Wed-17-Mar-2010 - I love ...

... that I've been away from blogging this long. LOL

Snippets ....

.... we bought two dairy goats, Alpines. We now have milk! We have never gone through this much milk before, but we've never had a steady supply before, either!

.... I weaned Eden.

.... we are planting things. It's spring! And time for it!

.... I love staying busy, dropping into bed at night tired from a good day's work. I don't believe work is bad; I do not believe it is part of the "curse" per se. Work may be harder, but I believe we were created to work.

.... I love feeling this growing little one inside me, kicking away. It is such a sweet feeling! I love my children ... even this tiniest one! I so eagerly look forward to holding this child in my arms and nourishing him/her!

.... we are getting about a dozen eggs a day from our hens. All of them still aren't laying yet. I have some straglers!

..... yesterday I made bread, today I plant blackberries and loganberries and maybe grapes ... I love my life! It is so varied, so unique, so full and rich with love and learning .... I am always learning!

.... I love that my children are learning to work with me. Each day it seems, we learn something new. Samuel can help me load the dishwasher. I haven't put the soap in the dispenser in days. ~smile~ They help clean off the table, Samuel even helped me steam mop the floor the other day. He was so proud of himself! I am letting go of perfection. Which is more important? That they learn, or that it is perfect?

.... I can't hardly believe that  Samuel is 4yo. I miss having a 3yo ... it is a unique age! I look forward to having another 3yo in October. Elijah is growing up so fast! Eden is so .... girly. Actually, that wasn't what I was going to say. But she is! She is also obedient, and talking up a storm. She echos me frequently, and I just love it!

.... I miss blogging only distantly. I am learning and growing and living ... I know it sounds so trite; but we only have one life to live. I hope you are making yours an act of worship, something beautiful and poured out and splendid and rich. As my Beloved reminded me yesterday - spend time in worship today!

All the best,

~Ashley~

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Wed-3-Mar-2010 - Hiatus ....

My last blog may have had poor timing, I'm not sure.

I am really thinking of backing away from blogging for the summer. Maybe once a week. Maybe just pictures.

I used to think that the printed word was so powerful. I'm not sure why I didn't learn the simple lesson growing up that letters can always be misconstrued.

I have felt lately that I'm learning to pray more, blog less and reach for the phone less often.

It's funny, that's how I spent my teen years. Knowing that only God understood the depths of my heart.

It's good, because I'm growing closer to Him. And to my Beloved. That is a big switch from the ol' teen years - I have a partner, a mate. We have been together through thick and thin ... seems sometimes like an awful lot of "thin" for only being married 6yrs, but so be it. Sometimes it feels like our marriage is as tough as nails just because we've been through so much and know we can still count on each other. But it's not really our marriage, it's God. He is some really strong glue ....

I should probably at least back away from blogging until things settle down. My Daddy goes home from the hospital. Jay's job situtation becomes less tentative. I get some behavioral issues ironed out with all the kiddoes ... yeah, all of those things I don't mention on the old blog because it feels like complaining.

As a commenter said on the last post, blogs are so fake.

I've never wanted to be fake. Well, maybe I did in my late teens! LOL I've just wanted to show that life with small children wasn't what I thought it was going to be - it is so much better. But I feel like I fail to convey that at times. Which is what the point of the whole last post was. That anyone that pities me should find someone else ... because I don't need it.

I have so much to do besides blog. Stare into my 2yo's sparkly blue eyes. Hang laundry on the line. Snuggle Eden ... read a book to Samuel. Cook food. Sing hymns. Pray ... work on me, my heart.

I've done this before and been back inside a week .... we'll see this time. No promises.

~Ashley~

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Tue-2-Mar-2010 - Hodge Podge ....

Rather than call it an "update", which so many of my posts are already called! LOL

My Daddy had a heart attack on Thursday, and is still at the heart hospital. I'm going to go see him today again .... it's hard. The doctors told him yesterday that the damaged part of his heart isn't going to rebound and recover. He also has a blood clot in his heart, which they are trying to disolve. If it moves, it means another, this time fatal, heart attack.

