Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Discontent/Conversations with God
I thought about this a lot last week. I heard an illustration at church about someone who....
was dying to grow up,
then dying to get married,
dying to have children,
dying for the children to go to school so they could go back to work,
dying for the children to leave home,
dying to retire . . .
and at the end of it all, they were just "dying" and realized they had never really "lived"!
So this weekend I was bombarded by the question "Are you getting your girl this time?" or it's twin question: "Do you know if this one's a girl?" Sometimes two strangers in fifteen minutes!
That question just bugs me, because it makes it seem as if the only reason I have my Elijah is because we were "trying" to get a girl.
The child I carry inside is my baby. There is already so much personality . . . this is my strong baby with busy hands. Perhaps because this is my third, full-term pregnancy, I can feel limbs more clearly. I am so ready to see the little feet that I feel, the little legs that move so entergetically! It doesn't really matter to me boy or girl . . . this child who I have carried for nine months, this child that I will labor with and deliver. When I hold this small child in my arms, when I look into their face . . . this is a child I have already loved most of a year. Through puking and difficulty and challenge. To meet them, boy or girl - there can be no dissapointment!!
Everyone I know with strait hair, curls it.
Everyone I know with curly hair, straitens it.
Almost everyone I know with grey hair, colors it.
Are we that discontent? About everything?
When did children become so . . . so optional? As a whole, when we want children, we want them. Either boy, girl or girl, boy. When we don't want them, they cease to be blessings. My word; what a tragedy, what an inconvience, what a mistake! What *bleep* poor timing!
Me, me, me, me, me.
I think it strange . . . God says children are blessings. Yet I can think of few people to whom God could say "I have something special for you. This is a completely optional, extra blessing that I have for you. Will you recieve it?"
What is it, Lord?
A child? Oh, wow. That's kind of a let-down, Lord. I was hoping for a raise, or a new car. Maybe a bigger house. You see, the timing is crappy right now for that sort of thing.
No, let me tell You - let me explain. You see, my youngest is only X-months old. I'd have two in diapers. In fact, I'd probably have to buy a bigger vehicle. Don't You understand that this "blessing" that You are offering me, at this particular time (You really aren't serious about right NOW are You???) would cause me an undue amount of work. The stress would make me a mental basketcase.
What do you mean, another child? I'm done. I'm past cleaning up poop. What, did you think I would willingly sign up for another round of sleepless nights and diaper duty? Just what kind of "blessing" are You talking about? This sure doesn't sound like much of a blessing, no offense, Lord. Your timing is just, nevermind, it just won't work for me. Sorry. I have things to accomplish. What do You want? To ruin my life?
Things are good right now. No, I can't see the future; but I know what it looks like if I have another child! It doesn't take a crystal ball to see what that would do to my life.
What do you mean, this child would be the delight of my old age? Don't You understand how unfair it is for a child to have old parents? I'm not sure You understand what You're asking - well, maybe You do. But I don't have to like the far-reaching implications of this idea of Yours. I would have to make it to my old age first with this child for it to be a "delight" to me!
I like it the way it's laid out now. All the kids will be gone by the time I'm X years old. You're asking me to mess up that plan by X number of years? Why? Frankly, I don't think it's worth it, honestly.
Now, Lord. Thank You for the offer, but I'm going to pass on this one. It really . . . well, it's the last thing I had hoped You had in mind for me. Can we talk about the house on Locust Street instead? I'm going to the bank later this week, and I need You to help me get that loan . . . .
Ponderingly,
~Ashley~
Comments
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by LKS
Good post. I stayed home from church this week to avoid those questions. This is our 5th & I frequently hear "I am glad it is you , not me" to which I reply w/ a smile "So am I". Hang in there & no fair having your baby before mine :)
LKS
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by blessedmomof10
Very good post, ashley. I have been blessed with 10 children...... some days I do ask myself " what have I done"......but most days I am content and thankful. I think discontent is a really plague in our society and culture.... Americans in general tend to want more and more and not be content with what they have...... sadly.......
