Wed-22-Apr-2009 - Another small rant on sundry things ....

Ya'll will be happy to know that I'm putting together a post about the rest of my day. Really. I should be able to post it soon, but I'm extrodinarily busy at the moment! *smile*

Now, please allow me to rant; read this excerpt from this months' Real Simple magazine. It's talking about mothers, and the months question is : What the greatest gift your mother ever gave you?

Please notice this answer:

"I was the latchkey kid of a hardworking single mother. It was her expectation that my siblings and I would run the house in her absence. We learned invaluable skills while doing so, even though we didn't realize it at the time. The result? Self - reliance. I was one fo the few young people in my college who knew how to wash clothes, pay bills, cook food, and comparison-shop to save money. She really helped prepare me for life."

Wow, what a testimony. Now, please notice that it took a hardworking, single mom to expect such things.

Why is it EVERYONE doesn't expect such things????

You really, really don't have to do your child's laundry until s/he goes away to college or gets married. Really. I love my husband, and living with him means I do his laundry. I love my children, and they are all little so I do their laundry. I want more children, but I don't especially want to do laundry times 12 my entire life. So, eventually, I plan to deal with the laundry conundrum, not by limiting the number of children I have, but teaching them to do their own laundry.

I think it's a brilliant plan, personally. Eventually, if I had enough teenagers at the same time, I might not even have to do my own laundry! That would be way cool. I'm not sure how it will work yet, but everyone over the age of 10yo might do a load or two of laundry one day a week.

And, get this: we just read a testimony of how this type f learning can be appreciated after-the-fact.

Don't be afraid to make your children be responsible for their own stuff! Maybe they will grow up and say "I had to work hard growing up to help out, I never want to work again!" Okay. Maybe they will live among piles of dirty laundry. But at least you actually did raise them better than that.

Now, how many of these things will probably be foisted on my children merely by being part of a large family? They should learn to do laundry, cook food, and comparison shop to save money.

Except everyone will probably pitty my children that they were forced to learn such skills! In a bigger family, everyone pitches in. No, let me rephrase that. Everyone should do their part. Not all large families probably run on the same concept. Why shouldn't everyone help out? 

Across the street, the dad is mowing while junior is practicing skate-board flips. My Junior had better know how to mow by that age! Maybe he and Daddy and Elijah can take turns, but there is nothing wrong with useful productivity and learning. I'm not saying the young man next door never mows - he may or may not. I'm just saying, I think it might be a fair example of what happens 100% of the time in other homes.

So, if I were *gone* and my children learn to be self-reliant, I'm a hero.

BUT if I stay home and carefully, pain-sakingly teach and instruct and instill and give up the best years of my life in an effort to prepare my children for life? What is that? It's not commended! My poor, poor children had to grow up before they wanted to .... it's because she had so many of them, you know. Tsk, tsk!

Rant number two. Petty, I know, but real to me. Don't take it personal, it's just a response to the suburban American life style. I'm really not trying to steal your joy.

I really hope that my children grace me with dandylion boquets until their children are old enough to take over. Every spring and summer, I hope I have a vase of these cheerful yellow flowers sitting somewhere in my house.

I hope they know that dandylion tea is good for the liver. I hope they know that bees make honey out of the nectar they find in dandylions. I hope someday we make dandylion jelly - but I'm not picking all the flowers for it! LOL

And I hope they are well into their teens before they discover how abominable it is to most of the rest of American to have these yellow flowers interspersed with your grass in front of your house. I hope when they realize most people dig and poison and apologize about dandylions that they are confused and it seems like too much work.

I hope most of all, that they remember that dandylion boquets in little hands made their mama smile every. single. time ....

....because I seriously think life is too short to worry about eradicating them. Seriously.

I wish the fad would change to everyone growing dandylions just so I could watch everyone frantically poison their grass and stress about propigating a perfect yellow carpet. I would laugh hysterically all summer long. It would be great.

Okay, those are my thoughts for the day, take 'em, leave 'em, disagree, I'm fine with that. LOL

~Ashley~

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Fri-17-Apr-2009 - Response to a comment .... :)

Dear Wendy,

I thought your comment was most certainly food for thought and deserved a post in itself! So I hope you don't mind the public nature, as I wanted to clarify a few points as well for other readers that you raised .... so you are in black print and I'm in read for easy of reading or whatever. J

It is interesting. It's just an easy way to say she has experience. Our childbirth classes were great. The RN teachere was old enough to be my mother. She had birthed 3 children of her own, assisted many, including home births, and worked at our local hospital. She remembered my name when I came in for delivery. She gave wonderful information about what was going to occur to our bodies during birth, and techniques on how to relax and work through the contractions. She would have been listed as an RN - whatever - whatever in the paper - but her experience was wonderful, and comforting for a first time mom that I was!

My point was, maybe she has experience. I certainly hope she has helped with many deliveries, but from my comments it seems that some of those teaching classes indeed do not have experience, while some do.