That is really hard to say, about my Daddy. It was such a scare, I'm ready for everything to be fine and normal again. I don't want to have lingering bits of fear that I have to take to Jesus, day after day....

..... but I do. That has been my new normal, for almost a week.

***

Eden is learning so much ... yesterday, she saw her Daddy put a q-tip in the trash. She is in our "Trash Digger" stage. She walked over and picked it up out of the trash.

Mommy said, "Eden."

And she put the q-tip down, lower lip quivering, and then walked away from it. I was so proud!!!!!

The whole family had to hear about it and clapped for her. ~smile~

***

Don't think my kids are perfect, though, just because I share special Mommy moments like that! LOL

***

I have a Ladybug Bathroom.

Downstairs, ever since we moved in, even in the most bitter cold .... our bathroom churns out a relentless march of ladybugs. Sometimes just one a week, sometimes more. It's just weird. At the moment, as it's warmer, there are probably a dozen. Half dead, half a live. The kids play with them, we step on them, wash them down the sink ... we just kind of live around them. They don't really make it into the rest of the house, unless the boys get containers and capture them and carry them about ....

I'm just glad they aren't spiders, I guess. Or something else nasty.

Ladybugs I can live with. I'm contemplating eventually making it a "ladybug themed room". I already have red towels!

***

There are so many new ideas and thoughts and changes in the works. I'm just not ready to share them, yet.

***

I've put in half of the peas I want to plant, spinach, lettuce, green onions and soon, potatoes.

I am excited about my garden this year.

***

The winds of change are blowing ... they are warmer, I think. Because it's spring. Ideas are changing, taking shape, plans are going into place.

It would all feel different, a bit more exciting, if my Daddy wasn't still in the hospital.

I appreciate your prayers,

~Ashley~

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Thu-25-Feb-2010 - Scratch that ...

... last entry about being in "my groove".

My daddy had a heart attack today.

Please pray for his continued recovery.

I will share more later.

~Ashley~

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Thu-25-Feb-2010 - Today ....

I'm at the computer with lemon water (good for the liver) and a cheese stick. The chores are done ... it's a nippy morning but I did the chores in an insulated shirt. Not a coat - that's an improvement.

It has been hard impossible for me to go sugar-free for the last, oh, six or seven days. I have had *some* sugar every day, but in a minute amount compared to normally. (I expect today to be truely sugar free for me.)

One thing I've noticed - my energy level  is more stable. I *have* energy because I'm 2nd trimester, yes. But I'm really enjoying not having "crashes" periodically throughout the day.

So I'm getting more done.

Right now I can tell I'm entering a lovely season - I've been here a few times before. The house is staying pretty clean, I'm on top of meals, laundry, etc. Oh, I'm not SuperWoman, two loads of laundry didn't make it off the clothesline last night and are going to have to unthaw and re-dry today before I take them off, just before I hang up more. ~smile~

But overall, things are getting done.

It doesn't last. Babies are born, morning sickness hits, we get sick, life happens. It would probably help (if that was my goal) if I didn't have a baby every year/every other year, but I reckon I'd rather have the babies. Tidy houses are nice, babies are more improtant in our humble opinion.

I am so blessed that I have a husband that is willing to cut lots of slack in the "other seasons". The newborn season, the morning sick season, and all of the other ones where I don't get as much done. He hardly ever complains about how I keep house.

The other interesting thing for me ... is that I seem to be moving into a new era. Samuel and Elijah will tidy the living room and Samuel will vacuum (that's a hit or miss job, but I expect it will improve with time) while I clean the kitchen. They will take rags and a grout cleaning brush and a bottle of water and vinegar and clean the entry tile. For the last week, Daddy will clean off Eden and supervise while the boys clean off the dining room table and bring the dishes to me while I work in the kitchen ....