When people used to ask me about my 10 kids I would say I was preparing for retirement.... folks would get a wierd look on their face ... and then I would tell them : "you see after I am done feeding, clothing and educating these children I will surely be broke! :) So I decided to have lots of kids so when I am old and grey and broke I can go around the country and visit each one..... one month at each child's home .... just enough time to see grand babies and not too long, and then a few months to be able to count for travelling time. :) You would not believe the comments I get! I mean what do people think is going to happen when they are old and gray? The nursing home we visit is full of abandoned elderly women & men......it's so very sad....... I don't want that future for myself, so yes now it's a busy season.... but I am looking forward to what a comfort my children will be in my aged years..... and I can't wait to hold those grand babies! I have plans already as to what I will do with them and the special projects, etc......... so I am planning my future, and I am thankful I will not be an old woman shoved in a nursing home and forgotten. So many are abandoned becuase they didn't think about their old age, and planned for only 1 or 2 children and those 2 children pampered and given everyting they want, they were not used to sacrfice so when the time comes to take care of their elderly parents they are "bothered" by that. So sad...... this happened with my husband's grandma.... we wanted to take care of her, but she had 2 selfish children that placed her in an awful place and 6 mos and 60 lbs lighter she died........ oh how it broke my heart.
The sin of abandoning parents is a huge one in our country and it's something that we need to repent of....
Sorry to go on and on about it.... but that is one reason why I feel blessed to have such a large quiver, even when some days I am so tired and exhausted from caring for them all, I know one day it will be sweet.......
Blessings,
gloria
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by DEANMAMA5
Thanks for sharing Ashley. I have five children, and well, I've received plenty comments. Some are from one end of opinion to another. I had one christian lady friend who said she wished she would have had a half a dozen kids, and a cousin who only has one child, and says "I ain't having no more d!@# kids". My heart sank, and broke for the type of attitudes toward children she displayed. I do wonder who will care for her when she is old and grey. Hopefully, her son will know Jesus by then, and have compassion on her.
God Bless,
Angela
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Beautiful
Posted by safords
well written. Lovely! I hope your baby comes soon! We are all waiting and watching with you.
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Wow. Wonderful! Actually, that sort of sounds like the way I used to be. God hasn't blessed us with any little ones yet, and partly I believe it is due to my thinking "when I'm ready" and deciding instead to take a pill. Oh how I regret it. How I pray for those little blessings now. It's so sad the kind of society we have become.
And I wanted to thank you for visiting my blog as well :)
I'm honored to have you, whether you comment or not!
~forever student
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Holly
Such a wonderful post. You are truly a blessing. My husband is still struggling with completely trusting God with our blessings. Of course this is still a very new idea to us. We were both raised by families who keep telling us to wait and how we are so young. I pray for God to bless us with lots of kids. And it breaks my heart to hear how people are so far from God. God bless you and I can't wait to hear about the newest member of ur family.
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Alice
Sooo true. I have been reading your blog for a few months and I love it! I'm eagerly waiting for baby news! I haven't commented before. I have 3 little boys aged 4, 2 and 1, and another baby on the way. This new baby is a result of our deciding to trust God for our family size and timing of babies, and I'm so excited! I saw you at MOMYS recently and recognised you from this blog! :) I mostly lurk, looking for tips as I feel a bit out of my depth a lot of the time! I really enjoyed this post because it's so true, and describes things exactly how I feel - I feel so annoyed with the world at large for the way society views children! I don't know anybody else at my church who is trusting God and seeing children as such blessings as to desire as many as God will bless them with. Most church folk are amazed that we're expecting and ask us when we're going to stop! It saddens and frustrates me.
You have the cutest boys, by the way! I love their names too. I can't see a way to link my blog so you can visit me if you wanted to know who I am, so here is my blog URL: http://arthursmummy.blogspot.com - I am thinking you have a ton of blogs to read and no time to read them, though! :) I can't wait for baby news here! :)
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Robin
Ashley, I'm praying for you as your time gets closer. I liked your post. This life is so short but eternity with our loves ones is...well..eternity!! I am enjoying this life with my 8 blessings and look forward to having them with me forever. I wish people would look at that and not just the "here and now".