It’s kind of like being a school teacher. Someone with a BA may be a wonderful teacher, and someone without those letters behind her name might be just as good, and vice versa. It just concerns me that those little letters carry so much clout. My dh is an engineer (with the little letters - they do have perks! lol), and he knows someone who could do what he does and probably be much better at it! Except he’d have to go to school to get those little letters. Almost nothing of the 4years of school transferred to my husband’s job! Isn’t that sad?

There is a time and place for training. We had a very experienced local midwife who landed in jail for giving expired drugs to a woman in labor who hemmoraged. She had gotten the drugs illegally and would not give up her source. She later delivered a friend of mine's baby at a home birth (she was well regarded locally here in Ohio and had a LOT of experience) My friend almost died under her care! I have another friend who also had a bad experience with her - she told her her baby had died - whe it was really too early to hear a heartbeat. She had done the same to my friend who almost died under her care. So - even experience - doesn't mean qualified delivery. There is a lot of training tht happens in the medical field - and much of it is of merit. My great grandfather died from a simple infection that could have been cured if he'd lived today. I lived in a 3rd world country where vaccines saved lives. I also saw where lack of medical care and poor medical care killed lives. We take a LOT for granted in our country.

I, too, have heard dreadful stories of what I would call “rouge” midwives. They hold mothers and baby’s lives in their hands and sometimes it is very scary the lack of wisdom shown and the consequences. Just as you can’t make assumptions about someone’s qualifications due to BA, or RN or CCE or OBG/YN behind a name, it’s not good to assume that all midwives are equal in experience or qualifications. Ultimately, each family should prayerfully consider God’s will for their family, perhaps even for each birth!

Granted the medical industry could use some reform and pull back - but I know some wonderful dr's who are very caring and not out there to just suck money out of the system. I've seen bad things happen in lay practice instances... so... to each his own - your own choice and realize there are other's experiences that preface their own soap boxes. Some things aren't always right or wrong (on other than salvation) and sometimes our own experience will determine our own soap box and another's opposite of ours is just as right, such as might be in my case and yours :0).

We do live in a fallen world, and we cry out to God for wisdom. He also gives us knowledge, and the world was created in an orderly fashion. He also gives us choices. He has a will and we choose to follow Him. The Bible is interpreted in many different fashions from very liberal to very conservative and sometimes legalistic. I agree that it should be our MAIN source of guidance. I agree that we have veered from older teaching the younger, and I fall into the read the opinions on parenting. I generally try to take what I can from each. Our world is slowly going downhill... and society with it as we veer further and further away from His direction!

I also get much of my parenting advice from books. I have to, because I have found myself in a very unique situation in our culture. J

You may choose to have many children close together

Sort of. Actually, I think we can only choose to try not to have children.

Rachel and Leah in the Bible are a good example of not getting children when you want them, or as many of them as you want! LOL

Actually, what we’ve done is taken a looooong step back from where we were, and we’ve asked God to please be in control of this area of our lives. I don’t think it’s because we’re particularly short-sighted, but we really do not want to be making the choices when it comes to something so critical as having children.

I really wanted four childless years of marriage - but my husband wanted children. After Samuel was born, if it had been possible to keep my babies inside me … I would have. So I know the pain of loss, and it's a bitter cup to drink from. I never wanted to prevent as badly as I did when Elijah was conceived! Eden is just the most precious little girl … I love having a daughter! I could swim in pink. I love it! And she can't even do girly things with me yet! LOL 

I look at my children, and I’m so happy to have them, yet I realize if I had been allowed my choice I probably wouldn’t have a single one of them. And the enormity of that staggers me.

-         another may choose to space for her reasons -doesn't make her a sinner.

Of course not! Frankly, I think it’s none of anyone’s business. It should be something private and between the couple and God. Unfortunately, I fear most couples leave God out of it and base their choice not to have children on other things. I know I did, and that’s why I’m so vocal, I guess. It's like you said, we all come from our own experiences and have our own soapboxes. *smile*

also I have friends who would love to have more children, but their husbands have said no. They have chosen submissiveness on those issues.. who's right?? I personally think they are following God's will in being submissive - he man is the head and responsible for his family. He will bear the consequences if his choice was wrong.

I have friends like this, too, merely because they've been vocal about it. I don't ask, I really, really try not to assume. I think it's something really, really personal.  And I think you are 100% correct here. Our job as wives it to help our husbands, and just as husbands are different, that often means different things. My husband is personally hoping for as many child-blessings as God will give us, and that means certain things for our family. Because of how my husband is wired, I also creep ever closer to being more punctual. I’m not a punctual person by nature, or a particularly tidy one in areas. I will probably never post a picture of my kitchen sink without staging it first, because unlike my beloved mama, it’s generally always partly full. Unless you creep in at midnight on my “good” days. LOL

God has given us knowledge of our bodies. Children are a blessing but a particular number isn't sanctified.

You don’t have to go much farther than the Bible than to disprove sooooo many modern ideas. What was wrong with Sarah? Nothing! Was Rebecca “better” because she had twin boys? No! Is it wrong to have children after age “whatever”? Consider Elisebeth. There is no "perfect" or "sanctified" number. But I'm scared to miss someone wonderful. I am. Me. That's a very personal fear there. I wonder if I would ever regret having one more child. And knowing already who I'd be missing if it were up to me to make the choice, helps me keep going.

