Thu-16-Oct-2008 - Eating what is served ....
Just lately, Jonathan and I had a pow-wow about Samuel's eating habits. We decided that we had better nip it in the bud early, rather than late.
I really didn't think we had much of a problem, but mainly that Samuel was putting off eating until just before he went to bed. We were bothered that he was no longer eating with the family . . . which is just so weird.
So, if he didn't eat with us, we didn't make a big deal out of it. Over the course of the evening, he would ask for other things . . . .
Apples.
Plums.
Cheese sticks.
Candy.
And we consistantly pointed him back to the dinner on the table.
The next day he didn't want his breakfast. Until 1:30pm.
[Below, being tickled by Mommy's big foot.]
What has been facinating for me to watch is his additude in other areas. When we have held firm on this one, seemingly little thing, he has become much more respectful in *all* other areas. Esspecially for me, during the day.
Every meal for 2 days was a "battle" to the extent that he didn't eat until he was really, really hungry.
Until today, when he woke up, ate breakfast. And then he ate the lunch he "said" he didn't want. And then he ate more lunch, and asked for thirds. (I knew he liked the meal, so it didn't suprise me.)
Consistancy is so important for children. Here I didn't even think it was a big deal, but watching him respond to me now, he felt like he was getting away with something!
Now, least anyone get the wrong idea:
We never made him actually "finish" a meal. We're not worried about quantity, but willingness. Additude. We're not trying to make him eat an unreasonable amount of food, just enough that we can feel he actually tried. Not even picking up a fork is not effort, and not even tasting something is a pretty poor additude!
Secondly, he was never "made" to go hungry. He had food, and he knows his options. He could drown it in ketchup or ranch or take Mommy up on an offer to heat it up. Samuel David made the choice to let it sit there. Until he was hungry enough that it looked good.
I'm so happy to have discovered this before it became a bigger, uglier issue. I'm so happy with the subtile little changes in his temperment - when I say "no" you can see the wheels turning in his mind that it really means . . . No.
*sigh* It's so good to be home!
~Ashley~
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Fri-15-Aug-2008 - Samuel, my 29 month old
Parenting is a huge learning process. Or at least it should be.
I think it's taken about this long for me to stop trying to get Jonathan's results by copying Jonathan's methods. I'm simply not dad. Both Samuel and I realize this at this point!
One of the worst things I think you can do with a "bad" behavior is just eventually brush it off as a "stage" or "age". I think one of the best things you can do is keep trying to figure out how to correct it, or how to teach your child to deal with something.
Like dissapointment. Life is full of dissapointment right now for Samuel, and it's naturally very devestating.
I've been talking to Jonathan about how Samuel "melts down" and gets really weepy lately. I've thought he's been teething, but regardless, the behavior isn't something I want to attempt to tolerate for any length of time. I think that we are expected to be resonably well behaved when we are tired, hungry, and misrible, and on the same note we can expect our children to be (within reason).
Samuel's "episodes" have just gotten ridiculous!
Jonathan said something when I called him this morning that finally, at last, made it "click". He mentioned that Samuel doesn't do this when he's around. I said I thought that Daddy was too big of a distraction.
If he's teething, it makes sense that having daddy around helps him forget about his pain. On the other hand, if he's not teething, I need to help him learn to move on. Not to necessarily "distract" him, but to give him other things to think about as well so he can learn that having a muffin crumble in his grasp or the fact his brother ate one of his crackers will not make his tiny universe implode.
We went for a walk, and when we got home, Samuel wanted to go inside using the back door. I had the spare front door key, and I wanted to use the front door. I ended up having to have him hold my hand and follow me up to the front door .... crying the whole way in agony of dissapointment.
When we got inside, I started having him help me. I had him put his sippy cup in the fridge, then come back and put his brother's in there as well. I had him put his sandles away, and my shoes, and then we systematically started picking up the house. The whole time he was wailing, but it was more bearable because he was helping me (for me), and he actually ran around and did some of what I wanted him to do with actual speed, burning off some frusteration/anger.
In a while he started calming down, thinking more about the task at hand, and when I saw that I had him feed the fish. By the time he was done watching the fish eat, he probably couldn't remember being upset.
His aditude has been much, much better ever since. Once, he started to moan about something (equally unfair as not using the door he wanted) and I gave him a few tasks and had him help me sweep and mop the kitchen floor - which he loves! Presto, his aditude shaped up.
I think I'm onto something!
Of course, if you havn't taught your little one to obey and do certain tasks it isn't going to work to ask for them to do these things in the middle of a personal crisis, or if you usually just ignore or wait out melt-downs.
But . . . I think this is going to work for us!
~Ashley~
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Tue-29-Jul-2008 - A Huge Milestone!!! :)
Tonight Samuel went potty . . . in the bathroom!
He started telling me every single time he went last week so I knew we were getting close. He's spent plenty of time in the bathroom "trying", usually with a book, so he's pretty familur with everything. We don't have a special seat or anything for him, he just has pretty good balance at this point. 
Now, I know there are plenty of people who have their children all trained by the age of 2yo. I'm not that confident. At all. For one thing, I remember vague memories of my youngest two brothers learning. And I've heard that boys are harder, and about tramatization, and dread with much horror cleaning poo out of underwear.
So, once I read of a mom who raised 10 children who discussed how she trained hers and she tried all kinds of different things and found that if she waited a bit longer she avoided more messes and the child seemed to be more "ready". I decided this was going to be my plan. Plus, it allowed me the option of you know, almost endless procrastination!
I was prepared to wait until closer to 3yo and to have three in diapers, but Samuel has been showing signs of getting ready. And tonight he was running around after his bath, he was standing there eating a bowl of popcorn (nikked, of course) and all of a sudden he ran through the living room screaming "Pee! Pee!"
We ran with him to the bathroom, he climbed on, he went.
Jonathan and I, of course, went completely bonkers with excitement at this unexpected sucess and Samuel was just sitting there laughing and weeing and . . . . maybe only another mother who has ventured into the uncertain territory of potty-training can understand how truely wonderful the moment was! 
When he was done, Samuel accepted his reward (still a bit in a daze over our excitement, I think!) and then led us over to show us the tiny, tiny area where he started to go on the carpet. Actually, very little got on the carpet it was a dribble on the trimwork.
I know I probably still have a long road ahead of me, but it definatly feels like a step in the right direction!!! I'm MUCH more hopeful. He did it once, and now I can envision it happening again easier. I'm not going to push the issue, but I think he's going to naturally progress into being potty-trained by the end of summer. He knows what to do.
I'm a happy mama!
~Ashley~
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