Mon-12-Jan-2009 - Wonderful Post
Posted by Raina
Thanks for posting this. I'm waiting for the Lord to bless me as well. But I love to read how good God is being to all of you!
Blessings,
Raina
Tue-13-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by ret
Yes, Ash, sadly enough, but this is the way the majority of our contemporaries do think. No way to convince them that more than 2 children are worthy. That just makes me cry
Hugs,
Krystina
Tue-13-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by http://homeskoolmommy.blogspot.com
Such a well written post! Praying for you as your delivery approaches and watching your site everyday for news of the arrival of Baby Jonash. Blessings!
Tue-13-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by takeadeepbreath
Amen.
I'd give anything to turn back the hands of time.....
Give my heart, and my family to the Lord,
Untie my tubes,
And let His Will be done.
Instead, I live with the consequences of my sin...every single day. The consequences of my sin are because of my own greed, selfishness, discontent, and lack of knowledge and relationship with Jesus Christ.
As we draw closer, nearer to The End, things will get worse. But the Light is at the end of that tunnel!!! That is the Good News!!
Laura
Wed-14-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Clare
Ashley, beautiful post. Not to be too shallow here, but from the last sentence.....was the just an example or are you guys trying to buy a new house? :)
Wed-14-Jan-2009 - This so hits home for me!
Posted by Terry @ Breathing Grace
We had 3 kids in a one year space of time. I was 23 when the twins came along and I was CERTAIN that we were done. I was in over my head as it is. And like you said, I was always thinking about the fact that I'd be 40 (very young still) when the last of my 3 girls graduated from high school.
Fast forward 10 years and the Lord started tugging at my heart. So I let go of the tight rein I was holding on my life and found at 34 that I was pregnant again. EVERYONE assumed we were trying to get that elusive son, but we really weren't. And lucky thing, because it was another girl. 10 months later, we were expecting again and the questions started: "Why would you start doing this all over again when you older kids are halfway to adulthood? You were almost finished!" People just didn't get it, so I've given up trying to explain. Oh, and that one is a girl too!
Yes, I'm 37 years old with a toddler and an infant underfoot. No, it was not my original plan. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I am kind of saddened, though, to know that the responses we were getting werenot isolated and that in general, Christians seem to hate kids as much as the world does. Sad indeed.
Wed-14-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by wordwarrior
Baffling, Ashley, this post is so timely today! (Do you mind if I "take a minute"? ;-)
(I wanted to blog about this experience, but I'm afraid the people may check in on my blog and I don't want to offend. They were wedding customer.)
After the subject of children came up, and I mentioned I was expecting 8, the normal conversation ensued.
EXCEPT...at one point the lady said, "Oh I want my children to wait before they get married and have kids. I want them to "do stuff first". (I.e. "important stuff)."
Some of the "stuff" she mentioned was college, job and traveling.
She may have well said, "I want them to have fun before the drudgery begins."
I realize this is a very common thought, but it's just so wrong! (My tongue still hurts ;-)
God help us for this me-centered world we've created. The truth is, we care so little about anyone else, we don't even care about the future. If we did, we would delight in investing in those lives who would be our future!
Thanks for the great post!
Fri-16-Jan-2009 - Great Post!
Posted by Karen
Loved it, loved it, loved it!! :)
Karen
http://cdnsoldierswife.blogspot.com/
Sun-18-Jan-2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by YCW
Amen!
My solution is just that I don't tell a whole lot of real life people about my blog. Probably not any better, but at least I have somewhere to vent.
Just recently there have started to be a couple more bigger families at my church, which I have so longed for, but I don't know how to connect. I guess I'm just figuring on waiting until #3 or 4 comes around and it's pretty obvious I'm of the lots-of-kids bent. I used to connect at women's retreats, with some people at least, but I got uninvited because of my nursing baby. Others have gone with babies, but I guess someone decided it was a bad policy. So I don't know how to connect, and I'm afraid to connect. I need people, but I don't like people a lot of the time...
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