Some have many -some have a few - all their children are a blessing.

I would add to that my very firm beliefs that even children born out of sinful or tragic circumstances are blessings. I do not think anyone deserves to be aborted regardless of how evil or victimized their parents happen to be. I think abortion in these cases merely creates two victims instead of one.

The attitude they bestow upon them may be sin - if it is regarded with much selfishness... I struggle with the decision about more... is it for selfish reasons not to have.... We are expecting now - so right now isn't the time to decide -but to welcome our little bundle and continue to pray for guidance and go from there. But I could write on much longer and my children need some guidance right now!

I never realized how much Proverbs talks about children until I had some. Proverbs can be scary to read! It is abundantly clear that if you leave your children to their own devices, they will bring you sorrow and bitterness … and that terrifies me. Literally!

Blessings in your little family as it grows!

Thank you! We really hope it continues to grow. I don’t think it’s possible to know in advance how many God will give us, but we are certainly hoping for more! J

{{Of encouragement. I was once talking to a friend who had 9 children and also felt the Lord would give her as many children as she liked. I commented on her bravery as I had 3 littles and was feeling very overwhelmed. She kindly said that 3 was her most difficult time as a mother - after 3 things got better,and much easier... but 3 is tough - hang in there, Ashley!!} We also sold our house,moved to a rental, and into a new house with littles and expecting during that time - it does add stress!

Strangely enough, my mom says three was easy. But we were quite spaced; so I don’t know if that is what made the difference? I was 8yo and my brother was 4yo before the third was born. I have breaking “moments” but so far I’m okay … the whole trying to sell our house and moving and “junk” that comes with all of this for some reason I don’t blame on my children. The House (as I call it in my mind now) drives me crazy with how it always needs cleaned but my children are just sort of normal and I haven’t really stopped to think of how much easier it could be if they weren’t around … wow, I guess my house would stay spotless unless I touched it, wouldn’t it? ROFL

Better run!

Me, too! I have laundry to do ….

Some food for thought!

I do enjoy reading your blog, Ashley!
wendy

I hope you keep reading. Thank you so much for the lovely comment! J It was fun “talking” to you!

~Ashley~

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Thu-16-Apr-2009 - A Small Rant

I just want to climb up on my soapbox for a moment, then I'll get on with my day. And then eventually, I'll get a moment to put together my second post detailing how my days goes!

In the meantime ... this ad caught my eye this morning. It reads:

Childbirth Education Classes
Tuesday Evenings
6:30-9:00pm

Okay, whatever.

Classes taught by So-So, RN, CCE

And that's what gets me. Those little initials behind her name actually, in most people's eyes, qualifiy her to teach a childbirth class!

When did we start revering book learning over experience????

I mean, So-So might not even have children. Or she might have had only one by c-section. She might work in the cardic level of the local hospital and not even see births.

Would you ask someone to teach you to swim who has only swam once or twice?

Now, I'm not saying not to give advice to friends. I'm just saying, this person is teaching a class, and many people are going to sit at her feet and take her word and make judgement calls on it, so I just certainly hope she has more quailification to be teaching than those initials.

And she probably does, I just find it interesting that it's the RN, CCE that is going to inspire confidence in people and get them to sign up for this class. It's a huge ad, actually. Lots of room to throw in something else as a qualifier. Like, 'mom of four' or something. But that doesn't build confidence, does it? A mom of four isn't a professional even though she might waaaay more real-life experience than the RN, CCE signifys.

It's the same thing with parenting. We go to people who have one or two, or NONE and beg their advice, diregarding ordinary people with more children than the "experts". Of course, there are going to be folks with families you certainly don't want to immitate, but those with good children shouldn't be written off as a "fluke" and total accident.

Oh, they just happened to have "good" kids, I'm sure ....

I look around, and it seems to me that families are sort of muddling along on their own. Someone asks, "Do your children yell 'I hate you!' sometimes?" and everyone else nods and they all breath a collective sigh of relief that at least it's common, whatever it is, and hurry along on their busy way hoping it will "pass" without them doing much to correct it.

Hardly anyone is out there to ask real advice from. You're stuck with books and websites. Heaven help me if I should ever have an issue! I got myself into my own special little mess and I should have known I was asking for it to have the munchkins so close together! The only advice many could or would give me would be to STOP, which is basically saying "Don't compound the problem because we have no idea how to fix the original issue."

You know, it's interesting. The Bible seems to indicate that God does not abandon the faithful. He doesn't make their lives easy-breezy, either. In fact, serving God can sometimes make your life even more difficult. Why is that? I think one reason is because it makes those around you uncomfortable.

We serve a wonderful, powerful, almighty, all-knowing Creator who should inspire such love and devotion . . . . and when we follow Him sometimes that looks really scary to other people, I think. So they try to bring us back into their comfort zone. Most people don't want to walk by faith and not by what they see.

Including me. I'm not perfect by a long shot, and I hope I don't seem to be.

I just wish other people, besides me, made sense sometimes, LOL.

~Ashley~

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