On August 18, 2004 my precious son, Nathaniel Blake, joined and expired from our family.  He was a 35 week old stillborn.  He was perfect.  He had thick blonde hair, blonde eyelashes, perfect fingers and toes, my pug nose, and very muscularly cut legs.  Unfortunately he had a blood clot on his side of the placenta.  We were never able to see him with his eyes open.  When he was sleeping he looked exactly like my now 9 year old son. 

Yesterday, a girl in my bible study brought her 2 week old daughter, Mila.  I do fine with babies, but she was so small and was lying, sleeping, in the same pattern/type of car seat we had for Nathan.  I really put on a good act for people to think I was okay, and overall I was fine.  Later that night after dinner when my stomach swelled like I was 9 months pregnant (not pregnant, but something wrong with stomach. dr just put me on meds) I was lying on the couch rubbing my stomach because it was queasy.  I had visions of being pregnant with Nathan and lying down rubbing my stomach to feel for him to kick. 

This blog is overal about homekeeping.  Today I needed to journal my feelings about my loss.  I can be fine for months and then something will hit like yesterday and I will be sad for a little while.  Please pray for me.  I promise I will go back to my homekeeping blog soon. 

Blessings,

~Farrah

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Posted by Sweetmama2

I am so sorry. I to have a baby boy in heaven (brady) and no, he never had a breath in this world.( July 26, 1995) I feel your pain and I feel your hurt and I will cry with you.
I do as you do and put on a good show in front of people. Do what you must and feel what you must and pray.
All my love and prayers
Sweetmama

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Posted by Andrea

I am so so sorry for your loss, Farrah! *sigh* I too have a little boy in heaven. :```-( You and I both look forward to the day when we will see our loved ones again, don't we. You are still young yet. My days are growing dimmer and in many ways, that's a good thing. I'm that much closer to those I haven't seen in a long long time.

Take good care.

Peace~ Andrea

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Posted by Kitty

This blog is about whatever you want it to be about, your home, your kids, your animals, and most of all your feelings good are bad. Keep the faith, and most of all keep sharing whatever you feel the need to share. God bless you sweetie.
Kitty

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Posted by mulberrylane

You go ahead and have your sad days! We all have them. And I agree that your blog is your blog... write what you want. If someone doesn't want to read it... they don't have to. Hope your day gets better.
Warmly, Melissa

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Posted by smmagers

I am sorry for your pain. I feel it when
I read your blogg, you are in my prayers. You blogg can be about what ever you want! Remember you will one bay be with your son again, I can see that you have bad days and good days, I pray you have more good days. God Bless mj

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Posted by quiverfullacres

My thoughts are with you. I am sorry for your loss even though it was a few years ago, I know it seems like yesterday at times. May you rest in God's comfort.

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