprised I was to discover it was just the opposite.

The premise of Bennetts’ book appears to be that women who choose to stay home to raise their children and rely on their husbands to support them are making a foolish mistake. It seems her goal is to “educate” women about the “dangers” of relying on men. She purports that this is foolish behaviour because so many women are left by their “man”, whether through divorce or death; therefore, relying on a man to support you is virtual idiocy. That this smacks of typical man-hating, feminist behavior I’ll leave out of the discussion.

The first analogy that popped into my head was this. We all know we potentially risk life and limb when driving a car. But we simply cannot stop driving (unless you happen to live in a city with a very good public transportation system) and give in to this fear of an automobile accident. It’s just not practical. It is very necessary to use a car for a whole host of important reasons such as grocery shopping, doctor visits, etc. Our very health and well-being depend on it.

Similarly, we cannot sacrifice the well-being of our own children because of the potential risk that our husband may die or leave us. That’s called throwing out the baby with the bath water, and it’s simply ridiculous to any well-reasoned, educated person. Good financial planning in the way of a life and disability insurance policy, and that old-fashioned thing called financial planning, can assist with the unforeseen risks of losing a husband. To plan your entire life (especially your marriage & your parenting choices) around the possibility of becoming a single mother is just absurd.

Does working outside the home guarantee that you’ll never have financial difficulties in the case of losing a spouse? Obviously not.

 "My book was designed to address that information gap, to give women the information they need to make responsible choices, so they can better protect their own interests -- and those of their children."...Leslie Bennetts

How does abandoning the care of your children to someone else best serve your children? I’m dumbfounded at this line of thinking. Let’s be truthful here, it serves the interests of the mother, not the children. Why bother having children at all if you have no interest in being their foundation, shaping their little lives to adulthood and spending as much time as possible with them?

Bennetts also makes the argument that women who work outside the home are somehow happier. That’s all well and good, but when we choose to bring children into this world, aren’t we then choosing to bear the responsibility to do our utmost to love and care for them, to make the best choices for that will ultimately benefit them most? The saddest consequence I see (since women have bought into the big feminist lie) is that the children’s best interests are sacrificed for the working mother’s self-fulfillment.

In today’s society, it seems more acceptable to choose to have children and abandon their care to someone else than to buy a puppy dog and chain it out in the yard. What’s wrong with this societal picture?

As for daycare....don't get me started. I can hardly bear the thought of mothers leaving their 4-week old babies in the care of virtual strangers. How can anyone say in good conscience that daycare is even remotely close to a mother's loving care and nurturing? Even a friend or family member will not care for a child in exactly the same way as that child's mother. What memories and traditions are we giving our children if their earliest memories are of daycare centers and workers?

"But the truth is that meaningful work is the source of great rewards in many women's lives…” - Leslie Bennetts

I'm horrified at this statement. In its context it implies that the work of stay-at-home mothers is somehow not meaningful or rewarding.

“Feel free to disagree with me, and do whatever you want to do, and I wish you good luck, because you're going to need it. " - Bennetts

Because we're going to need it?? Tell that to the millions of women who’ve happily and successfully stayed home to take care of their responsibilities for thousands of years. History, undeniably, proves Bennetts' theory wrong.

This book only serves to widen the gap between stay-at-home mothers and those working outside the home. It does not serve the best interests of the children or women in general. It only encourages this great divide that has developed. Perhaps it assuages the guilt that some working mothers feel, which I suspect is the real reason the book was written. Guilt is there for a healthy reason, in the same way a philandering husband feels guilt when he leaves his wife to have a mistress.

Thanks for Sharing

03:43, 4 April 2007 .. Posted by Keeblur

Sometimes I wonder why certain (not all) working women feel threatened by stay at home moms. That's where all this really comes from, they feel guilty and so are trying to attack those who choose to stay home and raise their children and take care of the home. I know women who have to work and are very supportive of my situation to stay at home. I also have friends on the other hand who constantly badger me with "concern" over my "subordination" to my husband and children. Obey God and all will be well.
Vicki

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05:18, 4 April 2007 .. Posted by crewchief

oh my goodness. that is all I have to say.

well, not really. you know I can't just leave it at that.

I've heard nonsense like this a lot in my life. yes, at the moment I am a working mom. (part time, and I hate it) I have worked day care. I have had a home day care. And I've been a stay-at-home mom. and I'm here to tell you, children NEED their mothers.

and just for the record, I've heard that argument about "what happens if he dies or leaves you" a lot from my mother. that just goes all over me.

Anyway, just wanted to say wow. and I wholeheartedly agree with you.

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09:45, 6 April 2007 .. Posted by Rhen

I completely agree about the handfuls of bull women are being served by feminists and women are just taking seconds and thirds!! I do not judge women who have to go to work because just HAVE to but I feel so bad for women who go to work just to have more "things". Who needs more things when you have children who adore you. Who needs more purpose than the responibility of raising little human beings into well adjusted, intelligent, loving, caring and successfull Christians!!!???? It is so sad to see the little babies and toddlers forming close relationships with their care takers instead of their parents. It breaks my heart. I just can't let institutions raise my children and be the most influential people in their lives. That is our jobs as parents.
Prayers to all women who have to work (and choose to work) and cannot be with their children during the times they need their parents the most.
God Bless,
~Rhen