It is an incredible feeling, teamwork. I stil pull a lot of the load, but to not do everything is a wonderous feeling.

Samuel will feed the calf, collect eggs, or open the chicken pen if I ask him to ... rarily any of these two days in a row, but when he can help out it's so nice!

The other day, we went to eat lunch with Daddy. I was running behind, and trying to load up the van. Samuel walked his sister carefully out the door. I helped her down the stairs, then he asked me not to carry her. I've always just carried her to the van, but I had a few armloads to carry, so I decided to see what he would do ...

Samuel took his little sister by both hands and walking backwards, helped her carefully and slowly down the sidewalk. He guided her across the big rocks the vehicles are parked on (she can't hardly walk on those at all!) and helped boost her into the van.

I'm not sure if he was more proud of his accomplishment, or I was!

I am very blessed!!!

My most cherished, golden opportunity is something that is going to be missed by most because it looks like sacrifice and hard work .... (and it is). But it is also full of joy and incredibley unique things that most people just can't relate to, because they can't picture having three toddlers at once. LOL

Oh, which made me think of THIS quote that I found this week:

"I believe that the number of children you have often plays a part in your choice of "parenting style".  When I had only one child I managed to get by for some time without spanking him. His natural personality was pretty cooperative, and I had plenty of time to devote to thinking up ways to gently persuade him to obey, or to gently manipulate him into obeying. I could give him my undivided attention all day long, so I didn't have to "trust" him to obey in dangerous situations either, I could just shelter him from danger without teaching him anything. I was also never dealing with 2 or 3 other demanding children whilst dealing with his demands at the same time. I'm sure there were many other aspects of one-childness that made it easier to avoid spanking. Please note, that my firstborn son wasn't all that well behaved in his heart, but I had managed for the most part to keep him acting tolerably well on the outside in most situations.

However, a little disobedience, and a few bad attitudes, and a certain amount of wildness, some slight mouthiness, an occasional deception or lie, multiplied by 3 or 4 or 5 children, can quickly get to be pretty unbearable. Often, mothers of many come to realize that they must find a better way to parent. I did, and it's been so much better ever since."

Yep. I don't parent like you do, probably. ~smile~

The very best parenting advice I ever, ever got was:

1. Refuse to parent by guilt.
2. Train 'em until you like 'em. 
3. Begin as you mean to end.

If I couldn't stand to be around my kids all day (like you, because you tell me so!) I would set to work on fixing it. Because it means something is wrong!

Oh, here is another quote, from the same site/book (I love both!), directly related to this! It encourages you to learn to use your "Mommy Radar".

"I have what I call "Mommy Radar". It goes off whenever I sense something needing correction. I'm not sure how I acquired Mommy Radar, but I suspect I've had it all along and just didn't know. What I thought was irritability was perhaps at times really the beginnings of Mommy Radar or Mommy Radar being ignored.

You see, it used to annoy me when my children whined, complained, or argued with me. It frustrated me when I had to request something multiple times before they'd do it, and it upset me even more when they would do it, but do it grudgingly. Slow obedience bothered me too, and sneakiness, and laziness, and so on. Because I was new in my parenting career, I thought that all these things that annoyed me were "normal" for children to do. I thought I needed to learn to somehow tolerate all of these until they “grew out of it”.

Since then I've wised up. Now I know they won’t grow out of it if I don’t put some effort into training it out of them. If I want better behavior I’d better do something to make it happen. So now if I find some behavior or attitude in my child annoying (my Mommy Radar going off), I recognize it as a sign that my child needs training. I welcome my Mommy Radar signals. They tell me to stop what I'm doing and promptly correct my child before these little behaviors escalate into bigger, more serious ones they will never “grow out of”."

Underlining is mine. I have just really enjoyed browsing my Raising Godly Tomatoes book this week, and also the website, which has even more. They have really encouraged me and given me new ideas for the issues that have set off my "Mommy Radar" loud and clear lately!

Well, need to start my day ....

~Ashley~

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